How do you respond to rude invitations?

[Queen2PrincessG]

Now I'm confused. You are upset because the new mom is requesting diapers in lieu of clothes, yet you can request books instead of cards and thats acceptable? Isn't it the same thing?

No shower cards are roughly 3 maybe 5 dollars. you can go to any bargain bin at Barnes and noble and find a kids book for that price. Now everytime DD reads one of the books she also read the message from the person who gave it to her and connects the two. it wasn't a "book grab". The money they were using for a card, they used on a book instead and wrote their message to her in there.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

You lost my sympathy at this comment.


In my family, every new birth gets a shower.

My sympathy was lost at this one:

"She forgot that she placed it on the ground outside and her husband backed up the truck over it. It was a hands free Medal pump--not cheap."

Sounds like an accident to me. Not sure what the big deal is. Don't buy her the new pump if you don't want to.

I'd be psyched if the people who invited me to showers just wanted diapers. Not sure what the big deal is. Showers are usually just a fun time to see family and friends IMO.

 

[RitaZ.]

I'm so glad I don't live my life by what other people think is the "proper" thing to do.

Ditto!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Well it was just a friendly get together welcome baby until she mentioned what she didn't need by way of gifts.

In cases of rudeness--you simply do not respond with comment as it would be rude to do so. If RSVP was requested, decline if you don't wish to go.

And only if she asks, should you consider saying something...meaning, if she asks your opinion on whether it was rude or not.

It is a shame that we, as a society, feel we must parent others. When you have children--you can raise them and guide them and teach them manners. For everyone else--you just have to leave them to look like a fool once the damage is done. The only time you can do something is if they run something by you, then you can offer your critique to prevent the foolishness.

So--don't respond except to say "yes" or "no" on whether or not you will attend.

It doesn't really matter if you feel her hosting anything is appropriate or not. (I don't feel it is inappropriate, but the gift grab mention was.)

 

[jen0610]

So you ask for what you want but because you approved of the phrasing it makes it acceptable. It probably is a good thing you will not be able to attend, it is clear that you do not like them.

Exactly, she could have said bring diapers for a diaper game or something like that but to rudely say they don't need clothes...I mean we all get it. She gave her sister all her daughters used clothing some new because her daughter was and still is very big for her age. She wearing 6-9 clothing when she was born.
I'm not contributing anything. SIL is due in 8 weeks so this is a shower.

Nancy - Your point goes right over her head, so I'll see if I can make it plain and simple for her.

Queenie - the point Nancy was trying to make is YOUR RUDE! POT MEET KETTLE.

You tell people don't give PrincessG a card - buy her a book instead. And it's ok, but let your SIL tell people don't by clothes - buy dipers instead and it's rude.

Like I said - POT MEET KETTLE.

 

[ols386]

The invitation wouldn't bother me. If I'm going to give soemone a gift, for any reason, I'd like to give them something they want and/or can use. I wouldn't be worked-up over this invitation. I also don't see anything wrong with sending it via FB.

 

[kwelch10377]

No shower cards are roughly 3 maybe 5 dollars. you can go to any bargain bin at Barnes and noble and find a kids book for that price. Now everytime DD reads one of the books she also read the message from the person who gave it to her and connects the two. it wasn't a "book grab". The money they were using for a card, they used on a book instead and wrote their message to her in there.

But are you not still telling people what to buy? You want books instead of cards. She wants diapers instead of clothes. How is that not the same thing?

 

[Ember]

Decline the invitation and move on. Some people have no problem using their children as an excuse to demand gifts, even going so far as to dictate what gifts are acceptable. While some people find this "helpful" others find in demanding and entitled. I find it terribly sad that people have reduced the great events in their lives to nothing more than a transaction of gifts, where they set the price and expect everyone to pay up. Perhaps this mother should have considered that she needed diapers before procreating, rather than expecting her friends and family to provide them.

 

[ols386]

But are you not still telling people what to buy? You want books instead of cards. She wants diapers instead of clothes. How is that not the same thing?

I see it as being the same thing.

 

[Allison]

No shower cards are roughly 3 maybe 5 dollars. you can go to any bargain bin at Barnes and noble and find a kids book for that price. Now everytime DD reads one of the books she also read the message from the person who gave it to her and connects the two. it wasn't a "book grab". The money they were using for a card, they used on a book instead and wrote their message to her in there.

What difference does the cost make?

 

[msjprincess]

No shower cards are roughly 3 maybe 5 dollars. you can go to any bargain bin at Barnes and noble and find a kids book for that price. Now everytime DD reads one of the books she also read the message from the person who gave it to her and connects the two. it wasn't a "book grab". The money they were using for a card, they used on a book instead and wrote their message to her in there.

Didn't your daughter just turn one?


And maybe I'm mistaking you with someone else but didn't you recently post that you made a registry for your daughter's birthday? Many people would think that was tacky.

 

[ols386]

Decline the invitation and move on. Some people have no problem using their children as an excuse to demand gifts, even going so far as to dictate what gifts are acceptable. While some people find this "helpful" others find in demanding and entitled. I find it terribly sad that people have reduced the great events in their lives to nothing more than a transaction of gifts, where they set the price and expect everyone to pay up. Perhaps this mother should have considered that she needed diapers before procreating, rather than expecting her friends and family to provide them.

I doubt that she was thinking about diapers while she was procreating.

At least if I give someone diapers as a gift, I know that they will get good use out of them.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think that I would react the same was as I would act. If I was going to vist the baby and would have brought a gift i wuld simply bring the diapers as was asked. If I had no intention of going to visit the new baby or was choosing not to bring a gift I would ignore teh invitation and move on. It sounds as though this was a casual get together to celebrate the new baby and your SIL had gotten questions what folks could bring. This is small potatoes in my world.

This is how I feel. We don't have showers for the 2nd child, but this isn't a shower, it's a welcome and meet the baby party, which I think is nice for the 2nd. Perhaps the SIL happens to know that this child has WAY too many clothes for the first year, and wants to be helpful to the gift-givers and her sister? A friend actually hosted a baby shower for my neighbor, who had an oops baby 5+ years after her last. It was more of a ladies night than traditional shower. After she had the baby, everyone asked me what they should get for her - I told them NO clothes (she had TONS), but maybe diapers or restaurant gc's for take-out.

 

[SaraJayne]

Decline the invitation and move on. Some people have no problem using their children as an excuse to demand gifts, even going so far as to dictate what gifts are acceptable. While some people find this "helpful" others find in demanding and entitled. I find it terribly sad that people have reduced the great events in their lives to nothing more than a transaction of gifts, where they set the price and expect everyone to pay up. Perhaps this mother should have considered that she needed diapers before procreating, rather than expecting her friends and family to provide them.

Really? You know, I thought I was beyond this, but some people still leave me speechless on the CB.

Do you have children?

 

[RunningGirl]

I just think it's tacky how her sister wrote it. They have no class or finesse this family. I HATE greeting cards. They end up lost or in a shoe box in my house so I requested that people buy a children's book equivalent to the price of the card and write their message in there.

Either way i'm not going because we are leaving for a cruise that week.

I would never spend $3-$5 on a greeting card and your telling me to bring a book instead would offend me much more than someone asking for diapers instead of clothing. You'd probably have gotten the book as your gift and that would be it.

 

[rie'smom]

OP, I'd send my regrets.

 

[goofyernmost]

OMG...you would think she asked for a Lear Jet. It would be considered inconsiderate to arrive at someone's home empty handed. (just the way I was taught) She couldn't have found a more reasonable object or useful one or basically inexpensive one to bring along. What is the problem?

Sometimes I think people just go out of their way to find something to get offended about. Jeez, Louise.

I think that she just wanted everyone to see the baby and knowing that many bring something as a gift, she offered a reasonable suggestion. I'll bet that if you brought nothing at all, she would still be delighted to show off the little one.

 

[hereyago]

Decline the invitation and move on. Some people have no problem using their children as an excuse to demand gifts, even going so far as to dictate what gifts are acceptable. While some people find this "helpful" others find in demanding and entitled. I find it terribly sad that people have reduced the great events in their lives to nothing more than a transaction of gifts, where they set the price and expect everyone to pay up. Perhaps this mother should have considered that she needed diapers before procreating, rather than expecting her friends and family to provide them.

One of my coworkers had on her baby registry.... everything. like buy her a crib, buy a car seat. Her baby' daddy drove a hummer and he was around, well back around. I kind of had the sentiment, I don't mind diapers or some onesides, but you wanted to do the nasty, you get to pay for a crib-not just any crib, it was a round crib and it wasn't cheap, let the one who slept with you pay for that. And obviously, she had a job as well but spend money on ringtones, i mean switch them up every week, just dumb stuff.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Didn't your daughter just turn one?


And maybe I'm mistaking you with someone else but didn't you recently post that you made a registry for your daughter's birthday? Many people would think that was tacky.

yes, we made a registry because after the 3rd person asked I couldn't remember what I had told others. It was given only to family members who asked. I didn't insert it into the invite. Only by word of mouth did it pass. Quite quickly.

And once again, this kid isn't here yet. This is a shower not a meet and greet.

 

[brockash]

Honestly, that invitation really doesn't bug me. I guess it's a little presumptuous to assume that everyone was going to bring a gift to begin with, but otherwise, I really don't see it as that rude. I think they politely stated what was/was not needed. I also don't have any problem with having a new baby shower for every new addition, and this is coming from someone who didn't have a baby shower for either of mine. That was my choice, but it doesn't bother me in the least if someone wants to have one for each child. No one is forcing you to go, it's your choice.