How many affairs are we talking about here? - the poll

[tandrjohn]

Originally posted by vernon
Why is it more ( or less) of a betrayal of personal trust, promises and honour with or without a piece of paper to "prove" your commitment. Your commitment and promises are personal and to each other, the fact the "State" stamps a piece of paper to say that you've made that promise doesn't make it any more powerful or real to the two people involved. If my fiance were to tell me that she had an affair the pain would be the same, the betrayal would be the same as it would be if she'd waited until after the wedding.

IMHO too many people get caught up in "the sancitity of marriage" and forget that what the issue boils down to is a betrayal of trust between two people. They know the level of promises they made one another, it doesn't need a "legally binding contract" or "swearing in front of your God" to know the damage you're doing. JMHO.

I agree to a point, especially with a long-term dating relationship. However, all dating relationships cannot be measured the same way, some are obviously more serious than others. At least in a marriage, the level of committment can be measured by both persons willingness to sign a legally binding contract. I think snoopy had a good point.

 

[auntpolly]

Hey, I was just feeling bad for cheating on my HS boyfriend - LOL! If it counts, I was not just asking about married couples when I made the poll. I was talking about any 2 people who have made a commitment to each other. In fact, I just thought of another affair I know of personally -- in a gay relationship of 7 years.

And I'm sorry I didn't include "all of the above"!

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Originally posted by m&m's mom
ITA!
Hopefully EsmeraldaX will see this. She was unjustly raked over the coals in another thread.

Which one was she raked over the coals! I want to go read it! I haven't been following the "Affairs" sagas.

 

[snoopy]

Well shoot, I've been married my whole adult life, what do I know about dating, anyway? To me, having a marriage contract means there is a lot more at stake, but I certainly didn't mean to diminish the hurt someone feels if their partner cheats on them.

I didn't see where Esmerelda was raked over the coals, either, and I was involved in the affairs threads! I thought we were simply having a discussion, I haven't seen anyone attacked or raked over the coals, including Esmerelda.

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by LScot
As ahairdresser, I have heard of many affairs from clients. I think they are very common these days (maybe they have always been )
I haven't had an affair and hope I'd ask for a divorce before I ever did. Affairs and divorce are so hard on kids. We kid ourselves to think that kids are so darned resiliant. I know they're strong but from all ages of kids I hear stories of heartache. I wish parents would think about it before they act on their "feelings".

Hello new best friend! Wanna have an affair? LOL. I say that and get flamed from time to time! I could not agree more!

 

[m&m's mom]

If I were EsmeraldaX I would take your TONE w/ the previous post to be one of saying her relationship is not as important as yours because you were married and she is not.
I am no better than anyone because I am married.

 

[snoopy]

Well thank goodness Esmerelda knows I'm not saying that at all. I've repeatedly said throughout all the "affair" threads that I'm just talking based on my own experience, which for all of my adult life has been that of a married person. I certainly feel I have more at stake with my husband, having been married to him for two decades and owning homes together, not to mention having children together, then I would have before we were married.

 

[auntpolly]

We have a lot of cheatin' hearts here on the board!!! So now the question is: which DISers are having affairs with each other!!!! hmmmmm?

 

[scarlett873]

alright...i confess...i'm one of the cheaters...

but before you cast stones in my direction...hear me out!

i had been married for 6 years to a decent man. things were great in the beginning...but by the end of our marriage, things weren't so great anymore. NEVER told me he loved me unless he was responding to me saying it first...NEVER complimented me in anyway...i had lost confidence in myself. constantly told me he wanted a divorce. he claimed he was just teasing, but when you hear it almost daily, you begin to believe it.

my old high school boyfriend contacted me one day via e-mail...out of the blue! i told my husband about our correspondence so it wasn't as if i was hiding anything from him. it was innocent e-mails for quite a while, just playing catch up with each other. (it had been 10 years since we broke up) well, the e-mails turned into daily online chats and a year and a half later, my old boyfriend confessed his long time love for me. here was this amazing man, telling he loved me, i was beautiful, and making promises to me about our potential future together. all's i had to do was say the word...

i decided that i had to see him in person to confirm what i was feeling...i flew out to california and spent a glorious weekend with him. (in disneyland, no less!) my feelings were real...i knew i wanted to be with him, but i just couldn't break my husband's heart. i didn't know what to do.

i flew home on monday, sept 10, 2001. we all know what happened the next day...my first thought when it happened? to call my old boyfriend. i learned that day that life was way too short to deny you of your happiness. i hadn't been happy in years...

i made my confession to my husband about 1 week later...and he filed for divorce 2 weeks after that. it was the worst month of my life...

but 3 days after he filed for divorce, my knight in shining armor rescued me. he flew out to get me and we have been blissfully happy ever since! we were married sept 10, 2002 in a little wedding chapel near disney world...

and he fulfills all of his promises to me each and every day. i have no regrets over my actions or my decisions. i did what i felt was best for everyone involved...i am happier now than i have ever been in my adult life! and my friends and family have even told me that they have never seen me happier. my dad commented to me one day...he said it had been a very very very long time since he had seen me really smile. and matthew is the one who brightens each and every day and brings sheer ecstasy to my life! i am always smiling...

and from what i understand, my ex has moved on with someone new...we are all happier and in better places and are better matched to our spouses/significant others.

please don't flame me...i am human and i have feelings...i have always known that matthew was my one true soulmate. i had to do what was right for ME and no one can tell me that MY decisions were wrong...they weren't walking in my shoes.

 

[shortbun]

This poll needs to be fixed so we can vote on multiples.
I'm not voting until I can list all that fit!

 

[JayBee]

Originally posted by auntpolly
I have to admit I'm curious about these 6 affairs that have been admitted to -

What does that mean?

 

[disney4us2002]

Originally posted by snoopy
Are we talking marriage here? Because, again, I think breaking a legally binding contract is different than people who cheat on the person they are dating.

I have not had an affair, nor as my husband; nor did my parents or inlaws that I am aware of We do know couples who have had affairs. Only one of those marriages survived, after many years of counseling.

In this post of Snoopy's I took it to mean dating as in casual, perhaps even high school where it's almost incestuous, lol. Everyone dating everyone else and then switching around. Don't most teens go thru stage? I certainly wasn't loose in hs and I don't consider that 'cheating' either. Later she said she feels like she has been married forever (I think that was still Snoopy) and that is how I feel. I met dh in college at age 19 (he was 20) and we got married right after graduation. For all intents and purposes I have been married my whole life (at least adulthood). I don't think you have to be married to feel cheated on but I do think both partners need to have agreed that they are exclusive at the least.

I haven't personally been touched by any of the survey answers. In addition to the all of the above, perhaps a none of the above.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I need a None of the Above choice as well. Aside from things like HS girlfriends and stuff like that, I've really not had friends involved in affairs, nor have I been involved in any.

 

[septbride2002]

My family is famous for affairs these days. I had a cousin that was married for 1 year and got pregnant by her DH's best friend. They had the baby and she divorced the DH and married the friend and couldn't be happier.

My MIL had an emotional affair with her now husband when she was married to FIL. Nothing happened until after she left her husband but he was the guy that took care of her through it.

~Amanda

 

[mep319]

Originally posted by Laurabearz
NO affair here... or anyone I know.... well I take that back.... after my dad died, I found letters (steamy ones) that he had written to my mother.... trouble is she was still married to his best freind....

Okay......I've had a glass of wine here but huh??? Can you explain??? If I understand your mother was married to your father's best friend? Were the previously married when you were born? I don't get it...I need more INFO!!!