How do you keep the holidays fair?

[LuLuO]

I don't do dollar for dollar. I do like gift for like gift in size or substance based on their ages. For instance DD3 is getting a Cool School Computer and DS 18 months is getting a race care playset. DD is getting a Mr. Potato Head playset and DS is getting an Iron Man guy that lights up.

 

[PHXscuba]

Our gifts are usually fair in numbers, but not always equal in value. With a big age range it's almost impossible to have both, as PPers have said.

I also try to weight certain gifts based on need. For example, DS (then 13) really wanted/needed a tent for Scouts last Christmas. That "big gift", even with Thanksgiving sale and coupon, was still probably double what I paid for his younger siblings' big gifts. But I would have probably needed to buy it anyways, so I didn't think of it as being out of line with the other kids' gifts.

Our policy is usually one "fun" gift (not always the biggest one) from "Santa" plus a few other things to open as a family together. They enough from grandparents that it's ridiculous to break the bank. I have each of the 4 buy something for one sibling so they really think about what that person wants, not just several sets of plastic junk. I've been impressed with some of the things they've chosen, stuff I wouldn't have suspected.

PHXscuba

 

[aprilfoolwed]

I started my list on Friday and I've been dealing with a similar problem. I have my spreadsheet and each child has 6 lines of gifts.

The first line is clothes. I plan to have a spending limit for each, same amount ($50... I plan to scour these boards like last year for deals... Old Navy and Children's Place had great deals).

The second line is books. Again, a spending limit $10 each. I use Borders coupons and Amazon sales, and should be able to get 2-3 good books per child.

The first 2 lines, I will spend up to these amounts and probably not less.

The next 3 lines for dd will be items from her list (So far, Uno Moo and a DS game). I will do my best to use coupons, codes, promotions, etc. to keep costs to a minimum, but there is no set dollar amount except that it must fit within the "under our family tree" budget max of $500 (this includes mine and dh's gift).

For DS I am choosing one gift from each of the 4 categories: music (drum), sports (T-ball set), imagination (Weebles or Little People), learning (Leap Frog, V-Tech, Fisher Price, etc.)

The last line is Santa's gift and could be anything (within the budget). DS's Santa's gift will be one from above group, not sure which yet though.

What an excellent system! Thanks for sharing!

 

[Justsyd2]

I haven't read everyone's responses, so this may be a repeat. I remember reading that the "official" Emily Post answer is to go by the item's value, not the cost. So you would "owe" a $30 gift. Good luck!

I completely agree with this reply. I always set aside a dollar amount, and if I can find bargains, I do, and this means that my dollar gets more items, but the value should be equal.

 

[tinatark]

You have to be careful, though, when using the "retail" value of something you bought on sale - especially if you shop at places where everything is usually on sale, or will be the following week ie... Kohls, Belk, JcPenney...

 

[Chelley00]

We do 4 gifts: one you want, one you need, one you wear, one you read.

I budget $150 per kid. For the older kids, almost all that $150 may go for the thing you want, and then they get little inexpensive gifts to make up the other 3 gifts. The younger kids maybe get 4 gifts that are around $30 each.

Anything I don't spend of their $150 I spend on stocking stuffers, or will just stick in their savings account. None of my kids are going to sit and look at their siblings' gift piles and mentally add in their head how much I spent on the other kids

 

[hffmnheidi]

My mom does the same amount of items/boxes(usually around ten things each) for the grandkids. Each gets an outfit, socks, pajamas, and books. The rest of the empty spots are filled up by toys and art things.

 

[sk!mom]

In the same fashion, when it comes to my niece and nephews, we set a spending limit of $30 for a gift and $10 for a stocking. If I find the perfect gift for someone on clearance at Target in July (and pay $5 for a $20 gift) should I be finding a $10 gift or a $25 gift for that child?

If I go dollar for dollar, it seems my bargain shopping doesn't really pay off (except that maybe they get more gifts - which is not really what I am looking to do). But is it "cheating" to pay less than the agreed amount - even if the toy is still available on the shelves for more today?

One caution about the above situation...What if for some reason the gift needs to be returned? If it was purchased that far in advance, it's unlikely that it could be returned, at all. If a return is done, how will your family member feel knowing that Auntie spent $5 and the value is so low that they can't really get something else? I never shop for anyone but possibly my own children that far in advance and I may buy something on sale but I usually use the sale prices to get them something nicer. We make Christmas affordable by having all the kids under 18 draw names so I only need to buy one neice/nephew gift.

As far as making things "fair", my children are 11 years apart so I have never worried about keeping the dollar amount equal. I've always equalized the number of gifts. When DD14 was a toddler, she would have several $20 gifts while her brother would have a pile of electronics and video games.

This is probably going to be the first year that I don't go for an equal number. DS25 would love something that is quite expensive. If I buy it, he won't get much else.

 

[QVCshopper]

Well, I got an amazing deal on an American Girl doll with two outfits for DD. I mean, it was just over $65 for all of that with tax. (Would run around $80 more from AG.) I also picked up a pair of $30 matching PJs for her on sale.

So, I *had* to spend more on DS to get him a comparable amount. I got him $85 worth of Dinosaur Train stuff (some on sale) and one $40 Dino Big Belly Bank, plus tax. So, while I spent at least $30-40 more on DS, I feel it's completely fair.

Look at the piles and the original value; then decide what's fair for your kids. If you've gotten what they really want, I think it's fine.

 

[gracie1]

If ou have a set amount you spend on the person, then I would calculate it at exactly what you spent. Instead of calculating it as a $30 gift, I would calculate it as the $5 that you actually spent.

 

[ilovepete]

Honestly I never really think about the dollar amount but just that the gifts fit the person. My kids are 5 and (almost) 3 and neither of them really ask for anything. They don't have wish lists or anything. So I just buy what I think they will like & need. If it's something I plan for them to have anyway, I just give it to them on Christmas. Like I got DS a Tag Reader and a lot of books when they had them on sale for $5 a month or two ago.

 

[kellia]

I go by "average" retail value. If I get something on clearance, that is either just good for me at saving money, or I have more to spend on all of them! My twins pretty much get exactly the same thing (but different, of course ), meaning 2 different games, etc. My older dd is a teen, so because her stuff costs more, she usually gets a little more dollar wise. My sons don't realize yet and I'm not going to buy them extra junk just because their DS games and clothes cost less than her psp games and clothes, for example.

 

[luvmy3]

For my own kids I just try to make sure they have equal amounts to open, that usually includes one "big" gift. My dd is older so her big gift is usually way more expensive than her brothers so she gets a bunch of little filler gifts to open. I rarely spend the same amount or value on my kids. When they are all older and my little one doesn't believe anymore I'll most likely set a budget of the same amount for each of then and they can decide what they would like according to that. IF they are anything like me, they will find a way to make that budget stretch and get the most for their money.

We pick names for nieces and nephews in my family and set a limit to $30, so I spend the whole $30, even if I get a gift valued at $30 for $5.
For my Gdd's I spend the same amount but since they are sisters and close in age they usually get a variation of the same thing so its easy.
For all the adults I buy for, I just get what I want for them and don't pay attention to value or making it even.

 

[tiggspring]

I think every gift should be valued at its original retail value. The fact that you got a bargain doesn't mean that kid deserves more stuff just so you can spend the same amount on everyone.

However, I also don't think "fair" is the same thing as "equal." Sometimes it's fair for one kid to get more. Maybe someone is going to college and could really use a laptop. Maybe someone is only 1 or 2 and would be very happy with less expensive gifts.

I totally agree with this. I always look at the gifts reasonable value and consider the rest a bonus for me to use someplace else. If I found a $150 coffee maker for $50 and gave it for a wedding gift I would consider the gift worth what they would have paid for it regular or average sale. I do this with my kids too. I just found a $80 robot for $20 so that is what I will consider its worth when factoring my gifts. so I will probaly give each kids another $20's in gifts this year I have found several deals this week that will enable to give all my kids a little more and maybe spends some on decorations.

 

[fallcolors]

Its so difficult when you are trying to match prices. I use a "compare" spreadsheet where I match-up items for each child... I use value not what I actually paid. I try hard to be equitable with value and number of items.

 

[StacyMarie]

I have 2 teenage girls, 15 and 14. I set a dollar amount. I have the girls give me a list of stuff they want/need. I then tell them that if they end up getting something on their list that they want that happens to be more expensive than something the other wants, then they will have less under the tree. As much as I tried to make it look "equal" when they were young, they totally understand the value of things now so that is not possible at all. One of my daughters had 4 more gifts last year than the other but the one with less gifts had more expensive gifts. They are totally understanding of value at their age now and I don't have to explain why one has more than the other. I try to rotate back and forth each year too so that whoever had the more expensive gifts and less under the tree last year will have more gifts under the tree this year that maybe are not so expensive, etc.

 

[southern_redhead]

We don't really do dollar for dollar although sometimes it works out that way on it's own. Last year Santa brought the two older kids laptops ($300 each) and the little one got a bike ($50). However, at 5 he didn't really "get" money value and his was much bigger (and what he'd asked for) so he was excited.

I try to do the same number of gifts though sometimes that can bite you in the behind too. For instance, this year I got DD a bunch of doll stuff and oldest DS is getting a Kinect and a couple of games. Well, same price but her pile looks bigger than his because it's bigger items. I still don't know what to get the little one, he is hard to buy for. I have my little "extra" items bought up and they are going gift for gift even though some of them were free when I bought another kids gift. That's just tough tiddly-winks Another thing we are doing is a "family" box. We started it last year - huge hit! Last year it had 2 extra Wii controllers/ a 4 port charging station/4 of several accessories (wheel, sports items), and a few (four person) games... see a theme? This year we aren't worrying about 4 player as DS 11 has switched to mostly the xbox and younger DS is mostly the one playing. We got a couple of new accessories, some games, and a bunch of movies to fill the box this year. That way everyone can enjoy them without hearing "that's mine!" since it was gifted to everyone.

 

[StacyMarie]

We don't really do dollar for dollar although sometimes it works out that way on it's own. Last year Santa brought the two older kids laptops ($300 each) and the little one got a bike ($50). However, at 5 he didn't really "get" money value and his was much bigger (and what he'd asked for) so he was excited.

I try to do the same number of gifts though sometimes that can bite you in the behind too. For instance, this year I got DD a bunch of doll stuff and oldest DS is getting a Kinect and a couple of games. Well, same price but her pile looks bigger than his because it's bigger items. I still don't know what to get the little one, he is hard to buy for. I have my little "extra" items bought up and they are going gift for gift even though some of them were free when I bought another kids gift. That's just tough tiddly-winks Another thing we are doing is a "family" box. We started it last year - huge hit! Last year it had 2 extra Wii controllers/ a 4 port charging station/4 of several accessories (wheel, sports items), and a few (four person) games... see a theme? This year we aren't worrying about 4 player as DS 11 has switched to mostly the xbox and younger DS is mostly the one playing. We got a couple of new accessories, some games, and a bunch of movies to fill the box this year. That way everyone can enjoy them without hearing "that's mine!" since it was gifted to everyone.

Fabulous idea! I was always trying to figure out what to do with those gifts that are really for the entire family instead of having to pass them off as one of the kids gifts, LOL!

 

[RockAndRollBallerina]

For me I spend up to $25.00 on each immediate family member (mom, sister, dad), no more than $50.00 on my fiance, and I will spend no more than $15.00 on everyone else (ie: grandma and grandpa on my moms side *I usually get them something to share and enjoy together*, grandma on my dads side, 2 aunts, 3 uncles, 5 cousins). And really close friends have a very strict $5.00 limit that I wont go over. This way everyone in each category gets something of equal value, and I usually will only get one item per person so that someone else isn't getting multiple items. I like to keep things equal while sticking to a budget.

 

[Evi]

this is actually an interesting topic. For years I always spent $100 each on my niece and nephew. I would buy stuff on sale throughout the year and present it on Christmas. A few years back my nephew said to me you always favor my sister and have purchased her more expensive things then me. I wasn't offended or anything but felt kinda bad. I explained that he always wanted the newest video game or controller etc. and those items were never on sale so I would buy them for him at cost. But that I was buying his sister clothes on sale throughout the year and just stopping when I hit the total for each of them. I guess it bothered me that he had felt for years that I was favoring her. Now that they are older I've set the bar real high with all these years of fabulous finds and recently my niece commented that I was skimping out on her for her birthday I just laughed and told her that I've stuck to the same standards as always and if she prefers I'll just give her cash. Now I know there are some people who would say these kids are spoiled and how dare they say such things. But I'm really close to my niece and nephew and I've always let them say anything they want not in an offensive way but in a if something bugs you talk about it with me. So even if this had nothing to do with money and something was bugging them they would talk to me about it. I guess my point is no matter how fare you try to make it the perception of another individual is not something you can control.

Buy them what you can afford that you know they will enjoy and love and let that be that.