How many presents do your children get?

[drag n' fly]

Some of the best parenting advice I ever got was "just because you can doesn't mean you should".

Very good advice

 

[joviroxx]

I find a lot of defending on this thread and frankly, I find that sad. A lot of , i do this, but its because.... or I dont do that because or but....

What and how you spend for your families is each person's business. The why's don't matter! Enjoy your families, buy what you like, spend what you think is right and just plain make the holidays special any way you like!

And by the way, Ive never been one to believe $$=spoiled... There is SOO much more to being a spoiled child, and in my book, very little to do with money or gifts!

Happy Holidays!

 

[marcyinPA]

I definitely think it's possible to be excessive, whether you can afford to be or not. We have this mentality here in the US that our kids must have tons and tons of crap (on Christmas and other days too) in order to be happy, or feel loved and appreciated. And we as Americans have the mentality that the more we give, the more we care.

My children don't get a lot during the year unless they buy with their own money. At Christmas, though, I don't go overboard either. I have always kept it in the $200-250 range per child. (and this figure it higher than ever now, since they are older and their stuff costs more!)

I also don't buy a lot of stuff for myself, or my DH, and consider myself to be a minimalist for the most part. We buy what we need, and it's not usually the 'best" or "priciest".

I wonder what happens if the big spenders lose a job? Will the children be upset if they don't have 100 gifts under the tree as in previous years? Will the parents feel guilty for not being able to provide a "good Christmas" (whatever that means?!)?

We've BTDT with job layoffs and we have always been so thankful that we always lived way under our means even when we didn't need to. Our kids never really felt the suffering of having to go with less.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I wonder what happens if the big spenders lose a job? Will the children be upset if they don't have 100 gifts under the tree as in previous years? Will the parents feel guilty for not being able to provide a "good Christmas" (whatever that means?!)?

I'm sure there would be disappointment on both sides as there would be with many things if someone lost a job. However, I think if the child is raised to be a caring, well adjusted person, they will realize it doesn't really matter.

 

[luvsJack]

I find a lot of defending on this thread and frankly, I find that sad. A lot of , i do this, but its because.... or I dont do that because or but....

What and how you spend for your families is each person's business. The why's don't matter! Enjoy your families, buy what you like, spend what you think is right and just plain make the holidays special any way you like!

And by the way, Ive never been one to believe $$=spoiled... There is SOO much more to being a spoiled child, and in my book, very little to do with money or gifts!Happy Holidays!

This is sooo very true. I know a preteen girl that whose mom is a single parent that makes very little money. This is the most spoiled child I have ever met! She seems to think the entire world revoles around her!!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Very good advice

Yeah, good advice, but it could do without the eye-roll/shaking head smiley.

 

[SaraJayne]

Why not? Do you (or anyone) assume that all kids that get lots of gifts are going to be snotty little brats like that kid in the boat with AmazingGrace? Boat Boy was a brat, plain and simple.

But then again, Boat Boy---well, he's also a child and a child who was probably excited about his upcoming parade of gifts. I would probably be too if I was like, 9. So who knows what he'll be like as an adult. I know I changed a lot between age 9 and age 34 as far as knowing what is appropriate to say.

Does this apply to the adults on your list too? Should a spouse not get their spouse a lot of gifts if they can afford it? Why not? I can and do get my DH a lot of gifts. It doesn't break the bank and these items bring him joy. This year, from me alone, he is getting:

~a weekend away in a little town we like at Christmas (this is his big gift from me every year)
~a new hockey helmet (this is his other big gift…mostly because I worry about his safety when he plays)
~a bruins fleece pullover
~a bruins water bottle
~a nice bruins leather wallet
~a pac man wall clock
~a set of pac man shot glasses (which was the only thing he asked me for)
~a $40 gift card to a music store
~a bruins bottle open & wine stopper
~a Hickory Farms jalapeno and cheddar cheese (which I game him already)
~assorted candy
~and I will make dinner of his choosing on the day after Christmas

There's probably a few other things too, which I am forgetting. Is that "too much"? Does he need all these things? No. But they make him happy.

I also can and do get a lot of for my cousins and nieces. My cousins are foster children whose lives have been hell up to now and because I can, I get them a lot of gifts for Christmas because it makes them happy and I enjoy seeing them smile and laugh.

Last time I checked, most children like toys. Doesn't mean that they are evil and rotten and selfish and materialistic--- as clearly demonstrated by the numerous examples here of kids who get tons of gifts but also give to charity.

I am truly befuddled by the attitude that a lot of people seem to take that there is something inherently evil about spending money, that they have worked for and earned, on those they love because it brings them (the giver and givee) happiness.

When I encounter those with that attitude, I assume they are either very self righteous or they are very jealous.

I also find it ironic when people complain about people (esp. kids) "bragging" about their gifts (which I find that to many people "bragging" simply means "talking about when asked"), but then proceed to go on about how much they donate to charity instead of gifts. I don't know if anyone here has done that, but I have encountered it in "real life" (I live next to a very wealthy town and we share a mall…lol) where people will make general statements about "well off" people buying their kids a lot for Christmas instead of donating to charity and then go on a 10 minute "look at how generous I am" type rant about how much they donated, or how their kids only get one gift because they are being taught to donate the rest to the needy. I wonder if these people realize they are "bragging" just as much. Just in a different way. It's like "great, you are soooo much better than all the rest of us who enjoy gifts. Good for you."

Also, you have no idea if that family whose kids get 127 gifts is also teaching them to donate to the needy and you have no idea if those kids are going to grow up bratty like Boat Boy or like the most generous non-profit worker you ever met. You have no idea if that kid who gets 2 gifts is going to grow up into a selfish, rotten adult. I'm sure plenty do. I'm sure plenty don't.

I've read some of your past posts and your attitude this year about your parents materialism is quite different from last year.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I've read some of your past posts and your attitude this year about your parents materialism is quite different from last year.

So what?

 

[mom2boys77]

Why not? Do you (or anyone) assume that all kids that get lots of gifts are going to be snotty little brats like that kid in the boat with AmazingGrace? Boat Boy was a brat, plain and simple.

But then again, Boat Boy---well, he's also a child and a child who was probably excited about his upcoming parade of gifts. I would probably be too if I was like, 9. So who knows what he'll be like as an adult. I know I changed a lot between age 9 and age 34 as far as knowing what is appropriate to say.

Does this apply to the adults on your list too? Should a spouse not get their spouse a lot of gifts if they can afford it? Why not? I can and do get my DH a lot of gifts. It doesn't break the bank and these items bring him joy. This year, from me alone, he is getting:

~a weekend away in a little town we like at Christmas (this is his big gift from me every year)
~a new hockey helmet (this is his other big gift…mostly because I worry about his safety when he plays)
~a bruins fleece pullover
~a bruins water bottle
~a nice bruins leather wallet
~a pac man wall clock
~a set of pac man shot glasses (which was the only thing he asked me for)
~a $40 gift card to a music store
~a bruins bottle open & wine stopper
~a Hickory Farms jalapeno and cheddar cheese (which I game him already)
~assorted candy
~and I will make dinner of his choosing on the day after Christmas

There's probably a few other things too, which I am forgetting. Is that "too much"? Does he need all these things? No. But they make him happy.

I also can and do get a lot of for my cousins and nieces. My cousins are foster children whose lives have been hell up to now and because I can, I get them a lot of gifts for Christmas because it makes them happy and I enjoy seeing them smile and laugh.

Last time I checked, most children like toys. Doesn't mean that they are evil and rotten and selfish and materialistic--- as clearly demonstrated by the numerous examples here of kids who get tons of gifts but also give to charity.

I am truly befuddled by the attitude that a lot of people seem to take that there is something inherently evil about spending money, that they have worked for and earned, on those they love because it brings them (the giver and givee) happiness.

When I encounter those with that attitude, I assume they are either very self righteous or they are very jealous.

I also find it ironic when people complain about people (esp. kids) "bragging" about their gifts (which I find that to many people "bragging" simply means "talking about when asked"), but then proceed to go on about how much they donate to charity instead of gifts. I don't know if anyone here has done that, but I have encountered it in "real life" (I live next to a very wealthy town and we share a mall…lol) where people will make general statements about "well off" people buying their kids a lot for Christmas instead of donating to charity and then go on a 10 minute "look at how generous I am" type rant about how much they donated, or how their kids only get one gift because they are being taught to donate the rest to the needy. I wonder if these people realize they are "bragging" just as much. Just in a different way. It's like "great, you are soooo much better than all the rest of us who enjoy gifts. Good for you."

Also, you have no idea if that family whose kids get 127 gifts is also teaching them to donate to the needy and you have no idea if those kids are going to grow up bratty like Boat Boy or like the most generous non-profit worker you ever met. You have no idea if that kid who gets 2 gifts is going to grow up into a selfish, rotten adult. I'm sure plenty do. I'm sure plenty don't.

 

[SaraJayne]

So what?

The flip flop is interesting, that's all.

 

[Tanbellisima]

I find a lot of defending on this thread and frankly, I find that sad. A lot of , i do this, but its because.... or I dont do that because or but....

What and how you spend for your families is each person's business. The why's don't matter! Enjoy your families, buy what you like, spend what you think is right and just plain make the holidays special any way you like!

And by the way, Ive never been one to believe $$=spoiled... There is SOO much more to being a spoiled child, and in my book, very little to do with money or gifts!

Happy Holidays!

Spoiled means rotten. Sometimes people use the brat/spoiled reference incorrectly. I agree with you Jovirrox. A well cared for child whether the parents are wealthy or poor is still a well cared for child. Rotten children are not well cared for children. No matter how much or how little money is spent on them.

There is a difference just ask Super Nanny.

 

[Tanbellisima]

Spoiled means rotten. Sometimes people use the brat/spoiled reference incorrectly. I agree with you Jovirrox. A well cared for child whether the parents are wealthy or poor is still a well cared for child. Rotten children are not well cared for children. No matter how much or how little money is spent on them.

There is a difference just ask Super Nanny.

I should have included that well cared for children tend not to act out and they also tend to be well behaved. IMO. Generaly speaking. Well parented, well cared for children. That is. RAOTFL!

 

[snowywhite89]

I definitely think it's possible to be excessive, whether you can afford to be or not. We have this mentality here in the US that our kids must have tons and tons of crap (on Christmas and other days too) in order to be happy, or feel loved and appreciated. And we as Americans have the mentality that the more we give, the more we care.

My children don't get a lot during the year unless they buy with their own money. At Christmas, though, I don't go overboard either. I have always kept it in the $200-250 range per child. (and this figure it higher than ever now, since they are older and their stuff costs more!)

I also don't buy a lot of stuff for myself, or my DH, and consider myself to be a minimalist for the most part. We buy what we need, and it's not usually the 'best" or "priciest".

I wonder what happens if the big spenders lose a job? Will the children be upset if they don't have 100 gifts under the tree as in previous years? Will the parents feel guilty for not being able to provide a "good Christmas" (whatever that means?!)?

We've BTDT with job layoffs and we have always been so thankful that we always lived way under our means even when we didn't need to. Our kids never really felt the suffering of having to go with less.

We have a person on these boards that was just like the bold above. They still don't get it and have hinted and hinted at what they would like for Christmas in hopes that Santa will ship it to them. They even let us know they had a paypal account.