How hard is it living far away from family?

[luvmylittleboy2003]

Short of the long.....My son and I are looking at moving to Colorado. I have a couple of friends there, plus the guy I have been seeing for about 6 months lives there. We are very excited about moving, but, hate the fact of leaving my family behind here in KY. (by family I mean - mom, dad and brother)
I have always said I would move, but, didn't really think it would be this soon. I have never liked living in KY and other than my family could care less about packing up and moving.
How hard is it to leave behind your family and familiarity?

 

[hanutedmansionmomma]

Moved from NY to KS, only family here is sister. I think it depends on how much you like the new place/area. We really liked this area, and felt like it was a good move for lots of reasons - jobs, schools, etc.

The first couple years it was like an adventure, fun, finding new things, after 5 years I started to realize I don't live in NY anymore! It's been ok, but a little hard, especially certain times of year, like Fall, when NY has leaves on trees! It's funny how just seeing a different landscape every day makes an impact. Sounds like you're ok w/ leaving KY tho?

And of course, family. You think you've had enough of weekly dinners then when they're not available anymore, it's kind of sad.

We do plan 1-2 trips year to go back or for some part of the family to stay here. That seems to help. Of course, now that we've found WDW, that may change

I know lots of other people are going to say they move all of the time. This is our only big move ever, so that's my perspective!

Good luck!

 

[momtomatthew]

We moved from Arizona (where my parents and DHs parents were) and we had lived all our adults lives (actually, DH had never lived anywhere else) and moved to Pennsylvania. DS was 14 months at the time. I had never set foot in the state, other than a long weekend 20 years prior.

Now, we love it. We have a great network of friends, who has become our extended family.
It's tough sometimes being far away from family. We don't see them but maybe once or twice a year (in Dec. at WDW this year!!!!), but we talk everyday and they make every effort to stay as involved with DS as they can.

I think it helps having a kid- they will meet kids in class and in the neighborhood, and then you will start meeting parents and others.

Good luck!

 

[golfgal]

We have lived away from family most of our adult life. You just develop other "family" as needed through your circle of friends. I think everyone should move away from home at least once in their life. It is a great learning experience. I don't know anything about your relationship but I have heard too many stories about people moving across the country for a boyfriend/girlfriend only to find that once they are together it isn't as great as it seems and they break up. Are you prepared to move out there and stay if that were to happen?

 

[XTinabell]

I agree with what the others said. I moved overseas away from my family and I am/was very close with them. The first year was tough and I was home sick alot, now when I go home to visit I can't wait to leave and come back to my life here.

If you make a life for yourself with new friends you'll be just fine.

 

[java]

Well we moved away from family. And then they moved to be closer to us! My Dad is now 5 minutes away! So we were alone for about 4 years and then the exodus started.

It wasn't terribly hard. The holidays were strange at first. (Now they are back to normal with a crowd) But we were lucky enough to make plenty of great friends. And we were all in the same boat(away from family) so we sort of became family for each other. Helping out in emergencies, Dropping off food when there is an illness, watching kids for each other.
Really it is a wonderful experience that I don't think I would have had unless I was far away from family.

 

[dawson5]

We moved three hours away, from Ohio to Indiana. Not too big of a move and we get family that visits a few times a year. I love it. I miss that my boys won't go to school with their cousins but we're in a better area and school district. I also don't miss the drama that goes with the family sometimes. I don't think it's for everyone but it's worked out well for us.

 

[SeaSpray]

I'll be honest, the worst thing I did was move away from my family 12 1/2 years ago when we moved from NJ to MA.

The thing is, geographically and for other reasons (I love New England), I LOVE living here. I will never be able to get back the years I could've had being around my parents' final years, or the fun times that I missed not being at a lot of smaller family get togethers, BBQs, etc. Of course we went to NJ a lot each year for major events, but.... just not the same as being nearby.

DH is not close with his family, so there were no "replacement" BBQs, parties, etc... maybe a few here and there.... but nothing like the closeness we would've had with my family. DH loves my family and we could've had a much more fulfilling experience in NJ, as opposed to here in MA.


Sorry for the negative attitude on this, but all these years later, this is the conclusion I've come to. I also realize that I can't go back and do things differently so I don't dwell on it at all, but hey...since you asked. LOL

 

[Epcot4Me]

I moved away from my family to Switzerland over a year ago. I am an only child, and am incredibly close to my parents. At first, it was hard, but now it's not bad at all. I miss home occasionally, but I have made some really great friends here.

I still talk to my parents every day. I also keep up with my close friends on email often. It is weird though, since I haven't seen anyone from my life in the U.S. since March and won't until December.

I'd say for me, the key was to get a group of people I could depend on here. But I was always very independent and it has never bothered me to be alone. I have a less independent friend who moved from Boston to the midwest 5 years ago and still emails about how homesick for Boston and her family she is (she won't move back because her husband's job is there). I think your personality plays a role.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Short of the long.....My son and I are looking at moving to Colorado. I have a couple of friends there, plus the guy I have been seeing for about 6 months lives there. We are very excited about moving, but, hate the fact of leaving my family behind here in KY. (by family I mean - mom, dad and brother)
I have always said I would move, but, didn't really think it would be this soon. I have never liked living in KY and other than my family could care less about packing up and moving.
How hard is it to leave behind your family and familiarity?

Depends, how much do you depend on them? We were pretty independent and the kids were older so not much change there.

We moved from MO to TX for 3yrs. We moved back to MO last yr.

I found that if you are close to your family, you will still maintain that closeness via computer, cell phones. It is not the same but with technology you don't feel totally cut off.

The hardest part is when they are celebrating, getting together and you can't be there.

Oh yea, as a PP poster said, DID NOT miss the drama.

 

[Grandmouse]

I'll be honest, the worst thing I did was move away from my family 12 1/2 years ago when we moved from NJ to MA.

The thing is, geographically and for other reasons (I love New England), I LOVE living here. I will never be able to get back the years I could've had being around my parents' final years, or the fun times that I missed not being at a lot of smaller family get togethers, BBQs, etc. Of course we went to NJ a lot each year for major events, but.... just not the same as being nearby.

DH is not close with his family, so there were no "replacement" BBQs, parties, etc... maybe a few here and there.... but nothing like the closeness we would've had with my family. DH loves my family and we could've had a much more fulfilling experience in NJ, as opposed to here in MA.


Sorry for the negative attitude on this, but all these years later, this is the conclusion I've come to. I also realize that I can't go back and do things differently so I don't dwell on it at all, but hey...since you asked. LOL

I was in a similar situation and totally agree with this. I was very close to my family and would give anything to get my parents' final years back, plus the birthday parties, graduations, bridal/baby showers, etc., of my siblings and cousins.

 

[lovesmurfs]

For me, it's hard. I grew up in a town where my entire extended family lived in a 20 mile radius. I went to the same HS that my parents did. I have memories of family gatherings, holidays, birthday parties.

Since college, I've never lived in the same state again. My kids know their grandparents, but more for the goodies that get sent in the mail. Family gatherings are fun when we can, but we've never been together like we did when I was growing up.

Now, my kids don't know anything different, so they don't know the joy they're missing. We do try to visit as often as we can, but with school and activities, etc. etc. we don't get home nearly as often as I'd like.

We have great friends in church, and my mother-in-law is now just 4 hours away. They were able to help when my DH was deployed, but it would have been so much easier if I was close to family.

Then again, our experiences make us who we are. I don't think I'd be as strong or independent now if I'd stayed closer to my family.

 

[NHdisneylover]

We have been slowly getting farther and farther away from most of our family (in Colorado): Indianna, Michigan, New Hampshire and no Germany. It has been okay and we all still stay quite close.

As others have said one key thing is building a "family" of friends wherever you go. It takes some effort ot go out and meet people (well, it does for me anyway--I am inclined to be shy) but it has big pay offs.

We also make sure we keep in regular contact via both phone and email. We always figure out some way to call without worrying about cost. For many years MiL had a cell phone on our shared family plan with free minutes between the phones on teh plan. Now, we pay a set monthly fee to be able to call US landlines free of charge. When the cost of the call is a non issue the kids can feel free to call and just chat. My in laws have also been great about comming out fora visit for about 2-3 weeks every year (we go back "home" about every 3-4 years) and the entire family tries to meet up for a vacation at least every otehr year and every year is better. DMiL wants to be totally equally close to all 5 of her grandkids, but she does admit she is closest to my DD (the three who are not mine all live about an hour from her). This is mostly becuase--since we are far away--we make a strong effort to stay in contact. DD makes that effort too (DS is not as good at it). The result is that DD talks to her grandmother more than the kids in COlorado do and she values her time with her grandparents when they are around MUCH more (as does DS). Even DSiL has commented about wishing her kids didn't take the presences of grandma and grandpa so much for granted.

 

[Jennasis]

It's hard...no lie.

I have a HUGE extended family back in NY where I grew up. Nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, and of course, my parents and sisters. Six years ago DH and I moved to NC to follow a dream of mine. I love living here in NC but I miss my family SO HARD!! I miss the get togethers and BBQ's. I miss holidays and just "stopping by" to see them. The only ones here in NC are me, DH and my MIL.

There isn't a whole lot to do socially here. We don't have many friends. But I still love NC and can't wait to come home when i go back to NY to visit.

 

[Disney Doll]

I have always lived near family. I would have felt badly about missing all the "little things" that one misses when one does not live near family...running to a niece or nephew's Little League game, the holiday dinners and other "small" traditions which, while they may seem silly to some, to me are very important. Also, with my parents getting older, I would feel terrible about leaving them now, when the time is coming where they need me more. I have 2 SILs (DH's 2 sisters) who live away from our home area, and they do feel the sense of loss for missing things...they make it here for most of the "big" things...weddings etc., but they do miss a lot. One is "OK" with it, the other is constantly bemoaning the fact that no one comes to see her often enough for her liking, she can't always afford to come "home" for every sinlge thing, she feels like she's not part of the family sometimes. Frankly, it gets annoying to listen to because she's the one who CHOSE to move.

You didn't really ask about this OP, but I would also give you some food fro thought... Think very carefullly about uprooting your child from his family ties to move across the country to follow a man you've known only 6 months. I'm quite sure you know that your decision impacts more than just you.

 

[tomthebarncat]

11 years ago, I moved to Germany and have never looked back. My family is understanding of my life here and plus it is an excuse to visit Europe. I am now looking at relocating to Hong Kong, if things work out I will pack and go. My mother begged me not to return to the states right now as there is nothing economically there for me. She wants the best for her kids and she knows that it also involves having a job and a quality of life. Personally I think you should go for it!! you have 50/50 chance that it could be the best decision of your life or it could all go horribly wrong All the best!!

 

[wvjules]

I moved 2.5 hours away for a job. My family and I are close. Of the 16 grandchildren only 2 of us live far away. It has been difficult at times, especially being a single parent. I miss my family, I miss family functions, I miss a lot about being "home". However, moving was a great opportunity for me career-wise. It was an adjustment but we're making it. Luckily we are close enough we can go home any weekend we want. I'm not sure I would move that far away from my family with my daughter still being in school.

-->I'm not sure I would pack up my 6 year old child and move him away from his family so I could move closer to my boyfriend of only 6 months.

 

[james'mommy]

It totally sucks. We moved to NC from DE. All my family is in DE and NJ. It's not so bad for DH since he hasn't lived anywhere near his family since college but it's been really tough for me. We're so far away that I really only get to see my family about once a year. Holidays are really tough since it's just the 3 of us. It also is really hard since we have no one to watch our son. We really didn't rely on my family too much to watch him but it would be nice to have a night out every once in a while.

 

[Pigeon]

It's going to depend on you, your family and your outlook.

We moved around and lived in a few different areas until we were in our 30s. We lived in NJ (hated every minute of it) and in very rural northestern CT (loved it on many levels). Then we moved back to the city where we both grew up. I'm so glad we did.

It's not like we see family constantly. We don't. They honestly aren't very much help in raising our kids. But my kids know the family in a very different way than they would if we lived elsewhere. When we really need each other, we can be there quickly.

The older I get, the more I think the current trend of constant geographic mobility is a negative thing for society. It's very understandable on an individual basis, but I think we lose a lot in terms of family and community. I have a sister who has moved halfway around the country. What's sad is that her kids are the closest in age to my kids, yet the cousins really don't know each other at all. In the next generation, the two branches of the family will pretty much be cut off and lost.

 

[Carys]

*raises her hand* another one who went overseas for work here.

The thing is to focus on the reasons for why you chose to go where you did - it's a hassle to uproot your ife so obviously there must be a strong draw there - and where there are downsides, to make conscious decisions to make things work, take steps to manage the negatives.

For me, that means frequent emails with family and friends, skyping to catch up very cheaply (the google video chat also works great and also is free), and this year I organised a Disney holiday with other family members, am visiting a friend in another country later this month, and have booked a trip back home for Christmas. You create things to look forward to, and focus on those instead of focusing on them not being there right now.

Hope this helps