How do you not let it get you down?

[disneyaway]

I am planning our trip to WDW in May. Going with me, DH, DD3, and DD1 are my in-laws and my BIL and his family. I am so excited about going bc it's my 3-year-old's first visit, and my baby turns one when we are there. And we are going with family. So, I am the one emailing people to let them know about tickets, hotels, transportation and asking them what the want to do, because I so much want everyone to have a good time. And this morning I got an email from my MIL basically telling me to stop sending her the emails bc she is too busy And I was surprised by how much it hurt my feelings. So I figure I will just plan things as I want, and everyone else can join in or not. But still, it took the bloom off things for a little bit.
Does this happen to you all? If so, how do you deal without getting petty, if you will?

 

[Al and Kate's Mom]

I think a lot of us here at the DIS have had to deal with this in one way or another. Don't let it steal your magic - consider it a personal mission to create the best trip you can for your family, and hopefully the in-laws will get to experience the magic with you. Not all people love Disney (I personally think those people are nuts, but there you have it) - and if you do, you take care of you! Best of luck for a FANTASTIC vacation!!!

 

[browniemtb]

I agree with Karen...don't let your MIL get you down. Just plan for your family and if in the future they ask why they weren't included in something just say your MIL didn't want to be bothered.

All these feelings will go away once you look into your 3 year olds face when he enters the MK. That is always the best part of the trip for me is watching them, the little ones.

 

[Heidijs]

To heck with her! I'd start making plans for YOUR family when you're there and when you get there and you're having a great time and they're totally clueless, just tell her you don't have time to show her all the ins and outs of WDW!

 

[tr-ray]

Just try not to let it bother you - you know that deep down you just want everyone to have a good time!

I will be going through this soon, too, I'm sure. We are planning a trip for December, and will be at least taking/going with my sister & her son... and at most the two of them, plus her boyfriend and possibly my mom!!

 

[nursegirl]

I have totally been there - more than once! We basically just tried to put the focus back on our immediate family and planned as best we could to include everyone we could. Its hard not to let someone's insensitive comments bother you, even if it was unintentional, but you are doing the right thing by venting a bit and then letting it go.

I personally find it hard to understand that some people are not as excited about planning a trip to WDW as I am. And that good planning = a more fun/relaxing time. If your MIL has a pattern of being hurtful or insensitive, however, then that's another discussion all together.

Anyway -

 

[Mathfailure]

Sometimes in our eagerness to get it all perfect, we overstep boundaries.

Perhaps other do not want or appreciate your planning for them. In a casual moment, ask what others need or want from you.

It may be they want to do their own thing, and would like you to stick to your familiy. This is not to be taken personal if they do not wish for the total togetherness thing, it is just different.

Sometimes even at Disney families cannot spend all their time together.

When we have gone with family it worked out if we only met up for certain times, with mostly each group going different ways because of interest and ages.

Could you see yourself backing off a bit and letting them ask you?

 

[katie111]

I think some people just don't want to be involved in th eplanning. My DH is like that. He doesn't want to discuss restaurant choices, touring plans, or transportation decisions. He knows that I know what I'm doing and that I'll make the best decisions. I'm going next month with my sister & my kids and she's the same way. She just doesn't get into the minutia. Once they are there they're excited to do everything, they just don't want to discuss it to death & I understand that. For example, I have friends that will send 20 emails when we're just trying to plan a night out for dinner. Sometimes I just want to say "just include me on the last email when you make a plan." This may be how your MIL feels.

So, perhaps your MIL was mot being mean, perhaps she really is just too busy to deal with this. She'll probably just be happy with whatever you plan. I think people who have not been to Disney many times or only went a long time ago do not understand how many decisions there are to be made before you get there. Maybe just include her on the really big decisions or figure things out on your own & then send out a full itinerary for everyone to review. If they don't want to do something, they can opt out of it but it is then up to them to come up with their own plan for that time. Your plans are set at that point.

 

[bord1niowa]

I would just take care of whatever you want and when they are left out of certain things in your itinerary, Just say, you didn't want to be involved in it, you can't just walk into the restaurant or whatever so, have a nice day! Never let it bother you on your trip.

 

[disneyaway]

Thanks everyone!

I am probably being a bit over-sensitive anyway about it. I guess that thing that irked me was that the email I sent was about their transportation issues from the airport to the hotel, and whether everyone wanted to book a boat to watch the fireworks.

But I can see where people just want the final package and not deal with the details. So I think that is the approach I will stick to. And just come to the board more often to share my enthusiasm

 

[Hannathy]

Well............

How many emails have you been sending? and what is the tone of the emails? and what is the status of your MIL? I mean is she a retired stay at home or a busy professional? All these things can determine if she is being a grump or have a legitimate complaint. If you are sending 5 emails for every decision and they are very insistent and she is a busy professional then she may have a case. I would email them with 1 letter asking all the big questions and if they want me to plan all the little details and a budget and if the said yes then I wouldn't send them another to all the plans are made and booked. Some people just don't get into planning all the details -hence the popularity of all inclusive vacations!

Just chalk it up to differences in people and that this way you both get what you enjoy, you alll the details her of just writing a check

 

[james'mommy]

Some people just don't want to be involved. My dad just cares that he and mom have a seperate room. My mom said to do what ever we wanted. She said to sign her up for the dining plan and let her know how many days of park tix she needed. She's leaving the rest up to me and my sister.

 

[rookie78]

don't let it get you down. My family did the same thing to me, I got on their nerves asking them questions and they hurt my feelings, so I just did not plan anymore. Unfortunately, I had not found this site yet or I would have known to just keep planning. Let me tell you it was one of the most stressful trips ever due to lack of planning. My first trip to WDW was not the greatest, so I am hoping this next one will be much different!!! Enjoy yourself and th experience with your family.

 

[design_mom]

I'm sorry your MIL's e-mail put a damper on your enthusiasm. It stinks to feel like you're working hard to make sure everyone has a good time and be 'rewarded' like that.

I've been on both sides though. I planned a trip for the extended family once. I did all the research and presented all the options -- and got responses similar to yours. It was too much detail/too many options. What works best for my extended family is: "Here's what I think we should do. Please approve this plan, or offer your suggestions." My plan almost always gets approved. Have your back-up info on hand, but don't necessarily present it all up front. For instance, I might say "I think we should stay here _(moderate)_." Response: That hotel is awfully expensive. Me: "The value hotels are less expensive. They cost _____/night. The differences are: ________., etc." Rather than saying "Here's what the Deluxes are like. Here's what the moderates are like. Here's what the values are like. Where do you want to stay?" Response: glassy-eyed stares.

On the other hand, my dad was trying to buy a gift for my mom and couldn't decide what to buy. Every five minutes he was sending another e-mail asking me to check out this or that and asking how I thought it compared to the one he'd sent before, so then I'd have to search for the first e-mail again, etc. I finally had to ask him to stop and put all the options in one e-mail instead of sending things as he thought of them.

So...perhaps your family just wants you to make the plan. Or perhaps you're overloading them with info and e-mail and they need an easier way to "digest" it. Assuming you don't need decisions within the day, perhaps you could gather your research and send a trip planning update once a week or something.

 

[Nancyg56]

I agree that you cannot let this upset you. I planned out first trip and my DD did nto want to be too involved. She knew where she wanted to stay and what she did nto want to do. I planned the rest, updated her Dh.

There are a lot of folks who do not like the day to day updates and all of the details. I think I would just ask her how much she wanted me to plan and how much info she was comfortable with. She may just want you to make the plans for all of you.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

I was like you when I was planning our trip for August. I was totally into planning and getting all kinds of info from these boards. I wanted input on what to do and what restaurants to go to and nobody really had any input. So i just planned it all myself and they ate where I wanted to eat. Well last minute my mom is getting input from her friends and wanting to change things. Well that was too late. So this year she is definitely more interested in the planning! She even went so far as to do the actuall booking!

 

[kpgriswold]

I know I get irriated when my DS 13 tells me every play-by-play on his Wii adventure game, or my DD16 wants to discuss the intricacies of a piece of music she is working on. Your MIL may be excited to go with you, but bored with the minute details.

Don't take it personally. Just try to remember that not eveyone "out there" is as fanatical about Disney as we are "in here"!

 

[Jaymie]

Does your MIL just want to plan it and she'll show up and have fun? That's how my mom is. She's happy to discuss details, but it's really not necessary. Or does your MIL want to go on her own way and not stay around your family & your BIL's family? The answer to that would determine if I got upset.

How is your BIL & his fam about you doing all the planning?

I'm the family planner. When went in Jan 09 with my mom, sister & family, brother & family and his MIL, I asked everyone in general where they wanted to go & eat and then I took everyone requests into account when making all the ADR's. We also split up a little here & there because it's hard to keep a group of 13 together and happy the whole time. It worked out great for our group.

If anyone had taking your MIL's attitude, that would have offended me too.

 

[disneyaway]

So I went back and looked at the emails I had sent out. Over the past 5 weeks, I had originated 5 emails: the first was the inital cost from the travel agent my MIL recommended, the second a revised cost proposal when I realized the first one was 30% too high, the third to let them know the dates and times of the ADRs. The fourth email was because of their transportation to the hotel to ask what they wanted and about airfare, and the last one was a followup of that with prices, per my FIL request and to ask about grand gatherings and a boat for the fireworks bc I understand that those can fill up quickly.

I don't know what my MIL would like to do-- she can be pretty quirky sometimes. So that is part of my frustration bc I can't figure out what she wants. She will probably end up wanting to do her own stuff for a while. When they come visit us or my BIL, half the time they stay at a hotel even though they have plenty of room here. They just like to be on their own for a little bit I guess.

Maybe that is too much, esp because the last two were two days apart.

I haven't heard much from my BIL bc they finally decided they were coming about three days ago. But I think they will let me plans things out as well.

I know my MIL is busy-- she is a writer and finishing up a book. I work full time as well so I understand time constraints. But I am pretty much over it now. I have a general idea of what people want to do, and I know in detail what I want to do. And I am going to look at this an opportunity -- I don't have to deal with meddlesome in-laws

 

[sbrotherton]

Design_Mom is totally right. Sometimes the options are overwhelming for people and they don't really know what to respond so you end up getting and exasperated, "I don't know" back from them. When it comes to the fireworks cruise and such, if you are set on going regardless of what everyone else does, you could e-mail the people involved and tell them that you are planning to book this for your family. If anyone wants to join them, tell them to let you know by a certain date. That way, you're offering people the chance to participate, but there's really no decision to be made outside of yes or no and whether or not they want to pony up on the cost.

I've been pretty lucky in terms of those that travel with us and how they react. I also tell them up front how I plan. We are fortunate about locations...we are DVC so we pretty much know where we will stay and it's up to them to figure out if they want to stay at the same resort as we do, but I also offer to help them look at options if they want. Then I tell them what I typically plan and make sure people know that they are NOT obligated to do anything or everything that I plan for our family. Since we've been so many times, people tend to go with what I plan, but I think it helps that I tell them up front that they aren't stuck being on our agenda without question.

I also think that whenever possible, it's better to do this in person or over the telephone rather than by e-mail. While I would LOVE getting an e-mail about a Disney trip, some aren't quite as excited and look at it as just an other e-mail to respond to (what's wrong with those people anyway...this is Disney we're talking about). Either way, don't let them discourage your excitement, you'll work it all out. Keep up your great work...they'll all thank you in the end!