How do you invite a friend for your daughter and then ask them to pay their own way?

[Shmily1]

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I agree with the others who have said that if cost is really an issue, you should look into switching resorts or changing your dining plan before you ask the family for money. Going on a deluxe vacation then asking for money is just plain tacky, imho.

That really depends on how well you know them. DD's BFF went with us to the BC with PH/ WP&M and DDP and her mom paid her portion of the tickets and DDP. If my DS19 would not have been going, then I would have let her take his place with no problem because it was already paid for.

DD went with their family on a cruise and to the mountains and I paid for her her tickets, food, spending money, etc. That's just how it works for us.

I certainly don't see a problem with telling her parents that you would love for her to go but this is what she would need to be paying for. I've been on both ends of it and it's not offensive at all from either end. I am usually just really greatful to the person asking so my child can have more experiences in life.

 

[CFioren317]

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I should probably have answered your question instead of looking at what I would do. Sorry about that.

To answer your question, I would NOT take my daughter's friend if I in any way was going to ask for money from her parents and ESPECIALLY if I was going to DEPEND on money from her parents. If you take one of your daughter's friends then you really should treat them like ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN. If you are not prepared to do that, then I would advise you to not invite her at all.

 

[shelemm]

The major problem folks have when traveling with others is compatibility.

Stick with the vacation you want to have. You will be frustrated staying at places and eating at restaurants you don't want to. Just tell the other family the amount they'll need to contribute. If they can't swing it, then I suggest not going on a compromise vacation.


It's fantastic you are willing to contribute so much.

If I take a kid's friend to a meal or to the movies, I don't ask for a contribution. Little things like that can even out over time. But a vacation..... yikes! Asking for help is completely reasonable.

 

[Missytara]

I am taking two college aged students with me this year.

Since I normally go by myself, I have already paid for the room, the gas to and from the airport, tolls, and parking. No need to ask them to split it with me.

I asked them to pay for their own plane ticket, their park tickets, the extra fee for the third adult, and the dining plan. Easy as that.

They still paid about a third of what I paid; they are happy and I am happy.

 

[sfbank]

I guess maybe we are just too nice. The last two trips DD has taken a friend. We paid the way for both. Airline tickets, park hoppers. We were on the packages through Disney Travel so the tickets were included but we paid. We always stay BWI Concierge. We also paid for all the meals. The only thing we asked was that they brought spending money. The first time we did not get offered anything but she is a single mom. The second time the parents did try several times to give us other money. We refused. It was our invitation and our treat. I just would not feel right asking someone to pay the way for something I invited them to. That is just me though.

 

[SuperTink]

Well, I know this: If someone approached me and asked me to put up 1000 dollars (I do think the amount of money makes a difference here) so my daughter could take a vacation with them the first thing I would do is put my head in my hands. I don't know about other folks but we don't have $1000 in variable funds lying around to be given at whim. At the same time, I would feel very bad about not being able to have my daughter take advantage of the opportunity, especially if she were aware of it ahead of time. OTOH--I can't quite come firmly down on the side of "don't invite" vs "change your plans." Jury's out on that. Good luck with what you decide.

 

[Rip]

My daughter's friend who took her to Maine, had a brother who was also planning to go, but couldn't because of a conflict. My daughter took the place of the brother, who couldn't go. The family would have paid for his airline ticket, food etc. if he had gone. The family rented a house in Camden, Maine, inwhich the cost would not have changed weather my daughter went or not.

I'm assuming the brother was also their son, yes? Not really relevant if that's the case, it's starting to sound like you're trying to rationalize.

 

[Heidijs]

That IS a tricky question. There's so many variables...first off, do you think the friend's parents could even afford to send their daughter with? I know for me, most people think a trip to WDW is beyond expensive and not affordable for most families...It's one thing for them to go on a few day trip somewhere and flip them a couple hundred bucks for food and spending money but for park tickets and all that, they're sooo expensive. I don't know...I guess you could just discuss it with them. Maybe they can more than afford it and will have no problems paying for some of it. I'd personally feel obligated to pay my child's way for the entire trip. They're being nice enough to offer to take her with so I wouldn't expect them to pay for anything...That alone could be $1000 for just one person to go...

I will also add that if I invited a friend, I would assume responsiblity for paying their way as far as airfare and food and all that, I'd expect them to bring spending money though...but that's just me. If I offered, I'd want to pay...but if someone offered me, I'd argue that I should pay her way for it all or at least the tickets, airfare, food...they're obviously going to have a room regardless and I doubt they'd expect you to pay a share for your child but I'd insist I pay for everything else because that's a LOT of money for one kid to go on a trip...I can pretty much guarantee it'll never happen in my lifetime!!!

 

[ogreenlee]

My daughter's friend who took her to Maine, had a brother who was also planning to go, but couldn't because of a conflict. My daughter took the place of the brother, who couldn't go. The family would have paid for his airline ticket, food etc. if he had gone. The family rented a house in Camden, Maine, inwhich the cost would not have changed weather my daughter went or not.

They could have saved that money instead, though.

 

[MyTwoPrincesses]

I don't think that matters. They still paid for your daughter. You either need to be able to reciprocate, or you shouldn't invite your daughter's friend.

I agree with the others who have said that if cost is really an issue, you should look into switching resorts or changing your dining plan before you ask the family for money. Going on a deluxe vacation then asking for money is just plain tacky, imho.

I totally agree. If you want your DD to have a friend then you pay. Since that friend's parents already took OP's DD on vacation, she should be ashamed to even consider asking her DD's friend's parents for money to cover their DD. This is particularly ridiculous considering OP is taking practically the most expensive WDW vacation possible. It's not as if OP is scraping by and doing everything budget or even moderate. She could afford to pay for her friend's DD if she wanted too. Even cutting from Deluxe DDP (5 days x 3 people) to regular DDP would give her most of the money to cover the other girl's airfare and park tickets, keeping everything else the same.

 

[ogreenlee]

I took my cousin's two kids on Spring Break last year to the Clearwater area. I rented a condo on the beach for $1600. We drove down. We went to the Dali Museum and Busch Gardens while there. I asked my cousin for $500 flat, and then told him he'd need to give them some spending money, but that the $500 would go toward the condo. I didn't have to get that condo, as there are only 3 people in my immediate family, so that covered the difference. I bought tickets, snacks, groceries, boat rides and meals at restaurants. One of the kids is a 14 year old boy who took it upon himself to order the most expensive item on the menu at every restaurant. He loves steak. Halfway through the week, I had to put a stop to that because his meal alone was costing us more than 2 people combined. We were at (mostly seafood) restaurants where steak isn't the feature, so it was always costly. He didn't even care that one of the steaks he ordered was $35.

Now, we're not misers, by any means, but that was ridiculous. I'm not paying for a 14 year old to have an expensive steak where he is going to do nothing but dunk it in A1. I paid for that $35 steak, but it was his last one. I hated having to say anything, but I finally had to.

Thankfully, he's my cousin's kid, and I know him well enough to tell him that it's very inappropriate to do that, and if he goes out to dinner with friends and their parents, he had better not do that if he wants to be asked out again.

His reply.. "But it's what I like". (it's also why i'll probably never take them on a trip again)

 

[Shmily1]

That IS a tricky question. There's so many variables...first off, do you think the friend's parents could even afford to send their daughter with? I know for me, most people think a trip to WDW is beyond expensive and not affordable for most families...It's one thing for them to go on a few day trip somewhere and flip them a couple hundred bucks for food and spending money but for park tickets and all that, they're sooo expensive. I don't know...I guess you could just discuss it with them. Maybe they can more than afford it and will have no problems paying for some of it. I'd personally feel obligated to pay my child's way for the entire trip. They're being nice enough to offer to take her with so I wouldn't expect them to pay for anything...That alone could be $1000 for just one person to go...

I will also add that if I invited a friend, I would assume responsiblity for paying their way as far as airfare and food and all that, I'd expect them to bring spending money though...but that's just me. If I offered, I'd want to pay...but if someone offered me, I'd argue that I should pay her way for it all or at least the tickets, airfare, food...they're obviously going to have a room regardless and I doubt they'd expect you to pay a share for your child but I'd insist I pay for everything else because that's a LOT of money for one kid to go on a trip...I can pretty much guarantee it'll never happen in my lifetime!!!

When we took DD's BFF, the cost for a week for food and tickets was $560. They were teenagers then, so no child's prices included.

 

[bikinpunk]

What is the date you plan to go?
If it's far enough in advance, the girl should be able to do some chores around her house or even yours to help her earn some 'spending' money.

In regards to you having to eat it because you're inviting her, I disagree with that. There's nothing wrong with asking her parents to cover a portion of the costs. I agree those costs should be the airfare and park tickets. You cover the food and hotel and other necessities. The girl, hopefully, will have had a chance by the time you leave for vacation to have earned some money herself.

Quite frankly, I, as the parent, would expect to pay the majority if not all of the costs. And, I would also have my daughter start doing more around the house to earn some spending money. I don't believe in a free ride. My daughter is going on vacation? She wants spending money? She earns it. It's too easy for a child to blow through money when they didn't work for it, and they have no real sense of how much is too much. This is analogous to an allowance, imo.

 

[disneyfan2kids]

I'd go in with the expectation that the $$ would be all on me. I'd foot the bill or I wouldn't ask at all.

However - if the other childs parents asked about $$ "I'd simply state that this is our family trip and we'd like for your child to come...so we're prepared to cover his expenses."

I would think that most parents would insist on giving something. I'd start by offering either the airfare and/or park ticket for them to pay for...as those are the main 2 things that would change if child didn't attend. If they insisted, I'd allow them to pay for that.

HOWEVER - I'd go into it with the expectation that I invited... I pay. So worse case scenario is I'm OK with the extra expense. My choice

 

[itchin2go]

What is the date you plan to go?
If it's far enough in advance, the girl should be able to do some chores around her house or even yours to help her earn some 'spending' money.

Some people just don't have the $$$ to give to their kid, no matter how many chores are done.

We take one big trip a year. We budget for that. We may take a weekend trip here or there (usually not), but obviously we have to budget for that too.

If friends asked if my daughter could join them for a WDW vacation, and asked if we could contribute $800, the answer would probably be no. It would kill me to say no, but we don't just have a stray $800 lying around. Then they'd probably ask another friend to go, and my poor daughter would have to hear about their trip. Ugggh.

This is all complicated by the fact that the family would know that we take nice Disney vacations and would think we were just being jerks for saying no. Or that they had done something to tick us off. Or that we were having severe money problems or something.

Now, if we had previously taken a family trip and invited the friend to go with us at no charge ... well, I'm really going to be ticked off then.

It's just a minefield ....

 

[ajpa]

His reply.. "But it's what I like". (it's also why i'll probably never take them on a trip again)

Live & learn, eh?
My 8yo has a BFF practically since birth (we are neighbors) but I could never imagine inviting said BFF on a family trip. Even a short excursion to the movies is something to gird my loins for. Just a very strong, demanding personality, always has to be the center of attention. Polar opposite to my 8yo.

That's another big thing -- figuring out whether the guest will make your vacation more fun or absolutely horrible.

 

[Rip]

What is the date you plan to go?
If it's far enough in advance, the girl should be able to do some chores around her house or even yours to help her earn some 'spending' money.

In regards to you having to eat it because you're inviting her, I disagree with that. There's nothing wrong with asking her parents to cover a portion of the costs. I agree those costs should be the airfare and park tickets. You cover the food and hotel and other necessities. The girl, hopefully, will have had a chance by the time you leave for vacation to have earned some money herself.

Quite frankly, I, as the parent, would expect to pay the majority if not all of the costs. And, I would also have my daughter start doing more around the house to earn some spending money. I don't believe in a free ride. My daughter is going on vacation? She wants spending money? She earns it. It's too easy for a child to blow through money when they didn't work for it, and they have no real sense of how much is too much. This is analogous to an allowance, imo.

Well, the story seems to have progressed a bit. First, we didn't know the deluxe nature of the trip, then OP admitted to contemplating having her daughter conspire (her words) with the friend to get the other parents to pay for it without them ever even mentioning it. Now we see that the friend's family has already taken OP's daughter on an all expense vacation to Maine, including airfare.

I think it's rude to invite a kid on a trip and expect any kind of payment from the parents. As many people have stated, it puts the parents in a bad spot if they, like most people, don't have spare money lying around. It very likely will affect their own family vacation. And the OP admitted that she was, in fact, considering having the kids essentially put those parents in that position, which is, well, let's just say "not very nice".

Given the additional information regarding what this family has done for her daughter, I find it pretty unbelievable that anyone would consider putting those parents in that spot after what they have done. Especially since the primary reason the OP can't afford to add the friend is because they are willingly going on a super-deluxe trip and aren't willing to tone it down in order to bring the friend with them.

 

[ogreenlee]

Live & learn, eh?
My 8yo has a BFF practically since birth (we are neighbors) but I could never imagine inviting said BFF on a family trip. Even a short excursion to the movies is something to gird my loins for. Just a very strong, demanding personality, always has to be the center of attention. Polar opposite to my 8yo.

That's another big thing -- figuring out whether the guest will make your vacation more fun or absolutely horrible.

yep!

it was nice having kids along for my DD, and my cousin's DD was great! we got her to try oysters and crablegs and all kinds of stuff. i'd love to take her again, but can't ask her b/c i'd have to take her brother.

 

[bikinpunk]

Some people just don't have the $$$ to give to their kid, no matter how many chores are done.

I understand. However, there are many resources for a 14 year old. Family members. Friends (how about the family asking her to go on the trip). Etc, etc.
When I was that age I was mowing a lot of lawns for my Playstation.

 

[Luv2CtheMouse]

Be upfront and tell them what you are thinking. Let them know you are covering the room (and maybe food) and ask the parents to pay for airfare, park tickets, souveniers and any other extras.