How much harder are 2 kids vs. 1?

[DisFam95]

Of course it's harder. You have the constant care of a new baby while balancing the needs of the toddler/younger kid. All kids are different. If your first had colic there is no prediction of the 2nd baby to have it. The 1st couple months were stressful and trying to co-ordinate everything and get everyone into a schedule. BUt it worked and I could not imagine life any other way.

Learning to share (including attention) is critical for a young child to do well in school and other social settings. Everyone has adpated just fine. and DS4 is the best big brother and he loves his baby. He loves helping and his job was to get the burp rags and bibs. We put some things low enough so he could get things we asked for them. When the baby cries I've caught him standing next to the baby stepping side to side singing songs to settle the baby "Don't cry little baby..don't cry"

Things like running errands are harder w/ 2 kids but we've worked it out.

The hardest part will be the 1st month or 2. Go for it!!!!

 

[LaraK]

Well, at the risk of repeating others, I'd say it's a mixed bag. I was a "mature mommy" as well. I had a lot of trouble conceiving #1 (also refered to as the "practice child" in our house), but #2 kind of suprised us and came along as soon as we weren't trying NOT to have a baby.

My kids are 2 years and 5 days apart. There are really good and really bad things associated with that. On a positive note, we have joint Birthday parties and now that my son is 2, they really can play together. On a bad side, I had two in diapers at once for about 8 months.

Was it more work? Absolutely! Neither of mine were sleepers and both DH and I work full time at very stressful jobs 45 miles from where we live. Also, DS has several chronic illnesses, so we've been in and out of doctor's offices and hospitals for the last year and a half. Would I do anything different? Never! Along with the multiplication of work, you get the multiplied love and wonderous enjoyment of your children.

One word of advice from another "mature mommy", be ready for the pregnacy to suck even more with the second...with the first, when your back hurt you lay down...with the second, you still have to do diapers, bath time, bed time, etc....(the first will never accept daddy when you are feeling really lousey).

 

[chrisn]

I think you definitley should. I had my DD when I was 19. Way too young I know, but oh how I adore her. After a couple years I decided I did not want anymore children but DH did. He hounded me for YEARS. 9 years later, my DS whom was a surprise baby arrived. So I was 28, still young and boy was that hard. But DD was such a big help and he is the shining apple of my eye. I'm 37 years old. My DD is 18 and just left for college 5 hours away this morning. I've been bawling for the last 2 hours. DS turned 9 yesterday and I wish I would have had another baby. Most of you are probably thinking I'm still young enough but a few years after DS, DH had a vasectomy. I would have another baby in a heartbeat so my advice is yes, you should have another angel to love and share your life with. It will be over in the blink of an eye and you'll wonder where the time went. Only yesterday DD had her first step, first day of school, first dance, first kiss. Only yesterday DS had his first glimpse of Mickey, first fall off of a bike, first visit (in Kindergarten) to the principal's office. How the time flies by...

 

[Tosie]

In my opinion it's only harder because your "mother worries" are now multiplied times 2.

We purposely waited 4 1/2 years to have #2 (my sister and I are 2 years apart and there was NO WAY I was having my kids close together - I had dd at 34 so my age wasn't an issue).

In hindsight, ds was pretty easy - but as he was the first and we were new parents, it didn't seem so at the time.

Dd was a bit harder - she is our food allergic child and her first 6 months were no picnic (until we finally got her diagnosed).

If it were up to me alone, I would have had a 3rd child.

 

[Plantlady]

In my opinion, it was much, much harder every time we added a kid.

I have three sons, 9, 7, 4. The thing that made it the hardest for me, was getting up in the middle of the night with the baby, and then being too exhausted to think for the toddler(s) the next day.

With baby number 1, I could just nap when he napped, so, getting up in the middle of the night wasn't as big of an issue (and wouldn't you know, he slept through the night at the youngest age).

So, I thought it was harder, just because of the fact that I was so exhausted.

I would do it again though. My kids mean the world to me, and I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[solgent]

Our firstborn were twins. In my opinion the first two years were VERY hard. Not that we didn't desperately want kids and didn't love having them, but we were both maxed out. We could not even contemplate another baby until the twins were more than 2 years old and didn't begin trying until they turned 3. (I was 28 when the twins were born so time not a issue for us.) Our younger daughter is 4 years younger.

I also think that every month of difference in your children's ages makes it easier (up to a point, maybe 6 years between gets to be harder again because they're so different in age). The older your son is, the less hands-on care and eyes-on attention he needs, and the more he can understand and cope with the arrival of a new baby in the family.

You're still in the very intense early months/years, yet you feel the clock ticking. One thing you might do is push that deadline back a bit. Is 37 years, 9 months really that much younger than 38 years, 6 months? You can ask your doctor but I don't think so.

Or, if you feel you need to expand your family without delay, I'd say go for it. You'll find the energy within yourself to do what you have to do-- we did with our twins-- and it does get easier!

 

[WDWorBUST]

I know this doesn't help the OP at all - but you guys have made me feel so much better. I put the deadline of age 35 on myself to quit having kids because I didn't want to be "high-risk" - and so many have posted on here having their first after age 35. Thanks

 

[CindyAnn]

Hi Lecach. I also didn't have my first child until I was a bit older. DS was born when I was 35 (almost 36) and DD came along 2 years and 9 months later when I was 38. It's definitely harder to have 2 children, but not twice as hard as one.

Our first spent most of his time crying for 6 months or so. DD, on the other hand, was a very happy, placid baby from the start. That spacing of just under 3 years works very well for us, and still does now that they're 13 and 10. They argue quite often, but they're still close enough in age to find some of the same movies and activities enjoyable.

When I was pregnant with #2, though, I couldn't imagine how I would keep everyone happy and meet everyone's needs. It wasn't always easy, but still much easier than I had imagined. I think the learning curve for coping with 2 kids is much shorter than the learning curve for coping with the first one.

Cheers,

 

[gris gris]

I think you definitley should. I had my DD when I was 19. Way too young I know, but oh how I adore her. After a couple years I decided I did not want anymore children but DH did. He hounded me for YEARS. 9 years later, my DS whom was a surprise baby arrived. So I was 28, still young and boy was that hard. But DD was such a big help and he is the shining apple of my eye. I'm 37 years old. My DD is 18 and just left for college 5 hours away this morning. I've been bawling for the last 2 hours. DS turned 9 yesterday and I wish I would have had another baby. Most of you are probably thinking I'm still young enough but a few years after DS, DH had a vasectomy. I would have another baby in a heartbeat so my advice is yes, you should have another angel to love and share your life with. It will be over in the blink of an eye and you'll wonder where the time went. Only yesterday DD had her first step, first day of school, first dance, first kiss. Only yesterday DS had his first glimpse of Mickey, first fall off of a bike, first visit (in Kindergarten) to the principal's office. How the time flies by...

what a great post!! your daughter is lucky to have such a caring, loving mom. you made me cry! I hope she finds herself loving college!

 

[letsgoagainsoon]

what a great post!! your daughter is lucky to have such a caring, loving mom. you made me cry! I hope she finds herself loving college!

It was great..made me cry too!!

 

[lecach]

Thanks everyone! You've really helped a lot. I plan to talk to DH about everything. He's always said he wanted two. For us it will be all about timing. DH is a newspaper sportswriter covering college basketball and football. So the best months for us to try are Sept - December (we have to avoid the months of January-April) but we're not quite ready this year. At least that gives us a little time to decide. Plus we're trying to get DS into a church daycare that's a lot cheaper so that would make things easier (his current center is $187 for toddlers and $220 for infants! The church is $110 a week). We do have a lot of family support too. All of our parents have retired. It's still a big decision. But it helps hearing from those who have been there and done that.

 

[kaysmommie]

I think having 2 kids is much harder than one. DD (now 6) was my only baby until she was 4 and then DS was born. We had alot more freedom before then. We went to the beach and park everyday and going to Disney was pretty easy too! Then we had DS (2 now) and it took a while for us to adjust. Now they love each other and play together and he misses her so much when she is at school. It is definately challenging to say the least. I have no time at all for myself, DH works alot of hour at his job. It is worth it though. We are taking our first family of 4 Disney triop in a couple weeks and I'm worried about meltdowns with so many different personalties. DS is terrible 2 and is very stubborn. DD was easy at 2 but now that she's 6 she can get quite fresh with her mouth and attitude. She has learned some not so great things at school. Good luck whatever you decide. Make sure you have a vacation first because I haven't had one since 2003, 3 years... If you look around disney at people with little kids the couples who have only one kid seem to be enjoying their selve a lot more. The people with more two or more seem to be struggling a bit to more. I noticed this on our last trip when I was decided whether we wanted more child. We decided 2 kids would be perfect for us. Alot more work though.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I know this doesn't help the OP at all - but you guys have made me feel so much better. I put the deadline of age 35 on myself to quit having kids because I didn't want to be "high-risk" - and so many have posted on here having their first after age 35. Thanks

My doctor said the media really overstates the risk, and people think that the risk suddenly jumps higher at 35 when it does not. Thirty-five is simply the standard age that additional testing for birth defects is done; they had to start it somewhere, but there's nothing magical about that age.

The risks do increase (and increase more rapidly), particularly as you get into the 40s, but even so, I think we had something like a 1:33 chance of having a problem with our last pregnancy.

 

[minkydog]

I know your situation. My first child was a double handful.Colicky, cried all the time, unhappy, very high maintenance. I could not understand the appeal that babies held for all my friends. It just was not a fun experience, AT ALL.

I had my second child at age 37--there are 7yrs difference in their ages. By then, child #1 was well-launched. My 2nd chld was a piece of cake in comparison to #1. She was happy and easy going. In fact, we were so delighted we went on to have another one two years later, at age 40. He turned out to have multiple disabilities(non-age related, though) and even HE was easier than child #1.

Every child is different. If you want to raise another child, then have another one. you still have time. You don't have to have a baby immediately. But if you feel your family is complete, don't be pressured into having more. As you know yourself, being an only child is not a bad thing.

 

[justhat]

My 2nd child is only 13 days old right now, but I can tell you that he's a wonderful addition to our family. My daughter was a surprise baby-we were planning to have her, just not for another year or so. So we were thrown into the parenting thing pretty abruptly and with a very high maintenence baby at that. I love my daughter so much, but gosh did she really test my skills as an infant. She cried all the time, never slept through the night (she's 2.5yo now and will still wake up during the night a couple times a month), never let me put her down, etc. The first 4 months were rough to say the least. So while I knew that I wanted more kids, I definitely wanted to wait awhile to give myself a break as she got older and easier.

Then came surprise #2. Just when my husband and I decided to wait another 3 months before trying for #2 I found out I was pregnant. I was honestly terrified to go through it all again. And then I started thinking about how I was ruining my daughter's life by adding another child, so taking away from her. But then I adjusted to the idea since this little boy was coming either way and I began to see what a blessing a sibling would be for her, and that even though they're closer in age than I had planned that it happened for a reason so I had to just go with it. I will admit though that I really enjoyed not taking a diaper bag anymore or worrying about baby items, but even after less than 2 weeks I really don't remember what it was like to be so free anyway.

Again, I was totally unprepared for him since he came at 36 weeks and I thought I'd have a lot more time with just my daughter, but so far we've adjusted just fine. He's fit into our family seamlessly and my daughter loves him so much I can't describe it. She is so interested in him, helps me do everything for him, is so gentle with him, I honestly couldn't have asked for a better reaction. And guess what? He's a perfect baby! Not that my daughter wasn't, but this guy sleeps wherever I put him, goes 3.5 hours between feedings at night so I actually get some rest, and aside from the many heel pricks he got to check his bilirubin levels he has not cried once. Now, of course I'm not saying your 2nd will be like him, but I just wanted to share that since my first was a lot like yours and I was so afraid of repeating that again but got really lucky in that I don't have to.

 

[Melee's Mom]

I feel a lot of people here are providing a lot positive opinions of having a second child. I know I will start to try my 2nd soon (before that 35 mark, hehe). There is nothing wrong with me and DH’s health. We both have a stable job, not great but stable. From the day one we tried for DD2, DH is not up for it. I think we are selfish parents who will prefer enjoy ourselves than having kids. But we think its right thing to do and so we have DD2. We really love her dearly. DH will do anything for that little girl of his (and this is the guy who didn’t care for children at the beginning). We have been kicking around the idea of having a 2nd one just because we think it’s another “right thing” to do. Please don’t flame us about having kid for the “wrong” reason. The reason is also to give DD2 a brother/sister so she won’t be lonely when we are long gone.

I am struggling with the ideas of doing the baby thing all over again and feel guilty not wanting to have another one. I LOVE DD2. I am the mothers who bought $2,000 worth of the Christmas presents for her and want to give her the world if I can afford. I used to wish I was the only child. Being a middle child is always getting very little attention. I was never a problem and was too mature for my age. My parents didn’t need to pay too much attention to me since I was always “perfect” in every other way. I used to rock myself to sleep in the wooden horse at nap time when I was only 3 years old. DH is also a middle child too. I can see even at this day, the parents (my in-laws) doesn’t really care for him that much. Yes, they did their regular parenting stuffs. But when DH called them up to check on them (they are retired and live on their own), all they asked about was DH’s older brother (who is still single) and ask him when was last time we saw him/heard from him. That’s DH’s parents I shouldn’t make any comments. But after marrying his for 5 years and the conversation about his brother occurred within a minute when DH called, I feel bad for DH. DH said he didn’t care about that and he just wanted to make sure his parents are ok. I saw this man pretend not to care and I almost have tears in my eyes. I know I will be different parent than DH’s. On one hand, I want to give DD2 everything I have but on the other hand, I want DD2 to have someone else with her in her life.

With the 2nd child, I can’t take DD2 to Disney every year and buy anything she lays her eyes on. The day care expense will take away a lot of disposable income from us. I can’t buy DD2 expensive stuffs, I won’t have that much time to snuggle next to her all morning long on the weekend, I will have to avoid different treatment DH has with his parents with 2nd child but I can’t bear the thoughts that DD2 might feel ignore from time to time when I have to be the 2nd one….. I am not a very good mother I think….

Overall I think you will do just fine with the 2nd child and like other posters said, it will be worth it. But this is just my little mommy’s dream that want to hold on to the precious moment longer with my princess DD. Good luck and have fun.

 

[ProudMomTo3Boys]

For me it was harder going from 2 to 3. I had my second when my oldest was a bit more than 2 1/2. He was soooo good. He would sit for hours with the same toy. So when the baby came it was so easy for me, not one hint of jealousy. I had always wanted 3 but DH was quite happy with 2. Some years later, 7 actually, we decided to go ahead and have one more. Well this one is putting me over the edge. I forgot what it was like to have a 1 year old. I think the age difference you are planning on would be perfect. Don't wait too long or you'll forget what its like. My boys are now 10, 8 and 17 months. Yes all boys and yes I am done!!!

 

[mikymouse]

My Kids are 22 months apart and it was very hard at first since my oldest was still a little guy and used to getting all the attention and little babies need to be taken care of and can't play ball or walk, etc... This was tough year and it took a all hands on deck approach to everything.. someone always needed something.

Things changed dramatically when the younger one started to crawl, walk, talk now we are talking a playmate. They have been best friends for many years now and it is so easier as they play together and look after each other. They do sometimes fight but I believe that makes them better people as they learn it's "not all about me all the time".

We are now expecting our 3rd and it will be different as the baby will be much younger than the other two. The children are thrilled and will be great helpers but who will "play" with the baby. We are thinking we must have four but for right now it's one at a time. I hope you can see that I would highly recommend having children close together... good for them and you.

 

[tripplanner]

It is different for everyone. Our kids are just a little more than a year apart in age. It was hard, but we adjusted in ways we never imagined. We ate out less...it made eating at restaurants actually a more special experience. We went to less (and I mean less-like maybe once a year) movies...instead we rented movies. The 2nd kid got more hand me downs and I realized that I didn't have to have the best stroller, bouncer, new toys.....this realization really saved us money. I found that my lap can hold two kids and let me tell you, if you pick up one the other wants to be right in there also. It is downright stressful having a baby to carry and a toddler to hold onto as well as carrying your pocketbook and diaper bag, but you get used to packing light and make it work. It was difficult, but also very wonderful. My kids love each other. They are best buddies (girl & a boy). They play together great...it seems like they are always on the same wavelink. Of course they fight from time to time. It's also amazing at how you think you don't have enough money for a 2nd one and then it just works. I have found that the closeness in age has been a blessing for us. The kids both have the same interests. We can take them both to the same movies or outtings. We have friends we larger age gaps and they are always getting a babysitter for the young one, so they can do things with their older child.

 

[jodifla]

I feel a lot of people here are providing a lot positive opinions of having a second child. I know I will start to try my 2nd soon (before that 35 mark, hehe). There is nothing wrong with me and DH’s health. We both have a stable job, not great but stable. From the day one we tried for DD2, DH is not up for it. I think we are selfish parents who will prefer enjoy ourselves than having kids. But we think its right thing to do and so we have DD2. We really love her dearly. DH will do anything for that little girl of his (and this is the guy who didn’t care for children at the beginning). We have been kicking around the idea of having a 2nd one just because we think it’s another “right thing” to do. Please don’t flame us about having kid for the “wrong” reason. The reason is also to give DD2 a brother/sister so she won’t be lonely when we are long gone.

I am struggling with the ideas of doing the baby thing all over again and feel guilty not wanting to have another one. I LOVE DD2. I am the mothers who bought $2,000 worth of the Christmas presents for her and want to give her the world if I can afford. I used to wish I was the only child. Being a middle child is always getting very little attention. I was never a problem and was too mature for my age. My parents didn’t need to pay too much attention to me since I was always “perfect” in every other way. I used to rock myself to sleep in the wooden horse at nap time when I was only 3 years old. DH is also a middle child too. I can see even at this day, the parents (my in-laws) doesn’t really care for him that much. Yes, they did their regular parenting stuffs. But when DH called them up to check on them (they are retired and live on their own), all they asked about was DH’s older brother (who is still single) and ask him when was last time we saw him/heard from him. That’s DH’s parents I shouldn’t make any comments. But after marrying his for 5 years and the conversation about his brother occurred within a minute when DH called, I feel bad for DH. DH said he didn’t care about that and he just wanted to make sure his parents are ok. I saw this man pretend not to care and I almost have tears in my eyes. I know I will be different parent than DH’s. On one hand, I want to give DD2 everything I have but on the other hand, I want DD2 to have someone else with her in her life.

With the 2nd child, I can’t take DD2 to Disney every year and buy anything she lays her eyes on. The day care expense will take away a lot of disposable income from us. I can’t buy DD2 expensive stuffs, I won’t have that much time to snuggle next to her all morning long on the weekend, I will have to avoid different treatment DH has with his parents with 2nd child but I can’t bear the thoughts that DD2 might feel ignore from time to time when I have to be the 2nd one….. I am not a very good mother I think….

Overall I think you will do just fine with the 2nd child and like other posters said, it will be worth it. But this is just my little mommy’s dream that want to hold on to the precious moment longer with my princess DD. Good luck and have fun.

I am an only child, and I loved being an only, most of the time. My DS will most likely be an only child as well.

One of my best friends was a middle child (out of 5) and she pretty much raised herself!

Different strokes for different folks, but I don't think being an only child is a problem at all.