How long does it take?

[MushyMushy]

How long does it take to start feeling better after a big loss?

Just when I start to feel human again, I get knocked back down. I hate this fragile feeling and not being able to handle every day life.

Today, I was okay and then my friend's brother posted some pictures of him on Facebook and it broke my heart. My friend passed away in December.

I'm a mess.

 

[java]

It takes as long as it takes.

 

[NMAmy]

I'm so sorry you're grieving. Unfortunately, there's no set timetable. Everybody's different.

 

[lisadr]

Concentrate on getting through today. Then tomorrow concentrate on getting through that day. And so on and so on. You can't look for an end because no one can say on July 5th you will feel better. So just concentrate on one day at a time. Be kind to yourself-that's really important.

 

[Aisling]

Sometimes it take a long time, especially when things happen right on top of each other, just as you begin to feel better, there's something to knock you right back down into the blues. I know this feeling very well. I know it's harder than it sounds, but you have to retrain yourself to be more selfish and be committed to your own survival. You have to develop an "oh well" attitude with things you can't control. Many hugs to you.


In my case, my parents went through a VERY nasty divorce after 25 years of marriage, I was going through my own marriage difficulties, I had just given birth, and my beloved gramma passed on, all within a months time. I started having panic attacks and depression.

Talking to my girlfriends helped a lot. The main thing for me at that time was to enjoy my new baby and grieve my gramma. My parents divorce, well I learned to say oh well, and my marriage problems I said oh well, until I was over my grammas death. Then I started to work on the marriage. Put things into priority, and value yourself. Your mental health comes first or else you're basically useless to yourselve and to others.

 

[MushyMushy]

Thank you so much Aisling. What you described is exactly what's happening to me. Just so many things piling on and I can't deal with most of them. I'm so depressed (getting treated). I don't know if my stress is causing physical problems or I'm just having physical problems on top of all the other crap, but I'm unable to lead a normal life. I can barely leave the house, which doesn't help at all.

Sorry for the pity party. I just needed to vent a little.

 

[hellokitty86]

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[sunnyday123]

like someone else said, there isn't a timeframe. One day you wake up and you don't have to remind yourself to breathe and brushing your teeth isn't an effort. The pain never goes away, you just learn how to live with it, and you become efficient at compartmentalizing it.

 

[SnowWhite607]

My grandmother and my brother died within 9 months of each other. It takes time. Give it a chance and dont rush it. And even years from now, you may be hit with incredible sadness. Its okay. Sending you hugs.........

 

[Simba's Mom]

How long does it take to start feeling better after a big loss?

Just when I start to feel human again, I get knocked back down. I hate this fragile feeling and not being able to handle every day life.

Today, I was okay and then my friend's brother posted some pictures of him on Facebook and it broke my heart. My friend passed away in December.

I'm a mess.

The same thing happened to me-I felt worse 3-4 months after my son died than I did the first month, and it was explained to me this way: When the tragedy first happens, a wall goes up around your emotions, because you just can't handle it. Later, when you think you're feeling worse, it's part of the healing process. Strange as it seems at the time, you're actually getting better. And it's normal (but no fun) that it's a roller coaster.
Good luck!

 

[Parkers_girl]

I know it takes a while. Just keep breathing and reminding yourself that it will get better as time goes on. I see you have a pup as your avatar, so I assume you have a dog, spending time with my dog always relaxes me, whether it's petting them or crying on them. They can be really sympathetic. Just let it all out, there's no since in holding anything in, it will just build up inside of you.

 

[L107ANGEL]

It takes as long as it takes.

I love this response!!!! Mushy, I will be thinking about you

 

[TennisGirl80]

I read something that Heath Ledgers X said (I can't remember her name, but its his sons mother). She said that grief never goes away - that its like a flowing river, and it changes every day, but it never goes away. I really liked that explination, I thought it made a lot of sence, because its the way I feel about people I've lost.

So sorry for your loss.

 

[Disney Doll]

My mother always says "This too shall pass" and it shall. Which is not to say that you will forget your friend, but you will learn to accept that he is gone and focus on your fond memories of him and what he added to your life.

I always tell people that you have to go through grief, you cannot go around it. And there is no timetable...it just takes time...