How mean am I?

[McKelly]

Yeah, I was feeling kind of mean after I did it. But honestly, if my DD wasn't going to help her with her homework, I am guessing she wouldn't have done it. I too am thinking this arrangement wasn't the best of ideas.

I will tell the girl she can do her homework but no assistance from my daughter. We will see what she chooses, now that mom said it doesn't matter whether or not she does it right after school. The mom is a teacher, I guess I just figured it would be better for her to do it with her anyway.

 

[Tink888]

Your daughter shouldn't have to help the other girl do her homework. I would maybe have a talk with your daughter about the difference between provding help to someone in need and essentially doing their work for them. If your daughter is finished with her work, there's no reason she should have to sit there while the other girl finishes hers.

You shouldn't be telling the girl when she can and can't do her homework. It's awesome that this girl even wants to get started right after school. Most kids don't. Doing homework right after school is a very good habit for a child to get into and I personally don't think any parent, sitter or other adult should discourage that unless there is a very good reason (like you need to go somewhere for instance).

I would've let my daughter go outside and do her thing and let the girl you watch continue to work on her homework. Is there a reason they need to be together the entire time this girl is at your house? JMO

 

[ajk912]

If the other parent was having to pay for an afterschool program instead of the OP, the homework would not necessarily be done the way the mother wants it. If I was being paid to watch children in my home, I would have times set for outside play, snack and homework in whichever order worked best for me.

OP, I don't think your dd should have to help the other child every day either. Maybe you can suggest that she go do something else so as not to "distract" the other child? That way she can leave the room without saying she doesn't want to help the other girl.

I can see how this type of structure is necessary for toddlers and preschoolers, but a 10 year old does not that need that much structure and supervision. There is nothing wrong with a 10 year old working on homework afterschool to get it done.

Really though..and this may be a YMMV thing..but 10 year olds really don't "play" outside at that age anymore. Maybe a game of soccer or basketball or ride bikes, but just running around and playing tag or whatever- that's not really a 10 year old thing.

 

[McKelly]

To be honest, at the time when I made my hasty decision to send them outside, it never occurred to me to have the friend stay in the house while my daughter went outside. I will definitely try that tomorrow, if she still wants to do her homework "right after school." My only concern is that the friend will rush through her homework to join my daughter outside (did I mention they are best friends).

Now, that I have had a few hours to contemplate it, I just wonder if my bigger hang-up is being responsible for the girl's homework and if something isn't' getting done or not getting done right, it will wind up being my fault. I am sure I am just being paranoid, but I feel that since mom's a teacher there are higher expectations or something. Which is completely ridiculous because all parents want their child to do good on their homework..............I guess I just don't want the responsibility of the friend's academic success to lie in my hands. I want the parenst to be looking over homework, but how do you ask that without sounding holier than thou? Way to over think things, huh?

 

[ajk912]

To be honest, at the time when I made my hasty decision to send them outside, it never occurred to me to have the friend stay in the house while my daughter went outside. I will definitely try that tomorrow, if she still wants to do her homework "right after school." My only concern is that the friend will rush through her homework to join my daughter outside (did I mention they are best friends).

Now, that I have had a few hours to contemplate it, I just wonder if my bigger hang-up is being responsible for the girl's homework and if something isn't' getting done or not getting done right, it will wind up being my fault. I am sure I am just being paranoid, but I feel that since mom's a teacher there are higher expectations or something. Which is completely ridiculous because all parents want their child to do good on their homework..............I guess I just don't want the responsibility of the friend's academic success to lie in my hands. I want the parenst to be looking over homework, but how do you ask that without sounding holier than thou? Way to over think things, huh?

I would probably feel the same way as you if this was a paid job. That maybe the mom is depending on you to make sure that the homework is done and done right. BUT you are doing this to help out. You are just a place for her to come home to and veg out for a bit afterschool. It's a favor. It sounds like even mom realizes this because it sounds like she told her daughter that she needs to get her homework done, but she wouldn't dream of telling you that..because..of course..you piss off the free help and you don't have free help anymore. I wouldn't really worry about her holding you responsible. I would really hope she is really grateful for all you do already.

 

[mjkacmom]

Now, that I have had a few hours to contemplate it, I just wonder if my bigger hang-up is being responsible for the girl's homework and if something isn't' getting done or not getting done right, it will wind up being my fault. I am sure I am just being paranoid, but I feel that since mom's a teacher there are higher expectations or something. Which is completely ridiculous because all parents want their child to do good on their homework..............I guess I just don't want the responsibility of the friend's academic success to lie in my hands. I want the parenst to be looking over homework, but how do you ask that without sounding holier than thou? Way to over think things, huh?

You have absolutely no responsibility when it comes to her homework. I've never had any input in my children's friends' homework at this age. To be honest, at this age, I don't even check the homework - I didn't even check dd8's tonight. One of the purposes of homework is to let the teacher know if the children are grasping what was taught in class. I'm happy to answer questions, but that's it. If my child did his homework at someone elses home, I'd assume they had nothing to do with it.

 

[Tink888]

To be honest, at the time when I made my hasty decision to send them outside, it never occurred to me to have the friend stay in the house while my daughter went outside. I will definitely try that tomorrow, if she still wants to do her homework "right after school." My only concern is that the friend will rush through her homework to join my daughter outside (did I mention they are best friends).

Now, that I have had a few hours to contemplate it, I just wonder if my bigger hang-up is being responsible for the girl's homework and if something isn't' getting done or not getting done right, it will wind up being my fault. I am sure I am just being paranoid, but I feel that since mom's a teacher there are higher expectations or something. Which is completely ridiculous because all parents want their child to do good on their homework..............I guess I just don't want the responsibility of the friend's academic success to lie in my hands. I want the parenst to be looking over homework, but how do you ask that without sounding holier than thou? Way to over think things, huh?

Don't worry about that. Checking her homework is NOT your responsibilty.

This is only my opinion but as a parent, if my kids were being watched by someone after school (paid or unpaid), I would NEVER hold the caregiver accountable for making sure my child's homework is done correctly. If my child had a question about something, would I want you to provide guidance if you could? Sure. But, ultimately it is MY responsibilty as the parent to check homework and to go through bookbags and check schoolwork. If the Mom is a teacher as well, she should not expect that of you at all.

 

[okeydokey]

Yeah, I was feeling kind of mean after I did it. But honestly, if my DD wasn't going to help her with her homework, I am guessing she wouldn't have done it. I too am thinking this arrangement wasn't the best of ideas.

I will tell the girl she can do her homework but no assistance from my daughter. We will see what she chooses, now that mom said it doesn't matter whether or not she does it right after school. The mom is a teacher, I guess I just figured it would be better for her to do it with her anyway.

This is the way to go.

 

[luvsJack]

I can see how this type of structure is necessary for toddlers and preschoolers, but a 10 year old does not that need that much structure and supervision. There is nothing wrong with a 10 year old working on homework afterschool to get it done.

Really though..and this may be a YMMV thing..but 10 year olds really don't "play" outside at that age anymore. Maybe a game of soccer or basketball or ride bikes, but just running around and playing tag or whatever- that's not really a 10 year old thing.

That's odd I spent the last two weekends with a house full of 11 year old girls (dd and friends) and they spent quite a bit of time outside playing. In fact, they probably spent most of their time outside. Maybe they were just trying to escape dh's teasing!

I didn't mean that those times had to be extremely structured and supervised; really not even enough to say to the kids "its time for. . .". My sister, for instance, tells the kids they can either go outside or work on homework when they get to her house. They choose which one they want to do first and in a little while she calls to them and says "why don't you go outside for a little while and you can finish it later" or if they are outside "do you need to come inside and work on your homework?" (she watches 5 kids in the afternoon)

No, it doesn't hurt for a child to work on their homework after school, but it certainly doesn't hurt for them to go outside either. DD usually does her homework at my sister's after school; but I would never make my sister responsible for making sure she does it all or does it correctly. And if sis told the kids to stay out and play instead, that would be perfectly fine.

 

[monkey68]

When I was in elementary school, my sister and I used to go to her friend's house for about an hour or so before school, and then a couple hours after school. The friend lived right across the street from the school, so my mom would drop us off in the mornings, and pick us up after school. We used to get to her house after school, and she would usually give us a snack of some sorts, and then we would all do our homework. As we finished, we could go into the living room to watch TV, go into the playroom, go into the pool if it was hot enough, etc. So I don't see why you can't just have your daughter go and do what she wants while the other girl finishes her homework. Like others said, it's not a playdate, it's you doing the other mom a favor by watching her kid. So you do what you have to do while watching her, let your kid do what she wants to do, and let the other kid do what she has to do.

 

[luvsJack]

Yeah, I was feeling kind of mean after I did it. But honestly, if my DD wasn't going to help her with her homework, I am guessing she wouldn't have done it. I too am thinking this arrangement wasn't the best of ideas.

I will tell the girl she can do her homework but no assistance from my daughter. We will see what she chooses, now that mom said it doesn't matter whether or not she does it right after school. The mom is a teacher, I guess I just figured it would be better for her to do it with her anyway.

I think this is the best idea too! You shouldn't have any responsibility to this child's homework. Make it her choice to do it at your house or not and continue to have your own daughter do what works best for her. If the little girl really is needing a lot of help with the work her mom needs to see it for herself anyway.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yeah, I was feeling kind of mean after I did it. But honestly, if my DD wasn't going to help her with her homework, I am guessing she wouldn't have done it. I too am thinking this arrangement wasn't the best of ideas.

I will tell the girl she can do her homework but no assistance from my daughter. We will see what she chooses, now that mom said it doesn't matter whether or not she does it right after school. The mom is a teacher, I guess I just figured it would be better for her to do it with her anyway.

Yep. If the kid rushes thru it or doesn't do it, that is not your issue.

I guess a problem could arise if she starts asking YOU for help. Which you could respond, you should probably talk to your mom about your homework.

 

[C.Ann]

There is no reason for your DD to stay inside to help the other child with her homework, so by all means - send your child outside to play.. Frankly, I don't even see how she could be "helping" - unless she is actually "doing" a portion of her friends homework (which is a big no-no)..

However, if you have agreed to watch your DD's friend after school - and her parents rule is that she does her homework as soon as she arrives at your house - I don't think you are justified in changing that rule based on your feelings that she should be outside playing instead..

On the days that my DGD does not finish her homework in school prior to arriving at home, the rule has always been - "homework first, play after".. The same held true for my own children and my DD's DH.. I don't find that an odd or unreasonable rule at all..

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well, I did talk to the mom today upon pick-up. I asked her if it would be okay if her daughter did her homework at home vs. at our house. She said it was fine and acted like it didn't matter either way. So, I guess I worried for nothing.

Now I question the girl's honesty whether or not that was her mother's rule or just something she made up so my daughter would help her get it done. When I told them to go outside, the friend did say, "But I need Mary's (my daughter) help!" Same as always. I just don't want to be blamed for the girl not understanding her homework and looking like she does, because she is copying my daughter's. But I don't want my daughter's after school time spent "tutoring" other kids, as mean as that sounds.

And by the way, I don't get paid for watching her. I am doing it as a favor for the neighbor.

I really think it is likely the girl was telling the truth. It has probably ALWAYS been the rule at her house that homework must be done right away (it is at many homes) and she jsut assumed that carried over to this new arrangement. Her mother likely assumed you had that same rule also, but when you brought it up she was happy with "whatever" because, after all, you are doing her a huge favour watching her daughter every day for free. I would really try not to hold ANY of this against your daughter's best friend. I think this arrangement could work very well for you (it sounds like you are having doubts now) BUT maybe you (and hte other mother) assumed it would be so easy you did not really need to work anything out (and it never is that easy). Maybe the two of you should have lunch on Saturday and talk about all the potential issues you can both think of and be sure you are on the same page with the goal of making sure it DOES work out

.

Really though..and this may be a YMMV thing..but 10 year olds really don't "play" outside at that age anymore. Maybe a game of soccer or basketball or ride bikes, but just running around and playing tag or whatever- that's not really a 10 year old thing.

I think it is a YMMV thing. my 10 year old (and my 12 year old for that matter) play outside all the darn time. So do most the other similarly aged kids in the neighborhood.

Now, that I have had a few hours to contemplate it, I just wonder if my bigger hang-up is being responsible for the girl's homework and if something isn't' getting done or not getting done right, it will wind up being my fault. I am sure I am just being paranoid, but I feel that since mom's a teacher there are higher expectations or something. Which is completely ridiculous because all parents want their child to do good on their homework..............I guess I just don't want the responsibility of the friend's academic success to lie in my hands. I want the parenst to be looking over homework, but how do you ask that without sounding holier than thou? Way to over think things, huh?

Yep, you are overhtinking things Obviously if hte girl has a basic question (like she does not understand the directions) you can help her--but really she is responisible for her own work and I am sure her mo will check it at home (IF her mom generally checks homework--some parents believe it is soley the child's responsiblity).

I think this is the best idea too! You shouldn't have any responsibility to this child's homework. Make it her choice to do it at your house or not and continue to have your own daughter do what works best for her. If the little girl really is needing a lot of help with the work her mom needs to see it for herself anyway.

An excellent point

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I can't believe you are even bothered by the fact that the little girl wanted to do her homework before playing! If your DD finished up then send her outside to play. When the other kid is done then send her too. I cannot even fathom being annoyed because a child wants to finish their homework. That is just ridiculous imo. I also think you put the child in a tough position and that was not right at all. Now you question the girl's honesty because her Mom said she didn't have to do the homework? The Mom probably doesn't want to lose her childcare so she is trying to let you do what you want. I am willing to bet that the Mom did say that the kid had to do her homework when she gets home. I am still baffled how you are irritated over a child wanting to finish up her homework. Odd.

 

[McKelly]

I can't believe you are even bothered by the fact that the little girl wanted to do her homework before playing! If your DD finished up then send her outside to play. When the other kid is done then send her too. I cannot even fathom being annoyed because a child wants to finish their homework. That is just ridiculous imo. I also think you put the child in a tough position and that was not right at all. Now you question the girl's honesty because her Mom said she didn't have to do the homework? The Mom probably doesn't want to lose her childcare so she is trying to let you do what you want. I am willing to bet that the Mom did say that the kid had to do her homework when she gets home. I am still baffled how you are irritated over a child wanting to finish up her homework. Odd.

Well, let me be more clear. It is not the rule in my house to do homework immediately after school, we do it after dinner. When the girl started coming last week, and stated she wanted to do her homework after school, every day, I didn't make an issue out of it, really, I am not that big of a monster. I changed MY rules and let them do their homework right after school, I am able to be flexible. HOWEVER, my real concern is that she is always in need of my daughter's "help" and A LOT of it. My daughter continues to help her, but I just want to make sure the friend is understanding her homework.