How far will you go for your kids?

[Mad4Mickey]

Do you ever find yourself doing things for your kids you would have thought were crazy?
I still wash my 16 yr old DS clothes , he has a personal trainer, a personal wrestling coach,a freaking credit card. These are things I cant believe I am doing LOL
I still buy clothes for my very independant DD who is almost 19 and has her own life . But I find myself shopping and buying things for her .

So what is it you do ?

 

[antbritt]

Well I know I do too much thats for sure. Considering I spent an HOUR tonite driving all my DD's friends Home!
And I will say this I would DIE for botht of my Kids! I would got to great lenghts to make sure they are well and ok.
Buttt It is not my job to make sure that they never want for anything and that they never have responsibility
With that in mind I do NOT do my DS's Laundry since he was 14. He is 18
I will not do my DDs laundry by the end of this year ( she is 12)

I do however pay for my DSs car. I pay his college tuition. Not ins. I give him a certain amount of spending money a month as he is in school and plays sports so not much time during school year for a job. But in the summer I don't give him money as he gets a job.
I want my kids to have the skills to take care of themselves as this is my job to produce funtional well adjusted adults who can contribute to society .
So Does anyone know where the balance is in this ?? Do we know when its tooo much that wwe do and give to our children and what is actually helpful and what is a hinderance. ??? I don't but I try to find the balance.

 

[LMC]

Let's see.....

I still do all their shopping, cook for them, wipe their hinnies, sometimes their noses, do their laundry, pick up all their messes.

Yes, I still have to do all of this for ALL my kids ages 10 and under. Sometimes I think it's a bit too much though.

 

[ktink]

I would do anything for my and love them dearly. Having said that I can't wait until I no longer hear my 3 year old sing " Mama, I'm Done" I think all children should be born with the natural instinct of wiping themselves from birth on!

 

[LMC]

I'm still waiting for DS10 and DS4 to develop that natural instinct!

 

[MScott1851]

I don't think there's anything wrong with doing things for your kids.

My mother would gladly do anything I asked her to, because it makes her feel needed. My brother and I are grown, and she's having some serious empty-nest/role transition problems.

My parents are wanting the four of us to go on a vacation together this summer before my brother graduates college and re-enters the Army. DH can't go, and I have this mental picture of vacations from my childhood, complete with the "Get Mama" game and "I'm not touching you."

My parents still see us as their babies..and sadly, still treat us accordingly sometimes.

 

[grlpwrd]

I have 4 kids and the older 3 are pretty much self sufficent and independent, but if they need me or my assistance I am right there for them. If they sleep exceptionally late I will drive them to school in the morning so they can get sleep in a little rather than catch the bus. Or if they need me to make treats for their class I will do it or I drive them to their extracurricular activities, but I won't coddle them.

I don't make it easy for them all the time because I do want them to grow up independent and have survival skills. That's what guides me when I help them in any way - I think of long-term consequences.

 

[disney4us2002]

Not as far as some but farther than others. I will not give my ds a cc and pay it for him. That seems to be asking for trouble, jmho.

I have a question for those who don't do their kids' laundry. Do you do your husband's? I can't imagine everyone doing their own laundry; it just seems very wasteful to me. I require my boys to gather their things and put them in the laundry and then to put away their folded clothes but that's it. I never did my own laundry til I went to college and I guess I'm following my mother's pattern. I'm trying to imagine the conversation with my 15 y o - "Yes, I'm washing dad's and your brothers' clothes right now but you can have the washer next to do your handful of socks." Or, "Mark, did you put your clothes in our hamper again; I told you I will not wash your stuff?" I don't get it.

 

[antbritt]

Not as far as some but farther than others. I will not give my ds a cc and pay it for him. That seems to be asking for trouble, jmho.

I have a question for those who don't do their kids' laundry. Do you do your husband's? I can't imagine everyone doing their own laundry; it just seems very wasteful to me. I require my boys to gather their things and put them in the laundry and then to put away their folded clothes but that's it. I never did my own laundry til I went to college and I guess I'm following my mother's pattern. I'm trying to imagine the conversation with my 15 y o - "Yes, I'm washing dad's and your brothers' clothes right now but you can have the washer next to do your handful of socks." Or, "Mark, did you put your clothes in our hamper again; I told you I will not wash your stuff?" I don't get it.

Actually it is just me my DS and my DD and now that i think of it when I left my husband 5 years ago I think his mom was still doing his laundry!

But i understand your point ot a degree. My DS though tends to have a lot of laundry of his own so there never was a problem with the size of the load he needed to do.

 

[DawnCt1]

Not as far as some but farther than others. I will not give my ds a cc and pay it for him. That seems to be asking for trouble, jmho.

I have a question for those who don't do their kids' laundry. Do you do your husband's? I can't imagine everyone doing their own laundry; it just seems very wasteful to me. I require my boys to gather their things and put them in the laundry and then to put away their folded clothes but that's it. I never did my own laundry til I went to college and I guess I'm following my mother's pattern. I'm trying to imagine the conversation with my 15 y o - "Yes, I'm washing dad's and your brothers' clothes right now but you can have the washer next to do your handful of socks." Or, "Mark, did you put your clothes in our hamper again; I told you I will not wash your stuff?" I don't get it.

Wow, do I agree with you! I have DS's living at home, 2 in college, one in HS. I do all of their laundry. It drives me nuts when DS 23 does his laundry; washing one pair of cargo pants, 2 pair of jeans, a few socks and two or three shirts. I have a Maytag Neptune and I can put so much more in the washer than that. I have told him that if he is going to do a half a load, to throw someone elses laundry in with his. It just makes more sense to have full loads for the washer and the dryer. They put it away which is what I really hate to do. I also do the ironing because otherwise, someone is putting the ironing board up and down, etc. I iron really quickly and I hate dealing with the clutter of an ironing board, etc. In fact, DS 26 lives on his own. I noticed the other day that while his clothes were definately clean, they were definately dingy. He has to use the washer and dryer at the apartment laundromat. It is expensive and does a bad job. I actually told him to gather up his laundry and bring it over and I would wash and iron it. I am no longer working and I don't mind helping.

 

[gepetto]

I'm still waiting for DS10 and DS4 to develop that natural instinct!

You're still wiping their butts at that age??? OMG!!!

 

[DWhittles]

I've been doing my own laundry since I was 13 or so but I grew up in an apartment building with washers and dryers in the basement so it wasn't an odd request for mom to ask me to do my own stuff.
I get the feeling my boys will be apartment raised as well and the set up will be the same for them. If we wind up with a house in the future, then everyone's stuff gets done together but I'll insist that you fold your own stuff and put it away.
Having said that, I grew up VERY spoiled. I wanted for nothing. I had access to my father's credit cards at any time, had a car from the time I had my learner's permit and a horse from the age of 16 till he died when I was 22. Dad paid for all the expenses of showing every weekend, and kept my boy in the finest barns with the best trainers.
Because I grew up this way, I have a hard time managing money. When I have it, I want to spend it and not save it.
I don't want that for the boys so I'm going to attempt to give them what they need, but the extra stuff they are going to have to do on their own.
Check back with me in about 15 years and see how true my words are or aren't....I tend to be a bit of a marshmallow so we wll see.
Diana

 

[CEDmom]

Just like most other parents I'd move heaven and earth for my child but I ain't gonna be her maid or her personal banker!!!

We just have 1 DD who's 5 so I'm pretty much doing everything for her now. She does have some chores but nothing that really takes the load off of me. As she gets older she will be expected to do more things and she won't be leaving our house for college w/o knowing how to do laundry, clean the bathroom, vacuum etc.

I don't imagine myself expecting her to do her own laundry but I fully expect to be able to ask her to throw in a load of whites, fold them and put them away.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I am the only one who does the laundry around here. MY rule.

My kids are too young, and my DH is a jerk. When I let the laundry get behind, and he runs out of work clothes, he will do a load of wash. What does he do? JUST his clothes! Like, he couldn't throw in a few other articles of clothing that are piled in front of the washer? Not that I would want him to, he does not seperate. It is just the idea of it. I am obviously behind in laundry for a reason. i.e. other things have prevented me from getting to it. So, if he is going to take the time to wash his own clothes (just a few items) then why can't he fill the washer up? So, now, because it aggrivates me so much, laundry is off limits to him (which is probably what he was looking to achieve).

As for what I do for my kids, probably too much. At their age, 8,6 and 5, they should have some kind of chores. It is just way too much work for ME to make sure they do them, so it is easier for me to just do it. Wrong, I know. I keep telling myself I am going to sit down, and make out a chore list for each of them, it will happen one of these days, but it hasn't yet.

 

[disykat]

I would go to the ends of the earth for my kids, but I'm pretty much a stickler about them having their own responsibilities and not giving them too much. Not much "spoiling" goes on here. I do go out of my way to provide lots of family time, play opportunitites, educational support etc. I am still a SAHM, which sometimes feels like a big sacrifice.

In other words, I'll go all out to give them the kind of childhood I think is best for them. I think just about every mom can say the same.

 

[antbritt]

Just like most other parents I'd move heaven and earth for my child but I ain't gonna be her maid or her personal banker!!!

We just have 1 DD who's 5 so I'm pretty much doing everything for her now. She does have some chores but nothing that really takes the load off of me. As she gets older she will be expected to do more things and she won't be leaving our house for college w/o knowing how to do laundry, clean the bathroom, vacuum etc.
I don't imagine myself expecting her to do her own laundry but I fully expect to be able to ask her to throw in a load of whites, fold them and put them away.

CEDmom,
I sometimes feel alone in my thoughts on this and I totally feel that if I do not teach my children how to take care of themselves and how to function then i did not do my job as a parent. Last year when my DS was a senior in HS the parents of his friends would tell me how tired they were from getting up so early on christmas vacation to wake thier 18 year old children for basketball practice! I just wondered who was waking thiese kids up when they are in college? And then who's fault is it if they oversleep?

 

[LucyStorm]

Thank goodness the two of you appeared. I was beginning to feel like the mean mother of the world! My 16 yo Dd does her own laundry. To me, the lesson in caring for herself far outweighs any wastefulness if it's not a full load. She has to pay her own car insurance, and though I did buy her car, she has to pay me back. If she pays every payment on time, then she will only have to pay me back 1/2. She cleans her room, helps with the housework, gets herself up for school, and has a part time job. There is no way that my 16 year old is going to have a credit card, or a personal trainer....and that is not meant to flame anyone, but this is my philosophy. If they want something bad enough, they earn it. Then by the time I cut the apron strings, she will hopefully be able to function in the real world without mom and dad holding her up. I will be a safety net, but I will not support my grown children.

And sometimes the biggest sacrifice you make for your kids is allowing them to spread their wings.......

 

[antbritt]

LucyStorm
Actually I have a title for the kids of today. I calll them the Krispy Kreme generation!
We all want whats best for our children but sometimes we lose sight of what is best for them is not always what they WANT.
We all go overboard sometimes with Stuff and fluff. And for the most part I help him with college and the ability to get to college which hopefully the education will allow him to provide everything He needs for himself.
I tend to expect more of him ( I think) then alot of his friends parents ever expected of thier kids. But my situation and my personality and my goals are quite differnet then most of them. For one I am a single income family and a single paretn family. My goal has always been to make sure that my kids had the skills they need to survive. I also personally never ever wanted o se my DS become his father ( not trying to offend him ) but he to this day does not have the skills to survive. His mother has always done everything for him. AND I mean everything! So when I see my DS come home from school with a friend and immediately go to the fridge and began cooking a meal for the 2 of them without at all expecting me to do it I feel soooo proud!! I know that my DS will be able to feed himself , clothe himself, write acheck, pay a bill, clean a toilet, make a bed ( well not that he actually does but he knows how to ) then I know I have accomplished something great. My DS does not know the phrase or the meaning of the phrase " Women's work "
Nope he is not anywhere near perfect. Nope he makes many many mistakes but he has to live with the sonsequences of those mistakes. I.E. He lost his cell phone and therefore does not have one as he does not have the money to buy a new one.
They say that what does not kill you makes you stronger. and while my kids in no way suffer they also do not get everything handed to them either.

 

[LucyStorm]

Amen sistuh!

 

[nealymouse]

I also dont want to get flammed but really I feel sorry for Mad4Mickey and her kids. Im a parent educator, own my own business and come across parents who give their kids it all and in most cases (Not all) the kids just dont seem to get the whole picture of what is really expected of them when they try to live on their own.