How do you please someone that can't be pleased

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I am one week away from seeing my dad and despite all of the weight I lost recently I still have a stomach I wish I can say I got rid of it but that would be s lie but I have come a long way so when he picks me up from the airport how do I respond to the criticism if how I am do over weight and I well be the first one blamed for type 2 diabetes

I don't have it he is saying I am so over weight that I well get it


I have been trying to please him for the past 30 years have yet to be successful I don't know why I have not given up yet

 

[low-key]

Im sorry, nothing is more uplifting when your dad is proud of you and nothing hurts more to the soul when he isnt. But lets be realistic there are very few good and loving dads out there

 

[Allison]

But lets be realistic there are very few good and loving dads out there

That's just not true.

 

[low-key]

That's just not true.

maybe your right, I hope you are

 

[Cantw8]

In the immortal words of Ricky Nelson.."You can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself" Any father that makes it his life's work to put down his own child, isn't worth pleasing

 

[hereyago]

Just stop trying, life is too short.

If he says anything negative, toot your own horn tell him how much you have lost and tell him that you dont want to hear any negative comments.

 

[wilkeliza]

How much more weight can you possibly loose! If that is how you father treats you dump him to the curb and move on with your life. You are 30 years old and from what is on your ticker pretty thin already. It seems like based on other threads you might even be going to an unhealthy extreme.

Don't listen to your father and don't worry about pleasing him.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

How much more weight can you possibly loose! If that is how you father treast you dump him to the curb and move on with your life. You are 30 years old and from what is on your ticker pretty thin already. It seems like based on other threads you might even be going to an unhealthy extreme.

Don't listen to your father and don't worry about pleasing him.

In fairness to my dad yes impossible to please but he has not seen me in about 8 months so pure anxiety about being made fun of in fort of other family members

 

[Lynne M]

As hard as it is, the trick is to stop trying to please him. People who can't be pleased are that way because of their own problems, not anything you did, or didn't do. Continuing to try to please him is just setting yourself up for disappointment and hurt.

You just be the best 'you' that you can, and know that that's enough. Happy Thanksgiving, Tink, hope you and your family had a good day.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Tink, don't worry about what he thinks. Love is unconditional. It is not about how big or small you are. It is what is inside that counts. If something is said to you , you can sit down when your alone with him and let him know how things have hurt you.
If only I could take off some of the weight I carry. But what you have done I am proud of you!

 

[Bec3b1g]

Just stop trying. Remind yourself that you can do everything perfectly and there will still be some fault found. It's not about you.

It's tough. BTDT.

 

[Poohforyou]

In fairness to my dad yes impossible to please but he has not seen me in about 8 months so pure anxiety about being made fun of in fort of other family members

If that's how he treats you why are you even going to see him? You're a grown up and have the right to choose the family you wish to associate with.

 

[Bec3b1g]

If that's how he treats you why are you even going to see him? You're a grown up and have the right to choose the family you wish to associate with.

Yep, I agree that sometimes it's best to avoid those who can't be pleased if you can't insulate yourself from hurt feelings.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

If that's how he treats you why are you even going to see him? You're a grown up and have the right to choose the family you wish to associate with.

Like I told dh it is compacted the easiest way to explain it is I have a love hate relationship with him there are times I miss him and I don't know why and other times I fear him so much I don't sleep because I remover the criticism

 

[dotfurio]

I haven't put up with ongoing criticism from a parent, so I can't say for certain what I'd do in your situation. But I'll give you my opinion anyway I wouldn't worry about him embarrassing you in front of family - I think if he says anything he's embarrassing himself by being an *** and I'd call him out on it in front of everyone, along the lines of "Wow, that's an incredibly rude thing to say, why would you say something so insensitive to me?" And if I was really feeling witchy I might throw in some concern about his mental health at his age because a mentally stable person wouldn't blurt out such obnoxious stuff.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Thanks you guys for the encurgment I think I will sleep better tonight thanks to your words of wisdom

 

[cijay]

I am one week away from seeing my dad and despite all of the weight I lost recently I still have a stomach I wish I can say I got rid of it but that would be s lie but I have come a long way so when he picks me up from the airport how do I respond to the criticism if how I am do over weight and I well be the first one blamed for type 2 diabetes


I have been trying to please him for the past 30 years have yet to be successful I don't know why I have not given up yet

Well, you're not going to please him, you've said it yourself and you're already braced for what is most likely to happen so all you can do is control how you respond. Is it your home town you're going to where there are other friends? Can someone else pick you up? Do you have the control to see him or not see him?

 

[Tay N Evie's Mom]

If I could figure out how to please someone who can't be pleased, I would have made my parents happy years ago. This is why I haven't spoken to them in 5 years. Oh, how my life is so much better.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Well, you're not going to please him, you've said it yourself and you're already braced for what is most likely to happen so all you can do is control how you respond. Is it your home town you're going to where there are other friends? Can someone else pick you up? Do you have the control to see him or not see him?

No it's a place I have never been for a family reunion

If I could figure out how to please someone who can't be pleased, I would have made my parents happy years ago. This is why I haven't spoken to them in 5 years. Oh, how my life is so much better.

And you don't miss them?

 

[Tay N Evie's Mom]

No, I don't miss them. I mourn not having a normal family, but not MY family. My parents are rude, negative, selfish, critical, harsh, self centered people. As an example, to go along with the OP topic... When I turned 40, I worked out 38 weeks faithfully before going on DCL with my family and my parents. I'm 5'9" and weighed 126 lbs when we left and was in the best shape of my life. I had twins, so my body surely wasn't perfect any more, but dang, I looked good. While sitting on CC with my parents, my DD asked me what was on my thigh. As I looked down, he said "are those stretch marks I see? Wow, they look terrible!" I was crushed and humiliated. For years after that I I tried to use creams to get rid of those stretch marks. I have more stories like this that could fill volumes of books. My upbringing wasn't normal, and until I had my children and started to raise them, did I realize how dysfunctional it was. I'm proud to say, I broke the cycle and raised 2 fabulous young adults. It's hard for people who have normal, loving, supportive parents to understand why I don't try to still communicate with them, but my life and my family's lives are so much better without them.