How much is too much?

[dustysky]

So this post is inspired by the "what did you get your teen daughter for Christmas".
I was shocked to see the list's on that thread, partly because it was on the budget board yet full of $1,000.+ lists.
I think we all as parents would LOVE to be able to get our kids the high end gifts that teens love these days, but that being said I cant possible be the only parent in a pinch this year who will be having a LITERAL Charley Brown Christmas.
For me its not for lack of trying or want, it is a multitude of personal issues that made buying food and paying bills priority over high end gifts.

So my real question is how much is too much?

Another question that may be even more important for those of you in my shoes who just cant buy what you WANT to buy for your kids is, how do you make the day SPECIAL??
This is new to my kids, before my husband passed we worked together to make the "extra" it took to spoil (at least i thought they were spoiled till i read the above mentioned lists) them.
I would love some ideas of how to make Christmas without gifts special.

My kids and I spend quality time together, play games, watch special weekly shows together, etc etc. so to watch a movie or play a board game would be just like any other day.

 

[sksjasams]

What are the ages/genders of your kids?

 

[dustysky]

What are the ages/genders of your kids?

My daughter is 13 and I have a 21 year old son (but they are always our babies, right, lol)

 

[sydneysmom]

Personally, we don't spend a ton on Christmas. It's not what it's all about. The first thing we do is Thanksgiving weekend, we take our DD (who just turned 7) into her room and ask her to choose which toys she would like to donate to children who maybe don't get alot of extra toys at Christmas. So she goes through her toys (and we've done this since she was 3) and told her how kind it would be for her to help another child. Not once has she put up any kind of a fight doing it, and she gets kind of excited to help someone.

For her presents, we keep things very reasonable. She gets one "big gift", which I do my best to find on sale. (I am a huge bargain shopper) This year, we happened to be in Best Buy and they had the wine color DSi XL on sale for $59 !! I asked the man why it was so low (they had like 4) and he said the color was being discontinued. SO, that was what we wanted to get anyway, so we got that one! And it's so cute! Best Buy has had a ton of games as their "deal of the day" so we grab one each time we see one she'd like.

I also found her a Vanange Doll (like American doll) that was under $60 (regular price is $120) on Zulily. They had some adorable outfits for the dolls that were around $12.00 each (regularly $38)..... I just take my time looking around and when I find something for a great price,I grab it up.

To be honest, the MOST fun thing for our DD is putting up our Christmas village. Each year we go to Michael's (or Lowe's) and she can pick a new village house and some people. It's so much fun to grow our village and she looks forward to the time we spend doing it together.

The other thing we started doing was to put up Christmas lights on the bushes at our elderly neighbor's house. About 3 years ago, she commented on how sad she was because she could no longer put up Christmas lights. (she's very ill doesn't get a ton of care from her family) So we told our daughter that we were going to buy some lights for her and she got SO excited. We waited until her grandson took her out for a while and then we snuck over and put lights on all the bushes. We even got her a remote control so she wouldn't have to go outside to plug anything in. Well, that night we waited until it was dark and we went over to her house and asked her to come outside for a minute. My daugher gave her the remote w/ a bow on it and asked her to push the button....on came the lights. Well, our neighbor cried so hard and of course, I started too!! At the end of the season, we packed up her lights and now she's got her own box in the attic that we pull down each year and play Santa's elves.

So you see, it's not all about the STUFF, it's about the love. At least to me and my family. It's about loving each other and helping out people that may not be that lucky.

Don't discount popcorn and movie night with your kids as "average though".... I bet it means more to them than you might think. (wow....sorry this came out so long!!)

 

[dustysky]

Don't discount popcorn and movie night with your kids as "average though".... I bet it means more to them than you might think. (wow....sorry this came out so long!!)

No it means a lot to us to do that stuff. One of our "things" is we watch survivor every Wednesday night, no one makes plans, its just know, lol.

Your story made my eyes water, what a nice way to make the holiday special for your neighbor.

 

[kleubanks]

I, like you, was amazed at what people bought. To each his own, not trying to judge or start a series of flaming posts. I thought spending $150-200 was generous. Many of the posts included ONE item that cost more than that! Thankfully, my daughter is pretty content with that limit. She has be saving her pet sitting money towards an iPod. She is very proud of herself for what she has saved and I am positive it will mean more to her in the long run.

 

[sksjasams]

My daughter is 13 and I have a 21 year old son (but they are always our babies, right, lol)

Absolutely!

There is another thread about some family gift items. You could get something fun like a little donut maker. Or maybe a soda stream, depending on your budget. They are sort of fun, novelty items. You could have fun on Christmas making little treats. Keep watch for a Kohls 30% off coupon to get more for your money.

Have you seen the little buttons they are giving away at jcp? There is a thread about that too. You can stop in every day from now until 12/24 and ask for a button. You can win all sorts of prizes, but so far I have won 3 certificates for $10 off $10 purchase and 1 for $5 off $5 purchase. You could buy some smaller items with certificates like those.

What do your kids like? Does your daughter like crafts? I beleive you can watch the paper for 40% off coupons for Michaels. That would also give you something fun to do together on Christmas.

Do you have any Christmas movies or shows, like Rudolph? That is one of our favorite things to do...have a mini-marathon of our favorites.

 

[yeahdisney]

DS really likes the different syrups at ihop (he has only been there twice). So one of the things for christmas I got him 6 different small syrups from Marshall's. And yesterday got clearance pumpkin spiced pancake mix, stuck it in the freezer. I going to have him open it first and then we are going to have them for Christmas morning breakfast. Rather cheap and he will get to be in charge for breakfast. I think pretty much everything For Christmas I buy is on sale or reward points.

 

[dustysky]

You could get something fun like a little donut maker. Or maybe a soda stream, depending on your budget. They are sort of fun, novelty items. You could have fun on Christmas making little treats.

I always thought these were cute but would end up as clutter, you made me see them in a whole new light. This could be a great way to spend the day making little yummies!!

You can stop in every day from now until 12/24 and ask for a button.

NO WAY!! That is amazing, im going to stop by and try this THANK YOU!!

She does love crafts and I just saw a post about duck tape crafts? Looks inexpensive and like something she would love.

 

[pannm]

I do not think that $1,000 Christmas lists/gifts belongs on the budget board. I also do not think that most parents spend $1,000 on their teen for Christmas. Yes, there are some families who do- but any 'budget minded person' wouldn't do that and still consider themselves to be 'budget savy'...If someone is budget savy and spending $1,000 on gifts for one teen, then I am sure that money should be/could be/would be used better elsewhere- but I don't know what their finances are and it's not my place to judge them. I think that everyone has a different budget. People at our budget group say "1st- pay your bills, buy your food and then, make sure you're putting a little emergency money aside monthly...THEN, put some money aside for Christmas gifts. THAT'S what you can afford." If the Christmas gift budget is set so high that you have to put off paying bills, then you've set your budget too high. EVERYONE has a different 'budget' because EVERYONE'S money situation is different and everyone has different financial goals. Some people blow everything and are living off of loans and high interest credit card rates and they ACTUALLY THINK they have a great, happily financial life...when in fact, their finances are a mess. Only YOU can set YOUR budget.

I don't know what amount is appropriate for 'most people'. We average $250-300 per child each year on Christmas gifts. Some people have told me that I'm over spending. We have a 'Christmas fund account' that has a certain amount of money that comes out of my husbands check every month. We have already saved at least $500 we need for those gifts each year, so that money is all ready to pay for the gifts- we aren't borrowing it, charging it, financing it or going with out paying our bills so we can afford it. We can do that, but some people can't.

I think that it's not teaching your kids anything if you just go out and buy what ever they have on their list. They can't always get what they want, or they end up growing up with bad attitudes and the thought that they are entitled to get everything they want.

 

[blessedby3]

So this post is inspired by the "what did you get your teen daughter for Christmas".
I was shocked to see the list's on that thread, partly because it was on the budget board yet full of $1,000.+ lists.
I think we all as parents would LOVE to be able to get our kids the high end gifts that teens love these days, but that being said I cant possible be the only parent in a pinch this year who will be having a LITERAL Charley Brown Christmas.
For me its not for lack of trying or want, it is a multitude of personal issues that made buying food and paying bills priority over high end gifts.

So my real question is how much is too much?

Another question that may be even more important for those of you in my shoes who just cant buy what you WANT to buy for your kids is, how do you make the day SPECIAL??
This is new to my kids, before my husband passed we worked together to make the "extra" it took to spoil (at least i thought they were spoiled till i read the above mentioned lists) them.
I would love some ideas of how to make Christmas without gifts special.

My kids and I spend quality time together, play games, watch special weekly shows together, etc etc. so to watch a movie or play a board game would be just like any other day.

Wow....$1000 plus list??? Im going back and find that thread!

We have 4 kids and we have (for the past 12 years or so) gone the 3 gift per child route (as in the 3 Wise Men bringing gifts to the Baby Jesus). We used to have a $100 per limit per child (although sometimes we didnt spend that much) but as the kids have gotten older we have moved to $125 and now $150 this year. Our youngest dd has never gotten close to that limit as she just turned 5 and her wants are much more inexpensive. (although this year we have gotten her a refurbed Ipod touch...so she finally hit the top of her budget) We let the kids give us a list each with things that they would like...and we pick from there. Sometimes they want 2 gifts and then money to put towards a larger gift that they will save up for. Our older 2 kids have bought their own TV's, Ipod's, etc.

We love to watch all the Christmas classics as a family counting down the days till Christmas. We also get a couple of Gingerbread house kits and make those together as well as baking goodies a few days before Christmas to share with family.

We also get an Angel off of the tree at the mall and shop for that child.

My DH's work takes a bunch of kids in need from our Rescue Mission and they match up a child with a workers family. It is wonderful to take the child to dinner at the mall and then buy clothes, shoes and toys for that child to take with them.

We also go to a local (free) play at our Civic center each year. They do "Scrooge" (oldest dd was in it for years). Its a musical and so much fun. They take up a donation at the end for the local Womens shelter.

These are a few things we love doing close to the Holidays

 

[Lollipop's Mom]

I have to admit. My 16 yr old is finding out about our cruise in feb ($5500 trip) and I've spent about $1000 on gifts. I'm a single mom who works 2 good jobs and work 24/7 pretty much. I love to spoil at Xmas.

 

[pannm]

I have to admit. My 16 yr old is finding out about our cruise in feb ($5500 trip) and I've spent about $1000 on gifts. I'm a single mom who works 2 good jobs and work 24/7 pretty much. I love to spoil at Xmas.

We have done 'vacations as gifts' as well, but vacation gifts are kind of for the entire family, not just the one kid. We go on very nice vacations every year, we can afford it because my husband has a great job and we are frugal with our money so we can afford to go on vacations.

Most people are on this board wondering how to SAVE money. If you can save money all through out the year and live comfortably- paying all of your bills on time, not running behind AND can afford to pay for groceries and you aren't financing everything up to high heck, THEN you can afford to spend what ever you want on gifts.

I think the issue is NOT 'What can people SPEND' it's "HOW MUCH can you afford to spend and still be financially responsible"

 

[pannm]

We also get an Angel off of the tree at the mall and shop for that child.

My DH's work takes a bunch of kids in need from our Rescue Mission and they match up a child with a workers family. It is wonderful to take the child to dinner at the mall and then buy clothes, shoes and toys for that child to take with them.

I think these things are worth more than any gift you can give your own kids! We do these too. We like to give our kids nice things- but 'THINGS' only last for a short time. Teaching them to help and care for others mean more than any 'THING' we can give them. My girls get really excited about getting angel tree gift tags each year and finding others a gift. It teaches them about the TRUE meaning of Christmas...

 

[blessedby3]

I think these things are worth more than any gift you can give your own kids! We do these too. We like to give our kids nice things- but 'THINGS' only last for a short time. Teaching them to help and care for others mean more than any 'THING' we can give them. My girls get really excited about getting angel tree gift tags each year and finding others a gift. It teaches them about the TRUE meaning of Christmas...

I agree. My youngest dd and I just picked up our Angel this morning and I got to talk to her about why we are buying another little girl presents and she thought this was so great.

 

[pixiewings71]

Well, I give about $300-$500 worth of gifts to each kid but there is NO way I pay that much. LOL I pay probably half that on average. I buy on sale and I try to combine discounts as much as possible. I started reading that thread and gave up after all the iPhone posts. LOL My kids are 12 (13 in 2 weeks!) and 16 and neither of them have or will be getting smart phones until they can pay for the data packages. But I will say that no matter how much I spend on them they are always happy with what we give them. Last night DD16 was drooling over the Epic Mickey 2 game, I said "well, too bad it's $60 just for that game!" and she said "I know" Imagine how excited she's going to be when she opens it on Christmas day! I got it for $35.

ETA we do angel trees or toys for tots as well. I generally let the kids pick either an angel or a couple of gifts to donate.

 

[Mel522]

My fondest memories are making/decorating cookies on Christmas Eve. My mom would make the dough earlier in the day. In the evening we would roll it out and cut the cookies. My dad would always make a 2 headed gingerbread man. Once the cookies cooked, we would decorate them. It usually took 2 hours making and decorating them. We had Christmas music in the background and the whole family around the kitchen island. Before bed my brother and I would pick the best ones and put them out for Santa.

I remember the cookies more than I remember the presents. You don't need expensive gifts to make memories your children will cherish the rest of their lives.

 

[mom2alix]

It's creating the traditions that counts, not the stuff. 20 years from now no one will remember all the expensive gifts, but they'll remember the traditions.

My great-grandmother always made Christmas cookies, beautiful sugar cookies that she frosted in great detail using paint brushes. They were mini works of art and we all still remember those and get together in December to make sugar cookies in her honor. (Ours aren't nearly as artistic, but we try)

At my grandmother's house we always have a new puzzle for everyone to work on through the holidays and a new family game to play. Last year it was Sequence and I will always remember staying late at their house to play with my grandfather who passed away this September.

Cookies, puzzles, 1 new family game - nothing expensive, but they are things that have carried on from my childhood and now my kids love them too. Those are the things that make memories.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

I think that the amount of money families spend on holiday gifts is their business. If you can afford it, spend what you like. I'm not sure what's up with these threads criticizing parents who spend a lot on gifts. It doesn't mean they aren't good parents who don't know the "true" meaning of Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate) or don't spend quality time with their children. There is always going to be someone with more money than you. Why would you care what they do with it?

 

[MinnieForMe]

At 21 and 13, I would think your children will understand why Christmas is lean this year. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. It must be really difficult on all of you.

If you are Christian, I'm sure you could find a lovely service to attend. How about offering to help out at a nursing home as a family? So many are alone this time of year and would love to share your Christmas joy.

I use to believe that a generous Christmas gift was around $150 but now Christmas gifts for my teen have gotten more expensive. I will admit he received the bass guitar of his dreams last year and it did cost close to $1000but he plays it in Church twice a week so in my mind it was a great investment. LOL. We bought him a cheaper one the year before and even being careful, it still broke. I truly believe with musical instruments you get what you pay for! Anyway, this year he desperately needs a laptop for High School (not to carry but to have at home). My laptop is old and slow so again I consider it a gift with an ulterior motive (homework). But, my other two children (11, 7) do not require gifts in that price range.