How often does your mom call you?

[Tweevil]

Well this isn't really true. My mom has passed, but when she was alive we spoke several times a day. I didn't speak to her as often when I was younger, but still several times week. After my dad passed and her health began to decline I spoke to her often and saw her about 4 times a week.
as she became more frail she felt less confident going out with friends and more burdensome so I helped get her out more and helped her with her bill paying and so forth.

I found as I got older and started my own family I understood my parents better, and really valued the things my mother had to say. Though her body was failing her mind was sharp. She couldn't really cook anymore, but she could walk me through her recipes. She was really inerested in the lives of her grandchildren, and took pride in their accomplishments, so we talked about the kids a lot. She still had a good sense of humor and could take a ribbing.

SOmetimes she called me for useless stuff, and at those times I thought she was just lonely, so I would make the time to talk to her. Soometimes I would call her because she didn't sound well when I spoke to her in the morning and I would have the urge to checkup on her. sometimes I wanted to know something that she had the answer to. We lived about 40 minutes apart and if there was a car accident on the highway that she heard about during a news break she always worried that I was involved because I would be racing back to get my DD off the bus, so she would call to check that I was safe. I was her caregiver, and our roles had become reversed, but we always had a good relationship, and I was happy to be there for her at the end.

Was it perect? No. We had an argument or two along the way, but she was always the mother and I respected that. Because I'm human, sometimes I felt some pressure, but in the end, when I watched her take her last breath after spending quite an enjoyable day with her and some other relatives in her hospital room, I have no regrets and would do it all again.

So, it is a little insultiing to say that people who speak so often have psychological issues or can't cut the cord or like to hear the sound of their own voice. I think that often times people really like one another, and have compassion for one another and make room in their lives for others who need it.

Next week she will be gone two years. I long for the days when she would call and ask if I got home safely, and we'd laugh because she was such a worrywart. Not because I am lonely--I have a very active life--or not because I have a weird attachment disorder, but because I miss my mom.

Sounds like my Mom and I - I speak to her daily at least 2 times a day to check on her. Very well said!!

 

[Eeyore98]

Never. If I don't call her about once every 2 weeks, the next time I *do* call, she will whine about how she never hears from me. But it never occurs to her to call me herself.

We live 800 miles apart now, so I make it a point to call a couple times a month. But when we lived in the same city, we'd go months without seeing or calling each other.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I can't believe how many people talk to their parents daily, what on earth do you all talk about that often? I just spoke to my dad today for the first time in 3 weeks? Maybe a bit longer. 20 minutes later we were all caught up. I talk to my mom (they are divorced) every few weeks as well. I actually probably call my MIL more often that my mom, we get along much, much better. DH talks to his dad once a month or so.

.

I could never imagine not talking to my mother for 3 weeks. Her and I are very close, always have been. She lives 15 minutes from me. She just got back last night from being in Florida for 2 months and we still talked to her (either the kids or I) everyday. We talk about everything , work, kids, things I did on my day off, what she did, what she bought when she went shopping etc etc.

I agree, I can't imagine any good reason to call someone multiple times per day to "chat", unless the people involved have some type of horrible attachment neurosis.

I mean, if you really just call to "catch up" (every few hours??), are you basically giving someone a running narrative of your day? That just smacks of someone who likes the sound of their own voice, or a pathological need for attention.

Or, really, a Twitter user.

Seriously? I have no attachment disorder.

Really to each their own. You can't imagine talking to a parent multiple times a day. I couldn't imagine not talking to my mother for days, or weeks at a time. As I said we are very close. Chickie too summed it up perfect and I agree wholeheartedly.
My kids adore my mom and she is always there for any of us. I also have to include her boyfriend too. He is a great guy she's been with for quite a few years and treats all of us as his own.

They are going to Aruba in 2 weeks and she will email me everyday and call me a couple times during the week also.
I have many friends who aren't close with their moms. They have told me multiple times how lucky I am. And I always reply I know I am.

 

[luvsJack]

Well this isn't really true. My mom has passed, but when she was alive we spoke several times a day. I didn't speak to her as often when I was younger, but still several times week. After my dad passed and her health began to decline I spoke to her often and saw her about 4 times a week.
as she became more frail she felt less confident going out with friends and more burdensome so I helped get her out more and helped her with her bill paying and so forth.

I found as I got older and started my own family I understood my parents better, and really valued the things my mother had to say. Though her body was failing her mind was sharp. She couldn't really cook anymore, but she could walk me through her recipes. She was really inerested in the lives of her grandchildren, and took pride in their accomplishments, so we talked about the kids a lot. She still had a good sense of humor and could take a ribbing.

SOmetimes she called me for useless stuff, and at those times I thought she was just lonely, so I would make the time to talk to her. Soometimes I would call her because she didn't sound well when I spoke to her in the morning and I would have the urge to checkup on her. sometimes I wanted to know something that she had the answer to. We lived about 40 minutes apart and if there was a car accident on the highway that she heard about during a news break she always worried that I was involved because I would be racing back to get my DD off the bus, so she would call to check that I was safe. I was her caregiver, and our roles had become reversed, but we always had a good relationship, and I was happy to be there for her at the end.

Was it perect? No. We had an argument or two along the way, but she was always the mother and I respected that. Because I'm human, sometimes I felt some pressure, but in the end, when I watched her take her last breath after spending quite an enjoyable day with her and some other relatives in her hospital room, I have no regrets and would do it all again.

So, it is a little insultiing to say that people who speak so often have psychological issues or can't cut the cord or like to hear the sound of their own voice. I think that often times people really like one another, and have compassion for one another and make room in their lives for others who need it.

Next week she will be gone two years. I long for the days when she would call and ask if I got home safely, and we'd laugh because she was such a worrywart. Not because I am lonely--I have a very active life--or not because I have a weird attachment disorder, but because I miss my mom.

Very well said.

My mom is 79, lives alone, has had a stroke and some heart problems plus she isn't as steady on her feet anymore. We check on her to make sure she's ok.

Just because I call her or she calls me doesn't mean we spend more than 3 minutes on the phone because sometimes we don't.

Sometimes she just needs to hear another voice and chit chat, sometimes she has something important to tell me or maybe she doesn't feel like cooking and asks me to stop and pick something up for her.

 

[Eeyore98]

I agree, I can't imagine any good reason to call someone multiple times per day to "chat", unless the people involved have some type of horrible attachment neurosis.

Well, different people are different. I'm not "chatty" in general, but my stepmom will talk anyone's ear off, and when her mom was alive, I remember they were on the phone with each other at least twice a day.

But personally, yeah, whenever I hear someone say that, my first reaction is, "Geez, I don't even call my DH during the day unless there's a problem!"

 

[AverageDiser]

I speak to and/or see my mom at least once a day. We're best friends and talk about anything and everything, from the way our days are going, to the news, etc. She lives 5 miles away and dd does her online math at her house since she has wireless internet. We've had our moments over the years, didn't talk for months at one point because she didn't approve of our marriage. There have been other incidents that would make your hair curl, but at some point I realized she is who she is, and she did the best she could. I don't look for her to be who I want/wanted her to be anymore, I look at her as who she is, and once I started doing that our relationship improved 125%. I couldn't imagine not talking to her daily now.

No attachment disorder involved..I would actually wonder more about people who rarely have contact, if I were one to wonder about strangers' psychological issues on internet message boards.

 

[MapleGirl]

My mom and I used to talk on the phone 3-5 times a day. After a while it got to be too much for me. She is very clingy and looks to me for emotional support. I am her psychoanalyst, travel agent, financial counselor and general sounding board for everything she ever thinks to say. It was WAY too much for a daughter to take in. (I'm 29, with a house, husband, job and life of my own!) She has these grand plans to go away on vacations with me and to live next door to me. DH and I are very private and quiet people whereas she has a full farm, 2 mentally challenged tenants, and a rush-around lifestyle. Ugh! Anyway, this past January I told her I wouldn't be going on vacation with her anytime soon and that the daily phone calls had to be reduced to once a week. I told her that she stresses me out. It was a hard conversation. She cried and put me in a major guilt trip but it is better this way. Now if I could only tell her I can't live next to her.....

So, short answer: every Monday.

 

[DisneyJules]

Never. If I don't call her about once every 2 weeks, the next time I *do* call, she will whine about how she never hears from me. But it never occurs to her to call me herself.

Do we have the same mother??,hehe I know the feeling! She's been guilting me since I was a kid. You would think as a child when your parents are divorced that the parents would be the ones responsible for calling their children on the weeks they weren't with that parent, not in my family!

To answer the question, I talk to my parents about once a week.

 

[Andtototoo]

When my mother was alive, the frequency of our phone calls varied greatly and depended upon not only the state of our relationship but the cost of long distance phone calls.

I had moved out of state by the time I was 19, so all calls were long distance and back in the day, they were very expensive.

When I was younger, our calls were infrequent because we didn't have much in common, my mother ws very focused on my sister (aka The Princess) and my mother could be highly critical and unsupportive.

As SHE got older, she became more supportive and therefore enjoyable to be around. She also sought me out more often. After my dd was born -- her only grandchild -- my mother called frequently. She'd call about once or twice a week. As a previous poster said, once I was a mother, I had more sympathy for her point of view. I also deeply enjoyed talking to her about my dd because there was someone else who wanted to hear about dd's amaaaaazing accomplishment for the day! LOL

I sometimes wonder what would have happened had she lived longer. About a year before she died, she started to revert back to her previous critical ways and I had some very unpleasant visits/conversations with her. So it's possible that had she lived and continued down that old path, that our interactions would have greatly decreased for my sanity.

My dh's mother would have kept him on the phone 24/7 if she could. My dh kept it to once a week and spend the entirety of the call listening to her (she had no interest in his life). She and her daughter were on the phone to each other constantly or at least when she and HER mother or sisters weren't on the phone. My MIL was thrilled when headsets came out because she could then walk around and talk all the time to her mother and sisters (she had no other friends). I always wondered what they found to talk about so often because if you're always on the phone, when are you living a life worth talking about?

 

[pixiefairy]

I wish she called more often...but we talk maybe every few weeks, unless there is something going on like a party or gathering. I need to call her more often, but I think for both of us, life gets busy. We do text each other as well, and it's probably about the same frequency.

I wish DH spoke to his parents more often...his mom is going to be in her late 70s this year and my FIL is 83. To be fair, there are 9 kids...my MIL would be on the phone a better part of the week talking if she called them all weekly! But, my MIL sends personalized letters to each grandkid every month just to see how things are going and let them know she loves them. I'm having my kids write letters to her this month.

 

[FergieTCat]

I speak to my mom 2-3x a week for about 20 minutes a time. She's 84. My father passed away 10 years ago, and her health is declining.

I don't think I'll ever regret that I called her too often.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

My mom doesn't call me much, but I am expected to call her 1-2 times per week and call my grandmother 1 time per week. If my parents are on vacation I am, of course, not expected to talk with them, but I am to call my gransmother daily. However, I'm and only child and an only grandchild. They have a lot invested in keeping close contact with me.

DH never calls or talks to his mom. After encouragement, he will occasionally call his dad or granparents.

 

[hereyago]

I agree, I can't imagine any good reason to call someone multiple times per day to "chat", unless the people involved have some type of horrible attachment neurosis.

I mean, if you really just call to "catch up" (every few hours??), are you basically giving someone a running narrative of your day? That just smacks of someone who likes the sound of their own voice, or a pathological need for attention.

:

When I moved out back in the day, I would call my DF once a day then-why you ask? Because that was our routine through out high school. He worked a odd shift, so I didn't get to see him during the week. By the time i was going to school, he was coming home from work. I'd come home from school, he would be on his way to work. He played music on the weekends and I was a teenager with a active social life, so not much time to see each other then. So that just carried on.

Then I got married and had DD, my DF would babysit DD, so yea, I' m going to call about my DD. Then he was diagnosed with lung cancer, so any time I could talk to him even about the most silliest thing to make him smile then I would. I miss my DF every day, he's been gone for almost 8 years. I even dream about talking to him on the phone sometimes.

 

[Disneygirl26]

I talk to my mom at least 3 or 4 times a day and I see her maybe 3 or 4 times a week, we only live 4 blocks from each other but we've always been close, I think its because she had me when she was young and she was a single parent so I guess we sorta grew up together.

 

[jeepgirl30]

I agree, I can't imagine any good reason to call someone multiple times per day to "chat", unless the people involved have some type of horrible attachment neurosis.
QUOTE]

Haha, I somewhat agree! I do not have attachment neurosis but I do call my parents every day on my way to work and on my way home. What do we "chat" about? Sometimes nothing at all and it drives me nuts. but i do it because if i miss my mom flips out and will continously call until i pick up. Or she will start calling my DH's cell, the kids' cells, etc until she gets me and then she is all up in arms that i am mad at her. I find it is a whole lot easier to just call.

We do not live close and only see each other a few times over the summer. But i absoultely have to call 2 times a day.

I have no idea how often DH talks to his mom, we do not have a land line and she NEVER calls me.

 

[violetrose]

I talk with both my mother and my MIL at least once daily.

 

[furb & dez]

I find it is a whole lot easier to just call.

So... you're a coward?

(the means it's a gentle ribbing, for those of you who are humor-impaired)

 

[scbelleatheart]

I talk to my parents about once a week. They are 1400 miles a way in FL. I talk to DMIL about once a week on the phone but stop by her house several times a week to see if she needs help with anything. She's 87 so she deserves that. Then we check in to see if she needs bills paid. Her new thing is she wants one more new car before she dies! She will get one. My DH cannot tell her no, just like his Dad. I love my parents and DMIL. I cannot do enough for them to repay all that they have done for us.

 

[dizcrazee]

My mother is 78, widowed, and lives alone. My wonderful sister and I take turns either calling her or stopping by daily. She does one week, then I do the next - we rotate weeks. Even on my "off weeks", I still call her a few times and usually see her at some point every weekend.

This way we all know who is the "check in" person for the week and we don't have to worry that Mama will go a day with no one checking on her. She's been really lonely since my Daddy passed away four years ago.

My hubby's mom lives 700 miles away. We talk to her once a week and see her 2-3 times a year. She is widowed also, but my hubby's brother lives in the basement, so she's not alone at least.

 

[rentayenta]

For people that are grown and have their own homes. Just wondering what's the norm.

Before I developed some strict boundaries with her it was common for her to call upwards of 7-10 times per day. These would begin around 6 am.