How fast it all changed.

[dish rag]

My hope, besides a miracle, is that this family can become reconciled. For the sake of the children.

 

[Planogirl]

I hope that the situation with the family goes well. People can be different when these things happen so you never know. You don't need such nonsense.

 

[sk!mom]

I'm so very sorry! Continued prayers for peace, calm, and the strength needed.

 

[Mokat76]

I am so very sorry for all you’re going through right now, Rodeo. You can only do what’s within your power with him and with his mother/brother. I wish they’d stay away but wishes are for naught in this situation.
My brother did some of the same things in his last days. He gestured and spoke-mumbled really-but I think it was to people only he could see. It’s disconcerting.
My sadness for your family is so heavy on my heart. I wish there was something I could do IRL, as do many of us here, to help you now. All we can do is surround you with our love, our warmest thoughts and our prayers if we’re the praying sort. You have an army of Dis friends around you. Always.

 

[Snowflakey]

Oh dear Rodeo - my heart hurts for all of you. What about your brother? Is he there? Have him be a security guard.

Don't waste any energy over his family. I have to believe that they will be respectful as they know...

We are all here for you, praying for you and hoping you can feel our love.

 

[ronandannette]

My hope, besides a miracle, is that this family can become reconciled. For the sake of the children.

I suppose it could happen. When we went through our similar ordeal it certain did bring those who were distant, closer. But then again we had no real estrangement and it was easy to set aside minor issues and all pull together. A new, lasting closeness between my other brother, my sister and myself has been an unexpected and enduring blessing out of that dark time.

This situation sounds more deeply troubled though and I don’t feel @rodeo65 is obligated at all to make reconciliation a priority, nor should she spend one second of the remaining time trying to manipulate the family dynamic. Her DS is beyond any benefit now.

 

[Dentam]

Thinking of you again today and I hope the visit by his family goes as smoothly as possible. It's too bad they are choosing to make things more difficult for you. Hopefully your brother and others can help today with their visit too.

 

[antmaril]

You didn’t make a mistake, Rodeo. You are doing the best you can and that is all anyone can do. I gave the eulogy at my husband’s memorial service and one of the things I said is that it was like a freight train coming right at us and there was nothing I could do about it.

We are here for you, Rodeo. Hugs.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

 

[Bella Paige]

Rodeo please know that any decision you make in the coming days isn't in any way wrong - do what is best for your husband, yourself, and your kids. Nothing else matters right now.
These are moments you cannot get back - don't feel pressure to do anything just to make someone else happy.
Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.

 

[fely1st]

Rodeo, thinking of you and your family. Stay strong and decide whatever you feel good. Prayers for you and your family.

 

[pigletto]

Sending love and energy your way Rodeo. I am so sorry for your pain and sadness.

 

[lifesavacation]

Thinking of you today.

 

[Lynne G]

More hugs. May you find peace and love at this hard time.

 

[rodeo65]

So, confrontation occurred and I navigated the best I could. One of my girlfriends was able to be there for the day with me - my brother was picking his wife up at the airport this morning. The director had spoken with me when I first got there and said she knew DH's wishes were also not to be seen as he is now and that was the primary concern. When MIL and BIL arrived around 11am (which meant they had to be up and on the road around 7, I was in the great room with my friend. They were told at the door that DH's wishes were no visitors, but invited to come in and have a cup of tea or coffee and be in the same space. That was not acceptable so BIL returned to the car at that point but MIL insisted on speaking with me. She is nothing if not determined.

They asked me if I'd speak to her and I agreed. She came over and immediately began with the emotional drama, which was exactly what I didn't want happening over his bed. I said I was sorry but he did not want any visitors and I was going to ensure his wishes were respected. Respect was not a value in his family, so that didn't compute. She tried multiple ways to make me change my mind. I said it wasn't about my choice, it was his. The director backed me and reiterated that to her. She was not willing to hear it. She said just tell me if I'm going to get to see my son and I said I'm sorry, but no. She stood up and said she thought as I mother I'd understand. I said I did understand but that didn't change the fact that I was his wife and standing for his wishes when he no longer could. I said again, this isn't my choice and she said "Yes, I'm afraid it is." and left sobbing. So yes, some guilt, but also I know I did as he wanted. If I were in her position, I'd have never let pride and judgement destroy my relationship with my son for all these decades. Her decisions were hers, now I carried out his.

For those who have mentioned reconciliation - for the children. That is not an option. The kids don't know them, met them maybe twice in their lives - DH's insistence and so long ago now they don't remember. I won't get into all the details as to why other than to say, it's not an option.

Some changes in DH this afternoon. Some congestion and chest rattle. A few pauses in his regular rhythm. RN said small changes have begun so I guess...time is now my enemy. Heading back to the hospice with DD.

 

[mumto3girls]

Oh, my. I am so sorry you had to deal with all of the drama in addition to everything else. Sounds as though you handled it respectfully while honoring your husband’s wishes. Peace to you.

 

[Vicki926]

I’m sorry you had to deal with that on top of your heartache.
I think about you every day and pray for strength and peace for all of you. Just a heartbreaking time, I’m so sad for you and your children, and I’m so impressed by your grace and strength.

 

[AndreaDM]

Good for you standing your ground. Also, reconciliation should not always be the end goal, I have personal experience with family estrangement and sometimes it's for the best to leave well enough alone. The last thing the kids need now is long-lost drama filled relatives surfacing and trying to interject into their lives. Big hugs to you!!

 

[mousefan73]

I am so sorry... do your best to forget and deal with your kids and DH at the moment.. Do not feel guilty. those were his wishes.... And she did have a goodbye.. she saw him recently....

Focus on your kids, that is my advice

 

[Southernmiss]

Rodeo, you are so very strong. Proud of you for keeping your ground. Hang on to the knowledge of how you stood up to MIL as one more brave thing you have been able to do for your beloved husband.

Keeping you in my thoughts.