How do you respond to rude invitations?

[Ember]

There's something you don't see a lot of here!

Well, after bursting into tears at work today when the photocopier jammed, I realized maybe I was a wee bit emotional... I have no issues putting on my big girl underpants and apologizing if I'm in the wrong.

 

[MickeyBA]

Well, after bursting into tears at work today when the photocopier jammed, I realized maybe I was a wee bit emotional... I have no issues putting on my big girl underpants and apologizing if I'm in the wrong.

Irrational crying is always a clue to myself that I'm more stressed than I realize. During my divorce I once burst into a sobbing fit because I couldn't fit something in a box. Hope you are feeling better soon.

 

[RitaZ.]

OP, is this the same SIL you were upset with b/c they were having a baby girl & that would take attention from your "princess"? Is that the source of your feelings about the invite, that you really seem to dislike your in-laws?

There is always more to the story.

 

[sunnyday123]

Exactly, she could have said bring diapers for a diaper game or something like that but to rudely say they don't need clothes...I mean we all get it. She gave her sister all her daughters used clothing some new because her daughter was and still is very big for her age. She wearing 6-9 clothing when she was born.
I'm not contributing anything. SIL is due in 8 weeks so this is a shower.

How is saying "we don't need clothes" rude, but saying, "I hate greeting cards, bring books" not???

 

[krcit]

How is saying "we don't need clothes" rude, but saying, "I hate greeting cards, bring books" not???

Because she said it, lol. I have a feeling OP would've had a problem with whatever the invite said. Some people just look for stuff to be annoyed about.

 

[fairestoneofall]

wow. just wow. i just cannot imagine being offended by that--especially because you tell people not to give you a card, but to buy a book instead. whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts"?

when i had my second, my MIL insisted on having a small shower. she requested no clothing be given. for my first shower (DD), it seemed like all i got was clothing and it was too much. but i was grateful for it. with my DS, i just didn't need all of that clothing. it was a blessing to be given the necessities like diapers, wipes, burp cloths, etc.

i'm pregnant again (my middle and the baby will be 6 1/2 years apart). i have said NO shower to this one. we really truly have nothing because we didn't plan to have a third. but i still don't want a shower for this one. if someone wants to give us a gift, then it will be appreciated. but it isn't necessary to have a shower.

but still. wow. it seems that you have a frictional relationship with them and thus, whatever they do will offend you.

 

[punkin]

Irrational crying is always a clue to myself that I'm more stressed than I realize. During my divorce I once burst into a sobbing fit because I couldn't fit something in a box. Hope you are feeling better soon.

With me it usually meant that I was pregnant.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Sue - I actually refused a shower for DD - it just felt wrong to me BUT we did celebrate her after she was born!

I have no problem having a shower for another baby when it's of a different gender. I think you could still have a party for another same sex child, but I would leave the term shower out of it... maybe call it a get together or brunch.

I do not agree with insisting on additional gifts like OP did. My friend is doing that for her baby and I'm not buying them books as they are in greater need for other things. My cousin ( who I can't stand) required 2 books at her shower. I sent my regards and several little gifts. Easy as that. I'm expecting my cousin' wife (different cousin but SIL to the one I don't get along with) to have a shower for their baby when he comes in 4 months. Their son is 10 going on 11. I will most likely duck out of this one as well because we are not close by any means but I will still send a gift or 3 for them because that is what is the right thing to do.

 

[Keli]

I gotta say I hate showers where they tell me what I have to buy, no choices. Forget that, why don't you just tell me to show up with cash? I did receive a wedding shower invitation recently that asked only for checks or gift cards
I don't mind the no clothes part, that wouldn't bother me because I still have choices, I can buy lots and lots of stuff that aren't clothes. But to limit me to diapers, well, no thank you. It may not bother others but it does me.
I want to buy the fun stuff, let the parents buy the necessities. To me that's like going to a wedding shower and being told to buy the couple groceries or throw in on their electric bill.

 

[Allison]

I find what you perceive to be rude and tacky quite interesting.

I mean I find it rude to question the ability of people to serve on the Disney Mom's Panel because they aren't perfect looking or beautiful enough but it wasn't an issue for you a few days ago.

 

[Fintastic]

There's a difference between celebrating every baby and asking for specific gifts.

We didn't have a shower for our second - even though the kids are almost six years apart AND different genders. They just feel like gift grabs to me.

 

[SaraJayne]

*Sigh*

I would like to apologize for the tone and mean comment at the end of my post. I thought about it later today and realized how harsh it was. My DH has close family in critical condition in the hospital. It's been less than a year since losing my mom and I'm not handling it very gracefully, I'm afraid. I think I was letting out a lot of frustration/anger/hurt that had nothing to do with the topic at hand.

I have no issue with celebrating subsequent births, and think every child should be celebrated. I do think it's rude to tell people what to bring to any event because it assumes a gift and it is not the job of the recipient to select their gifts. It's a personal pet peeve of mine the people seem so focused on gifts these days. But I could have said it in a much nicer way.

 

[poohs_hunny]

Who the heck leaves a breast pump in the driveway??

And yes, telling people what to bring is rude.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Its probably also easier to have friends and family over in one shot than having people drop in here and there. I do think its rude to specify what to bring but as others said people usually bring a gift anyway.

I had showers for 3 out of my 4 kids and have no problems with that.

 

[ols386]

Who the heck leaves a breast pump in the driveway??

And yes, telling people what to bring is rude.

The way it was worded was "if you could bring". For me personally, that isn't exactly telling someone what to bring. It's more of a suggestion. If one doesn't want to bring the diapers that were mentioned, no one is going to twist their arm and force them to bring diapers, or anything for that matter.

You can bring whatever gift you would like, but if you bring something that really isn't needed, then it probably won't be used much. If I'm giving a gift, I would prefer to give a gift that I know the recipient wants/needs. But that's just me. We all see things from our own perspective.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

WOW!
They don't have money for vacation. The pump was rolled over after she left it outside bringing groceries in. She also left a McClaren double stroller outside over the winter and then asked " what happened? It's ruined!" People give her TONS of really nice things and she ruins them and then expects replacements. She doesn't know what is valuable and what is trash.

No one in our family knows about our cruise because they will just judge us again and say "must be nice".

The book wasn't more usefully but it's a way for DD to connect to the person. A card doesn't do that. She will always remember that her cousin gave her Corduroy.

As for the pissed she is having a girl thing. I'm over it especially because during Christmas the other female cousins all said no one really cares I'm just happy that others see that they are just welfare collectors. I'm sorry but you shouldn't have kids once you're bored with the one before and especially if you can't afford them.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Well---since its just to meet the baby its really not a shower (though showers for second babys are tacky) and I would just bring them diapers if that is what they want. Typically people bring gifts when they come to see the baby for the first time anyway so just make them happy and bring diapers.

Ok It's not a meet, it's a shower the kid still won't be here. But this proves my point about their lack of thinking.

 

[emer95]

WOW!
They don't have money for vacation. The pump was rolled over after she left it outside bringing groceries in. She also left a McClaren double stroller outside over the winter and then asked " what happened? It's ruined!" People give her TONS of really nice things and she ruins them and then expects replacements. She doesn't know what is valuable and what is trash.

No one in our family knows about our cruise because they will just judge us again and say "must be nice".

The book wasn't more usefully but it's a way for DD to connect to the person. A card doesn't do that. She will always remember that her cousin gave her Corduroy.

As for the pissed she is having a girl thing. I'm over it especially because during Christmas the other female cousins all said no one really cares I'm just happy that others see that they are just welfare collectors. I'm sorry but you shouldn't have kids once you're bored with the one before and especially if you can't afford them.

Are you for real?

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I wish I was. People here think i'm trolling or making things up. I couldn't even imagine saying my kid is boring when he is only 4. They are so neglectful to him. SIL is just obsessed with babies but doesn't think about supporting them. She wants a ton and her mother completly supports it.

 

[EllenFrasier]

Doesn't anybody wonder why she was using a breast pump outside?