How much to give for a wedding gift for family of 5 attending

[LaurenLC]

I'm from NY also and we also always cover our plate~ $100 per adult is right.

If someone had come to my wedding and tried to leave a "shower"gift ~ as in ie toaster I would have been peeved

We spent almost 28,000 on our reception 11 years ago; and we recouped all of it

And we had a top shelf open bar~ I HATE cash bars; have a smaller wedding if you can't afford to give your guests free booze.

WOW! When we got married we invited people because we wanted them to share in our day, not because we were hoping to make money off them!

OP give what YOU think is appropriate and don't worry about it. MOST people aren't keeping score as to how much you give.

 

[ohlas]

Oh yes, I am glad!

This thread makes me wonder about some of our other customs. For instance, Are we Southerners the only ones who take food to the family when a loved one dies?

Penny

that's death, sickness, new baby, party, you name the event and i really miss the south for that one reason. Some of my northern friends find it funny that i do this food giving for more then just death. Cleveland, Ohio and we got buried in food when love ones die.

 

[aprilgail2]

People do that here too. Most people buy things off of the registry for the shower and give cash for the wedding.

I have never ever seen someone walk into a wedding with a wrapped gift LOL...that would be really an odd thing to see here. Engagement parties and showers are when you get gifts here, the weddings are cash/checks...

 

[MissManners]

I think you should just give whatever you feel comfortable giving, regardless of what the "regional" norm might be. I grew up in Washington DC, my parents are from NY/NJ, but my fiance was born and raised in Florida. We have family and friends attending our Disney wedding from all over the country. We are blessed to have my parents be paying for our wedding, and they are paying a pretty penny for it. I would never EVER expect my friends to give us $100 per adult, or to "cover their plate", even though my parents are probably spending over $200 a person. They will already be paying for hotel rooms, flights, etc; not to mention that some of them will probably have to take off time from work to travel! I am 25, DF is 29. I know that we ourselves have limited funds seeing that we are not too far out of college, and the economy sucks right now! I'm sure that the vast majority of our friends and family members are in the same boat right now too. I would never want someone that we invited to our wedding to feel like they shouldn't attend because they couldn't "afford" to give us a gift. That is just absurd!

 

[goofy!]

What would you rather receive as a wedding gift -- a nice big fat check or another crock pot?

I was married 26 years ago. We had a large wedding, so lots of "chotskies" as well as other gifts. I can tell you to this day I prefer my gifts over money.

I think about my loved ones every time I put out our good china and crystal.

We laugh as we lovingly still try to figure out what one present was, even 26 years later and with the advent of the internet to do research. We still haven't figured out what they are. But they have given us the fondest memories and joy over the years. And lots of "guess the present" at parties.

We got 8 crystal vases. As newlyweds, we wondered what in the world we would do with 8 crystal vases. But as we grew up, had a house and family, those crystal vases held flowers from our growing love of gardening. Over the years, I loved using them to put fresh flowers all over our house.

I had lots of relatives fly over from the Netherlands and am eternally grateful for the carefully packed antique Delft that they brought over. They were the start of a wonderful Delft collection.

I was grateful for each and every gift we received and over the years, each one has brought back wonderful memories of one of the most joyous days of our lives. 26.5 years later, I can still look at wedding gifts and remember the people who gave them to us fondly and remember how wonderful it was for them to share our day with us.

So, for me personally, I would much, much rather get that extra crockpot instead of a big fat, impersonal check. Your mileage may vary.

 

[luvsJack]

What would you give in lieu of money for a wedding gift and what would you give as a bridal shower gift?

So, if a couple invites 300 people to a wedding in your neck of the woods, does that mean she can look forward to receiving 300 chotchkies for wedding gifts?

Seriously, what do you do with all of the junk you would get from people and where in heavens name would you put it all? Or do you expect the bride to have to return most of it to the store?

Here in New Jersey, appliances (small and large depending on who is giving it), linens, china, silver, etc, is given for a bridal shower gift. CASH is given by us *rude* folks for a wedding present.

What would you rather receive as a wedding gift -- a nice big fat check or another crock pot?

I am not the person you asked but I can answer for my neck of the woods. Here a bride registers for everything from kitchen towels to crystal, silver and china. Shower gifts are more of the kitchen towel variety and wedding gifts are more of the crystal, silver and china variety. And since most people either give something off the registry or something special for the bride (one person gave me a handcrafted teapot that I still have and still love. and grandma gave me her china, for instance, which I love.) most things are things that she wants and needs and not considered "junk".

Personally, I don't think ya'll are rude necessarily (I don't know you), but the expectation of anyone to give you a check or cash IS rude. Or at least that is the way it is here. The reasoning on that is that getting a check or cash tells you exactly how much the person gave you and THAT is what is rude. Actually telling somone that you spent $$$$$$ on a wedding is considered quite "vulgar" in some circles. (of course that is usually the circles that can AFFORD to spend $$$$$$$$$ on a wedding. )

And for your last question? I would prefer the guest attend my happy day and help me celebrate, regardless of the gift they do or do not give.

.

 

[msjprincess]

I am not the person you asked but I can answer for my neck of the woods. Here a bride registers for everything from kitchen towels to crystal, silver and china. Shower gifts are more of the kitchen towel variety and wedding gifts are more of the crystal, silver and china variety. And since most people either give something off the registry or something special for the bride (one person gave me a handcrafted teapot that I still have and still love. and grandma gave me her china, for instance, which I love.) most things are things that she wants and needs and not considered "junk".

Personally, I don't think ya'll are rude necessarily (I don't know you), but the expectation of anyone to give you a check or cash IS rude. Or at least that is the way it is here. The reasoning on that is that getting a check or cash tells you exactly how much the person gave you and THAT is what is rude. Actually telling somone that you spent $$$$$$ on a wedding is considered quite "vulgar" in some circles. (of course that is usually the circles that can AFFORD to spend $$$$$$$$$ on a wedding. )

And for your last question? I would prefer the guest attend my happy day and help me celebrate, regardless of the gift they do or do not give.

.

And around here it would be considered rude to not give a wedding gift because you already gave one at the shower like some earlier posters said.

No one's tradition or customs are better or right just different.

 

[mjkacmom]

Oh yes, I am glad!

This thread makes me wonder about some of our other customs. For instance, Are we Southerners the only ones who take food to the family when a loved one dies?

Penny

If you think people in the NYC metro area are generous with wedding gifts, you haven't seen anything compared to how generous people are when someone has a family crisis! You could feed a third world nation on the amount of food that shows up! Long term illness? Dinner schedules are started immediately. I don't think any other region can compare to this one when it comes to food. If you attend a party at 2 pm, be prepared for multiple courses, not-stop food.

People get the wrong idea - we give money (and it seems a lot to others, but remember, our COL is so high, $100 here = $25 where some others live), because most here are very generous, with money, help, and absolutely with bringing people food! I remember when I had my twins, I had a friend who had a baby a week before, so she wasn't really up for cooking, so she sent a tray of chicken parm from a local restaurant.

It's a culture of giving - heck, we tip EVERYBODY!

 

[disneygals]

I was married 26 years ago. We had a large wedding, so lots of "chotskies" as well as other gifts. I can tell you to this day I prefer my gifts over money.

I think about my loved ones every time I put out our good china and crystal.

We laugh as we lovingly still try to figure out what one present was, even 26 years later and with the advent of the internet to do research. We still haven't figured out what they are. But they have given us the fondest memories and joy over the years. And lots of "guess the present" at parties.

We got 8 crystal vases. As newlyweds, we wondered what in the world we would do with 8 crystal vases. But as we grew up, had a house and family, those crystal vases held flowers from our growing love of gardening. Over the years, I loved using them to put fresh flowers all over our house.

I had lots of relatives fly over from the Netherlands and am eternally grateful for the carefully packed antique Delft that they brought over. They were the start of a wonderful Delft collection.

I was grateful for each and every gift we received and over the years, each one has brought back wonderful memories of one of the most joyous days of our lives. 26.5 years later, I can still look at wedding gifts and remember the people who gave them to us fondly and remember how wonderful it was for them to share our day with us.

So, for me personally, I would much, much rather get that extra crockpot instead of a big fat, impersonal check. Your mileage may vary.

What a sweet post...now post a picture of the mystery gift!

I'm from NY/Ct and yes, the guide is to cover the plate, but it's not like you have to! Melsmice...I think 150-300 is more than enough, but since it's your employee and if you can comfortably give 500, it would be nice.

 

[ilovejack02]

What a sweet post...now post a picture of the mystery gift!

I'm from NY/Ct and yes, the guide is to cover the plate, but it's not like you have to! Melsmice...I think 150-300 is more than enough, but since it's your employee and if you can comfortably give 500, it would be nice.

I agree post a picture lol!!!

My Godparents gave me a gorgeous Waterford Crystal vase that I registered as a joke really, it was close to 600.00 . I almost died, and knew I would never use it.
7 months later when hubby came home with flowers for valentines that he picked up at the grocery store, I had the perfect vase for it.

15 years later I am still using it. Looking forward to pulling her out on Monday !

 

[PaulaSB12]

And around here it would be considered rude to not give a wedding gift because you already gave one at the shower like some earlier posters said.

No one's tradition or customs are better or right just different.

To expect 2 presents when you get married seems rather greedy to me though.

 

[snapppyd]

Did the OP stick around, or run screaming from this thread?

 

[Nik's Mom]

If you think people in the NYC metro area are generous with wedding gifts, you haven't seen anything compared to how generous people are when someone has a family crisis! You could feed a third world nation on the amount of food that shows up! Long term illness? Dinner schedules are started immediately. I don't think any other region can compare to this one when it comes to food. If you attend a party at 2 pm, be prepared for multiple courses, not-stop food.

People get the wrong idea - we give money (and it seems a lot to others, but remember, our COL is so high, $100 here = $25 where some others live), because most here are very generous, with money, help, and absolutely with bringing people food! I remember when I had my twins, I had a friend who had a baby a week before, so she wasn't really up for cooking, so she sent a tray of chicken parm from a local restaurant.

It's a culture of giving - heck, we tip EVERYBODY!

This is also true with the hispanic culture. When dh's brother died, I was amazed at how giving people were with their time and service! It was very touching. My MIL did not have to lift a finger that week. People really came through, helping her to get the house ready for guests, bringing food, etc.

In contrast, when my dad died, I could hear some of my relatives complain because our catered food didn't arrive fast enough for them.

In our current state that we live in, women set up schedules to bring meals to families who are going through an illness or new baby arrival. In fact, when I had oral surgery, a friend called me to find out when she should bring her meal. I told her it wasn't necessary because it was just minor oral surgery. I had to chuckle when I got off the phone. People really take their charity to an extreme here.

 

[disneyjunkie]

FOOD!!! Oh my goodness, we love to feed people. I've never attended/held a party that just included cake, ice cream and punch. All parties ( yes kid parties as well) include tons of food. If it's a house party, you plan for extra people. You have enough food for folks to have several servings and take some home. Death? We take food over. In my circle of friends we also take up a collection.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Does anyone remember the dollar dance at weddings? Maybe this is a California thing. The way it worked was the bride would stand on the dance floor and men would line up to dance with her. The man had to pin $1 on her dress in order to dance with her. My mom wanted me to do this because it was a big tradition, but I told her I would sock someone if they came up to me in my expensive dress with a safety pin. She stopped asking me after that. Anyway, I'm just wondering if any other areas of the country did the dollar dance. Oh, and it was a slow dance, not a lap dance or anything.

 

[ilovejack02]

Does anyone remember the dollar dance at weddings? Maybe this is a California thing. The way it worked was the bride would stand on the dance floor and men would line up to dance with her. The man had to pin $1 on her dress in order to dance with her. My mom wanted me to do this because it was a big tradition, but I told her I would sock someone if they came up to me in my expensive dress with a safety pin. She stopped asking me after that. Anyway, I'm just wondering if any other areas of the country did the dollar dance. Oh, and it was a slow dance, not a lap dance or anything.

I have seen it at weddings here , not in several years though. First it was pin the money on the bride and groom, then it was put the money in the cute little bag bride is holding and pin it on the groom. UGHHH, I didn't do it at mine neither did most of my close friends, I find it tacky , but don't begrudge others who do it it, I can remember it happening at weddings when I was child, I loved to pay for a dance as a kiddo.

 

[ilovejack02]

Does anyone remember the dollar dance at weddings? Maybe this is a California thing. The way it worked was the bride would stand on the dance floor and men would line up to dance with her. The man had to pin $1 on her dress in order to dance with her. My mom wanted me to do this because it was a big tradition, but I told her I would sock someone if they came up to me in my expensive dress with a safety pin. She stopped asking me after that. Anyway, I'm just wondering if any other areas of the country did the dollar dance. Oh, and it was a slow dance, not a lap dance or anything.

I have seen it at weddings here , not in several years though. First it was pin the money the bride and groom, then it was put the money in the cute little bag bride is holding and pin it on the groom. UGHHH, I didn't do it at mine neither did most of my close friends, I find it tacky , but don't begrudge others who do it, I can remember it happening at weddings when I was child, I loved to pay for a dance as a kiddo.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

I used the site a pp included to "calculate" what I should give for an upcoming wedding I'm attending. $225! This on top of roundtrip airfare from Ohio to Austin TX for DH and I and 2 night's lodging! They'll get $100. Or, we could stay in Ohio and send them the $1,000 we would be saving. We want to be there and so we will. They want us there and I don't think the amount we give is important to them. At least I hope that is the case!

Are the couple getting married from Austin? If so, it will be very odd to receive a check for the wedding(generally the only people who give money to a couple here are their parents and that's not put in as a gift at the reception). Here in Texas, there is always a gift table at the reception and people bring actual gifts. $100 would be a VERY generous gift.

 

[disneyjunkie]

PaulaSB12, no one is expecting anything. If you attend the shower and the wedding, you take something to each. I give a gift at showers and cash at weddings. Why? Beacuse it is what I was taught to do. My mother always said "You don't go to people house empty handed." If someone invites you to their home, party, shower, wedding...you take something. That something may be items from a bakery, a bottle of wine, a side dish, a gift, a card with cash or a check... What you give depends on the event, but you give something.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I have seen it at weddings here , not in several years though. First it was pin the money on the bride and groom, then it was put the money in the cute little bag bride is holding and pin it on the groom. UGHHH, I didn't do it at mine neither did most of my close friends, I find it tacky , but don't begrudge others who do it it, I can remember it happening at weddings when I was child, I loved to pay for a dance as a kiddo.

I haven't seen it in years either. Hopefully that tradition has died out.