How Do you Tell a Busy Body to Mind Their Own Business?

[Hikergirl]

#1 I was at a grocery store slouched over my shopping cart and a total stranger came up to me and told me to stand up straight or some day I wouldn't be able to. huh?

I would have laughed and said "I sure hope not".


#2 A family member was at the same grocery story (maybe we shouldn't shop there any more?) and an acquaintance came up to him and said, "You look like a type 2 Diabetic. You should try the Keto diet." The acquaintance is not a doctor.

I would have laughed and said "you don't look like a doctor, you should try to keep your medical advice to yourself"

#3 DH and I had dinner with a long-time friend and his new wife and were updating the friend on a troubled (derelict, scoff-law) family member, and the new wife thought she was being helpful by advising me what to do with the black sheep of the family.

If I wasn't interested in hearing what someone had to say, I wouldn't bring up the subject with them in the first place.

#4 At Costco I accidentally parked too close to the motorcycle parking area and a total stranger started shouting that the area was reserved for motorcycles. This woman was not a motorcyclist -- just a passerby. I had to wait for another car to move so I could park in a more suitable area. The self-appointed parking police came closer and repeated that I was parked incorrectly. I was in a really bad mood and sneered right back at her that I was waiting for another car to move. She gave me an uppity look, surprised that I would have the audacity to tell her off, and told me to "have a nice day."

I would have done the same thing.

o.k. DIS. Do you have any pithy comebacks for any of the above? I'm sure the people meant well, but I would really like to be able to shut down a busy body the next time I encounter one.

My responses in bold above.

 

[Kennywood]

 

[DisneyKoyote]

This goes back to the Men are from Mars, women are from Venus theory. Men talk about things expecting advice and a solution and women talk about things hoping for empathy.
Now I am showing my age.

Can agree (although I am a female expecting advice lol). My female friends have told me that I am unsympathetic before, and it took me years until I finally figured out they're just looking to rant. Not for me to give input. Was very confused at the time.
I literally had a friend who was going through a breakup say "pls stop consoling me, it's just making it worse" bc my idea of "consoling" was to give her suggestions on what actions to take and the pros/cons of each choice

 

[SaintsManiac]

I don't need to say anything. The look on my face would have been enough.

 

[VandVsmama]

#1 I was at a grocery store slouched over my shopping cart and a total stranger came up to me and told me to stand up straight or some day I wouldn't be able to. huh?

#2 A family member was at the same grocery story (maybe we shouldn't shop there any more?) and an acquaintance came up to him and said, "You look like a type 2 Diabetic. You should try the Keto diet." The acquaintance is not a doctor.

#3 DH and I had dinner with a long-time friend and his new wife and were updating the friend on a troubled (derelict, scoff-law) family member, and the new wife thought she was being helpful by advising me what to do with the black sheep of the family.

#4 At Costco I accidentally parked too close to the motorcycle parking area and a total stranger started shouting that the area was reserved for motorcycles. This woman was not a motorcyclist -- just a passerby. I had to wait for another car to move so I could park in a more suitable area. The self-appointed parking police came closer and repeated that I was parked incorrectly. I was in a really bad mood and sneered right back at her that I was waiting for another car to move. She gave me an uppity look, surprised that I would have the audacity to tell her off, and told me to "have a nice day."

o.k. DIS. Do you have any pithy comebacks for any of the above? I'm sure the people meant well, but I would really like to be able to shut down a busy body the next time I encounter one.

1. You could go 1 of 2 ways with this. Option 1: Shout out loud enough for others to hear, "OH! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SLOUCH OVER? OR ELSE I WON'T BE ABLE TO STAND UP STRAIGHT SOME DAY? YOU MEAN, SLOUCH OVER LIKE THIS?" And then slouch even more...very exaggerated. The person will get embarrassed and slink away. Option #2: Say loud enough for others to hear, "Oh, thank you so much for that totally unsolicited advice! Don't forget to pick up your Preparation H on Aisle 4!"

2. To the dumb acquaintance, I'd say, "Thanks for calling me fat! You know, you're looking pretty old these days. Better go get some Botox."

3. The new wife didn't do anything wrong. When you talk about a topic like that, you're inviting advice unless you flat out say that you don't want advice.

4. If I was in a mood, I'd probably shout back at the Costco customer, "THANK YOU, MS. PARKING POLICE, FOR MAKING ALL OF US SAFER TODAY! WE REALLY APPRECIATE IT! HEY! LISTEN UP EVERYBODY! SHE'S THE PARKING POLICE! MAKE SURE YOU GET HER APPROVAL BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR CAR DOOR, PARK YOUR CAR, AND PUT THAT SHOPPING CART AWAY! HAVE A GREAT DAY!" Otherwise, I'd probably say really loud, "BLESS YOUR HEART! JESUS SAVES!"

 

[VandVsmama]

For what it's worth, I have a busybody neighbor, so I understand your frustration in most of those situations. She's very nice, but also very nosy. At first, I entertained her questions and I would answer them at length. But then I started to get annoyed with it all because of how nosy and sometimes dumb the questions were. I think the woman is truly just sort of naïve and clueless. Here are some examples of the nosy things she's asked and how I responded:

Nosy Nancy: I just love looking out my 2nd story window and peeking into your backyard to see what you're doing.
me: Really? Huh. (followed by weird look. After that, I started gardening in the backyard with shorts and a bra on and I am not a tiny lady)

Nosy Nancy: How come I never see your kids out front playing? (we live in AZ, it's 7th circle of hell kind of hot here for 6 months of the year)
me: It's 105 out.

Nosy Nancy: How come I never see your kids play outside?
me: How come I never see your grandkids play outside?
Nosy Nancy: Because it's hot out.
me: Well, there ya go.
Nosy Nancy: Oh.

Nosy Nancy: How come you don't have any pictures of your family up? How come you don't have any curtains up? (we'd just moved in a few months prior)
me: Because we just moved in.
Nosy Nancy: But you don't have any pictures of your family up yet.
me: How come you haven't done anything with your yard yet?
Nosy Nancy: Because...Oh.

Nosy Nancy: How come you aren't putting grass in your backyard? How come you aren't putting a pool in?
me: Because we don't want to.
Nosy Nancy: But why?
me: Because we don't want to. How come you haven't done anything in YOUR yard yet?
Nosy Nancy: Well, I've been busy.
me: But why?
Nosy Nancy: (long pause) Oh

Nosy Nancy: How come I've never seen the neighbor on the other side of you? What's his name? Is he married? Does he have kids?
me: His name is __. He has 2 kids.
Nosy Nancy: Is he married?
me: No
Nosy Nancy: But why? Is he divorced.
me: He's divorced. Don't know why. None of my business.
Nosy Nancy: But how come I never see him?
me: Go ask knock on his door and ask him.
Nosy Nancy: (long pause) Oh.

I wish I was making some of this stuff up!

 

[Kennywood]

Your neighbor's last name would happen to be Kravitz, would it? Lol

 

[DuskKodesh]

My go to is deep deep sarcasm. Sarcasm fixes all things.

A girlfriend had an older lady comment on her weight at her job and wouldn't drop it at all. I told her to say that she was already subsisting on twigs, tree bark, and fresh fallen snow. It's not keto or paleo, it's the cambrian diet. Hot new thing.

Only time I find honesty to be the best policy is when I know they'll think I'm being sarcastic anyways. Like at the supermarket checkout. "You have a baby at home?" "No, those baby snacks are for my pets."

 

[jdb in AZ]

OP here. Thanks for the laughs. Humor solves a lot of problems -- just wish I had thought of some of these when I needed them. The fat-shaming incident was very recent. The dinner with friends was a coupla weeks ago.

FWIW the friend in #3 brought up the topic of the derelict because he knows it's been a struggle for years (and years.) I think the new wife is so accustomed to counseling our friend about his ex-wife that she figured we'd welcome her advice on our family skeletons in the closet as well. Our friend's youngest DD recently got married and there's nothing like a wedding to bring out the drama with an ex and the ex-inlaws, and the new wife had to help him deal with that train wreck of emotions.

 

[nikkistevej]

People commenting on someones thinness are more likely to be complimentary (or at least think they are). Most of the time thin people aren't being shamed for being thin. It's really not appropriate to comment on a stranger's weight either way. "Eat a cheeseburger" is just as rude as "eat a salad".

Agree with you both. My DH's cousin CONSTANTLY make comments about my 17yo's thin petite frame(her father and I are not at all- we are heavy). She plays basketball and runs track all year long and has been in sports or dance since she was 5, of course she's in shape and her doctor said she is fine. Of course DH's cousins kids are completely at least 75-100 overweight, but I would be the bad guy if I bought that up. smh

 

[NotUrsula]

My favorite response to people who make clueless remarks is, "You do realize that you just said that out loud, right?", followed by a chuckle and a head shake.

 

[Nayan]

People commenting on someones thinness are more likely to be complimentary (or at least think they are). Most of the time thin people aren't being shamed for being thin. It's really not appropriate to comment on a stranger's weight either way. "Eat a cheeseburger" is just as rude as "eat a salad".

I am very skinny and was told to "eat a burger" recently. Told them I couldn't as I DO have Type 2 and Cheeseburgers aren't on my approved-foods list. They looked shocked.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I believe the terminator has a suggestion.

 

[Princess Mulan]

”Bless your heart” works in almost all circumstances. It serves as an insult or as a blessing, and it usually stops busybodies in their tracks as they try to figure out which one you’re offering.

 

[kaytieeldr]

o.k. DIS. Do you have any pithy comebacks for any of the above

.
In all (and any future) cases: a shocked look accompanied by a, "bless your heart." Okay, except the new wife. That gets a, "thanks for the suggestions."

and while we are on the topic, why is it unacceptable for people to comment on overweightness or obesity but acceptable for people to make weight related comments to skinny people?

It's not, but typically slenderness is admirable, socially approved, desirable. Still, have a couple of standard responses ready, then change the subject.

 

[Jennasis]

Had a customer where I work (who was not being assisted by me. Another employee was working with him) lean over the counter towards me and tell me "try SMIlING a little bit!".

Seems I was unaware, as I was doing whatever paperwork I was doing, that my face was serious. This is not the first time this guy had said something like this to me or to other employees.

I took a deep breath, looked him in the eye, and said...

What would ever make you think that is something okay to say to someone? You have no idea what their day has been like. What problems they may be experiencing. Why does someone need to smile FOR YOU? How do you know im not sick...or a family member is sick?? Would it make you feel better about my no-smile to know my dog died in my arms yesterday? So maybe you just reconsider going around telling people to smile for you.

He apologized. And has avoided me ever since. Mission accomplished. And my dog had died in my arms the day before.

 

[missnic]

#4 would not be a mind your own business issue. As a motorcyclist, it would certainly be my issue because next time I could be on my motorcycle and not have the motorcycle parking. It's a nice thing to have because parking a bike in a normal car space, its very easy to almost hit because it's so small and unnoticeable, and even easier to most because most of the idiots on the road is too busy texting and updating Facebook and Instagram to notice a motorcycle buried in a slot big enough for a car.

This. Our bike has nearly been hit several times because people weren't paying attention to notice that the spot actually was occupied. Heck, I've done it myself when a bike is towards the front.
We call them 'farking spots' because in my Mini Cooper literature, they advised to park near the back of a spot, otherwise people see a 'fake parking spot'. Farking spot.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Bless your heart is my go to. Along with the eye roll. I live in Georgia. Both of those usually work. I'm not bothered often apparently I have a leave me alone face according to my daughter.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

#1 I was at a grocery store slouched over my shopping cart and a total stranger came up to me and told me to stand up straight or some day I wouldn't be able to. huh?

#2 A family member was at the same grocery story (maybe we shouldn't shop there any more?) and an acquaintance came up to him and said, "You look like a type 2 Diabetic. You should try the Keto diet." The acquaintance is not a doctor.

Maybe time to find another grocery store.

Mind you people are fairly friendly IME but when I'm approached at a grocery store it's often for advice on something not admonishments.

#3 DH and I had dinner with a long-time friend and his new wife and were updating the friend on a troubled (derelict, scoff-law) family member, and the new wife thought she was being helpful by advising me what to do with the black sheep of the family.

Yeah you were in the wrong here honestly. Don't talk about personal biz if you don't want comments on it. Maybe you thought because she was new to the family she shouldn't say anything but that would be even more wrong in my book to bring it up in conversation and not expect a discussion on it.

#4 At Costco I accidentally parked too close to the motorcycle parking area and a total stranger started shouting that the area was reserved for motorcycles. This woman was not a motorcyclist -- just a passerby. I had to wait for another car to move so I could park in a more suitable area. The self-appointed parking police came closer and repeated that I was parked incorrectly. I was in a really bad mood and sneered right back at her that I was waiting for another car to move. She gave me an uppity look, surprised that I would have the audacity to tell her off, and told me to "have a nice day."

To be fair at all Costcos I've been to the parking spaces are quite ample with extra lines painted on something I really like about it. It's fairly difficult to go over the lines. That said I don't say anything out loud to a driver should I notice this. It also doesn't matter to me whether the person was a motorcyclist or not besides you don't really know that you just know that at that moment in time she was not on a motorcycle. It's not worth a confrontation about it though.

 

[Melissa55]

My go to is deep deep sarcasm. Sarcasm fixes all things.

A girlfriend had an older lady comment on her weight at her job and wouldn't drop it at all. I told her to say that she was already subsisting on twigs, tree bark, and fresh fallen snow. It's not keto or paleo, it's the cambrian diet. Hot new thing.

Only time I find honesty to be the best policy is when I know they'll think I'm being sarcastic anyways. Like at the supermarket checkout. "You have a baby at home?" "No, those baby snacks are for my pets."

For more innocuous comments, I agree, I like sarcasm.

For more intrusive comments, I tend to turn it back around on that other person. If an acquaintance told me I looked like I had diabetes, I would probably say something like "Well you look like you have an incurable case of *******-itis." Before I got pregnant, when people asked me when we were "finally" having children, I would tell them "Whenever you start a college fund!"