How do you invite a friend for your daughter and then ask them to pay their own way?

[allison443]

OP

After my initial post I was talking to DH on the phone and asked him his opinion on this. He agreed that asking the other parents to pay for the plane ticket and park ticket was reasonable.

Yes, but did you see that the friend's family paid for the OP's daughter's airfare when she vacationed with them over the summer?

 

[allison443]

I can't believe the people here who think it's rude to expect the other kid's parents to fund a portion of the trip.

Well, the OP said the general rule is that if you invite a friend, you pay for everything (like the friend's family did when they took his dd on the Maine vacation, they paid for everything including her airfare.)

Except the OP then states that this general rule doesn't apply to this Disney trip, I guess because it is "deluxe" and is expensive? Therefore, even though the friend's family refused to accept a contribution for any expenses when they took OP's dd to Maine, OP thinks they need to contribute to the disney trip.


Just want to add, if these two families entrust their daughters to each other for vacations, they should know each other well enough to be upfront with each other, and not try to get the parents to contribute in a backhanded way by hoping the two girls "conspire". Of course, if OP asks for a contribution, you should be prepared that they may accept your contribution the next time your dd accompanies them...you will have "changed the rules" so to speak.
I hope it works out so everyone has a great trip.

 

[disneycountrygirl]

When I was 15 I went on my first real vacation (first airplane trip ever) with my 14 year old best friend and her family to Walt Disney World.

My family could certainly never pay for it (that's why it was my first ever), and her's couldn't either. So I went out and got a job at age 15 at Dairy Queen to pay my way.

Nobody blinked an eye or thought twice about it. The money had to come from somewhere. It was good for me. (And it still cracks me up when I remember that interview and him asking me why I wanted the job and I told him I wanted to earn and save money for a trip to Disney! How 15 is that )

 

[aubriee]

Hookedonears,

I think my biggest problem with this is you're taking money out of your DD friends family's vacation budget to help pay for something you want for your family. If she had asked to tag along then it would be her responsibility to pay but since you're asking her to come along for your convenience it's up to you to cover the costs.

Plus you're putting your DD friends parents in a bad situation. You're making them the bad guy if they can't afford or don't want to pay for their daughters trip to WDW.

I agree with you 100%. When my boys were growing up, my eldest one didn't think he could go anywhere without one of his friends. I can't tell you how many vacations one of his friends came with us. We ALWAYS paid for everything and never considered doing anything else. You invite them, you expect to pay for them.

 

[goofy4tink]

If it were me, I would talk to the parents directly first. I would explain what the plans were. I would tell them that we would love to have Susie join Annie for our trip to WDW. And then I would tell them what my expectations are....Susie would be responsible for her airfare and spending money. We would pick up the cost of lodging and transportation to the resort. We would pay for dining costs. Park passes could go either way.
But..here's the thing. If I wanted to take my dd's friend, and was going to be footing the majority of the costs, I would look for ways to make the trip a bit less expensive....cheaper resort (maybe AllStars Family Suites or 2 rooms at a value), less expensive dining options, DME rather than a towncar service. I guess you would just have to decide what kind of trip you want. It may just be too expensive to have a friend along if you are going to have a 'premium' type trip. And, it may be unfair to expect the friend's parents to pay for a premium type trip.
If it were me...I would be in two rooms at POP, with some kind of discount. I wouldn't do the meal plan..I would have a few table service meals and a lot more counter service meals, or do some signature meals and let the girls eat elsewhere. I would be using DME not a towncar. And I would have the cheapest type passes I could get...even if it meant only one park per day. That way, my dd could have a friend and it wouldn't cost anyone an arm and a leg.

 

[trac96]

we just did this in april. my 16 year old wanted to take his friend with us and we talked to the parents who we are friends with. they didn't have the money to send him at all so we basically said if you can come up with 500 dollars we will cover the rest. i also told the boy that if he was planning on spending any money on "stuff" to take home he needed to save some money for that. he had never been on a plane before and couldn't wait to get to disney. it all worked out for us and he even ended up bringing some of his spending money home. {LOL} i was broke!

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

A lot of posters are saying to ask the friend to pay for airfare...but the friend's family just took OP's dd to Maine and PAID HER AIRFARE along with everything else. So wouldn't it be fair for OP to pay the friend's airfare to Florida? It sounds like the only difference/added expense for the Disney trip is the park tickets, so maybe the family could pay for that. I think it would be tacky to ask the friend to pay 1/4 of the costs of the room, limo, or anything else that would cost the same for 3 or 4.

I agree. The room and limo would not change. That just seems a way to get someone else to cover 1/4 of a trip. And the op's daughter's flight was covered, so even steven. Park ticket, I guess.

If a person cares more about the room than about the friend going then don't invite.

 

[CFioren317]

I'm kinda jumping into this one a little late...and I am all full of popcorn but here's my humble opinion.

I don't think it is rude either way, but for me, I would not invite my son's friend and EXPECT the parents to pay anything. I would also not turn down money from them if they offered, but I would make sure I used that money to pay for food and/or other things for the kid and not use it for any part of the airfare or hotel. On the flip side, I would also NEVER send my son on a trip with another family without paying for his airfare, park ticket, and at the very least OFFERING money to them for food and incidentals. I would consider it very RUDE to send my son off on a trip without offering money toward it...if I couldn't afford it, I would tell his friend's parents that and if they said it is on them, then I would thank them and make it up to them another way at a later time...maybe take their son on a trip down the road.

As far as the trip goes...the way I look at it is this...if I get an hour or two of relaxation time at night with my wife, or by myself, without having to entertain him 24/7 for the week...then the money spent on his friend is well worth it.

 

[KirstenB]

Well we're still trying to make that decision as far as asking. It will be very difficult to ask unless her parants pay for part of her trip. There's no doubt that her parants would insist on contributing, however, we don't want to put them in that position, considering how much this trip is going to cost. We don't know, but we believe her parants are in a position to help. Her parants are really nice and the girl is as well and would, I think be a great addition for our 14 year old. Paying the extra $800 (airfare and food)for her to go will be stretching us to the limit. It's just a hard decision for us to make.

You seem really conflicted about asking the friend to come along. It's a lot to consider. I think you need to listen to your gut, and not ask her this time.

 

[ogreenlee]

I agree. The room and limo would not change. That just seems a way to get someone else to cover 1/4 of a trip. And the op's daughter's flight was covered, so even steven. Park ticket, I guess.

If a person cares more about the room than about the friend going then don't invite.

I agree with you. I think the thing that has bugged me most about this thread is that the OP said that they couldn't afford to take another kid, but look at the list of their resort stay, and they rent a limo to take them back and forth. They also want DELUXE DDP.

Well... to me that sounds like you can afford it when it comes down to it, but that you don't want to. I can understand if you don't want to settle for less than full-on Deluxe, but is it more important for your kid to have a good time or is your standard more important? These are questions you need to answer for yourself. For the money saved by staying at WL instead of Poly or GF, and by taking ME, you could easily afford the other child.

 

[itchin2go]

"ticked off" and "ill will" because someone offered to include your child in their family trip and pay half the expenses? Geez, I wonder how those types of parents feel about school field trips then.

Not everyone, but yeah, some people would be ticked off, especially if they just took your daughter on vacation and paid for everything. We're pretty much the bottom of the financial totem pole in my daughter's social circle. Some of her friends take EXTRAVAGANT vacations. If one of them asked me to foot part of the bill (and it was more than I could handle), it would put me in an awkward situation. Should they not ask me at all? I don't know. It's a sticky situation, which is why the OP posted here in the first place. If it were simple, the thread wouldn't be this long.

What does a school field trip have to do with anything?

 

[ogreenlee]

I also would like to state that I see nothing wrong with asking a friend's parents to help with cost, but if that friend's parents have already used their money to pay for everything for a trip to Maine (or anywhere else for that matter), then it doesn't matter that you're going to Disney and it cost more.

You may have saved up for this trip to Disney and feel that you deserve the best, so make it clear to your kid that you aren't willing to give up what you've saved up for, and that you'll be sure to ask her friend the next go'round. Asking her to conspire with her friend to convince the girl's parents is wrong, and if I were the mom of the friend, I'd be highly ticked off if I were made to be the bad guy because I couldn't afford to send her.

Wouldn't you be?

 

[CFioren317]

I'm no Rockefeller or anything, but I just don't see how I would send my son off on a trip with one of his friend's family without paying his way...or at least TRYING to pay. I know that most of his friend's dad's would not allow me to pay anything except to give him some spending money. I would liken it to going out with some friends and fighting to pay when the check comes. It all evens out over the long-run, so down the road, I'll be bringing his friend along with us when we take a trip...it's not like we will NEVER be going to Disney.

So for the OP...if you don't feel comfortable, then don't take her. But I would think that when her's friends's family goes away and they invite her, if you haven't asked them for money this time, then they won't ask for money that time and it would possibly even itself out.

 

[hookedonears]

My daughter's friend who took her to Maine, had a brother who was also planning to go, but couldn't because of a conflict. My daughter took the place of the brother, who couldn't go. The family would have paid for his airline ticket, food etc. if he had gone. The family rented a house in Camden, Maine, inwhich the cost would not have changed weather my daughter went or not.

 

[maxiesmom]

My daughter's friend who took her to Maine, had a brother who was also planning to go, but couldn't because of a conflict. My daughter took the place of the brother, who couldn't go. The family would have paid for his airline ticket, food etc. if he had gone. The family rented a house in Camden, Maine, inwhich the cost would not have changed weather my daughter went or not.

I don't think that matters. They still paid for your daughter. You either need to be able to reciprocate, or you shouldn't invite your daughter's friend.

I agree with the others who have said that if cost is really an issue, you should look into switching resorts or changing your dining plan before you ask the family for money. Going on a deluxe vacation then asking for money is just plain tacky, imho.

 

[Boncho]

If it were me, I would make the trip a little less expensive (use ME, stay at a less expensive resort etc.) and ask the parents if their child could come - no financial strings attached except for spending money.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

My daughter's friend who took her to Maine, had a brother who was also planning to go, but couldn't because of a conflict. My daughter took the place of the brother, who couldn't go. The family would have paid for his airline ticket, food etc. if he had gone. The family rented a house in Camden, Maine, inwhich the cost would not have changed weather my daughter went or not.

Is there such thing as a plane ticket that doesn't charge for changes? And you already had a room and limo. The cost would not change WHETHER the friend goes or not. Right?

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I don't think that matters. They still paid for your daughter. You either need to be able to reciprocate, or you shouldn't invite your daughter's friend.

I agree with the others who have said that if cost is really an issue, you should look into switching resorts or changing your dining plan before you ask the family for money. Going on a deluxe vacation then asking for money is just plain tacky, imho.

I totally agree!

 

[KellyNY]

My daughter's friend who took her to Maine, had a brother who was also planning to go, but couldn't because of a conflict. My daughter took the place of the brother, who couldn't go. The family would have paid for his airline ticket, food etc. if he had gone. The family rented a house in Camden, Maine, inwhich the cost would not have changed weather my daughter went or not.

They could ask a relative to take their sons place but they took your DD, I guess in this situation you should not charge them, you simply return the favor. If it too pricy to you do not take their kid at all or change to less expencive hotel like CBR or cut on DDP and take a regular DP as well as get rid of limo, ME works just fine.

 

[GovieMom]

I agree with the others who have said that if cost is really an issue, you should look into switching resorts or changing your dining plan before you ask the family for money. Going on a deluxe vacation then asking for money is just plain tacky, imho.

I also agree!