How Do You REALLY Feel About Persons with Handicaps?

[letterdavidman]

I recently started working at essentially an adult daycare for those who are mildly-to-extremely mentally/and or physically handicapped. I absolutely adore both the job and, especially, the clientele. But, unfortunately, on several of the outings that we have taken, we have experienced everything from obvious sidelong glances, to outright ridicule, barely concealed under the offending parties' breath. I have to admit that this has been quite a shock to me, as I thought that, despite the fact that Dubya was elected twice as our president, I thought we were living in more or less a fairly enlightened society. I guess I was wrong. As this is a new job, and I don't want to be let go, I've kept my natural instincts to lash out pretty much at bay, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore the mental ****sticks. So... I thought I'd ask outright--how do YOU, personally, feel about adults with handicaps interacting in public with more "normal" people?

 

[JennaTX]

To be quite honest, I always felt somewhat strange around handicapped people, just because I did not know how to act, what to say, etc.

But then one of our good friends was in a motorcycle accident in our early 20's and ended up completely paralyzed. After that and spending so much time with him, made me realize that he is the same person. Also watching my kids with him, who ask completely innocent but "frank" questions (sometimes to the point where I am almost cringe, lol) has helped alot.

I think that the ridicule part you are talking about comes more from just not knowing how to act, although it surprises me that adults would act that way.

 

[SueM in MN]

welcome to our world
Not necessarily always the nicest place to be.
Having been the mother of a child with obvious disabilities for quite some time now, it seems that people are getting less tolerant, not more (especially in the last 6 years).

 

[Seahunt]

I feel that "there but for the grace of God go I" - to those people who are rude, who knows in the future what might happen to THEM and their supposed "perfection" (or their loved ones), and then how would they feel?

My 1950's era parents must have done a great job of raising all of us because all of their kids have loads of compassion and good feelings toward disabled persons, and like to be of service.

 

[rie'smom]

There has always been intolerance and unfortunately,there always will be. I'm 49 and haven't noticed any rise in the amount of prejudice towards those with handicaps. If anything, most people are more knowledgable about different handicaps. With knowledge,there is a decline in intolerance. Am I saying that there aren't still alot of ignorant people who are prejudiced against those who are different? No.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Honestly, I try not to look at them at all so that I'm not accused of staring. My mother's twin sister and 1 of my cousins are mentally handicapped. Another cousin is physically handicapped. I never really thought much of it. One of my co-workers years ago knew about my family members and when I was pregnant with my dd, she said that if she had that family history she wouldn't have a child in case it was hereditary and she was shocked I didn't seem worried about that at all. That still bothers me (that she said that) to this day.

 

[Tiziminchac]

I think the Nazi euthanasia program should be brought back!


Bad jokes aside, how am I supposed to feel? I thank God I am who I am and have nothing but compassion for those less fortunate. All life is valuable and should be respected.

 

[TurboKitty]

I think the Nazi euthanasia program should be brought back!

Bad jokes aside, how am I supposed to feel? I thank God I am who I am and have nothing but compassion for those less fortunate. All life is valuable and should be respected.

I know you posted that as a joke, but it really bothers me. Call me oversensitive (and lord knows, it wouldn't be the first time I've heard that), but I think making jokes like this lead a poor example for younger members, no matter how it was meant. Someone skimming replies may not read the second part of your post...and the fact that you actually typed that out, irritates me.

I'm not at all fond of those 'short bus" jokes and comments, either. But, this is coming from the mother of a developmentally disabled child, so feel free to take that with a grain of salt, should you find the need.

 

[MyGoofy26]

The grade school I went to was the only one in the county that also had a room for disabled children so from kindergarten on, all the kids were "used" to all these differing disabilities. I never really knew to think differently. A few years ago (well, almost 7 now) when my uncle and his wife got together we always talked and played with her son and spoiled him on Christmas, for his birthday, and even the Easter Bunny left an extra basket at our house. Her son has Down Syndrome. My uncle was telling us, it had to have been a year or two later that she actually cried because we accepted him into our family so quickly and unquestioningly. Her ex-DH's parents had completely written him off at birth. They refused to claim him as their grandchild to the point of actually TELLING people they didn't have a grandchild.

It wasn't until then that I realized just how far people will go when someone isn't "normal" - luckily he's pretty oblivious when people look at him a certain way or say things about him. . .I couldn't imagine what that could do if he realized just how awful people can be.

 

[Tiziminchac]

I know you posted that as a joke, but it really bothers me. Call me oversensitive (and lord knows, it wouldn't be the first time I've heard that), but I think making jokes like this lead a poor example for younger members, no matter how it was meant. Someone skimming replies may not read the second part of your post...and the fact that you actually typed that out, irritates me.

I'm not at all fond of those 'short bus" jokes and comments, either. But, this is coming from the mother of a developmentally disabled child, so feel free to take that with a grain of salt, should you find the need.

Now I'm irritated that your irritated. Yeah it was a joke and I even said it was a bad one. If your offended, sorry. And if I ever know that I offended someone I'll apologize. But I'm not gonna live my life walking on eggshells, worried that anything I do or say may offend someone else.

 

[Aisling]

Years ago, I'd look and stare at them when I saw groups of them on outings. And then I began a career in health care, in a nursing home with handicapped people of all ages, and my attitude changed. I became very protective of them. I had co-workers who were obviously embarrassed to take these people out of the facility, but not me. I was totally focused on the residents having a good time. Being around them every day for years made them less of an odd-attraction for me, and gave me more compassion for them. When people stare when we're out, I just smile, and behave as these handicapped people have dignity, too.

My youngest son who is 14 has a problem with handicapped people, and by coincidence, the Special Olympics is having a bowling event in my neighborhood. Well, guess who I volunteered to help out? Yes, my son is going to learn to respect these people by first hand helping. Well, at least that's my goal.

 

[smilingmouse]

I have a disability, so I can honestly say that I don't treat other disabled people differently than non-disabled people. I've been on the receiving end of judgement stares and looks and it hurts. My friends and family are all very accerpting of disabled people, and they get very upset when other people make hurtful comments.

 

[jemiaule]

My youngest son who is 14 has a problem with handicapped people, and by coincidence, the Special Olympics is having a bowling event in my neighborhood. Well, guess who I volunteered to help out? Yes, my son is going to learn to respect these people by first hand helping. Well, at least that's my goal.

Excellent idea; I hope it goes well!


As for the OPs original question: "how do YOU, personally, feel about adults with handicaps interacting in public with more "normal" people?"

They are people and should have the same freedoms to be out and about just like anyone else. If they are physically able to get out and about that is fabulous!

Call me over-sensitive but nothing bends me more out of shape than seeing or hearing people acting rude or disrespectful to those with disabilities or to older folks. Sadly it seems those are two groups of people who get the least amount of basic human respect sometimes.

 

[DISUNC]

Add me to the "there but for the grace of God" list.

No problem at all.

Do onto others as you would want do onto you!!!!

 

[minkydog]

I used to feel kinda uncomfortable around mentally handicapped people...then I had Christian. He's my 11yo. Christian is severely/profoundly mentally ********. He needs 24hr supervision and full assistance with everything from eating to dressing to toileting. As a result of caring for him, I have become pretty passionate about disabilities.

Just yesterday I had him in the neurologist office and a little 5yo girl shouted,"what's wrong with that boy?!" Her mother nearly had a heart attack and quickly(and severely!) shushed her. I leaned over and spoke to the girl first, telling her that Christian's brain is slow and he never could learn to talk. The mother was still trying to get the girl to just shut up so I leaned over and said to the mom," it's okay, we know he's ******** " Sometimes a little dose of humor just lightens the load. she relaxed and let the little girl ask her questions and that was the end of it.

I don't mind people asking questions, especially children. I don't like it when adults react strongly to childish questions or make faces or act like Christian is contagious or dirty. Yeah, he drools sometimes and he makes weird noises. But he also plays the piano and sings and swims and eats ice cream. He knows where the cookies are and he has his favorite videos. He likes to go camping, likes to hike in the woods, and he loves to ride his horse. In short, my son Christian is a lot like other people, only less intelligent.

 

[ilovepcot]

Wow MINKYDOG, what a wonderful and heartwarming post.

 

[letterdavidman]

I think the Nazi euthanasia program should be brought back!

You're such a card!

 

[letterdavidman]

Call me over-sensitive but nothing bends me more out of shape than seeing or hearing people acting rude or disrespectful to those with disabilities or to older folks. Sadly it seems those are two groups of people who get the least amount of basic human respect sometimes.

I agree.

Welcome to America, circa 2007.

 

[barkley]

on a personal note-i can say that people can be much more 'accepting' and kind when a person has a visable vs. an 'invisable' disability.

when i was totaly non disabled but wore a very obvious back brace for 3 years people were largly very kind and compassionate, but when i became disabled in a manner not outwardly visable but such that i began to use a disabled parking permit was when i began to encounter some of the rudest and most inappropriate situations with the public.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Speaking as a paraplegic since age 6, I don't have an opinion. Those with disabilities are just another part of the human race to me. Not any different.

But I, too, have been on the receiving end of rude/ignorant comments and questions. Just a part of life I have to deal with.