How do you know when you are being manipulated?

[Philagoofy]

Especially by someone who suffers from depression and/or bi-polar disorder.

Have you ever gotten angry at the person, even though you know it's wrong & they are suffering? Maybe it wears on you day after day and once in a while you loose your cool?

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm sure this isn't a popular answer. Damn right I get mad! I also let her know it.

My mom has some sort of depression for as long as I remember. Somedays it's not that bad and somedays it's no holds barred. I'm her only child and I'm apparently the miracle worker apparent.

My mom has gotten better with medicine and counseling. I have called her on her bull because she knows what she is doing even though she can't "control" it. I simply don't believe it.

I don't understand the inner turmoil battle she fights. I try to help and be supportive but I don't let her illness control me. I know it's probably not the right attitude to have but that's how I deal with it.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

It is very difficult for a person to live with someone who suffers from mental health issues if they do not. Empathy is one thing, but there is no way to really understand what they are going through. Reading it in a book or discussing it in groups helps, but only so much. Most relationships like this fall apart eventually.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

I have a friend who is, at the very least, depressed. I suspect that she is bi-polar. At first, I was very sympathetic to her. I helped her deal with her “horrible” life. But then she started calling me constantly suicidal! I would have to “talk her down” almost weekly. It started to really wear on me. I helped her get professional help but then, she wouldn’t tell them anything! Instead, she’d call me!

I’m still trying to get her to realize that she can’t depend on me all the time. She is definitely taking advantage of me, and yes it gets me very frustrated/annoyed etc because it is giving me added stress which I do not need.

As I learned in a psychology class last semester, it is ok to get upset even though they have an illness. Set up boundaries to protect yourself. Just because someone has an illness does not mean you have to put up with their manipulative behavior.

Good luck. It is much easier said than done, especially if it is someone you care about

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

My DH's ex-wife is bipolar. She had vanished with the kids for awhile until she heard he was engaged. Then she made an all out push to get him back. She dangled the kids in front of him, etc. Anyway, she started threatening to kill herself every Thursday. He would spend hours on the phone talking her down. I would get angry and lo and behold we were fighting every weekend. When I mentioned the weekly schedule to him he was shocked and appalled - at me! How dare I insult the mother of his children.
Until she called the following Thursday. All of a sudden I wasn't the crazy one. He got so disgusted with her antics that he told her to go ahead and kill herself but to do it where the kids couldn't find her. That was the last time she ever threatened. And 15 years later, she is alive and well. Go figure!

DSD is bipolar and is a cutter. She is also into playing games. DH calls her on it too. She doesn't like it.

I'm sorry, I seriously forgot the question. Can you tell I've had years of dealing with this??

 

[ginna74]

well I am bipolar and I have come accross a lot of "normal" people that have tried and succeed to munipulate me and my family and friends and such. You don't have to be mental to be that way, although you would think that some have a non diagnosed mental problem. I have let people get to me and I regret it deeply, those are times you can't get back. But you can move on and do whats best for you. I no longer have those types of toxic people in my life and it is better because of it. Now if it is petty small stuff that you are talking about well then I am sure you can find a way to deal with it. if it is the bigger more dangerous stuff than it should be stopped one way or the other as you shouldn't let yourself be a prisoner of other peoples emotions and wrong doing.

 

[MizTink]

I'm sure this isn't a popular answer. Damn right I get mad! I also let her know it.

My mom has some sort of depression for as long as I remember. Somedays it's not that bad and somedays it's no holds barred. I'm her only child and I'm apparently the miracle worker apparent.

My mom has gotten better with medicine and counseling. I have called her on her bull because she knows what she is doing even though she can't "control" it. I simply don't believe it.

I don't understand the inner turmoil battle she fights. I try to help and be supportive but I don't let her illness control me. I know it's probably not the right attitude to have but that's how I deal with it.

i'm with you on this one!
the way i see it is that depression (or whatever) can be a CAUSE but NOT an EXCUSE.........
i have an aunt who always runs her mouth inappropriately, butts in where she's not welcome (in other's personal lives), causes trouble, etc. and then tries to turn it around to gain sympathy for herself.......oh poor me, i'm just sooooo depressed. whatever. it DOES get old. and she is called on it. it just doesn't seem to make a difference to her either way. she does what she does. sorry, but it gets old mighty fast.
i also swear my ex is bipolar or manic. seriously. not justt 'cause he's my ex! i have learned with him just to yes him to death and stay away as much as possible until he returns to normal. this is much easier to do since we don't live together anymore!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Especially by someone who suffers from depression and/or bi-polar disorder.

Have you ever gotten angry at the person, even though you know it's wrong & they are suffering? Maybe it wears on you day after day and once in a while you loose your cool?

You start to stand up for yourself and change the direction of your life to not include their foolishness. Once you do that you can see where the manipulation is. You don't have to mean about standing up to them either.

If is someone who you must give care to, then you treat it like you are a social worker or nurse. You have to take your emotional connection out of it.

If it is someone who you can cut ties with, then you let them go.

The manipulation works because you are on the receiving end. In essence the person has targeted you for taking a beating or you are their caregiver and you are a safe outlet for them to unleash upon.

Now if they are in a psychotic state, that is another matter and requires medical intervention. A person in psychosis is not dealing in reality.

So I guess first thing is to get a medical assessment if it has not been done already. There could be medical reasons why someone is acting "wrong". Might need a med eval., or something else. Just throwing that out there.

 

[cheermom1]

My DH's ex-wife is bipolar. She had vanished with the kids for awhile until she heard he was engaged. Then she made an all out push to get him back. She dangled the kids in front of him, etc. Anyway, she started threatening to kill herself every Thursday. He would spend hours on the phone talking her down. I would get angry and lo and behold we were fighting every weekend. When I mentioned the weekly schedule to him he was shocked and appalled - at me! How dare I insult the mother of his children.
Until she called the following Thursday. All of a sudden I wasn't the crazy one. He got so disgusted with her antics that he told her to go ahead and kill herself but to do it where the kids couldn't find her. That was the last time she ever threatened. And 15 years later, she is alive and well. Go figure!

DSD is bipolar and is a cutter. She is also into playing games. DH calls her on it too. She doesn't like it.

I'm sorry, I seriously forgot the question. Can you tell I've had years of dealing with this??

This could be my story except a few things are opposite like her taking off with the kids, she didn't do that till she found out he was engaged than used the kids to try to get him back, i.e you can see the kids IF you come back...and the killing herself it was I'll take you and her down!! and it was on a schedule as well every time dh would have the boys for more than a weekend she tried this crap and every holiday..while she hasn't been diagnosed (she refuses to go) I had a feeling something was going on so I talked to my friend (who went to school for this stuff) and she said this is what is sounds like...I don't know if she is or not but she sure acts like it..

personally I wouldn't let anyone do that to me ill or not...