how often should grandparents see grandchildren?

[mookie]

I have such the opposite situation. My parents are actually the ones that are "too busy" for our dd. They try to put on a good front, but I know in the back of their mind, they are always wondering what else they could be doing. We had our dd's bday party last week, and they were over an hour late and the first ones to leave after cake was cut. It's frustrating, because then out of the clear blue sky, they will call and say that they haven't seen our dd in soo long, and why don't we spend time with them? (This, of course, is because it's NOW a convenient time for them to be with our dd.) Still, with all the drama, we see them probably every other week, but in the summertime it's more. They live about 25 min away.

My IL's on the other hand, are the extreme opposite. They want to see us EVERY weekend. Which at first was great, but now we feel like if we have something else going that they get mad at us. It's been hard for us to be our own family on weekends because we are always too busy seeing the rest of the family. My IL's live over an hour away, so when we go to see them for the weekend, we usually end up staying over and it draws out the weekend even more.

While I'm grateful that the IL's want to see us so much, I just wish that both sets of gparents could find a happy medium and not be on such extreme sides...

 

[Stitchfans]

When my mom was alive DDs saw my parents quite often. If we lived closer they would of seen them every day, but now that dad remarried we have to share him with his wife's family, and her. She keeps him very busy.

Since MIL is so cold and uncaring DH only goes once in a while to see her. So it can be months before DD sees her. If his dad was still alive it would be more often. He was a wonderful, loving, good hearted person. Sure do miss him. Needless to say also, I miss my mom something horrible too.

 

[4greatboys]

When I was a kid I saw my grandparents every day, they lived right next door. It was great. I was very close to them.

My kids see my in laws only every couple of months. They only live 30 minutes from us but they rarely come to our house. We do go to theirs but with 4 kids, activities and things we need to do around the house we just cant go there all the time.

 

[HaleyB]

Not everyone wants to be an involved Grandparent. To each his own. I plan to see mine as much as possible when I have them... (my kids are 19, 11, 8).

It makes me very sad my kids don't see more of their Grandparents. We live half way across the country from them. My in-laws come out twice a year at least and we try to go back in the summer. My parents come out twice a year as well and live in the same area as my in-laws so we see them most summers too. When we lived close my MIL saw my kids almost daily, and we all loved it. She asked hundreds of times if it was ok, she didn't want to impose. I loved having her around to talk to and the kids adore her. I really miss living near her.

My parents are trying to move near us right now. They put their home up for sale last week. Up to now my Mom was still working and even when she was near by she only saw the kds a few times a month. So I don't know how much they will see my kids when they get here, but I don't think there can be too much. More is better in this case. I never had Grandparents in my life. My Dad's parents died young and my Moms parents adopted three kids right around the time we were born... I have seen my Mothers parents a handful of times in my life, less than 20 and we lived in the same state for 15 years.

 

[Mimi Q]

My parents see the girls at least twice a week. They see my DH's parents two or three times a week during the school year and usually daily during the summer.

 

[Sonya]

MY DH thinks they don't want to interefere. I think they just enjoy there time together alone.

ITA, my DMIL sees to be that way too sometimes.

 

[C.Ann]

Where there are long distances involved, I would never fault grandparents for not visiting enough if I were the one who chose to take the grandchildren and move hundreds (or thousands) of miles away.. That doesn't seem fair at all..

 

[Michie]

Well I live with my DGD and her family, so I see her every day - except when I head up to the lake for the season - then I see her every weekend.. The other grandparents only live about a mile from here, so they see her at least 5 times a week, if not more..

However, when I lived 22 miles from here I was only able to see my DGD maybe once a week (and usually for an overnight) or once every 2 weeks..

I do know some grandparents who rarely see their grandchildren because their lives are so busy.. They have waited a long time to retire, travel, and spend one-on-one time with each other and I don't begrudge them that.. As long as they keep some kind of contact with their grandchildren I don't see it as being a huge problem..

I agree!! As soon as our DD is in college, we, or least I am retiring and hitting the road!!

I dont expect my grown children to plan their lives around me, and I am going to do the same.

 

[Beth76]

My parents live a mile away and they see my kids pretty often. My mom is recently retired and they like to spend a lot of time at their lake house, so that does limit their time at home. My parents know they can call me anytime to see the boys or take them somewhere.

My in-laws live about 4 hours away and we see them about 3 times a year for only a day at a time. That's about all we can handle there. I'm trying to get it down to only 2 times a year though. They don't even really talk to us when we're there so I could send them cardboard cut-outs of each of us and they wouldn't know the difference. They never visit us, which is fine. They don't really add anything to our lives. Just a lot of stress and arguments when we have to go visit them.

 

[mermaidlady]

My kids see my DM about once a week, they see DMIL about once every other month. Boh grandma's live about 40 min away. My DMIL is much more involved in SIL's kids who live with her. She doesn't have time for my kids but then wonders why they like my mom better. In all honesty they don't miss DMIL very much.

 

[aprincessmom]

My parents live 40 miles away. They see DD at least twice a week -- once they come up and take her afterschool and stay for dinner and the second visit is either us going to see them or them coming up our way, depending on who needs to do what when. They come to all the plays, dance recitals, games, chorus assemblies, etc. My mom and dad will even come to events held during the school day that I can't get to so DD will have someone there (so do my uncle, aunt and their children if my parents can't go). When my grandmother was alive, I brought DD to see her every week and DD still remembers that, even though she died when DD wasn't quite 4. We also see aunts, uncles and cousins from my side frequently each week.

My family is close and I grew up surrounded by family and seeing them all the time so it's just what I'm used to. Her father's family is not like that and she can go months or even years without seeing or hearing from an aunt, uncle or cousin. When my ex's mom was alive, she wasn't interested in seeing DD very often even though she lived 10 minutes away. DD was an infant and then a toddler while my ex-MIL was alive and my ex-MIL had a house full of things that could break and she told us she didn't want DD to come over unless she could sit quietly while the adults talked and didn't touch anything. She also didn't want to come to our house because it was "too bright" inside and "too noisy" with DD running around. As a result, DD didn't really get to know her grandmother all that well. Which I think is sad but I know it's also how all her other grandchildren grew up so it's not like she was singled out or anything.

Every family is different so there's no real "normal" when it comes to this stuff.

 

[RadioNate]

We live in TX, my parents go between FL and Chicago. The each come several times a year (they are divorced) plus we usually go to Chicago once a year and to each parents in Fl once so they see DS quite often. They also call several times a week and write letters.

My inlaws live in Oregon. They see DS maybe every 12-18 months and never call or write. They are just too busy with their own lives. It is quite sad as I'm not sure DS would even know who they were if he saw them on the street.

 

[Laurajean1014]

Every minute a grandparent can. It will keep them young and remembered for generations now and to come.

 

[HarambeGuy]

Not everyone wants to be an involved Grandparent. To each his own. I plan to see mine as much as possible when I have them... (my kids are 19, 11, 8).

I can respect that, but it's nicer when they are consistent! In my case, my kid's cousins spend time at their grandparents a couple times a week - after school one day a week and often on weekends. It's like pulling teeth for us to see my mom & dad (all of us live in the same town less than 15 minutes apart), and even then we usually meet for dinner because it's more convenient. How well can you know a kid when you only see them at dinner once or twice a month?

Grrrrrrrrrrr

 

[Wishing on a star]

They want to see us EVERY weekend. Which at first was great, but now we feel like if we have something else going that they get mad at us. It's been hard for us to be our own family on weekends because we are always too busy seeing the rest of the family.

I could have written this myself.... My inlaws are demanding and self-righteous people, and as such, they give us no right to have our own life. I used to be upset by them in this situation, until I realized that it was my own DH who was playing into the situation. It became a 'marriage' issue instead of an 'inlaw' issue. I know my DH loves me, and we have a great marriage. But, it still bothers me when I catch myself wondering why couldn't he have put me and our DS first sometimes.

 

[mamacatnv]

My parents are loons and they don't ever see the kids. My dad, it is his choice and mother is not allowed to come visit.

My only sibling, brother lives 4 1/2 hours away, we try to see each other 3-4 times a year it depends on the weather to get over the mountains. We do take a week vacation together every summer.

My in-laws have always lived in NH. A few years ago they started the FL in the winter thing and just this past year they have gone FL full time. Over the years we have gone east 5 times (DH has gone a few more for family events that we couldn't all go to). The inlaws have come out here 5 times, so over 20 years there have been a total of 10 visits. As we have gotten older and finances better, we have been East more often. When we head to WDW we go to Tampa first for a week of visiting, then they join us the last couple of days at WDW.

We take what we can get and enjoy every second of it, my kids get spoiled rotten and we have to de-program when we get home, but who cares it is only every couple of years!

MamaCatNV

 

[JadenLayne]

My mother lives with us so she sees DS everyday. They have a wonderful relationship.

DH's parents live in the same town and DS actually works for them sometimes. They own a bowling alley. So I would say DS sees them every week too.

 

[hlbtimes2]

My mom and MIL are my two main babysitters. They each have my son 2 days a week, and my dd those days when she isnt in school. Its been that way for 7 1/2 years. They are also willing to take my kids any time I ask. I rarely do, but now and then dh and I do enjoy sometime with the kids!

We also invite them over once a week or so for dinner, a movie, etc. And they have traveled with us. Its not like that for all the grandkids in the family though. The older grandkids never had that kind of relationship.

 

[Laurajean1014]

ITA. We have friends who adore their grand kids and love spending some time with them but they have finally gotten to the point in their lives to be able to travel, join garden clubs and volunteer. A lot of times the grandparents do not wish to babysit constantly but love having scheduled times to visit. And sometimes the behavior of some of the grandkids is not conducive to visiting regularly.

This makes me sad. Some people would volunteer (which is a noble concept) but not want to spend time with their grandkids (this seems like an oxy-moron to me). Garden Clubs are fine but they don't take 12 hours a day. I agree, everyone should travel as much as they want, but nothing can take away the family.

My concept is - if you don't want to take care of them, don't have them. So, if you have 3 children then the likelihood of you having grandchildren is pretty high. But using garden clubs and volunteering as a rationale to be too busy to see grandchildren is weak and sad.

I don't believe that grandparents should be taken advantage of, or deprived from their events, but can't someone take some time to see their kids/grandkids if they live within an hour of each other? It's not always the premise on the grandparents, the parents should make regular/consistant visits that work around their schedules.

Family is very important - no one knows that more than a mom. So enjoy it.

Why are we so nice to strangers, yet we tend to lash out at the people who love us the most?

I find this concept unproductive.

 

[poohandwendy]

This makes me sad. Some people would volunteer (which is a noble concept) but not want to spend time with their grandkids (this seems like an oxy-moron to me). Garden Clubs are fine but they don't take 12 hours a day. I agree, everyone should travel as much as they want, but nothing can take away the family.

My concept is - if you don't want to take care of them, don't have them. So, if you have 3 children then the likelihood of you having grandchildren is pretty high. But using garden clubs and volunteering as a rationale to be too busy to see grandchildren is weak and sad.

I don't believe that grandparents should be taken advantage of, or deprived from their events, but can't someone take some time to see their kids/grandkids if they live within an hour of each other? It's not always the premise on the grandparents, the parents should make regular/consistant visits that work around their schedules.

Family is very important - no one knows that more than a mom. So enjoy it.

Why are we so nice to strangers, yet we tend to lash out at the people who love us the most?

I find this concept unproductive.

I understand what you are saying, but I often wonder if in some of these cases, it isn't about the grandparents not wanting to have a relatioship with their grandkids, but about there being tension between the adults involved?

I mean, grandparents making consistent visits with their grandchildren is always dependent on the schedules of the parents too. Maybe there are conflicts there too? I dunno.

Just a thought.