How do you invite a friend for your daughter and then ask them to pay their own way?

[KellyNY]

After reading 12 pages, it comes down to this. Yes, it was nice for your daughter to go with her friend to Maine, she didn't blow their budget, and they had a great time. They did not sacrifice their vacation plans to take her along, and they did not ask you to pay or take your money.

It sounds like in order for you to do the same, that is, pay for the friend entirely, you will have to sacrifice your vacation plans. Now, if you go to the Poly deluxe style every year, of course, no biggie, downgrade the resort and bring the friend, you can enjoy deluxe again next year. However, if this is a one time, big deal splurge, I say do it family style and leave the friend home.

My guess is that the 14yo friend is like most 14 year olds, doesn't realize and especially does not appreciate the difference between a value resort and the Poly, and would most likely prefer CS and snacks to signature dining.

Here's a thought - have you considered the regular dining plan, giving the girls the CS credits and keeping the TS credits for the grownups? All 4 of you will be considered "adult" and the meals are interchangable, so let the girls have 2 CS per day on days you want to do signature dining, that way you don't have to pay for the upgrade to DXDP, which for 4 adults is $128 per day (X4 days = $512). Also, do you really need the park hoppers? That is $52 per person (X4 people = $208), just to have the ability to switch parks? Our family took a trip in Jan, paid for the park hoppers, and used them once, only to use them, not because we really felt the need to. Our next trip is planned with base tickets only. If you do just these two adjustments, you will be able to take the friend and save $720 from your original budget, without really sacrificing. This would pretty much cover the extra airfare and dining cost you are anticipating, and like many others have said, the room and transportation are the same whether she goes or not.

The only money I would expect from the friend's family is for them to make sure she has pocket/souvie money, and I would make that clear at the time of invitation.

I hope if you made it through this, I helped you in some sort of way...

Switching meal credits between girls and adults is brillian idea.

 

[Kay1]

When I was a teen, I know I wouldn't have felt comfortable sleeping in the same room as a man other than my father and I'm not sure my mother would have allowed it. Maybe the whole plan should be reworked so it's more affordable and there's a little more privacy and space.

 

[Meteora]

I'm a little confused. I thought the OP was saying that her daughter has gone to Maine with the friend, but that the friend had already gone to the beach with them on a different vacation. If that's the case, I wouldn't see the Disney trip as being "reciprocal" for the Maine trip. I would say the Maine trip was "reciprocal" for the beach trip.

 

[mwatson011]

I'm a little confused. I thought the OP was saying that her daughter has gone to Maine with the friend, but that the friend had already gone to the beach with them on a different vacation. If that's the case, I wouldn't see the Disney trip as being "reciprocal" for the Maine trip. I would say the Maine trip was "reciprocal" for the beach trip.

I don't think the OP was doing this to "give back", just to "give"...

 

[rie'smom]

OP, how about staying at a less expensive resort, getting the regular DDP or no DDP at all and then you could pay for your daughter's friend.

My daughter has invited 4 friends for our trip next month. That meant 2 rooms and staying in a mod for 5 of our 8 days instead of staying deluxe and doing tons of shopping and extras like La Nouba and Sea World.

I gave my daughter the option of having more friends on the trip or cutting out some extras. She chose cutting our the extras.

 

[Meteora]

I don't think the OP was doing this to "give back", just to "give"...

Oh, of course, but a lot of posts here are saying that the OP absolutely can't ask the family to pay anything because of the Maine trip, and I don't think that would still be the case if they have already taken the friend on another trip before this one.

 

[mwatson011]

Oh, of course, but a lot of posts here are saying that the OP absolutely can't ask the family to pay anything because of the Maine trip, and I don't think that would still be the case if they have already taken the friend on another trip before this one.

Agreed...it sounds like the OP has a good relationship with the friend's parents if they take each other's kiddos places overnight...

 

[picktails]

Something the people with younger kids posting here have to consider - your kids are going to change ALOT during the middle school/early high school years. You cannot compare the annoyance of having DS8's friend around all day with DS16 having someone to keep him busy at midnight (hey - I need some sleep!)
Someone mentioned not wanting anyone to interrupt the family vacation with DD11 - well, when she's DD15 and a TOTALLY different person (girls ) you will be THANKFUL for that friend along. Trust me - EVERYONE has a much better vacation
That said, there's some pretty strong opinions floating around here. I hope it makes everyone realize that we don't all have the same values, and it's really OK to do what's right for YOUR family.

 

[GovieMom]

When I was a teen, I know I wouldn't have felt comfortable sleeping in the same room as a man other than my father and I'm not sure my mother would have allowed it. Maybe the whole plan should be reworked so it's more affordable and there's a little more privacy and space.

 

[siestakey]

I too have an only child and we took her best friend on vacation every summer. Her parents paid for the plane fair and any theme park tickets. We paid for accomodations and meals. Fun money was whatever her parents wanted to give her. It worked out great. Conversation with the parents of the best friend is the way to go. They can say yes or no, depending on their situstion. The important thing is not being stuck with an unused plane ticket in case something happens. If the other party is paying, and a cancellation is necessary, then it is on their dime, not yours.

 

[ShannonMB]

OP, how about staying at a less expensive resort, getting the regular DDP or no DDP at all and then you could pay for your daughter's friend.

My daughter has invited 4 friends for our trip next month. That meant 2 rooms and staying in a mod for 5 of our 8 days instead of staying deluxe and doing tons of shopping and extras like La Nouba and Sea World.

I gave my daughter the option of having more friends on the trip or cutting out some extras. She chose cutting our the extras.

Wow!!! That is really generous of you. I hope your DD knows how lucky she is (and it sounds like she does to willingly give up the extras). I wish I was one of your DD's friends! They're going to have a BLAST!!!!!

 

[KellyNY]

I think I got lost, I know other family took OP DD on a trip, now someone said, OP also took friend on a trip, who, when, where, I am lost

 

[tinkerbellmichelle]

I've gone along with families to places a few times as a kid. My parents covered my airfare and I had spending money and they usually gave along an envelope to cover meals.

I would expect that if my kids were going along iwth a family that we would do the same. I wouldn't expect them to pay airfare etc. for my child. I'd never expect it - - even if they were super wealthy.

 

[kim_o]

I think that's a crazy way of thinking. My girls invite friends to MLB/NBA games all the time and we will foot the bill for the kids, but a trip to Disney...no way!! If they wanted a friend to go, then I would ask the parents first and if they couldn't pay their way, they wouldn't be going. I don't think that's rude at all.

If my girls were invited to Disney or anywhere with a friend I would expect to pay their way.

I haven't read all the responses, but I agree with this. We're talking a long, expensive vacation....not a short trip out to a pizza place. If my child were invited I would expect to pay the entire portion of her cost (airfare, ticket, hotel portion, meals, etc). Anything the inviting family offered to pay would just be additional, unexpected (and welcomed), generosity.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I haven't read all the responses, but I agree with this. We're talking a long, expensive vacation....not a short trip out to a pizza place. If my child were invited I would expect to pay the entire portion of her cost (airfare, ticket, hotel portion, meals, etc). Anything the inviting family offered to pay would just be additional, unexpected (and welcomed), generosity.

You would expect to pay a hotel portion for the same room that they were originally going to get? You'd charge that for someone else?

 

[hookedonears]

Daughter's friend did go to the beach with us for a week in early summer and her friend took our daughter to Maine in late summer for a week. Our parents, who also came on the trip, paid for our beach house, and we drove. We paid for everything else though. This makes ABSOLUTELY no difference, though my daughter's friend's Grandmother who also went on there trip, paid for my daughters airline ticket and also the house they rented in Maine. Her parents paid for everything else, except souvenirs. I can understand the awkwardness of sleeping in a room with a strange family. That is another issue we are considering. Even though it's a totally different thing, the girl we're considering asking has spent the night at our house many, many times since she was in kindergarten.

 

[KateMW]

This thread has been so interesting to me, and I appreciate both the candor and goodwill everyone has shown in expressing opinions.

Our DS is 11 and we (the three of us) still really treasure our family vacation time together. We see it as the time when we really focus on who we are as a family, on doing things that are important to us as a group and sharing the things that are important to each individual.

Maybe I'll be singing a different tune once I have a teenager, but -- said kindly and respectfully -- I just cannot imagine taking someone else along on a family vacation. We do lots of day-trip type things where we sometimes take one of DS' friends along, but I can't imagine that it would be anything other than incredibly difficult to manage having someone else's child along and figuring out how to both have a fun family vacation and work in another young person's wants/needs. Just deciding when and what to eat when I took one of DS' friends with us to a local waterpark last summer was challenging enough....

Maybe I'm talking like a typical parent of an only child who just doesn't know any better yet? But I guess my take, which I haven't seen here yet exactly, is that a 'family vacation' is just that.

That will change very quickly. I am an only child and the mother of an only child. I started taking friends with me around 12 or 13 and I fully plan on bringing people with us, maybe even earlier. Family vacations are only fun if EVERYBODY is having fun! So, for our daughter, who is a little social butterfly, she loves to have friends around and it's fine and welcomed by me. She's happy=I'm happy. Plus we take more then one "family" vacation a year, so we still have the alone time if we want it.

 

[KateMW]

That's why we're not going to ask and would say no if her parents offered to pay. If her parents say they won’t let her go unless they help defray the cost, we would tell them it's an extravagant trip and we couldn't accept the offer. As we have, the girl has been to Disney several times, and I don't know for sure, but I think it's within their means. If they insisted we would think about it and consider giving them the cost of adding the girl to the package. We would pay for her airfare and food. We're not sure that we're even going to ask, because we don't want to put them or us into that position.

Why are you asking them to pay for part of the room? YOu can't split off a part of the room. You're paying for it no matter if she goes or not.

I think it's a better idea if you skip asking her. It seems to be very stressful for you and all involved.

 

[KellyNY]

Daughter's friend did go to the beach with us for a week in early summer and her friend took our daughter to Maine in late summer for a week. Our parents, who also came on the trip, paid for our beach house, and we drove. We paid for everything else though. This makes ABSOLUTELY no difference, though my daughter's friend's Grandmother who also went on there trip, paid for my daughters airline ticket and also the house they rented in Maine. Her parents paid for everything else, except souvenirs. I can understand the awkwardness of sleeping in a room with a strange family. That is another issue we are considering. Even though it's a totally different thing, the girl we're considering asking has spent the night at our house many, many times since she was in kindergarten.

Honestly, I think you getting too many complications with taking this girl, just do not ask her and that is it. She may feel uncomfortable sleeping in the same room with a man, she is not kindergartener anymore and all the extra cost if her parents will not be able to pay for her, and basically you can get into hot spot if they will not pay and you will not be able to take her then, too much headache IMHO. You saved too long for this trip, changing to other hotel may be not what you planned, just enjoy with your family, trust me your DD will be just fine without any friend, it is Disney after all, not Maine or beach.

 

[ajpa]

Since the other family has been to wdw before, maybe you could find out if they are planning to go around the time you are planning? Maybe a coordinated vacation is possible, since the kids appear to be BFFs?