How hard is it living far away from family?

[lil mermaid]

We moved to California from the Boston area back in 2002, and then from California to Texas in 2005. Both moves were to to DH's jobs.

It really took awhile for me to get used to it. 2 years, at least. There are lots of things that I miss, most notably, I feel sad that my children don't get to see their grandparents very often. We have lots of friends here, and really, this is the life that my children have known. We do have a few cousins who live nearby, but no other family. It is hard, although we really like it here.

Also, our parents are getting older and last year my Dad was diagnosed with emphysema. The posters who talked about not being around for the end of their parent's lives really hit home. We are hoping that we can move back to the New England area at some point within the next couple of years.

Okay, and the part you didn't ask for - I don't think it is fair to uproot a child from his extended family (is dad in his life?) to be near a boyfriend of six months.

 

[grumpeeduck]

I haven't read all of the previous posts, so forgive me if this has already been posted.
If you truly love the person, it is not hard at all-you're only a plane ride away.
But, do you really want to move to be with a person without a marriage commitment?? You said you have a son, you will be setting an example for him.............. If it's meant to be, the person would respect your wishes.

 

[Pakey]

I've always been very independent and it's never bothered me. Also, I think my family has enjoyed visiting to areas they would not have visited otherwise.

When my husband and I retire in a few years, we plan to move away from here, leaving behind our 3 grown sons and families.

 

[mariolatry]

We moved far away from everyone (in Michigan, we're in Massachusetts) about 16 months ago for my husband's job. It stinks. Seriously, it does. Maybe that's just my situation because my kids are so young but I have limited social support when I'm sick, we're alone or expected to travel on holidays, and I worry constantly about my aging mother. I have church friends and moms' club friends who are kind and loving to us but at the end of the day, they have their own families to think of.

Your situation is obviously different than mine though, so it might just work for you.

 

[luvmylittleboy2003]

Thanks for all the feedback, I really appreciate it.

Couple of things I want to add that I didn't think about before.

As far as my family and I...we have always been very close and did things together - not all the time, we see each other maybe a couple of times a month or anytime my son has something going on and of course on holidays. But we aren't a 'involved' family so to speak.

I'm not necessarily moving out to CO, for my boyfriend. I have always been drawn to that area, sure, meeting him has made it easier - but thats not the reason - I would have ended up there anyway.

I do realize it may not work (as w/any relationship) but do plan on staying there if it doesn't.

The biggest drawback is my son...I do worry about the impact it will have on him, but, he is excited about moving and really looking forward to it. My Ex/I have explained (as much as we can in 6 year old terms) what it entails, etc.....

I hope I'm doing the right thing...I feel that I am, but, I think its normal to have some worries/concerns. Its a huge leap for me, in a good way. Thanks again for all the great viewpoints - I really appreciate it!

 

[Took]

I guess it's a matter of perspective. It was a little hard leaving the "familiar" and would, of course, be hard leaving family you were close to, but both DH and I have had very few problems living away from family. We visited family when we could and built up a "family" of friends in the new place. We also were a bit glad to be away from our extended families since, quite frankly, many of them are a bit nuts. When the drama starts in my family, for example, I'm usually pleased as punch to live 7 hours+ away.

 

[zippitydoo]

We moved from NJ to NM about 5 yrs ago. It was hard the first couple yrs but it is starting to get better. The holidays are the hardest. The only family I have now are my brothers and sister but i never been close to them.

 

[flying_babyb]

It depends on how much you depend on them. I never relized how much I depnded on my mom till I moved 3 hours away on my own. I miss her alot and get overly excited any time I can find an excuse to go home. Im glad Im on my own but I kinda wish I hadent moved so far.

 

[minkydog]

Living far away from family was harder when I was younger, as I was very attached(some would say enmeshed) with my mother. After I got married, DH took a job in the Atlanta area and we moved away from both families. Honestly? It was the best thing we could have done! Even though we missed our families, it really forced us to develop our lives, make connections, make friends. I don't know if we would have done that if we had stayed at home. BAck home, we mostly associated with our families--they were pretty much our entire social life. Not good. Well, guess what--when we go back for visits those family members are still having the same arguments and conversations that they were having 28 years ago! I feel like we grew up and they didn't!

We've lived in Georgia for almost 26 years now. Our kids were born here. "Home" is no longer on the Gulf coast; "Home" is in Georgia. We have no family here and sometimes it's a pain to have to drive down to see them, but we do it because there will come a day when it will be too late. Occassionally there are emergencies back home and we have to figure out what we're going to do. I have 4 siblings, so depending on the emergency I might go or I might not. We miss most holidays and birthdays,but we have developed our own traditions and they are very important to our kids. About every 2-3 years we go back home to spend Thanksgiving or a little time before or after Christmas or maybe July 4th.

It sounds like my family isn't close. On the contrary, we are very close. We talk often and email pretty much every day. We just don't have to be in each other's face to keep the connection. It takes some effort, but we love it. And one advantage to living farther away, when we go back home we're treated like celebrities, haha. I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be getting that treatment if we lived next door to Granny. And when we decide we want to travel, we often take off to visit my sister in Washington, or my brother in the Outer Banks. Nothing like having family in vacation spots! And conversely, they like to come here. You know the old saying, all planes go to Atlanta...

 

[minkydog]

We also were a bit glad to be away from our extended families since, quite frankly, many of them are a bit nuts. When the drama starts in my family, for example, I'm usually pleased as punch to live 7 hours+ away.

EXACTLY!

 

[Uuaww]

It is a bit different when you leave with your family. I am single and my family is from California and I moved to the Caribbean. Some days I wonder why I did it, even though I know the answer. It really all depends on the person. I am ok with being away from my family, but others may not be. Oh and this idea of "only being a plane ride away" is BS. When you have to make 3 stops to get home, AND you have to use vacation time to do it, doesn't make it easy. Honestly, you can only come home 1-2 times a year AND that is with no other vacations.

I have been away for about a year now, and while I know I won't stay here, when I visited my hometown, it no longer felt like home. Friends are gone, things changed. I realized that my next home will have to be made by me.

 

[WDWBarb]

It totally just... depends.

I moved away from my family when I was 18 and pretty much have stayed at least a couple of hours away my whole life except for a very brief period when I was much younger. When I was young, living close to family just didn't feel right. I wanted to develop my own life and be where I wanted to be.

But as I get older, I wish I was closer. As my parents age, I see where I could help them and hate that I can't be there "just in case." And as time goes by, I am starting to miss my hometown and remember those small-town values that I took for granted when I was young.

So... it depends!

 

[jenrose66]

I don't have any advice for you but am also interested in this question as me and DH have been discussing this same thing on and off for 5 years. We want to move south but I'm very close to my mom, like see her everyday close.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[englishteacha]

My husband I moved about 2.5 hours away from my parents. I have other family that's closer, and my sister-in-law lives just down the road (they followed us!). It's been tough being away from my parents. My dad passed away in 2007 and it was hard being away. I'm close to my mom, so I call her several times a week and I try to visit at least once a month. I'm sure your move is farther than mine, OP. 2.5 hours is tough enough.

 

[Nik's Mom]

We moved to Kansas from California about 1 1/2 years ago. It hasn't been easy, but we are adjusting. For us, it has been more difficult because we have 2 special needs kids. Plus, dh was very close to his family and I can tell that he gets sad and homesick once in a while. For me, I really miss my mom, friends and work, and I miss Mammoth Mountain. And I have not really made any good friends here yet.

There are times when I get sad, but I never regret moving. It has been the best decision that we've ever made. I hope we never have to move back to California. Dh says that although he misses his family, he is very happy here and is glad that we moved. It's much better for the kids here.

Now, here's the downer. I hate that we have to travel during the holidays. The airports are a mad-house! But when we moved, I promised dh that we'd go home for Christmas so he can be with his family. So, I just deal with the travel. But I'd much rather been in my new beloved state of Kansas during Christmas. I love it here.

 

[DMickey28]

I think it depends on the time in your life. Also, how close you are to the family. We moved away 5.5 years ago when we were in our late 20's. Now we are married, have a 2.5 year old and another on the way and decided earlier this year it was time to move home.

I don't care for the state we came from but we are moving one state north so I think we will like that. However, being near family is priceless to me. I had enough of being so far apart. Plus as our parents age it's important for me to keep that connection and be close by.

My DH also had a heart episode that landed him in the ICU at 4AM one Morning before we moved. Doing that alone with only my DS was one of the hardest things I had to do. Thankfully we had close friends who came and took DS at 5AM but it was hard. My father, on a fluke, was across the state about 3 hours and came the next day and my MIL flew down that night. I don't ever want to go through anything like that alone again.

ETA: We are from Massachusetts and moved to Indiana, Chicago and then S. Florida. We are now moving to New Hampshire and will be 2 hours away. To me, that distance is NOTHING.

 

[Stephanie218]

I moved from CT to AZ at 18 for college, and then moved over to CA after graduation and married into the military. So for most of my adult life, so far...I haven't lived at home. Both my parents and in-laws still live in CT and we see the in-laws more often as my FIL has business trips to SD quite often. I do miss seeing everyone, but you do get used to it after a while. I talk to my mom almost every day on the phone, and my 12 year old sister loves to email me.

We're up for moving in the spring and are thinking about requesting the East Coast again to be closer to home...if you can call SC close to CT, haha. It's all relative, and you will get used to it as long as you try to make the new place your home.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'm just curious how your ex feels about your son moving? I'd be devastated if someone moved my child that far away. I know you said you'd have moved there anyway, but I'm really concerned that you're doing it for your boyfriend and if things don't work out, you'll feel lonely and then move your son again.

 

[ZachnElli]

We've moved away from home and back 3 times. We always come back. Of course dh is unemployed again and we could have to move again, but I don't want to anymore. It was easier when we were younger and the kids were little and adjusted to new schools easier. But now our oldest is in high school and our parents are getting older, especially his parents as they are in bad health. My parents are actually older but much healthier. Still, my dad almost died from a blood clot, his mom almost died from one of her many ailments, it's hard to drop everything and drive "home" a 10 hour or more drive with 3 kids when this stuff happens now. I really hope dh finds a job here soon! I hate moving so much!

 

[MomofKatie]

DH and I have lived more than a few hours away from both our families for most of our married life. DD has never lived close to her cousins, aunts and uncles, or grandparents.

It's... OK, I guess. Fine, but not wonderful. As other posters have mentioned, it is hard to be the ones to always miss out on family get-togethers, Sunday dinners, etc. We keep in touch on the phone, by email, etc, but it isn't the same as being able to just drop by. When it was just DH and me, it was not a big deal, but after we had DD, I wished that we could be closer.

I don't even know what it would be like to have day to day family support and help with raising DD. We have never gone anywhere without her, and don't really ever have "couple time" away from her. I don't feel really comfortable leaving her with a sitter (my own hang-up, I know)- it would have been nice to have, for example, Grammy or Aunt Pam around to sit with DD every once in a while.

Our parents are getting older, and I definitely feel the guilt of not getting to spend time with them, and not being able to "be there" for them when they might need us.

The other thing that I don't think others have mentioned is the jealousy factor. We are the ONLY ones in either family that live away from our hometowns. DH's parents live within 15 mins of his grandma, sister and her family, aunts and uncles- practically everyone. Same with me. Consequently, we are the ones that are ALWAYS expected to come to them for holidays, since "it's so much more convenient for you to come to all of us". DD has spent almost every Christmas holiday in the car, traveling hours away to get to Grandma's house. Also, even though it might not be true, I can't help but feel that my DD gets the short end of the stick when it comes to involvement by the extended family. Nobody comes to see her soccer games or watch her in the school programs. She never gets to have "special Grandma time" to go to the Children's Theater or just out for ice cream on a Saturday afternoon. All of her cousins have had that all their lives, and DD has not.

Overall, I like where we live, but I would move back to either set of relatives' hometowns in a heartbeat if the situation were to become feasable.