How old to date?

[taximomfor4]

Curious, since my oldest is requesting new freedom lately. She's just-turned 15 and in 11th grade.

How old did your girl have to be before allowed to go out with a boy (in a group)?

How old did she have to be before allowed to go out with a boy alone together?

How old did she have to be before allowed to get rides home from school in a teenaged friend's car (female friend)?

How old did she have to be before allowed to ride around in a boyfriend's car?

If she goes out for a little while on a school night, what time does she have to be home? How about on a weekened night?

I had to lay down some rules last night on the fly, but am now interested in what "other people's parents" are doing, hehe.

 

[Par8hed]

I'm not sure about the times but I know I was dating WAY BEFORE 11th grade.

 

[MushyMushy]

That's going to be SUCH a battle with us! Where I live, people have this mentality that middle school relationships should be the same as most long-term adult relationships. Some of these kids act like old married couples and it's scary as all get out to me!

My daughter (13) just got her first boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. She had such high expectations that they were going to be going on real dates on weekends -- out to dinner, to the movies. Oh hell no! I set her straight very quickly.

At her age, I think the concept of boyfriend should be that they talk before school, in the hallways, during assemblies, and at the occasional dance (middle school dances are very appropriately supervised). Maybe around the age of 15, she can go out with a group to the movies or other social event. Then at 16, she can go on a proper date, alone in the car.

But she can't have sex until she's 30. My DH set down that law.

 

[taximomfor4]

I'm not sure about the times but I know I was dating WAY BEFORE 11th grade.

hehe, so did she, but she's a YOUNG 11th grader. I spend lots of energy trying to take both her grade and her age into consideration. When she was barely 14, she went on a date. I drove her to the movies, and watched a movie with my sister while dd had her date.

When I was a kid, mom's rule for going out on a date was 16 to ride in date's car, 15 to ride in mom's car. Didn't happen that way, that was just what she told us when we were younger.

 

[rcpae]

When I grew up I didn't really have a curfew, but my mom and dad and I communicated about my plans. For instance...I would ask my mom, "Can I go with so and so on Fri night to see whatever movie at such and such time?" They would usually say sure, but call if you are not coming straight home.

Now, I was never one to really push the buttons so this worked well for us. It gave me a sense of responsibility, but I also needed to live up to their trust.

As for boys, they entered the equation in my 10th or 11th grade year and honestly I don't really remember doing much "dating" until my senior year. Before that it was usually as part of a group and again I communicated that to my parents.

Good luck. I have a DD that will be 15 in Dec and we are going to be entering this also.

 

[CraftyMouse]

Curious, since my oldest is requesting new freedom lately. She's just-turned 15 and in 11th grade.

How old did your girl have to be before allowed to go out with a boy (in a group)?
14

How old did she have to be before allowed to go out with a boy alone together?
14 if they were being driven somewhere or hanging out at one of their houses, 16 if he was driving.

How old did she have to be before allowed to get rides home from school in a teenaged friend's car (female friend)?
It would depend completely upon the maturity level of the friend.

How old did she have to be before allowed to ride around in a boyfriend's car?
16

If she goes out for a little while on a school night, what time does she have to be home? How about on a weekened night?
9:00 on weeknights, 11:00 on weekends.

I had to lay down some rules last night on the fly, but am now interested in what "other people's parents" are doing, hehe.

DD16 has had a few boyfriends. The first two were in the earlier teen years when it wasn't anything serious and they were more like friends. Her last boyfriend was the first one she actually "dated". He was very responsible so I had no problem letting her ride with him. Again, it really depends on the maturity level of the other person. My job is to keep her safe, so I make the rules accordingly and they can change from person to person.

 

[kristilew]

The sooner they date, the sooner they mate!

Seriously, just attended a conference in which research was presented that demonstrated a correlation. Sex almost always starts within 2-3 years of first one-on-one dating experiences, no matter how old the girl is when dating begins. Scary.

Kevin Leman has a great book out: Running the Rapids, all about dealing with your adolescent/teen. Very realistic and good advice, with a whole chapter on dating. He says 16, but has lots of build up before then, and some great suggestions about helping your daughter come up with her own guidelines. He is coming from a Christian perspective, but doesn't hit you over the head with it.

Good luck, and how great that your daughter talks to you about this instead of just going ahead and doing what she wants. You're obviously doing something right!

 

[KAMLEM]

I have a DD14 and DD12. They have both had "boyfriends" since they were 10 or 11. I told them they could call these boys "boyfriends" or whatever they wanted, but they would not be allowed to go anywhere with them until they were much older. My 14 year old is allowed to go out with a group of kids to a football game or movie, but I have to know the kids as well as the parents that are doing the driving.

My oldest is only a freshman but she plays varsity soccer and is around older girls a lot. A couple of times she has asked to go somewhere with girls on the team because they drive, but she is not allowed. At 14, I'm just not ready for that yet, especially when I don't know the girls. I really don't want her hanging out with seniors.

My DD12 asked me just last weekend if she could go to the movies with her friend and their "boyfriends". I said absolutely not, and she didn't even complain, which is very unlike her. I think she was actually nervous and didn't really want to go so deep down she was happy that I said no. I just wish she would be more assertive herself.

We will address the other issues as they come up.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

DS is in 9th grade and had his first girlfriend last year. She was 14 and he was 13. They went out in groups to the movies and things like that but that was it and I think it was appropriate. I can't imagine he'll go out on solo dates until he's driving.

 

[taximomfor4]

My DD12 asked me just last weekend if she could go to the movies with her friend and their "boyfriends". I said absolutely not, and she didn't even complain, which is very unlike her. I think she was actually nervous and didn't really want to go so deep down she was happy that I said no. I just wish she would be more assertive herself.

We will address the other issues as they come up.

haha, sounds like when my dd kept being asked to attend bonfires when she was 13. SHe didn't argue at all when I said NO, almost seemed relieved instead.

I try really hard to balance things out well. Realistically, she will be graduating high school in 1 1/2 yrs (at age 16). I want her to be well prepared for the college world, but it's hard. I have to give more freedom a bit at a time, but not too much at once.

This really weighs on my mind now that my cousin is pregnant (in high school). Great parents, great high school (Catholic), great boyfriend. EEK.

 

[Laurabearz]

Can I stick my head in the sand and make it all go away??

 

[java]

Well last year my then 10 year old was asked out. I thought oh how cute- then he wanted to take her to the movies on a Friday night. HE WAS 10!! So No. that didn't happen and yes I ruined her life.

She is now 11 and the same boy is still trying as are a few new ones. I say no to dating at this point. I am thinking maybe in groups at like 13.

My son 14 had his first "girlfriend" last year. It lasted about 6 months and I can say that I am glad that it ended after that. This year nothing official. He has homecoming this weekend and they are all going stag.

 

[maelstrom]

I started going out with a guy alone at around 14-15.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I say its ok to start "hanging out" in groups around 12/13 and alone dates around 13/14. Alone dates I would consider would be movies but parents would need to drop the kids off and pick them up after the movies or pizza in town (same thing with the drop off/pick up).

Riding in the car, I would say this is hard to say but whenever I feel comfortable with my child being alone with the person who is driving. In NJ kids get a provisionary licence at 17 and then a "real" licence 6 months or a year later so it's not much of an issue.

15/16 is my estimate age for dates alone with the opposite sex in the car.

As far as a curfew, I would say probably 10pm on school nights and 11 or 12 on weekends.

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

How old did your girl have to be before allowed to go out with a boy (in a group)? I was 14.

How old did she have to be before allowed to go out with a boy alone together? 14.

How old did she have to be before allowed to get rides home from school in a teenaged friend's car (female friend)? This still hasn't happened yet, but I'm pretty sure this'll happen soon.

How old did she have to be before allowed to ride around in a boyfriend's car? 14. My first boyfriend was 18 when we started dating. Go ahead and feel free to flame. However, my parents extensively went over what was allowed and what wasn't.

If she goes out for a little while on a school night, what time does she have to be home? How about on a weekened night? It depends on what I'm doing. As long as I get my homework done, I'm fine. I normally don't go out on weeknights anyway. On the weekend, normally no later than 11, but it really depends on the type of date.

 

[Paull117]

Because of the Age and Grade I will say let her go out on a date I don't think it will hurt. Just make sure she follows your rules/guidelines.

I think you really need to let her do these things. I remember a girl in college that was 16 and her parents never let her date or anything. She was smart, and good looking. After about 6 months of her being on her own in college she really began to live it up and before the year was over she was PG. I think this had to do with the socializing pressure that she was set in.

In high school she was watched over very carefully by her parents, but they never really let her do some of the things kids do. She was very socially immature I am not saying you are doing this to her, but you might want to make sure she is doing some of the grade appropriate activities before she gets to college.

Paul

 

[KAMLEM]

How old did she have to be before allowed to ride around in a boyfriend's car? 14. My first boyfriend was 18 when we started dating. Go ahead and feel free to flame. However, my parents extensively went over what was allowed and what wasn't.

There is no way in the world that my 14 year old would ever be allowed to date an 18 year old. I don't understand what an 18 year old would see in a 14 year old.

 

[Pigeon]

My husband is perfectly willing to let our girls date once they hit 35.

 

[griz_fan]

My husband is perfectly willing to let our girls date once they hit 35.

35?!?!?!?

What is he, some sort of hippie?

 

[mamacatnv]

My husband is perfectly willing to let our girls date once they hit 35.

What a liberal I told my DS he could date when he was 40


How old did your girl have to be before allowed to go out with a boy (in a group)?
My DD is only 10 but my DS is almost 19 - here is my take. My parents had an age for everything and IMO now as a parent, the age is the last thing I consider. I go by the maturity of the child and the law. Example, there is no way I would let DS date a 14 year old, it is against the law plain and simple. He could go to jail or risk being labeled a sex offender. No way, he knows better

How old did she have to be before allowed to go out with a boy alone together?
We never set an age but DS started 1 on 1 for big dates (Dances) his Sophomore year when he was 15.

How old did she have to be before allowed to get rides home from school in a teenaged friend's car (female friend)?
We never allowed our DS to be a passenger in another teens car. We still don't and he is in college. We did however, furnish him with a car when he became a licensed driver at 16.5 years of age. He pays his own insurance as an incentive to behave and he had to maintain a 3.25 GPA. He has done both.

How old did she have to be before allowed to ride around in a boyfriend's car?
DS started having girls in his car when he was close to 17 - those girls were his age 16/17. The law did not allow him to have passengers until he was close to 17.

If she goes out for a little while on a school night, what time does she have to be home?
Unless it was school related 9 p.m. was the school night curfew. His Sr. year we loosened up. He was at his Girlyfriends every evening that he wasn't at his part time job and finally he asked us to give him a "curfew" so that we were the bad guys not him. We told him he had to be home by 9:30 and by gosh, the kid who was 18 half way thru his Sr. year was home every school night by 9:30.

How about on a weekened night?
DS never had a specific curfew it always depended on what he was doing. I actually remember being irritated at a Mom for DS's Jr. Prom. Both kids were 17, Prom was scheduled to go til 11:30 - Mom demanded her DD be home within 20 minutes of end of Prom. Yes, demanded, I was there and I heard it. DS was upset, they wanted to go with a group of friends for ice cream following Prom. I saw his point, however I backed the Mom. I didn't agree but it was her kid, not mine. DS did not argue but I knew he was disappointed. Mom should have IMO thought that one thru a little better.


My DS started group activities in middle school - I would drop off and pick up.

DS did not have a serious girly until his Sr. year - they have been dating now for a year and a half. She is still a Senior in HS and he is a college Freshman