How do you respond to rude invitations?

[Queen2PrincessG]

I would never spend $3-$5 on a greeting card and your telling me to bring a book instead would offend me much more than someone asking for diapers instead of clothing. You'd probably have gotten the book as your gift and that would be it.

Well most people bought two. They loved the idea of building a library and really giving something she will treasure. A greeting card doesn't have the same value.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

wow. Give me a moment to pick my jaw up from the floor.

OP: Don't bother going to the shower. I'm pretty sure the newest addition and mother won't miss you or the attitude. Enjoy your cruise.

 

[Mommy2cody]

Is it tacky, yeah maybe a little. But in the grand scheme of things, who cares? Is it really THAT big of a deal the way the invitation was written? Bottom line is there is a new baby and a party. Go or Don't go.

I try to be very etiquette minded when it comes to things like this. Because that’s how I was raised. Others not so much. My DH's family, wow, the stories I have about their etiquette are great! (Like my SIL who showed up at a funeral in pajamas and slippers! Seriously!) I learned early on that not everyone learns about proper etiquette or they just don't care!! The invitation wording isn't hurting anyone. It doesn't do any good to get all crazy about it. Read the invite, roll your eyes, chuckle about how un-classy the invite was and go to the party. Really are you going to walk around the party talking about how tacky the invitation was? No your going to see the baby!

 

[LBIJim]

And, I guess if her husband rolled over the last breast pump she had, she would need a new one.

Yeah, but in this case hubby should buy the new one. Requesting another one via a gift registry is tacky IMO. I have no clue how much they cost.

Jim

 

[dis-happy]

Pity the poor, sleep-deprived nursing mother whose baby projectile vomits in the car on the way home, causing a mad dash into the house and the expensive breast pump to be forgotten on the driveway. She's never allowed to have another breast pump again!!!


If I rec'd an invitation and already knew I'd be out of town anyway, I'd just politely decline and wouldn't waste another thought on it.

 

[punkin]

OMG...you would think she asked for a Lear Jet. It would be considered inconsiderate to arrive at someone's home empty handed. (just the way I was taught) She couldn't have found a more reasonable object or useful one or basically inexpensive one to bring along. What is the problem?

Sometimes I think people just go out of their way to find something to get offended about. Jeez, Louise.

I think that she just wanted everyone to see the baby and knowing that many bring something as a gift, she offered a reasonable suggestion. I'll bet that if you brought nothing at all, she would still be delighted to show off the little one.

Yup. I would not be offended at the invitation, and if I was, I would politely decline. Besides, I have never gone to see a new baby and not brought something. Last summer I went to babysit my friend's older two while she was in the hospital having her third. Since I drove 4 hours to New York and took her boys to the movies and out to eat on my dime, it was not strictly necessary for me to bring a baby gift, but I brought a couple of outfits and a nursing pillow she asked for anyway.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Ewww...I think that invite is tacky, tacky, tacky!!

We had a get together when ds after ds reached the 6 week mark. He was a preemie and born during RSV season so we declined a lot of visitors. We had the gathering Halloween weekend and sent an invite in the birth announcement inviting our family and friends to come meet our 'little pumpkin'. No mention of gifts, and we certainly weren't expecting any! Some family members had sent things when he was born, some had dropped them off or had Mom or MIL bring them over. A few brought small things that day. All love, appreciated gifts but definitely not expected or required in any way.

So I think there's nothing wrong with the invite to the gathering, it's the asking for gifts that I find appalling.

 

[Rora]

You lost my sympathy at this comment.


In my family, every new birth gets a shower.

Sorry OP, I see nothing wrong with a second shower. Or, with telling people (nicely) what to bring. Hey, if she only needs diapers, why not tell people so they don't waste their money on something that's not necessary?

And, they probably said that diapers would be a "blessing" because they thought it sounded nicer than saying, "please bring diapers if you chose to bring a gift", so people wouldn't be angry. Can't please everyone!

 

[themilesfamily]

I'm going to say the same thing I say to all of the "I hate Christmas letters" threads, and all of the "I'm annoyed by this person's invitation" threads:

Just be grateful that you have friends and family who care enough to send you these things and who want you at their celebrations. Trust me, you'll miss them when they're gone.

There are differing ideas on appropriate etiquette and I think life is too short to waste time being upset, offended, or miffed about them. I think etiquette should always be trumped by graciousness. So just be gracious and send a gift if you can't be there.

 

[Teacher03]

Exactly, she could have said bring diapers for a diaper game or something like that but to rudely say they don't need clothes...I mean we all get it. She gave her sister all her daughters used clothing some new because her daughter was and still is very big for her age. She wearing 6-9 clothing when she was born.
I'm not contributing anything. SIL is due in 8 weeks so this is a shower.

I don't find it rude at all....I would rather buy a gift that is needed and appreciated than one that is not.

OP, remind us all again how asking for a book is different ?

 

[palavra]

I must need to go to charm school or something, because I don't see anything wrong with that!
To me it seems like she's just letting people know that they don't need clothes, and diapers are something they do need. I don't think the fact that she used the word "blessing" means they can't afford diapers, I think that's just how some people talk. My good friend always says blessing when she means thankful. For example I offered to bring a dish to her house for a get together and she said "oh that would be a blessing!", doesn't mean she can't afford to feed her family though. LOL, far from it in fact.
And the breast pump thing? Well, I guess if her other one got run over than she does need a new one right? I mean it's not unheard of for even otherwise responsible people to be forgetful is it? I could see something like that happening in my family, I certainly hope that if I were to accidentally break a gift it wouldn't make people think I was unworthy of receiving them in the future.

I agree! There is certainly a place for civility and tact, but there is also a place for practicality. If the baby already has plenty of clothes, why would anyone want to waste their money on an outfit the child may never wear? Babies are expensive, and I think it is great to provide necessities for the parents and child.

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

Here are my thoughts, which aren't worth much:

On showers for second babies--sure, Ms. Post probably would say no to them, but a lot of people really like to throw parties, and this is a pretty good reason. Sure, theoretically the mom already has what she needs to get started down the path of motherhood, but being that this is a family-member, isn't there a likelihood that you would have gotten them a gift even in the absence of a shower? And further, if the point of the shower is to help new parents get what they need as they are starting out, why wouldn't any shower for a couple who is able to afford all their own stuff be rude?

On requesting diapers--maybe the hostess didn't go about making the request in the right way, but I really don't see why the request in itself would get someone upset. People do "diaper showers" around here, and people have been doing themed wedding showers for years.

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

There are differing ideas on appropriate etiquette and I think life is too short to waste time being upset, offended, or miffed about them. I think etiquette should always be trumped by graciousness. So just be gracious and send a gift if you can't be there.

This is so true! The whole point of etiquette is to make people feel comfortable and at-ease. Graciousness is the key to that.

 

[SeaShelley]

Oh geez....you're not even going to be around for the "shower". Just RSVP that you can't attend and forget about it. Stop worrying about how others do things and whether or not you think it's rude, tacky or otherwise.

You were an invited guest, not part of the planning process. Frankly, I think they're lucky that you're going to be on a cruise....bon voyage!

 

[KellyWasHere]

I don't find it rude at all....I would rather buy a gift that is needed and appreciated than one that is not.

OP, remind us all again how asking for a book is different ?

I'm still waiting for that explanation too.

I don't find the invite rude either.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

There are differing ideas on appropriate etiquette and I think life is too short to waste time being upset, offended, or miffed about them. I think etiquette should always be trumped by graciousness. So just be gracious and send a gift if you can't be there.

Exactly!

The OP, however, has proven time and again that she doesn't have a gracious bone in her body.

 

[MickeyBA]

I try to take things in the spirit in which they were intended. The person who sent that invitation was doing it out of love and friendship. She probably had a conversation with the mom and found out that she had gobs of baby clothes and came up with the diaper idea. It's usually the host badgering the guest of honor for those ideas, and the host is doing it because she knows how many questions about gifts she'll be getting. I am all about manners and etiquette and part of that is not being a judgmental nag when someone offers you an invitation. And since it's an invitation and not an order I would just not go if I were that offended.

 

[dzorn]

yeah, but in this case hubby should buy the new one. Requesting another one via a gift registry is tacky imo. I have no clue how much they cost.

Jim

200+

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

I try to take things in the spirit in which they were intended. The person who sent that invitation was doing it out of love and friendship. She probably had a conversation with the mom and found out that she had gobs of baby clothes and came up with the diaper idea. It's usually the host badgering the guest of honor for those ideas, and the host is doing it because she knows how many questions about gifts she'll be getting. I am all about manners and etiquette and part of that is not being a judgmental nag when someone offers you an invitation. And since it's an invitation and not an order I would just not go if I were that offended.

People always seem to forget that part of etiquette.

How you react to something that is tacky (in your opinion) is just as important as not doing something tacky. In fact I find the people who go "OMG I can't believe what these people did" when they receive an invitation a lot more tacky than the original offender.

 

[dzorn]

Yes I do think it is tacky. Facebook, second shower and all.

If all you need is diapers then buy them yourself. If it is come meet the baby party then no need to mention gifts at all. If some asks then you can tell them diapers.

Second showers are rare around here unless there is a big gap in age of the children.

A far as asking for books for the first baby shower I do not have a problem with.

For my nephew's baby shower

"To get baby started on the right foot please bring him a library book."

Even though I thought it was tacky I would just declined and not thought twice about it. Given that it is family they would have gotten a gift when the baby was born.

Denise in MI