How do you learn to trust someone again?

[ClarabelleCowFan]

If someone you trusted with your whole heart completely broke your trust over and over while they were going thru some personal issues how do you get past the lies and deceit and learn to trust them again?

Is it even possible to rebuild trust once it is broken?

 

[Skylarr29]

I don't know if you will be able to ever trust them again if they are repeatedly abusing your trust. Only you can decide that. The only advice I have is to be a little wiser when starting to trust them again and that forgiveness doesn't mean that what they did was right... it means letting go of the control they have over you.

 

[Helene]

Here's a quote (author unknown) that I live by......

"People may doubt what you say, but they will always believe what you do"

It's possible to regain trust over time if the person who's hurt you demonstrates through action that you can rely on them, they they support you and they "earn" it back.

Sometimes trust is less about the other person and more about ourselves. If a person has been repeatedly hurt yet maintains the friendship/relationship, it becomes more about setting personal boundries. [ie.....make decisions and set limits based on what you know to be true (facts) vs. how you feel (emotions).]

Good luck as you go through the process...it isn't easy.

Helene

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I was unable to regain trust in my ex-H. He kept hurting me (I won't go into how), and each time he'd say I had to let go of what he did in the past and trust him again. I did, and he'd just hurt me again. Now we're divorced and he STILL insists that I need to forget it and give him another chance. He seems to think there's a chance that we'll get back together. I can't do it...I don't trust him one bit anymore.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I don't know if you will be able to ever trust them again if they are repeatedly abusing your trust. Only you can decide that. The only advice I have is to be a little wiser when starting to trust them again and that forgiveness doesn't mean that what they did was right... it means letting go of the control they have over you.

Thanks. It is very hard. They expect me to instantly be able to trust them again and just take everything they say as the truth.

I want so badly to trust them but I am just so guarded and suspicious now.

"People may doubt what you say, but they will always believe what you do" [/QUOTE=Helene]

That is so wise. I am going to send that quote to them.

 

[Tiggeroo]

make sure the issues in the past are addressed. This means serious counseling for the problem and the relationship. Deal with all the hurt before you start to move on. It's much harder to deal with it when the relationship starts to heal.
If the person has changed it can be done. You must really believe the person has changed. It's possible to tell the difference between somebody who feels bad because they're caught or they're going to lose something or be made uncomfortable and somebody who truly feels badly for what they've done and wants vey much to fix it. We all screw up sometimes.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The person that broke your trust has to actually be sorry for it & ask for forgiveness, admit the pain they caused you and work toward regaining your trust.

Without that to start with you cannot regain trust.

Also to expect to regain trust right away, after being hurt....is an impossible task to ask of yourself. So be realistic!
Don't expect to regain trust UNTIL the other person show through ACTION that they are practicing what they are preaching.

Example would be a alcoholic/drug abuser...they have to be clean and sober for awhile before you can begin to rebuild trust.

{{HUGS}}

 

[mom_of_5]

In my mind trust is like a bank account, when it is broken it is in the negative. Each time something happens, no matter how small a deposit is made in the account over time your balance will begin to grow. Now there is always a chance it will go into the negative again, it is a very slow process. Eventually when the balance is at a level you are comfortable with you will start to feel different.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

In my mind trust is like a bank account, when it is broken it is in the negative. Each time something happens, no matter how small a deposit is made in the account over time your balance will begin to grow. Now there is always a chance it will go into the negative again, it is a very slow process. Eventually when the balance is at a level you are comfortable with you will start to feel different.

Thanks. That is a good analogy.

BTW - you have a gorgeous bunch of kiddos!

 

[Serena]

I don't know. I just wouldn't expect it to be easily done. And it can't be done just because it would make others feel better.