How much financial responsibility should a 20 year old have?

[Frye7127]

At 20 I was on my own paying my own bills with my fresh new college degree....bad side was that there were no jobs in my major so I was paying those bills by waiting tables. It helped me learn how to work hard and make ends meet.

I started working at 14 and have been working since. The only "break" I took was my 1st semester of Freshman year of college. I do not think you are being too hard on her.

To be honest, I don't know what she would do if there were no jobs available in her field...

 

[Frye7127]

I think that your daughter is very lucky that she is receiving all of the financial assistance she is, and needs to recognize that! My parents paid for tuition, room and board, and all school-related expenses, but I had to provide all of my own spending money and incidentals/personal care products. I worked full time (40-50 hours per week) and sometimes two jobs in the summers so that I could save enough to get through the school year without having to work while studying. Learned some good budgeting skills during those five years (double major) that have stayed with me. I agree with a PP who said that if your daughter is using student loans for spending money, you should reconsider paying the loans back for her. Maybe if she sees what kind of debt she'll have when she graduates she'll rethink her attitude about money?

She is already very aware of the 6,000 that she owes as of now. She will not get as much aid next year, since her mom has gotten a job.

 

[LaraK]

To be honest, I don't know what she would do if there were no jobs available in her field...

Hopefully learn a lot. I'm pretty successful now. I have an executive level position in my field. I would never have found the success I have if I hadn't had to struggle at the beginning. I think I learned more about life working "menial" jobs than anything else I've done.

 

[Frye7127]

Hopefully learn a lot. I'm pretty successful now. I have an executive level position in my field. I would never have found the success I have if I hadn't had to struggle at the beginning. I think I learned more about life working "menial" jobs than anything else I've done.

Both my husband and I have "paid our dues" hugely with those types of jobs, but her mom told her when she was 15 that she should just babysit instead of getting a job because she would lose all of her money to taxes. We tried to explain to her that it was more about money and that she would learn alot at a job aside from babysitting...fell on deaf ears.

 

[kimmar067]

I think that a 20-year old college student's job is school. Since she went to summer school, THAT was her job over the summer. You can't expect her to have a full time summer job and also go to school....

....most [if not ALL] colleges do not allow students to take more than 6 or nine credits during the summer, so it's not like attending college [like Spring or Fall sessions] full time. She certainly can find SOME kind of part-time job to make money for those 'extras'....my 24-y-o and my 22 y-o both attended/are attending college and they wouldn't dream of asking me for money to, for instance, go to the movies, or buy a new pair of jeans, or whatever....

 

[Frye7127]

I also have a college sophmore dd. It is hard to compare since my dd does not get ANY aid of any kind. We are taking out max loans and so is she. She lives in a dorm during school.

She is expected to work over summer to pay for expense for the yr. Now last summer she did not work enough to cover her expenses so she is getting a job this semester at school. Since she lives in a dorm she is going to be looking for "on campus" jobs sympathic to dorm breaks.

We pay for her car insurance, repairs, meds, doctors, etc....

She also joined a sorority and holy smokes it is not cheap! It is 300/month here. How is she paying for that? Perhaps that is where her money is going. We are beside ourselves on the cost of that.

Does she live at home or is she in a dorm?

She lives in an apartment this year. So, we got her set up with what was needed for that. Her lease is through the summer and she will not be coming home this summer. She is taking one summer class since she changed her major and it would put her a semester behind in graduating and that interferes with her and boy's plans for wedding and his medical school.

The sorority was her deal. It is not nearly as expensive as yours is. Actually after last year's rush she had no desire to do it, but since Boy is in a frat, she decided she wanted to be a part of that scene.

 

[Magpie]

I think she doesn't have enough financial responsibility!

I wouldn't have much patience with tears, either.

If this was my daughter, my husband and I would draw up a sheet showing everything we're paying for, and put it against everything she's paying for. Then we'd work out a budget for the year and ask her how she plans to make ends meet.

Our kids are still teenagers, but we're already teaching them about financial management. We've put money aside in a fund for them, and we're very clear about what we'll cover beyond that (it differs depending on whether they live at home or go away to school). They both know that they'll have to work to make ends meet. And that will probably mean getting a job at the grocery store when they turn 16, and banking money for the future.

My 14yo daughter is already investigating options such as joining the Army Medical Corp to pay for college, or alternatively signing a contract to be a doctor in a Northern community for five years.

A book you might want to consider giving your stepdaughter is "Good to Go" - it's a young adult's guide to living on your own, and it has lots of excellent advice around finances.

 

[kimmar067]

Both my husband and I have "paid our dues" hugely with those types of jobs, but her mom told her when she was 15 that she should just babysit instead of getting a job because she would lose all of her money to taxes....

REALLY! From what country does she come that ALL her money will be lost to taxes??

[...sounds to me like her mother really has a problem with your husband [her dad] and wants to milk him for all he's worth...]

 

[FINFAN]

I def see your concerns since she does not show much desire to work..my DD has worked since she turned 16, and if it is not a regurlar job she does commisions..matter of fact pulled several all-nighters over break doing just that to put $200 into her grocery account. Our DD has"friends" who have written her off because she does not go out with them when she is home, case in point NYE..they had a dance event followed by a hotel stay planned, would have cost DD and her BF about $100 each just for that night, they were like, are you kidding? We can eat for 1/2 the semester on that! Her friends think she is exagerating over the time it takes for her school work, etc., so they put the heat on, and now written her off. Since I see the 2 , I will take my DD ways of spending over theirs. Do you think if her GF speaks with her maybe, since they are close...he can perhaps shed some light onto how next year things are going to be different? Very hard to switch the mentality of "Daddy will be there" tho, really, your DH will have to try and communicate with her that while he is there in every way possible, financial will take both of their hard work and compromise. Our DD has loans and knows we have them. She has also stated repeatedly how she will help pay her younger bro's way once she is working. Not that any of us will ever hold her to that, but the overall attitude is something we are proud of. Our DD knows college is a priveledge and she also knows it is business. She has "hired" a school to educate her for a career, so she treats it as such, and makes sure she is getting her $'s worth for the right reasons. How is the BF? maybe he can help on the process? Looks like she may be moving back home with her mom if a job does not happen after college...the loans start payback 6 months after graduating.

 

[Hannathy]

You are way to nice! My DD is only 18 and she doesn't have that deal. She worked last summer before college and will be working this summer. Spending money is her responsibility and any clothes other than underwear or socks and things I offer to buy are on her. I did send her a 20 in her Halloween card. She also knows the loans she takes will be hers to pay back. She is very close with her money. I think including Christmas presents she has only spent about $200 since August. the group of friends she hangs out with just don't do any thing expensive, mostly things on campus.

Why does she have a car on campus if she isn't working? what does she need it for and who puts gas in it?

 

[bigbabyblues]

When I was 20, I was responsible for everything except food (at home) and housing. I lived with my grandparents, went to college during the day and worked full time in the evenings/weekends at a hospital. I carried my own health insurance, paid my car payment, insurance and gas, and bought whatever clothes and things I wanted.

 

[Frye7127]

I think she doesn't have enough financial responsibility!

I wouldn't have much patience with tears, either.

If this was my daughter, my husband and I would draw up a sheet showing everything we're paying for, and put it against everything she's paying for. Then we'd work out a budget for the year and ask her how she plans to make ends meet.

Our kids are still teenagers, but we're already teaching them about financial management. We've put money aside in a fund for them, and we're very clear about what we'll cover beyond that (it differs depending on whether they live at home or go away to school). They both know that they'll have to work to make ends meet. And that will probably mean getting a job at the grocery store when they turn 16, and banking money for the future.

My 14yo daughter is already investigating options such as joining the Army Medical Corp to pay for college, or alternatively signing a contract to be a doctor in a Northern community for five years.

A book you might want to consider giving your stepdaughter is "Good to Go" - it's a young adult's guide to living on your own, and it has lots of excellent advice around finances.

Thank you for the book...I will be purchasing that today. My DH plans on going over her finances with her today. We really have been trying to teach her some financial management skills over the years, but like I said, it's more fun to do what you like and not worrying about tomorrow...one day she will see that we are just trying to parent her and be thankful - at least that is what I keep telling myself - LOL!

 

[DisneyScraps]

Wow you are doing a lot for her. I would insist that she get a job during the summer and I would not give her any money since she isn't working. If she wants something she needs to work for it. I can't imagine a normal 20 year old that has never had a job!

Lisa

 

[PrincessBelle09]

I got married at 19, so I became responsible for ALL of my expenses. A 20 with good financial aid, she is perfectly capable of covering all of her expenses. She obviously has no interest though and it sounds like her mother's influence on her work ethic is already a problem for her.

I think it is very important for college students to learn how to take care of themselves financially and, sometimes, that means asking a lot of a student who is otherwise disinclined. She may fall on her behind, but she'll learn from failure. It's better if you ask "too much" of her now, while you can still have her back, than once she truly gets out on her own.

 

[LBKB]

We have a son that is almost 20 yrs old he is a freshman in college. He has saved and paid for his first year in college in cash. He also has enough saved for next years tuition. He also commutes and works roughly 30 hours a week. He does carry a full schedule at school. He also is on the Deans list. He has also just found out he is eligible to start a 401 at work so now he is starting to set up that and contribute the max that his employer matches. Sorry dont think your being to hard on her at all. Just my opinion though.

 

[MrsPete]

I can't put a simple "yes, she's in fine shape" or "no, she should be doing better" to this:

1. How's she doing in school? Is she taking a full load, moving steadily towards graduation? If so, that is her main responsibility. It should always take presidence over a work-study job. College is genuinely harder and more expensive than it was two decades ago when I was a student.

2. Do I understand correctly: There is no financial crisis, no one's upset about her building up loans, no danger of coming up short for tuition next semester . . . you just think she ought to be doing better financially?

I'm of two minds on this one. I would be concerned about the loans. They will affect her future, and I would sit down and go over this with her -- point out that those loans may mean having a smaller wedding than she wants, delaying home ownership, driving a used car rather than a new one, etc. Then I'd point out that if she works during the summer NOW, she can alleviate at least a portion of those loans and make her future easier. Point out that she's only "making it" financially because she is borrowing. I would not pay off loans for her in the future IF she isn't willing to work during the summer NOW.

In that same conversation, you might point out to her that junior and senior year may be more expensive. For example, my daughter expects to do student nursing at the hospital as a junior-senior; that will limit her ability to work, and will require that she has gas money/lunch money. Same thing for the student teachers who come to my classroom as seniors. So I'm already talking to my daughter about working/saving during her freshman/sophomore years so she'll have a bit of a cushion for those more expensive years. She already understands that IF she has a cushion of just $2000 per year, she won't have to choose between gas money to get to the hospital and being able to go out with friends on the weekend.

If your dauaghter's doing well in her classes and is working a reasonable number of work-study hours, I would say she's doing "enough" during the school year, BUT it would absolutely bother me that she isn't working during the summer. Those are her "free months" to get ahead financially. If she refuses, do not save her from her own mistakes. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into a fight. Be clear about what you can pay, and stick to it.

3. I am all about saving and investing -- and I believe strongly that doing this from a young age is the best way, the easiest way to assure financial stability and a comfortable retirement. BUT I wouldn't push her towards long-term savings and CDs during college. If she can work enough hours to put money towards CDs, I'd suggest that she take another class instead. College is tough enough without being pressured to begin saving for long-term investments. You're more likely to convince her to try to save towards a wedding, a honeymoon, a first house -- something she can see clearly in her future.

Also, I'm hearing you say that you don't want her spending on ANYTHING frivolous. I wouldn't begrudge her SOME discretionary spending in college. She needs clothes, she wants to go out with friends. College isn't ALL about academics. She's not earning a whole lot, so she can't be going hog-wild. As long as she isn't building up credit card debt, I'd be okay with spending what she earns in her work-study job on pizza and movies.

As soon as she begins her first career job, it's time to get serious about saving. I fully intend to give my daughters a book on retirement savings and money for their first IRA (yes, I know about the earned requirement) for college graduation. But during college, I'm not going to push them to do more than take care of their own needs and perhaps a spring break trip.

What we plan to pay for our girls:
An in-state public school -- if they want out of state or private, they must make up the difference
4 years of college -- if they goof off, they must figure out the fifth year
Tuition, dorm room, meal plan -- if they want an apartment, they must make up the difference
We will NOT encourage them to "make up the difference" using loans
Insurance and cell phones on the plans we have now

We expect them to pay: Entertainment, clothing and books

 

[autumnpalm]

I got married at 19, so I became responsible for ALL of my expenses. A 20 with good financial aid, she is perfectly capable of covering all of her expenses. She obviously has no interest though and it sounds like her mother's influence on her work ethic is already a problem for her.

I think it is very important for college students to learn how to take care of themselves financially and, sometimes, that means asking a lot of a student who is otherwise disinclined. She may fall on her behind, but she'll learn from failure. It's better if you ask "too much" of her now, while you can still have her back, than once she truly gets out on her own.

I agree with this completely.

Being a student myself, I have a number of friends who have their tuition fully paid by parents along with clothing, entertainment, books, transportation and nearly everything you could think of. I can't help but think that these parents are actually doing their children a disservice because they are missing out on such a great opportunity to learn about financial responsibility while still having a safety net.

College is a great time to learn financial responsibility because of the safety net that is still there. And a few weeks of no spending money and eating ramen may be difficult, but it can also be a great learning experience!

 

[PrincessBelle09]

....most [if not ALL] colleges do not allow students to take more than 6 or nine credits during the summer, so it's not like attending college [like Spring or Fall sessions] full time. She certainly can find SOME kind of part-time job to make money for those 'extras'....my 24-y-o and my 22 y-o both attended/are attending college and they wouldn't dream of asking me for money to, for instance, go to the movies, or buy a new pair of jeans, or whatever....

Yes, but colleges have two summer sessions, so those six hours during a summer are equivalent to twelve hours during a regular semester. Each class is five days a week and the work load is the same in a condensed amount of time.

 

[MIGrandma]

As a mother of two grown children (34 and 32), one who did go to college, and both had jobs since they were 14 years old....yes, you are expecting too little of her. There is no reason why she shouldn't have a job during summer break from school, and be saving most of her paychecks for college expenses.

Personally I don't feel that children really and truly appreciate things that are just given to them on a silver platter. If they have to work for what they have/want they appreciate it more.

 

[eliza61]

First, does your daughter have a clear idea of how much every thing cost? My son did not. He really had no idea how much food and car insurance ran until we finally sat him down and showed him the figure.

Now my 20 year old son is an apserger child so he can't work a lot of hours during the school year. He just can't handle college courses and work so I've never been one who said "all" college kids can successfully work and go to college. for us his main job is to keep up his grades and graduate.

but all kids & young adults can prioritize. Does she do this? want to join that sorority? ok but that means some thing else has to go. want to drop a ton on boyfriend? that's your choice but that means cell phone may not get paid.

Basically can you start setting some financial limits? We have X dollars to give you, that's it. no one gets to do every thing they want. so if you want to do more than you either have to cut some thing else out or bring in more income.