How do you stop being a push-over

[honeywolf7]

Someone is pushing me to do something that I don't want to and really shouldn't do (nothing illegal but just something that I think would be a bad decision for me....in case you're wondering, it's not Roger who's doing it.) I can't seem to tell them no because they won't listen. I want to maintain a friendly relationship with this person so what's the best way for me to do that and still say that I won't do this?

 

[Beauty]

Becki,

First I think its important that you know if they are really your friend they won't expect you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Just simply tell them "No, I'm not doing this and thats the end of it." If they keep pushing tell them "Look I said no the end!" If they keep pushing its obvious you don't need to be around them.

{{{HUGS}}} and good luck.

 

[RitaZ.]

When someone doesn't take "No" for an asnwer, they are trying to control you. Say "No" and that's the end of it.

If this person is really your friend and cares about you, they would respect your decision.

Good luck!

 

[minniepumpernickel]

I think that you just need to be flat out assertive about it. Tell them exactly how it is, and why you think that it's wrong, or not for you. If they don't respect your opinion, then they aren't worth it anyway! Good luck!

 

[peg2001]

I suggest you don't explain. Just tell them "no" then progress to "No!" and finally to "NO!!" If that doesn't do it, you may have to resort to "What part of 'N' 'O' do you not understand?"

I've used that one on DD5 and she'll usually respond "The 'N' part." with a wicked grin.

Stick to your guns.

Peggy

 

[honeywolf7]

Thanks, guys....It's hard because this person is very controlling but I will try to stick to my guns.

 

[wvjules]

If you say "no" and they don't accept that answer, then that's their problem. If they persist, then I'd tell them to hit the road.

 

[SeaShelley]

I'm onboard with the rest here hw....just say no. Practice if you have to....seriously. Go into your room, by yourself and practice in front of the mirror. Try to anticipate the comebacks from your "friend" and be ready for them. Stay true to what you want or don't want to do!! Good luck!! YOU CAN DO IT!!

 

[preshi]

If you dont' want to do it or think you should do it... don't do it! It's that easy. You said no... they didn't listen so don't do it. You are in control of you. Not them.

 

[Robinrs]

I agree with everyone else, but it concerns me that you have to ask, honeywolf...

No one, absolutely NO ONE, can make you do something you don't want to do. Only YOU can make that choice. Controlling people have no control if people don't allow them to control them.

I wouldn't want a person like that in my life at all.

 

[honeywolf7]

Okay, I wasn't going to post the exact circumstances but I'll go ahead. Thom called me at 2 this afternoon to tell me he needs me to watch the kids tomorrow. He says he needs me to spend the night tonight because my place is out of the way for him to either pick me up in the morning and take me out to his place or to bring the kids to me. I tried to tell him I had other things to do but he kept pressing and then he dismissed what I told him I had to do. I've tried calling my mom to see if I can watch the kids there and I can't. I really don't want to be in the position of spending the night at his house nor can I completely cut him out of my life (because of the kids.)

 

[Beauty]

Like I told you in this specific circumstance if he can't just bring the kids to you in the morning then you are sorry you can't watch them for him. I know your children are important to you so don't let him throw that up in your face. There is absolutly NO REASON for you to spend the night there......he can bring you the kids and thats that.

Again {{{HUGS}}} and good luck...you can do it Becki! I have faith in you.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Can you pick up the kids from his house? Or maybe meeting him some where that's half way between your house and his.

 

[aahmom1]

So is the problem that you just don't want to spend the night at the house?

 

[SPAGo 98]

i guess you can't get your mother, or a friend to drive you to his place tomorrow? a cab?

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

Becki, you're kind of new at this doivorce thing. I've been doing it for awhile.

you're absolutely right, you should nto be spending the night at Thom's house. especially at this point in your separation. not a good idea.

but your kids...I don't know what it is you have to do tomorrow night, but you should try to rework your schedule if at all possible so that you can take the kids. since Thom's got promary custody, you should be maximizing the time you spend with them so that you can maintain a good relationship with them. it will pay off later, I guarantee it.

 

[John In Illinois]

Honeywolf,

As a divorced father of a 12 year old boy, I do not feel "forced" when given a chance to spend additional time with my DS. I would JUMP at the chance, no matter the inconvenience or discomfort it would cause me to have to be in any location. You need to grab for any and all time you can spend with your kids, as the day will rapidly approach when it is THEY who are avoiding spending time with you, then it is too late!!!

 

[sixcats]

Could you take a cab or have your Mom or your boyfriend drive you to pick them up? I can understand not wanting to spend the night at your ex's house, but if your kids need you they should come first.

 

[Beauty]

Becki,

Please correct me if I'm wrong but it is not the issue of the children it is the issue of spending the night at your ex-husbands house that is the problem. I like the idea of possibly meeting him half way or possibly you going to pick the kids up.

 

[honeywolf7]

Yes, aahmom....that was the problem (staying at his house=cheating on Roger as far as I'm concerned and I don't want to do that.) You guys would be proud of me....I stood up to him but he made me feel awful in return (he basically called me a terrible person for not doing what he wanted me to do.) Beauty, you are exactly right....and I'm going to have Roger take me to pick them up (a cab is out of the question because of where Thom lives.)