How much is too much?

[Robbi]

I do not think that $1,000 Christmas lists/gifts belongs on the budget board. I also do not think that most parents spend $1,000 on their teen for Christmas. Yes, there are some families who do- but any 'budget minded person' wouldn't do that and still consider themselves to be 'budget savy'...If someone is budget savy and spending $1,000 on gifts for one teen, then I am sure that money should be/could be/would be used better elsewhere- but I don't know what their finances are and it's not my place to judge them. I think that everyone has a different budget. People at our budget group say "1st- pay your bills, buy your food and then, make sure you're putting a little emergency money aside monthly...THEN, put some money aside for Christmas gifts. THAT'S what you can afford." If the Christmas gift budget is set so high that you have to put off paying bills, then you've set your budget too high. EVERYONE has a different 'budget' because EVERYONE'S money situation is different and everyone has different financial goals. Some people blow everything and are living off of loans and high interest credit card rates and they ACTUALLY THINK they have a great, happily financial life...when in fact, their finances are a mess. Only YOU can set YOUR budget.

I don't know what amount is appropriate for 'most people'. We average $250-300 per child each year on Christmas gifts. Some people have told me that I'm over spending. We have a 'Christmas fund account' that has a certain amount of money that comes out of my husbands check every month. We have already saved at least $500 we need for those gifts each year, so that money is all ready to pay for the gifts- we aren't borrowing it, charging it, financing it or going with out paying our bills so we can afford it. We can do that, but some people can't.

I think that it's not teaching your kids anything if you just go out and buy what ever they have on their list. They can't always get what they want, or they end up growing up with bad attitudes and the thought that they are entitled to get everything they want.

Even families who spend $1000+ on each child still have budgets, so yes, those people deserve to be on the budget board too.

I think that the amount of money families spend on holiday gifts is their business. If you can afford it, spend what you like. I'm not sure what's up with these threads criticizing parents who spend a lot on gifts. It doesn't mean they aren't good parents who don't know the "true" meaning of Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate) or don't spend quality time with their children. There is always going to be someone with more money than you. Why would you care what they do with it?

Absolutely, having money to spend doesn't make you a bad parent nor does it mean their children are spoiled or unappreciative.

OP, how about fixing a nice dinner. After dinner take a thermos of hot chocolate and ride around looking at all of the Christmas decorations. If you're putting up a tree, buy some cranberries and popcorn and the three of you can make garlands. You could start your own special holiday traditions.
One year, when my son was little and his dad and I just divorced, I had very little money. I waited until Christmas Eve to buy his presents because they were put on sale. I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[TriniandBre]

First off I want to say I am sorry for your loss . And wow $1,000+ dollars is a lot. I think I spent maybe $400 on my two girls. I tried my best to budget and catch sales and the biggest part of the $400 was the refurbished Wii that I bought for them. I'm glad they are only 5 and 2 but I have been telling my 5 year old to appreciate the things that she does receive for Christmas because it's not all about getting presents, it's about spending time with family and friends. Santa gives one gift per child and everything else is from mom and dad and other family members. I am so thankful for family members. We have our first Disney Cruise coming up next year and have to save. Maybe you guys should make a gift for each other. I think that maybe a Disney movie theme night for Christmas eve would be nice as well. A movie like Mickeys Once Upon a Christmas (I have it preset on my DVR) and bake some cookies, listen to Christmas music, look through picture albums and camp out together in the livingroom. My girls and I always do those things and it just gets us in the holiday spirit even more.

 

[Mamakop]

This is a budget board and different families will have a different budget. Some groups will be shocked at $1000 on gifts and others will consider it within their budget or even low cost. I don't feel like the budget board was meant to only cater to a certain income level. I use this board to find deals on gifts and a few other things. No one should be criticized for spending $1000 on I Pads and no one should be criticized for feeding a family of 4 on $20 /week.

I totally agree this!!

 

[MinnieForMe]

Some of my favorite gifts from Christmas were more sentimental. My sister passed away 8 years ago from cancer at the age of 28 so that year I took a childhood photo of us, which my mom had mentioned was her favorite, and had a heart shaped necklace the picture was engraved in. I havent used this company but gives you an idea of what I mean http://www.photoengraving-f2f.com/index.php I had hers made at Wal Mart the cost including necklace was around $100. One of my favorite gifts after my sister passed away was when my brother in law gave all the girls in my family one of her shirts and a pair of her socks! Some people may think thats odd but we all love to wear crazy socks and just having something of hers made everyone appreciate the gift way more than anything you could buy!
After my dad passed away a few years ago my uncle gave me one of his guns (my dad was an avid gun collector) this meant a lot to me.
My family has spent a few holidays going through old photos and curled up on the couch watching home videos, we have lost a lot of loved ones over the years so these videos are pricless. This gave us something we all needed and helped us have their memory with us. Actually this is also how my kids found out my dad and uncle always played Santa when they were younger there was a video where they were videoing dressing up as Santa that I never knew existed and I cant express the joy it brought to me and my kids (even though they were schocked it was him all those years)!
A few other gifts I have made was I took the picture of my dad and sister dancing at her wedding and had a photo store crop them out and place them on clouds which I made 8X10's for everyone in the family, we have made shirts and blankets with our favorite pictures as well, I also made a digital photo frame for my grandmother once and had a variety of pictures with family / friends throughout the years!
I hope sharing this with you maybe gives you an idea that your kids will love and have forever which beats any electronic you could buy!

Absolutely beautiful ideas! You made me cry!

 

[luvmy3]

How much is too much? Who am I to answer that for anyone else, everyone's budget is different and its up to them to figure out what is okay for them to spend/give. $1000 may be too much for you, but that doesn't mean its too much for someone else (although I didn't see many $1000 lists on that thread ).

We have our Christmas traditions, and I hope they are things my kids will end up doing with their families. These are the things that won't change when our budget does.
Every Christmas Eve we spend the day listening to Christmas music and baking. After dinner they get to open 2 presents, a pair of PJs and an ornament. We watch a Christmas movie and before bed we read Twas The Night Before Christmas. We track Santa too, even though my older 2 know the truth they play along for my youngest.
Christmas morning we get up early, the kids open their gifts and we just spend the day playing and hanging out with eachother. There have been years we have even stayed in our PJs. Every year I get a "family" gift, some years its been a video game, some a board game, just something to make sure we do something together.
The rest of the week we spend traveling to visit family.
That is just Christmas Eve and Christmas day, we do things during the season too.

 

[McKelly]

So this post is inspired by the "what did you get your teen daughter for Christmas".
I was shocked to see the list's on that thread, partly because it was on the budget board yet full of $1,000.+ lists.
I think we all as parents would LOVE to be able to get our kids the high end gifts that teens love these days, but that being said I cant possible be the only parent in a pinch this year who will be having a LITERAL Charley Brown Christmas.
For me its not for lack of trying or want, it is a multitude of personal issues that made buying food and paying bills priority over high end gifts.

So my real question is how much is too much?

Another question that may be even more important for those of you in my shoes who just cant buy what you WANT to buy for your kids is, how do you make the day SPECIAL??
This is new to my kids, before my husband passed we worked together to make the "extra" it took to spoil (at least i thought they were spoiled till i read the above mentioned lists) them.
I would love some ideas of how to make Christmas without gifts special.

My kids and I spend quality time together, play games, watch special weekly shows together, etc etc. so to watch a movie or play a board game would be just like any other day.

You said you guys like to play games. One year, we made our own board game. I took a big piece of poster board and made a "Candyland" type path on it with squares and then we worked together filling the squares with Xmas type scenarios. You burnt the Xmas cookies - move back 3 squares. You donated your old toys to a shelter - move ahead 4 squares, a square with Xmas trivia where you didn't move at all, miss a turn, roll again, etc. Then we colored it and decorated it. When we were finished, we played the game. It might not sound like much, but my kids enjoyed it, and we STILL pull that thing out at Xmas and play it! Now we laugh at the bad drawings and the misspelled words!

I also agree with making a gingerbread house. You don't even need a kit. Graham crackers, frosting and old Halloween candy works just fine.

Is there a neighborhood with lots of Xmas lights that you can park your car and walk through?

 

[scottmel]

Personally, I think it is too much if you're running up the credit card bills to do it. Otherwise it is just an individual choice, not one that I'd make but not one I judge either.

But I'll admit to reading some of those threads and wanting to hug my teen - I've never gotten $1000+ worth of "wist list" out of any of my kids, much less given that much. We usually keep the Christmas budget to around $1000 for all three combined. Lately it seems like their wants come to $200-300 per child and we don't buy all of that because we have to save an idea or two for my mother and MIL. This year, my teen is asking for a pair of Turtle Beach wireless headphones w/ built-in mic, Halo 4, Call of Duty 2, glow in the dark duct tape, and Xbox points. He's got a January birthday and I know we'll have a hard time getting enough ideas out of him to cover both occasions.

I too wanted to give DD13 a giant hug. Her list this year "surprise me, mom but I love gift cards!".

What we are doing this year is I contacted our church and we are going to a 3rd party organization for a jazz night. Here you are assigned a family and given a turkey, christmas tree and modest gifts for the family. DD and I already planned to plump up the pile a bit on our own but this is not mandatory, etc. I then in turn contact this family and plan to deliver their christmas to them the following weekend. I think it will give us all a good idea of just how fortunate we are....And for no budget (but in our case I will add a few gifts). The older DD gets the more I see TIME is what matters. Who cares about gifts? Believe me DD did great this christmas but it makes me feel good knowing she is happy with what she already has and would be happy with anything under the tree - so long as itunes giftcard was there too!

 

[My2Qtz0205]

Personally, we don't spend a ton on Christmas. It's not what it's all about. The first thing we do is Thanksgiving weekend, we take our DD (who just turned 7) into her room and ask her to choose which toys she would like to donate to children who maybe don't get alot of extra toys at Christmas. So she goes through her toys (and we've done this since she was 3) and told her how kind it would be for her to help another child. Not once has she put up any kind of a fight doing it, and she gets kind of excited to help someone.

For her presents, we keep things very reasonable. She gets one "big gift", which I do my best to find on sale. (I am a huge bargain shopper) This year, we happened to be in Best Buy and they had the wine color DSi XL on sale for $59 !! I asked the man why it was so low (they had like 4) and he said the color was being discontinued. SO, that was what we wanted to get anyway, so we got that one! And it's so cute! Best Buy has had a ton of games as their "deal of the day" so we grab one each time we see one she'd like.

I also found her a Vanange Doll (like American doll) that was under $60 (regular price is $120) on Zulily. They had some adorable outfits for the dolls that were around $12.00 each (regularly $38)..... I just take my time looking around and when I find something for a great price,I grab it up.

To be honest, the MOST fun thing for our DD is putting up our Christmas village. Each year we go to Michael's (or Lowe's) and she can pick a new village house and some people. It's so much fun to grow our village and she looks forward to the time we spend doing it together.

The other thing we started doing was to put up Christmas lights on the bushes at our elderly neighbor's house. About 3 years ago, she commented on how sad she was because she could no longer put up Christmas lights. (she's very ill doesn't get a ton of care from her family) So we told our daughter that we were going to buy some lights for her and she got SO excited. We waited until her grandson took her out for a while and then we snuck over and put lights on all the bushes. We even got her a remote control so she wouldn't have to go outside to plug anything in. Well, that night we waited until it was dark and we went over to her house and asked her to come outside for a minute. My daugher gave her the remote w/ a bow on it and asked her to push the button....on came the lights. Well, our neighbor cried so hard and of course, I started too!! At the end of the season, we packed up her lights and now she's got her own box in the attic that we pull down each year and play Santa's elves.

So you see, it's not all about the STUFF, it's about the love. At least to me and my family. It's about loving each other and helping out people that may not be that lucky.

Don't discount popcorn and movie night with your kids as "average though".... I bet it means more to them than you might think. (wow....sorry this came out so long!!)

This made me cry. So sweet!

 

[a1tinkfans]

Some people budget for Xmas all year, some dont or cant..... some Budgets are 100 and others 1000 or more. I think that any budget is okay on the budget board..
.its personal choice....having money to spend or lack there of does not define the type of parent you are or your child/ren......its what youve taught/passed on to your child/ren and how they live their life in society...the big picture IMHO
Happy Holidays to ALL.....

 

[DaisyD]

I think too much is when you can't afford it. If someone has to go into debt to buy a bunch of stuff then yes that is too much. I love to give gifts and since I can afford it, I do. This is a budget board but everyone here seems to go to WDW and that certainly is a luxury so what is the difference when it comes to gift giving.

There were years long ago when we couldn't afford much and then kids didn't get a lot during those lean years. Those years are over so why not reap the benefits. I do remember the lean years and our kids were happy then too with their smaller amount of gifts. You give what you can afford and what makes YOU happy.

 

[scrapquitler]

How much is too much? Who am I to answer that for anyone else, everyone's budget is different and its up to them to figure out what is okay for them to spend/give. $1000 may be too much for you, but that doesn't mean its too much for someone else .

We spend about $500 on each of our kids for Christmas. However, they get a lot of practical gifts along with some extravagant ones. Last year I had people on the board tell me "I can't believe you give your kids socks & underwear and winter boots for Christmas"...well we do. So maybe our budget seems extravagant, but I didn't buy ANY back to school clothes for my 16 year old daughter except a pair of sneakers (she didn't need or want any), but now she needs some (her size has changed a bit, and she hasn't had new clothes for a year, so it's reasonable), so I'll probably buy $300 worth of clothes for her for Christmas.

Other than Christmas and their birthdays and a couple gifts at Easter, we don't generally buy things for our kids, so we put all the 'stuff' into those occasions.


That $500 per kids is almost our whole gift giving budget, because with our extended family, we don't buy gifts, other than for the children (my two children are among the three kids in the family), so there's no big budget for gifts for aunts & uncles, grandparents, in laws, etc. Instead we do a yankee swap with my side of the family ($15 limit, so I need to buy 4 gifts @ $15 max) and we have a LOT of fun with that.


And my kids certainly aren't spoiled. When I asked my 16 year old what she wanted for Christmas she said "Colored pens". When I asked my 9 year old, he told me "Angry Birds Star Wars" (which costs 99 cents). But they did ask me when I was going to take them shopping to pick gifts for each other, and when we would pick tags from the Angel Tree, they look forward to that every year...I take each of them out to the mall or store of their choice and for dinner so they can shop for others (they have a budget they know they can spend, and they think about it for a long time ahead of time).

As for things we do that don't involve 'stuff', we go to a lot of the various lights displays around here, we go to a fundraising concert where you bring a canned food item to donate and the local muscians sing Christmas music, we bake cookies, we watch Christmas movies, we decorate the house. Over the past month we participated in a play of The Christmas Carol which was a benefit for a local family in need. We go visit a lot of relatives, we do craft projects, we hang around together and play board games.

 

[pocomom]

My kids do get a lot of presents. I plan and save all year for it. Everyone's budget is different, and I think we all want to save some money on what we are buying regardless of what it is. For us alot of presents is part of what makes Christmas fun and special. But it is not the case of stuff over time together. We do both. My daughter was diagnosed with a heart/blood condition a few years back. We know how precious time can be. We make the holidays BIG all around from crafts, cooking, presents, even the simple nights of hopping in the car to drive around and look at everyone's lights. We homeschool and the last 2 weeks before Christmas it is all about the holiday. We all handmake at least some of the gifts. We also select new secret santas (maybe should be called secret elves?) every week we do chores and little surprises (no presents) for each other and then reveal and switch people at the end of the week. We also adopt a family and the kids get involved in buying presents for the other kids. I have struggled financially in the past, when I was a newly single mom with two young children. But my oldest dd who was 4 at the time and I still made it special making handmade ornaments from pine cones, applesauce, and homemade playdough together and presents were mostly handmade, but still thoughtful. I remember even melting down some leftover halloween candy to make new chirstmas candy for her stocking And presents for my baby daughter that year included wrapped diapers and clothes and other things she needed. They both were delighted.

 

[angierae]

When I was a kid, my Christmas presents filled under the tree and half the living room. i grew up poor (my dad was on disability, first for kidney failure and then for cancer) but my parents put money aside all year round because tons and tons of gifts at Christmas made them feel good.

For my daughter, we have set a limit. It's lower than what we "could" spend, but since she gets many gifts from others I don't feel the need to buy her tons of stuff. Some years she asks for a "big" gift - one year she got a camera, one year she got an iPod, one year she wanted gift cards towards a laptop.

This year she has an Amazon wish list with 73 items on it. Does she expect it all? Not hardly! She has asked for $100 of her budget in cash because she wants to save up for a WiiU. The other $150 is a mix of things on her wish list and things that I have picked up that I think she'll enjoy.

But buying a lot on Christmas does not inherently make a child spoiled; I appreciated every gift I got as a kid, and can still name some of my favorites.You CAN spoil kids, but it takes more than "they get a lot of gifts at Christmas."

 

[robsmom]

We spend about $500 on each of our kids for Christmas. However, they get a lot of practical gifts along with some extravagant ones. Last year I had people on the board tell me "I can't believe you give your kids socks & underwear and winter boots for Christmas"...well we do. So maybe our budget seems extravagant, but I didn't buy ANY back to school clothes for my 16 year old daughter except a pair of sneakers (she didn't need or want any), but now she needs some (her size has changed a bit, and she hasn't had new clothes for a year, so it's reasonable), so I'll probably buy $300 worth of clothes for her for Christmas.

Other than Christmas and their birthdays and a couple gifts at Easter, we don't generally buy things for our kids, so we put all the 'stuff' into those occasions.


That $500 per kids is almost our whole gift giving budget, because with our extended family, we don't buy gifts, other than for the children (my two children are among the three kids in the family), so there's no big budget for gifts for aunts & uncles, grandparents, in laws, etc. Instead we do a yankee swap with my side of the family ($15 limit, so I need to buy 4 gifts @ $15 max) and we have a LOT of fun with that.

I grew up getting a mixture of practical gifts and wants. Some year's the practical stuff was the bulk of what we rec'd. Every year we got socks, underwear, new pjs, etc. Our stocking had a new toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo etc. I think that it was a great way from my parents to make the piles bigger. DS is not a fan of clothing and does not appreciate the practical as much. (he would wear the same thing every day if he could). I don't go quite as far as my folks but still make sure some basics are saved for Christmas morning.

 

[LekiaHall]

I think gift giving (and Christmas budgets) increase as children age. I was so used to seeing 10+ gifts for my children under the tree when they were young that I still want to do this now even though the gifts cost 3-4 times as much!

I will end up spending $1000 on one child alone, but the big item is a laptop. She's a senior in high school and will take it with her to college, so it's not solely a Christmas gift. I'm spending about $300/each for my other 3 children (one of which is another teen).

My family is also involved with Angel Tree and we have adopted a family for Christmas.

 

[puffkin]

Every family is different and every budget is different.

I grew up in a family with a BIG Christmas, smaller birthdays, and basic Easters (some candy and a DVD or small toy). We only got WANTS at those occassions and never things like clothes unless we specifically wanted them.
We never ever got a toy throughout the year.

DH grew up in a family with small christmas although they put more emphasis on birthdays. He got lots of needs (socks, underwear, coats) and very few wants. His parents were just very practical people and had a hard time spending money on "fun" stuff.

We parent in a very similar fashion to how I grew up. However we only do 3 gifts from Santa and the rest are from us as we can first be sure we know what he really wants the most, and secondly we can make him understand the value of money a bit more outside of the whole Santa mythology (I don't want to take that away from him yet). He does not got much at all outside of birthday/easter/Christmas so I don't mind spoiling him a bit on those occassions.

Our budget has certainly increased as he has gotten older but that is ok. I would much rather spend $100 on that awesome toy he really wants and will use all year rather than waste $50 on cheap junk that he won't play with outside of the day or two around Christmas.

 

[mrssmith06]

Everyone's budget is different, so it will vary greatly what people spend on gifts. I read an article the other day that said you should not spend more than 1.5% of your annual income during the holidays. Well, I've blown that!!!!

I always go overboard, and I usually regret it! But I love Christmas and I will stretch our dollars as much as I can to give my kids as much as I can. We don't buy them much throughout the year, just on holidays. We spend about $400-$500 on each kid. Ideally, I would like to only spend about half of that!! But like I said, I always go overboard!!!

 

[Jenny3]

I posted on the teenage daughter thread and my list may have looked $1000+ but it definitely was not! I'm a budget shopper and got everything on sale/used coupons/free items so I stayed within my $400 budget

I think there is also a lot that goes on behind the scenes when it comes to gift giving as well. For example, my DD17 had to quit her 12 year soccer career due to 2 concussions last year. That decision was heartbreaking and devastating for her as she was hoping for a college scholarship (and probably would have gotten one as her team was top in the state). Instead of feeling sorry for herself, she's putting her energy back into snowboarding and needed new gear. The money I would have spent on training fees, hotels, tournaments and flights for games went towards new Burton snowboarding pants (that I got half off ) and a North Face fleece. She's a great kid and turned what was a horrific year (she missed her entire sophomore year of HS due to the headaches) into something positive and is trying to start over again. I give her a lot of credit for that.

And like many have mentioned, budgets are relative. We do plenty with our kids throughout the Christmas season besides gift giving. We have our annual cookie day, we buy for the less fortunate and adopt a family every year, we have wonderful family traditions, etc etc. The spirit of Christmas goes way beyond gifts, even if there is a laptop or tablet under the tree.

 

[2disneyboys]

I agree w/ the "budget" being relative. DH & I enjoy being generous with our kids and our extended family. As a result, Our monthly budget has a space for Christmas Fund.. We set aside a mininum amt each month for our Christmas Fund. In addition, any "found" money goes there. We have a Christmas budget which lists who we are buying for and what the "limit" we can spend on that person/group. When it comes to shopping, we try and get the best deals we can (I mean, really, who doesnt'!) and at the end of the christmas buying, any $ left in the Christmas fund for this year gets put into vacation savings. We usually are adding at least $2-300 to our vacation savings account @ the end of the holiday season. We would totally have to cut the list or the amts of the list if we could not pay cash for everything... that's one thing we don't do is we don't start the New Year with Old Debt! If there's not enought $ in the fund for our full blown budget, then we start cutting it down until the $ in the fund covers the buying list.

I'm not going to judge how someone else spends their money. I have a friend who charges an extravagent christmas every year.. and is paying on it until Sept/Oct the next year... I have a releative who is wealthy & mostly give homemade gifts, I have the average Joe family in my family that gives a moderate gift that they saved for. This is not your average "budget" board. this is a budget board for families that enjoy going to WDW which no matter how you do it, it's not but so cheap. Yes, cheaper than some vacations, but still not but so cheap.

 

[Swirly girls]

We have done 'vacations as gifts' as well, but vacation gifts are kind of for the entire family, not just the one kid. We go on very nice vacations every year, we can afford it because my husband has a great job and we are frugal with our money so we can afford to go on vacations.

Most people are on this board wondering how to SAVE money. If you can save money all through out the year and live comfortably- paying all of your bills on time, not running behind AND can afford to pay for groceries and you aren't financing everything up to high heck, THEN you can afford to spend what ever you want on gifts.

I think the issue is NOT 'What can people SPEND' it's "HOW MUCH can you afford to spend and still be financially responsible"

I agree with this. We spend about $300 - $400 per child ( we have 3 DD, all teenagers) and about $ 100 per child for stocking. This being said, my husband has a good paying job, I work part time, we pay our bills, do not live off our credit cards, and have investments -- one of which we get checks twice a year.
We do not buy for our siblings, or nieces and nephews. We do buy for my parents. ( husbands parents have both passed away)
We don't feel like we are spoil our girls, but we enjoy being able to afford the things we do give them.
I love shopping and buying for them, and they DO appreciate what they get.
An example of this is we went on vacation to Disney world, discovery cove, and sea world in October. We told our girls we would buy them whatever they wanted while there. They were so awesome, and did not overindulge at all! We were very proud of them
Bottom line, every family has thier own budget, and knows thier own budget.
No one is a bad parent based on what they do, or don't buy thier kids
As long as you do the best you can, with what you have , that's all that really matters!