How old is to old for baby??

[crisi]

Thank you, Crisi, that's exactly what I was going to add.

My DH and I waited a few years before trying to start a family, then went through years of various fertility treatments before having our first child at age 37. DH was satisfied with one child (he himself was an 'only'), but I yearned for another. We decided to leave it up to nature, and much to our surprise, DS2 arrived when I was 41.

We had extra risks and extra tests due to my age, but the risks are overblown by the media. Even at 45, I think the risks are something like a 1:33 chance of a problem. I know I am more patient than I would have been had I had children in my 20s, but I'm also less energetic. But I couldn't be more grateful and enthusiastic a parent, I would not trade if for the world!

I say if you and DH would like to, then do it! And if you have a doctor who is discouraging, find another doctor! My doctor and I went through 2 pregnancies together (her 2nd with my 1st, and her 3rd with my 2nd) and she's just a year or two younger than I am.

I agree the risks are overblown, but the happy ending stories don't tell the whole story either.

One of my girlfriends gave birth to her first at 40. She did (against her OBs advice) a ******l delivery. She shredded the inside of her ****** and spent six hours in surgery, she very nearly died. Likely age related. Her second is adopted.

Another girlfriend had a placental seperation at birth - age linked as well as linked to her having pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes and being overweight. The baby may have severe physical and mental disabilities (the baby is still young), if she survives - her internal organs took a hit.

You need to weight the risks. Age? What were your previous pregancies like? What's your overall health? Are there genetic issues in your family? etc.

 

[Jacky]

OK- I had my first at 35 and my second after IVF at 40--- and DH was 51 when our son came along (who is now 8) and DD is 13.

I would double check the autism thing. I have a friend who says that if you have one with autism, its like a 25% chance of any others having autism. I would double check that.

Otherwise, go for it-- you are never too old tillmenopause comes. LOL

Jacky

 

[minkydog]

The joke in our family is that none of us knew how to get going until we hit 40. My next sister had her one & only at 40. My next next sister had one at 26 & her second at 40 I had one at 30 and one at 37. THEN one at 40.

My last child has disabilities, but they aren't age-related(in fact, his disability is more commonly seen in younger mothers.) Even so, I have no regrets. He's the nicest child. I love all three kids, but Christian is my heart. You never know what you'll get when you roll the dice.

 

[minkydog]

I don't totally agree, my kids are 9 years apart and they adore each other. My DS is a doting loving big brother who takes his sister everywhere willingly. My son was not resentful at all to loose his "only" status, he had wanted a baby for so long, I think he was more excited than we were. We did incorporate him into her life and her care so that he felt he was contributing and we never went thru a resentment phase.

At this point our bigger concern is DS going away to college, if he stays local no big deal, but if he chooses to go away, I think our DD will be devistated.

This has been exactly our experience. DS20 is 7yrs older than DD, and 9yrs older than youngestDS. He & DD13 are best buddies. He adores her and she adores him. They have never had a fight and rarely even bicker. People ask me all the time how did I get them to be that way I didn't do anything. They really, truly like each other. When John left home last year it was a sad 4 months for DD.

DS20 is very kind and compassionate toward DS11(my mentally handicapped son) as well. He carries him around on his back and tickles & hugs him. He will bathe & diaper him in a pinch. DS11 adores his big brother and his big sister. In fact the ONLY name he can say is his sister's-- when he falls or gets hurt he'll yell out "a-NEH-neh!" (Eleni) And Sister comes running.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Just my story. My mother turned 41 the week after I was born. I have 3 older brothers, 10 years, 8 years and 6 years older then me.

I have 2 girls right now 5 and 2 years old. People ask me if I want another, and if I do I better start NOW. I might want another, still on the fence, but I know if I do I want it to be a bit younger, a supper baby like I was. I am 35 now, age will be an issue, but it was unusual when my mother had me at 41 then, it isn't now.

Also as a social worker I have noticed that children with autism often have a bond to sibling unlike any other person in in the whole world.

I think if you want another child don't let your older child's age or your age be a factor (especially if you are able to get pregnant.) Especially if you are in good health.

Best of luck.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I agree the risks are overblown, but the happy ending stories don't tell the whole story either.

One of my girlfriends gave birth to her first at 40. She did (against her OBs advice) a ******l delivery. She shredded the inside of her ****** and spent six hours in surgery, she very nearly died. Likely age related. Her second is adopted.

You need to weight the risks. Age? What were your previous pregancies like? What's your overall health? Are there genetic issues in your family? etc.

I guess I don't see how this complication was age related. I had major tearing and needed a lot of sewing up and healing after my 1st was born. I was 30 years old. I am also a small person, that has more to do with it I think. My 2nd delivery was much easier. I have known 40 year old women who had great natural deliveries. (Mine wasn't. )

I do see how the other complication you listed could be age related.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I agree the risks are overblown, but the happy ending stories don't tell the whole story either.

One of my girlfriends gave birth to her first at 40. She did (against her OBs advice) a ******l delivery. She shredded the inside of her ****** and spent six hours in surgery, she very nearly died. Likely age related. Her second is adopted.

Another girlfriend had a placental seperation at birth - age linked as well as linked to her having pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes and being overweight. The baby may have severe physical and mental disabilities (the baby is still young), if she survives - her internal organs took a hit.

You need to weight the risks. Age? What were your previous pregancies like? What's your overall health? Are there genetic issues in your family? etc.

There definitely are increased risks, no question. Statistics say it may be more difficult to get pregnant; more likely to miscarry; more likely to have pregnancy complications; more likely to have birth defects. But I think it's important to speak with a medical professional and define 'more'. Don't get frightened off thinking you have a 50% chance of complications when it's actually 3%.

I had gestational diabetes with my first pregnancy at 37. It is NOT A BIG DEAL if you do as the doctor advises. I kept it under control by strictly managing my diet and testing my blood a couple times a day. Other than that, the pregnancy was pretty easy. The 2nd pregnancy at age 41 had some more serious complications, but the baby was fine.

On the other hand, I have 2 younger friends who in their early 30s had multiple miscarriages. I have another younger friend who is diabetic, had a stillbirth, then two successful, carefully monitored pregnancies. Complications can occur at any age.

It's important to make an informed decision about this. See an OB/GYN, seek genetic counseling if appropriate, do early pre-screening tests (amnio, CVS) if the results would matter to you. I did those tests, and they helped a great deal in setting my mind at ease. If we'd had bad news from those, I figured it would prepare me to deal with whatever was ahead.

 

[crisi]

I guess I don't see how this complication was age related. I had major tearing and needed a lot of sewing up and healing after my 1st was born. I was 30 years old. I am also a small person, that has more to do with it I think. My 2nd delivery was much easier. I have known 40 year old women who had great natural deliveries. (Mine wasn't. )

I do see how the other complication you listed could be age related.

We aren't talking about the type of tearing you get that an episotomy is supposed to prevent, she shredded her birth canal - INSIDE, from her cervix to the opening. The OB said this is rare, but cam happen when the muscles lose elasticity from age.

I had gestational diabetes with my first pregnancy at 37. It is NOT A BIG DEAL if you do as the doctor advises. I kept it under control by strictly managing my diet and testing my blood a couple times a day. Other than that, the pregnancy was pretty easy. The 2nd pregnancy at age 41 had some more serious complications, but the baby was fine.

And gestational diabetes is no big deal, but puts you and the child at risk for other complications, including placental seperation (risk factors: age, weight, pregnancy induced hypertension, gestational diabetes) which is what happened in this case (all the above risk factors were present - if she'd been 23, the diabetes, hypertension and weight may have created the same result). It also increases your risk of you having long term Type II diabetes.

This is why you talk to your doctor and weigh the risk for yourself. Because, yes, certainly, most births turn out just fine even if you are over 40. But there are risks and you need to weigh them.

 

[Jacky]

It also increases your risk of you having long term Type II diabetes.

No No No!!! If you get gestastional diabetes, you lnow you are at greater risk for Type II but not because you had gestational, its just a factor that shows you that you are more likely to get diabetes. (greatly influenced by weight and diet for type II)

I had GD with both my preg and have a lot of diabetes in my family, I have a high risk of getting type II, but my risk would have been the same had I never had kids. My best bet for trying to delay diabetes, is to lose weight, exercise and eat right (yeah right)

Don't be afraid to have kids, thinking if you get the GD you are more likely to get diabetes later in life.

Hugs,
Jacky

 

[crisi]

It also increases your risk of you having long term Type II diabetes.

No No No!!! If you get gestastional diabetes, you lnow you are at greater risk for Type II but not because you had gestational, its just a factor that shows you that you are more likely to get diabetes. (greatly influenced by weight and diet for type II)

I had GD with both my preg and have a lot of diabetes in my family, I have a high risk of getting type II, but my risk would have been the same had I never had kids. My best bet for trying to delay diabetes, is to lose weight, exercise and eat right (yeah right)

Don't be afraid to have kids, thinking if you get the GD you are more likely to get diabetes later in life.

Hugs,
Jacky

You sure? Cause and effect are notoriously hard to prove. The study I saw didn't know which way the indicator went, just women with gestational diabetes had a higher risk for type ii. Did that mean women who would later have type ii diabetes had a higher risk for gestational - study couldn't say.

 

[DisneyPhD]

We aren't talking about the type of tearing you get that an episotomy is supposed to prevent, she shredded her birth canal - INSIDE, from her cervix to the opening. The OB said this is rare, but cam happen when the muscles lose elasticity from age.



And gestational diabetes is no big deal, but puts you and the child at risk for other complications, including placental seperation (risk factors: age, weight, pregnancy induced hypertension, gestational diabetes) which is what happened in this case (all the above risk factors were present - if she'd been 23, the diabetes, hypertension and weight may have created the same result). It also increases your risk of you having long term Type II diabetes.

This is why you talk to your doctor and weigh the risk for yourself. Because, yes, certainly, most births turn out just fine even if you are over 40. But there are risks and you need to weigh them.

I

I think it is important to point out she didn't follow her doctors advice (as you said.) Also my tearing might have not been as bad if I had taken an episotomy when the doc wanted, but I wanted to push and try it with out one (also agaisnt my Doc advice.) Still if I had got her out they felt there was so much tearing they wouldn't have found it with out the cut. Sorry TMI, but it can happen, not only to older women.

Also as Alex2kMommy GD can be well managed if you follow your doctors orders. My friend developed GD she was not over weight at all, is a healthy eater and is good physical shape. She managed it well. It can be done.

I think overall health and healthy habits are much more important then age when it comes to having pregnancy.

Yes I think you should weigh you risks, but I don't think age in and of itself is a reason not to have a child if you want to (and are able to get pregnant.)

 

[Mommy2Lots]

---

 

[Jacky]

You may be right about the cause and effect (I hope I don't sound like a smoker who says, what cigarette smoking can cause lung cancer-- no way LOL) Here is an excerpt from a cite on it:

Will I develop diabetes in the future?
For most women gestational diabetes disappears immediately after delivery. However, you should have your blood sugars checked after your baby is born to make sure your levels have returned to normal. Women who had gestational diabetes during one pregnancy are at greater risk of developing it in a subsequent pregnancy. It is important that you have appropriate screening tests for gestational diabetes during future pregnancies as early as the first trimester.

Pregnancy is a kind of “stress test” that often predicts future diabetic problems. In one large study more than one-*half of all women who had gestational diabetes developed overt Type II diabetes within 15 years of pregnancy. Because of the risk of developing Type II diabetes in the future, you should have your blood sugar level checked when you see your doctor for your routine check*ups. There is a good chance you will be able to reduce the risk of developing diabetes later in life by maintaining an ideal body weight and exercising regularly.

http://www.childbirthsolutions.com/articles/pregnancy/gestationalglucose/index.php

 

[Kimkimba]

I don't know anyone who regrets having a child, but I know many who regret not having more children.

If you want another child, you're definitely not too old.

I had my last at 37. And I'm 40 now and newly pregnant with my 4th. There will be 18 1/2 years between my oldest and this baby.

 

[DisneyPhD]

For questions like this I normally say read my 1st tag. But I guess there is an actual limit, I would guess metopause is it.

(the tag was in refernce to how old to still enjoy WDW? The supported one was about bras.)

Kimkimba, You are my hero. Good for you and good luck!

 

[fakereadhed]

You sure? Cause and effect are notoriously hard to prove. The study I saw didn't know which way the indicator went, just women with gestational diabetes had a higher risk for type ii. Did that mean women who would later have type ii diabetes had a higher risk for gestational - study couldn't say.

She is right. The general consensus is that it shows a predisposition to typeII when you have GDM. You can't go by just one study. There has been at least one study that proves everything at least once.

Not everyone has healthy babies/pregnancies/deliveries no matter what their age. That's why it's still considered a miracle.

 

[robinb]

I don't know anyone who regrets having a child, but I know many who regret not having more children.

This attitude makes me crazy. Many of the babies that are NOT wanted are either aborted, given up for adoption or neglected once they are born. In addition, there are plenty of people who regret having a child who take proper care of the child once they are born. They just make the best of it that they can. As my tag says: "Every Child a Wanted Child" ... if the OP wants a baby after 40, then that's cool. But please don't raise the specter of the child that never was to scare her into having a baby!

 

[DisneyPhD]

This attitude makes me crazy. Many of the babies that are NOT wanted are either aborted, given up for adoption or neglected once they are born. In addition, there are plenty of people who regret having a child who take proper care of the child once they are born. They just make the best of it that they can. As my tag says: "Every Child a Wanted Child" ... if the OP wants a baby after 40, then that's cool. But please don't raise the specter of the child that never was to scare her into having a baby!

A) The OP is not over 40 (36) barely just over the mid 30's mark.

B) Kimkimba is not scaring her into having a baby. The OP asked because she wants one (or is considering it.)

C) I do tend to agree that more people regret not having an another child when they considering it then do. Just like more people tend to regret not doing something big and major in their life or taking a chance. For example how many people regret going to college, a posed to those to regret not going? It is just an opinion, not yours maybe but hers. Your response seemed a bit harsh. She isn't talking about unwanted pregnancies.

 

[Desnik]

My mom had my younger sister when she was 37. She had 2 "normal" pregnancies and births with myself and my older DSIS. She had an eptopic pregnancy and had been told she wouldn't be able to concieve. Well, a couple of years later she got pregnant with DSIS. I was 17 and my older DSIS was 22. While she was very wanted and is a loved child it is hard for my mom now. Please think of the long term. Yes there are a ton of issues medically, but you need to think about the future as well. My mom is now going through menopause while raising a teenager!!! Not easy!!LOL She often says at her age she just doesn't have the energie she had when I was a kid. Of course she wouldn't trade my sister for anything but will she be able to enjoy her grandkids from her? Also, it is really hard for her to be the grandparent she wants to be to my and my sisters kids because she is really so busy with DSIS. With all her activities and school, it's alot. I just wanted to add my moms experience so that you saw that there is alot to think about, not just about the actual pregnancy, but the future too.
Good luck!

 

[jodifla]

This attitude makes me crazy. Many of the babies that are NOT wanted are either aborted, given up for adoption or neglected once they are born. In addition, there are plenty of people who regret having a child who take proper care of the child once they are born. They just make the best of it that they can. As my tag says: "Every Child a Wanted Child" ... if the OP wants a baby after 40, then that's cool. But please don't raise the specter of the child that never was to scare her into having a baby!

I always remember the Ann Landers column where are the majority said if they had it to do over again, they wouldn't have kids. Since that was anonymous, people were able to say how they felt.

I think most people just lie on the subject. Who wants to admit they didn't want their kids? Most people do it by actions....they just ignore their kids.