How much do you share with your children?

[PrincessKsMom]

DD is 14 and will be in high school next year and I'm wondering whether sharing some past experiences with her is a good idea or TMI. I'm thinking along the way of boys, alcohol, drugs, teen pregnancy, rumor mills, bullying etc. We talk, or I should say I talk, about a lot of things, but I haven't shared anything too deep or detailed with her and I'm wondering if now is the time, or if teens shouldn't hear certain things. Unfortunately DD is usually a closed book and shares nothing. In a way I'm glad she deals with things on her own, but I'm concerned that she doesn't have anything to base her decisions on, other than her friends and their behavior.

Anyway, I'd like to know what your experiences are with this type of sharing and how you've dealt with it and also how it was received by your child(ren). Thanks!

 

[kkmcan]

I don't have any advice but I'm interested in knowing what other parents have said to their teens. My dd is 13 and very closed book as well. Dh and I ask lots of questions to get her to give us a little about her life, friends, school etc. We try to keep it cool, nonchalant, so she doesn't feel like she's being drilled.

Her best friend is a total chatterbox and tells her mother everything- all the gossip, what she thinks about this, that and the other.....

I wish my dd were more open. She just gets offended when I ask her if she needs anything, help, advice, whatever.

 

[MerMom60_94]

DD is 14 and will be in high school next year and I'm wondering whether sharing some past experiences with her is a good idea or TMI. I'm thinking along the way of boys, alcohol, drugs, teen pregnancy, rumor mills, bullying etc. We talk, or I should say I talk, about a lot of things, but I haven't shared anything too deep or detailed with her and I'm wondering if now is the time, or if teens shouldn't hear certain things. Unfortunately DD is usually a closed book and shares nothing. In a way I'm glad she deals with things on her own, but I'm concerned that she doesn't have anything to base her decisions on, other than her friends and their behavior.

Anyway, I'd like to know what your experiences are with this type of sharing and how you've dealt with it and also how it was received by your child(ren). Thanks!

This is such a tough question and I think the answer comes down to so many factors, especially the individual child. My DD is 15 1/2 and there is a lot I have not shared in detail with her. However, there are a couple of things that she knows of that I did not intentionally share and it's enough that she knows I was a somewhat wild child. I do not give her the details behind what that means but I do admit to her that I was and that there are a lot of lessons I learned as a teen and things I would do differently. In fact, I was playing one of the games on the CB game board and admitted to hitchhiking as a teen. I didn't know she ever even came onto the Dis and, sure enough, didn't she come on to check things out and hone right in on that thread. Also, I had a niece once say something in front of her about a prank I had done as a teen on a dare. It was pretty bad and I would be appalled if my daughter did the same thing. Anyway, I just use her knowledge of these incidents to tell her I cannot go back and change the things I did but I know a lot and I can help her to know what was and was not worth it, KWIM? She also knows I had a high school boyfriend who grew up to become a heroin addict so she knows I faced a lot of the same pressures that kids face today and decisions made at a young age can have a negative lifelong impact.

I guess, bottom-line, you can get the point across that you've been there without giving too many gory details.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

You are goingto get such varied opinions. Good that you are thinking about this ahead of time though. When my DD15 was about 12 or so, we were watching Everbody Loves Raymond and they were talking about if Debra was a "good girl" when she got married. My DD says, so mom, were you a "good girl" when you married dad? I was so caught off guard I just said "your dad is the ony mad I have been with". Now (TMI) that is true, but I did not answer her question with that answer and I did not tell her that while yes, that was true it had been going on well before we got married. She didn't say anything else about it but I realized then I had to be more prepared.
Since then she has never specifically asked. We have decided that when and if she does I will tell her the truth but with lots of mom stuff in there too like how lucky I was he was the right one, how so many of my friends who were not so lucky and how they were hurt, that sort of thing.
Now, I was otherwise a good kid, I have never done drugs nor has DH, I have never even tried a cigarette, DH tried once and hated it, so we have been able to be very open with her, but I am not sure how I would be if there was more to our pasts. I would want to be honest so she didn't find out the truth from others but not sure if they need to know everything. I think you say what feels right and leave the rest for when it does.
The other thing I use is other people's mistakes (that sounds wrong) but like my parents for example. They were both 15 when they got pregnant with me. My dad got another girl pregnant within a month of my mom. I don't know him, never have, his kids want to get to know me but I don't want to now them. It hurts me everyday to hurt them and yet it would hurt me to know them. It is an awful no win feeling. My mom and I are not close because she gave me to my grandparents to raise. She was never able to have anymore children after me so her one mistake was her one shot at being a mom and she gave it away, that has hurt her terribly over the years. And I grew up, while with wonderful parents in my grandparents, with no family and a feeling of I wasn't where I belonged. I have talked to all my girls about this but especially my DD15 so she knows that when that time comes to be really careful cause one little mistake can effect so many people's live.
So, I think you talk about what yo uare comfortable with, use what you need and just do your best. It sure doesn't get easier as they get older, does it?
Good Luck!

 

[Magpie]

My thought was, "You mean you haven't told her already?"

But - you know - I chose "Magpie" as my screen name because I'm always chattering.

My kids don't believe most of the stories I tell them about my misbegotten youth. But I still think it's important to talk about the mistakes I've made and what I learned from them.

A friend of mine's mother told her two things, "If you're going to do something dumb, it has to be something I haven't already tried!" (That didn't leave much!) She also told her, "You are expressly forbidden from doing anything you don't want to do. If your friends are doing something and you're uncomfortable, all you ever have to say is, 'My mom would totally kill me. I know, she's such a stick-in-the-mud, but I still better not cross her.'"

I've passed the same messages on to my kids.

So yeah... talk to your daughter! I'm in my late thirties and my mother has only recently started to talk to me about who she really is. It's been eye-opening and it makes me very sad that I never had a chance to get to know her when I was a teenager. She was always too busy trying to be perfect "Mom".

 

[NHdisneylover]

Hmmm--tough question and I am sure it varies a lot depending on how you feel about your past and what all you did, and what you are comfortable with talking about with your children in the first place I think this is a fantastic idea for a thread and you have me really trying to evaluate why I tell my kids what I do (I never really thought about it much).

My DD is 13 and I have incorporated my own life experiences into various talks with her (and her younger brother for that matter, though we have had a fewer talks). I feel like she listens more and takes what I have to say more seriously when reality and my own experiences are part of the discussion. Maybe it will also make her feel more like she can tell me what she does someday --you know as in why would I expect her to trust me with the details of her life if I do not trust her with mine? Though I am never going to count on that--and I have made sure she knows that certain adult friends who would be great resources for her know we are good with them keeping any conversations she has with them confidential--I just want her to trust someone who can give her good advice
Anyway, DD knows how old I was my first time, and how long i had been dating the boy and what I feel now looking back i would or would not have done differently.
She knows I was the person in my circle of friends in high school who could be counted on to buy condoms if you knew you were going to need them and did not have the guts to buy them yourself. And she knows I went with several friends as moral support to the clinic for birth control as well.
She knows the story of the first time I got drunk (it was legal in Spain--I had no intention of getting drunk and did not know how fast it would hit me until too late), and the stories of me driving home drunk friends in college (including DH). I guess I want them to know that finding a driver is REALLY important, that alcohol can affect you harder and faster than you suspect, etc. I also want them to know that DH and I are human too and we have made mistakes and we regret them but it is part of life so that they do not grow up thinking we will never forgive if they make a mistake.
Other stuff too. The only drug story I have (which I have shared with both kids) was going to the top of a scenic overlook kind of area with my boyfriend and his friend when I could not yet drive (I was over 16 but had no interest in driving). They started smoking pot (which I was NOT expecting) and a police officer stopped by and asked if everything was okay and made a point of looking at me. They had seen him coming and lit cigarettes to kill the smell. Anyway, I was too afraid that my parents would be angry if a police officer brought me home so I said everything was okay and I was terrified when they drove down the mountain high later on. I still wish I had had the guts to just tell the officer I was uncomfortable and ask for a ride home--I want my kids to know they can do something like that and I will not be mad when they arrive in a squad car.
There is more--but those of the kinds of things I share and why.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Are you like your dd, more private? It sounds like you might share the same personality in that instance, since you have not shared a lot at this point.

Or you have not had to deal with issues that you did as a teen?

How comfortable are you talking about things in your past?

I suggest building a repoire with your dd. Take her out, chat it up and talk to her about things. See where she is sitting with things. We have our teens sit down and talk probably daily. We make them.

My family of parents and sibs love to get me in trouble with my kids. So, anyway a lot of stuff is in the open already. I starting "sharing" my life with my kids since they were little depending on the situation.

Obviously we do not share things they do not need to know. It is a tricky business with teens. They drive me crazy some days.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Thank you all!

I am a very open book. I share everything with everyone. I've always had the feeling -- I'll tell you all the bad stuff, if you still want to be friends that's great you already know the worst. If you don't, then I haven't invested any time in you and won't miss you. I tend to share way too much with complete strangers (like on the DIS), so I intentionally tried to hold back in my original post.

I do have a tendancy to be overly involved in my DD's life at times. She has friends who share everything with their moms, and friends who share nothing. Yes, I snoop and read her text messages then make the mistake of telling her I do. I also have access to her Facebook and do check it. I know I need to step back, but I'm overbearing sometimes. There, I said it. I want her to know that she will make mistakes, but that some mistakes can't be undone and can have lifelong reprecussions. I want her to know I expect a certain type of behavior from her and she needs to be accountable for her actions.

I'm especially concerned at the moment with the whole dating/boyfriend thing. She has her first boyfriend and he's a very sweet kid, but I'm not stupid enough to believe that my darling will be an angel forever. Since some of the info I could share with her about my past experiences doesn't involve her dad, I'm not really sure she wants/needs to hear about it, yet I feel like if I have something to offer her, I should try, putting aside my feelings of embarassment which will come with acknowledging certain things. (Who knew my teen years would one day haunt me? And I was actually a good kid. )

No worries about drinking and alcohol yet and she does realize alcoholism and drug addiction are issues with both sides of her family although doesn't everyone believe it won't ever be them? Suffice it to say DD continues to grow up in a dysfunctional household and doesn't have the best examples of relationships, parenting, moderation, etc. So much back history, no wonder why the poor kid is a closed book.

Please keep those stories coming because I could use all the help I can get, especially if you've had a closed book child and how you got through, or how they turned out later.

 

[AshleyW]

Thank you all!

I am a very open book. I share everything with everyone. I've always had the feeling -- I'll tell you all the bad stuff, if you still want to be friends that's great you already know the worst. If you don't, then I haven't invested any time in you and won't miss you. I tend to share way too much with complete strangers (like on the DIS), so I intentionally tried to hold back in my original post.

I do have a tendancy to be overly involved in my DD's life at times. She has friends who share everything with their moms, and friends who share nothing. Yes, I snoop and read her text messages then make the mistake of telling her I do. I also have access to her Facebook and do check it. I know I need to step back, but I'm overbearing sometimes. There, I said it. I want her to know that she will make mistakes, but that some mistakes can't be undone and can have lifelong reprecussions. I want her to know I expect a certain type of behavior from her and she needs to be accountable for her actions.

I'm especially concerned at the moment with the whole dating/boyfriend thing. She has her first boyfriend and he's a very sweet kid, but I'm not stupid enough to believe that my darling will be an angel forever. Since some of the info I could share with her about my past experiences doesn't involve her dad, I'm not really sure she wants/needs to hear about it, yet I feel like if I have something to offer her, I should try, putting aside my feelings of embarassment which will come with acknowledging certain things. (Who knew my teen years would one day haunt me? And I was actually a good kid. )

No worries about drinking and alcohol yet and she does realize alcoholism and drug addiction are issues with both sides of her family although doesn't everyone believe it won't ever be them? Suffice it to say DD continues to grow up in a dysfunctional household and doesn't have the best examples of relationships, parenting, moderation, etc. So much back history, no wonder why the poor kid is a closed book.

Please keep those stories coming because I could use all the help I can get, especially if you've had a closed book child and how you got through, or how they turned out later.

Well, I'll share my experience with the bolded part. My mom has always been really open with me, and I've never hesitated to ask her about her teenage years. BUT, she has shared some things with me that I really wish she hadn't.

First example: I've always known that she had a boyfriend she dated all through high school, and that he died shortly after graduation from cancer. What I did NOT know (and what I now wish she hadn't told me) is that she feels he was her soul mate. She told me how she loves my dad (they're still married) very much and is happy they got married, yada yada yada, but she thought HS boyfriend was her actual soul mate. I know she was just trying to be honest with me, but really... don't think it should have been said.

Second example: My parents split up for a year when I was little. They had always both told me they just "didn't get along" for awhile and that was why they split up, and then worked everything out and got back together. That was fine with me - I didn't really need to know specifics. Well, not long after I graduated high school, my mom spilled the beans that my dad had an affair, and that was the real reason they split up. She then proceeded to tell me that she still didn't completely trust my dad. It's been like 5 years since she told me that, and it still upsets me to think about it. It's just another one of those things - I'm glad that she trusts me enough to be completely honest with me, but I wish she hadn't.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Thanks Ashley, it's good to get the "kid's" perspective. There are things my mom told me that I wish she hadn't, and I'm trying not to cross that line. Enough info so she knows I've been there and done that, without trying to be her friend, KWIM?

I feel I've already crossed that line when it comes to my relationship with DH and I know she resents it and feels like she's in the middle. I don't want her to think all relationships are horrible. I realize the damage is done already, but I'd like to know it doesn't always have to be that way.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Thank you all!

I am a very open book. I share everything with everyone. I've always had the feeling -- I'll tell you all the bad stuff, if you still want to be friends that's great you already know the worst. If you don't, then I haven't invested any time in you and won't miss you. I tend to share way too much with complete strangers (like on the DIS), so I intentionally tried to hold back in my original post.

I do have a tendancy to be overly involved in my DD's life at times. She has friends who share everything with their moms, and friends who share nothing. Yes, I snoop and read her text messages then make the mistake of telling her I do. I also have access to her Facebook and do check it. I know I need to step back, but I'm overbearing sometimes. There, I said it. I want her to know that she will make mistakes, but that some mistakes can't be undone and can have lifelong reprecussions. I want her to know I expect a certain type of behavior from her and she needs to be accountable for her actions.

I'm especially concerned at the moment with the whole dating/boyfriend thing. She has her first boyfriend and he's a very sweet kid, but I'm not stupid enough to believe that my darling will be an angel forever. Since some of the info I could share with her about my past experiences doesn't involve her dad, I'm not really sure she wants/needs to hear about it, yet I feel like if I have something to offer her, I should try, putting aside my feelings of embarassment which will come with acknowledging certain things. (Who knew my teen years would one day haunt me? And I was actually a good kid. )

No worries about drinking and alcohol yet and she does realize alcoholism and drug addiction are issues with both sides of her family although doesn't everyone believe it won't ever be them? Suffice it to say DD continues to grow up in a dysfunctional household and doesn't have the best examples of relationships, parenting, moderation, etc. So much back history, no wonder why the poor kid is a closed book.
Please keep those stories coming because I could use all the help I can get, especially if you've had a closed book child and how you got through, or how they turned out later.

Not necessarily, alcoholism ran in my fammily too and while I never saw it first hand(my grandparents don't drink a drop, never have and my father's side I don't know) but I knew the stories and I know my own personality which is a bit addictive so I don't drink. I was tipsy just once, and it took like 1/4 of a pina colada and I was 30 at the time. Never drunk.And the most I drink is a sip or 2 of a mixed drink of my DH. I do it because I worry about what may happen if I start. I never drank a drop of alcohol in high school, I am jsut sayng don't assume she will. Sure, be on the lookout for signs and all but the impact of seeing it may be enough for her to want to avoid it. My DH also was raised by alcoholics/pot smokers. It was readily available growing up and he never touched pot and wile he did drink, it wasn't often, even now he drinks a beer or mixed drink one in a while but that is it. You may be surprised what she avoids if she has actually seen the impact. Just my $.02.

 

[RitaZ.]

Depends on what you mean by sharing with your teens. Suppose you were a "wild child" as a teen. I wouldn't be sharing that with my children. Why do they need to know? IMO, the message that they will likely get out of that is, "Look, mom was a wild teen and she turned out fine."

My neighbor was really into drugs when she was a teen. She shared all that with her teen daughter. She even allowed her daughter to have parties at home when she and her husband were out of town. She knew they were doing drugs. Her daughter turned into a drug junkie. I'm not saying that by my neighbor sharing her history with her is what did it, but I believe all of it put together facilitated and condoned drug use for the girl.

Now, if you want to talk to her about making bad choices, then, absolutely, you must have those talks with her ASAP. Since she is not a talker, try to engage her in casual conversation at first. When you do, keep it short and to the point. Practice with her situations that may come up, like if someone offers her alcohol and drugs. If she knows how to respond in those situations, she will be better equipped to turn them down.

I have 3 children. The 18 yr. old shares some things now. He used to share a lot more with us when he was younger. Our 14 yr. old doesn't share very much. He has always been that way. DD(12) does share things about her friends and talks to us. Most of the time, they come to us in less direct ways to tell us what's concerning them. I have learned to listen carefully and to control my reaction to what they share with us. I work really hard on the latter.

Good luck.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Interesting comments above about not wanting to share negative things about your relationship with your spouse. I can totally see that as it is still very relevant to your children's lives in the here in now. I never thought about it because I am lucky to have nothing negative to share there.
See, to me sharing things which do not involve my spouse is probably "safer" in that way. My first time was within a couple of weeks of my 17th birthday and with my then boyfriend. DD knows that it was not with her dad--then again I do not regret it or think that is morally wrong--which is where someone else may choose to share differently.
I have shared things I did and regret (like not taking it slow and ending up drunk when I was 15, or not talking to that police officer and getting a ride home, or not breaking up with my second boyfriend for months after I found out he did some drugs, etc.). I guess I hope she will learn from my mistakes and not take them as excuses to make the same ones

 

[cheermom1]

All I can do is tell you what I have done. I chose to talk to my kids as an open book about everything for one reason and that is so they can go into everything with their eyes wide open.

I came from a family that this like that didn't exist and I have to tell you I did everything. I got in trouble and couldn't go to my parents about anything and was stuck in situations that I don;t want mine in. I was honest and told them when things were bad and when they were good and what to expect about sex, drugs and alcohol. EVERYTHING! As a result I have 2 very good and smart kids that have protected themselves and know they can come to me with anything and have done so. I also have a rule that they can call me anytime and I will come get them no matter what. I want them to be safe and make informed choices and better ones then I did. I hope this helps.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

As much as the advice seems to be both sides of the teeter totter, it really is helping to know that there are other parents who dealt with/are dealing with these same issues and the best we can do is try. I guess besides sharing your stories, I was also hoping for support, which is exactly what you're all providing and it's very much appreciated. I want so badly to do the right thing for my daughter and help her in any way possible, and of course keep her from heartbreak and harm, as does every parent. Unfortunately with the teen years I need to let her make mistakes and learn from them. And for the control freak in me, that is so very hard to have to accept. I know making mistakes and learning from them is all part of growing up and exactly what needs to happen in order for her to grow up and develop into an adult, but it's just so hard to stand on the sidelines and feel like it's all beyond your control.

Again, I very much appreciate each person who has taken the time to post and share their views. It is helping immensely as I walk though this minefield known as the teen years.

 

[NHdisneylover]

As much as the advice seems to be both sides of the teeter totter, it really is helping to know that there are other parents who dealt with/are dealing with these same issues and the best we can do is try. I guess besides sharing your stories, I was also hoping for support, which is exactly what you're all providing and it's very much appreciated. I want so badly to do the right thing for my daughter and help her in any way possible, and of course keep her from heartbreak and harm, as does every parent. Unfortunately with the teen years I need to let her make mistakes and learn from them. And for the control freak in me, that is so very hard to have to accept. I know making mistakes and learning from them is all part of growing up and exactly what needs to happen in order for her to grow up and develop into an adult, but it's just so hard to stand on the sidelines and feel like it's all beyond your control.

Again, I very much appreciate each person who has taken the time to post and share their views. It is helping immensely as I walk though this minefield known as the teen years.

Yes to the bolded--that is the hardest part for me these days--it all feels like just making my best guess as to what is the right thing to do but I am pretty much uncertain at every turn lately.

 

[MrsPete]

I think it's absolutely appropriate to share things from your own teenaged years with her. Teens aren't always particularly good at seeing their parents as real human beings, and this could be a door-opening experience for you two. I'm hearing that you want more talking, and she doesn't.

I suggest that you take her out -- just you two -- and give her plenty of time to talk about what she wants to talk about.

However, IF you have anything in your past that you might not want to share -- I'm thinking about drug use, an unintended pregnancy, etc. -- those kind of things would be better saved 'til she's considerably older. Or maybe saved forever; you're not obligated to tell your children everything. And it's okay to say, "I'll tell you that someday, but now's not the time." Or, "That's something private between just Daddy and me."

The other thing I use is other people's mistakes (that sounds wrong) but like my parents for example.

Oh, I don't think that's wrong! What's the saying? If you can't be good, at least be a cautionary tale? Teens think that nothing bad can ever happen TO THEM. I know that my 16-year old has been deeply affected by things that've happened to other students at her school: Being caught drinking, being in an accident while texting, etc. I can tell her all day long, "These things are mistakes!", but when she SEES and KNOWS that someone her own age was caught in one of those mistakes, and when she sees how severe the consequences are . . . it makes a difference to her.

For example, I've talked to my daughter about alcohol many times, and I know that she knew it in her head . . . but last year a couple friends of hers were caught drinking in some VERY bad circumstances, some very unique circumstances, and -- although she was not involved at all -- my daughter was very, very affected by what happened to them. Their punishment, their public humiliation was severe. I won't go into details, but I was shocked at how everything fell out -- one of those girls actually lost a BIG scholarship as a result of this little episode. My daughter was appauled -- appauled, that is, at her friend's bad choices. She saw how many other people were drawn into the problem, how many other people were hurt. She has two years 'til graduation, and I feel sure she will not be drinking in high school. I hate that those girls were stupid enough to get themselves into such a situation, but I'm glad that my daughter learned from their mistakes.

I wouldn't wish bad fortune on anyone else, but when someone we know has bad fortune, I do talk to my daughter about how that person could've avoided such trouble.

First example: I've always known that she had a boyfriend she dated all through high school, and that he died shortly after graduation from cancer. What I did NOT know (and what I now wish she hadn't told me) is that she feels he was her soul mate. She told me how she loves my dad (they're still married) very much and is happy they got married, yada yada yada, but she thought HS boyfriend was her actual soul mate. I know she was just trying to be honest with me, but really... don't think it should have been said.

Yeah, that was definitely too much. I don't think a parent should ever share anything that makes a teen question her parents' relationship.

Also, I don't buy into the soul mate concept. I think there's any number of people who could be good spouses for each of us, and once we choose one we grow together -- or we don't work at our relationship, and we grow apart. I suspect your mom thinks of that lost boyfriend as "perfect" only because they had the magical first-love feelings, and they had those great years together . . . and -- unlike with your father -- she never had to deal with real life with him. The two of them never had to choose between replacing the dishwasher or the lawnmower, never had to deal with disciplining teenagers, never had to deal with their aging parents together, etc. All of us get frustrated with our spouses at times -- but she romanticizes that old boyfriend, the one with whom she never had to go through any adult conflicts -- and imagines that life with him might've been perfect.

No worries about drinking and alcohol yet and she does realize alcoholism and drug addiction are issues with both sides of her family although doesn't everyone believe it won't ever be them?

That is a subject you should talk about! My family also has a history of alcoholism, and I've talked to my children about it since around the time they started middle school. I want them to understand that their genetics are working against them, and they have a greater risk of alcoholism than does the average person. I do think they understand that.

 

[MrsPete]

Yes to the bolded--that is the hardest part for me these days--it all feels like just making my best guess as to what is the right thing to do but I am pretty much uncertain at every turn lately.

That's part of having a 14-year old . . . but 15 is better, and 16 is better still.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Thanks Mrs. Pete. I was also very interested in your comments on the child going to high school next year thread. It's good to hear advice from someone who is with teenagers all day long and sees them as they show themselves to the world, and not necessarily how they show themselves to their parents. m

 

[NHdisneylover]

That's part of having a 14-year old . . . but 15 is better, and 16 is better still.

Great. . .she's only 13 so I have a year of it getting worse

Thanks Mrs. Pete. I was also very interested in your comments on the child going to high school next year thread. It's good to hear advice from someone who is with teenagers all day long and sees them as they show themselves to the world, and not necessarily how they show themselves to their parents. m

Funny, I used to teach Junior High (I LOVED it) and was later a young adult librarian. I love teens--but it is just so much harder with my own somewhow She is really a good kid, I just hope I don't fail her on the mom front, ya know.
And oh goodness high school. It hit me this weekend that in the US she would be a Freshman next year (here 5th trough 12th grades are all in one building so not as obvious).