How Do You Get an Adult Child out of your house??

[hereyago]

Very true, they have to be prepared to not let him back in and start that cycle again.

 

[Pluto 2]

its a hard decision if you kick your son out most likely in his condition he will be living on the streets in a couple of months after the money you give him runs out. first you need to send your son to get help, a drug rehab center. than he might be a new man but he still will have no money to live on his own.

 

[Ellie Mae]

Drive him to a recruitment office and have him join the military. Sounds like he has some serious growing up to do.

 

[SandrA9810]

Most state laws require that if you make a suicide call (baker act here in florida), that they can only legally hold him for up to 72hrs. But they'll drug test him and hopefully get through to him and find him the help he needs.
It'll also place the parent's in connection with the police, and other resources for getting him help and out of the house.

Unfortantly, if he has lived there for more than like 3 months, he's a legal residence of the property (whether it's a parent's home, a friend's house, an apartment where he's not even on the lease). So the person responsible for the property has to go through proper eviction. And as well, you can't just toss some one's stuff out on the lawn. That's destruction of property and can backfire on the parents.

It's a very fine line to be walking. Just don't act irrationally and the law will stick to the parent's and not enable him to retaliate.

 

[momrek06]

adult child

Military for sure.

 

[Acklander]

Drive him to a recruitment office and have him join the military. Sounds like he has some serious growing up to do.

the military isn't a dumping ground. What makes you think they'd want someone who works as little as possible, may have a substance abuse problem, and probably steals from those he lives with???

 

[momrek06]

the military isn't a dumping ground. What makes you think they'd want someone who works as little as possible, may have a substance abuse problem, and probably steals from those he lives with???

Hold up a minute, what are we suppose to do just drop-kick kiddos like this to the curb??

My Dbro is a Colonel in the USARMY, he will tell you straight out the amazing accomplishments that many young troubled adult-children have done after they joined any branch of the military.

 

[GeorgeG]

Move and don't invite him... especially if you downsize with no room for him. Or, you could convert his room into an office or anything that can't be used as a bedroom. Seriously. He could drag this act out for years to come.

 

[Chris2597]

its a hard decision if y ou kick your son out most likely in his condition he will be living on the streets in a couple of months after the money you give him runs out. first you need to send your son to get help, a drug rehab center. than he might be a new man but he still will have no money to live on his own.

He was in a drug treatment program to get off the RX drugs that his parents paid for. They have also offered him rehab if there is a drug problem or counseling to try to help him find answers, but he refuses. He says he has no problems.
They have also encouraged him about the military and he says NO WAY! He also took ADD meds and claims that precludes him from being able to join.

 

[Chris2597]

Move and don't invite him... especially if you downsize with no room for him. Or, you could convert his room into an office or anything that can't be used as a bedroom. Seriously. He could drag this act out for years to come.

This has gone on for yrs. He started acting out in High School....it has gone from bad to worse, to better, to lots better and then back again....merry go round. The parents through getting some help from a counselor of their own have decided enough is enough as they dont want to be in this same situation 10, 15, 20 yrs from now..They will be that much older and that much more unable to resolve it.
The mother realizes that she is the weak link in the chain and has enabled him to continue this for sometime. Her dh has been ready to act for sometime.

 

[mickeylove2]

If there are no squatters rights in their state, they can simply change the locks and tell him to leave, they can put his stuff on the curb. If there are squatters' rights in their state, they have to formally evict him, if they change the locks or remove his stuff, they can get into legal trouble. Tell them to file a police report about their belongings disappearing, check the local pawn shops and everything, if they find drugs in the home, photograph it and call the police. I just recently went through this.

 

[Quiksilvr]

If there are no squatters rights in their state, they can simply change the locks and tell him to leave, they can put his stuff on the curb. If there are squatters' rights in their state, they have to formally evict him, if they change the locks or remove his stuff, they can get into legal trouble. Tell them to file a police report about their belongings disappearing, check the local pawn shops and everything, if they find drugs in the home, photograph it and call the police. I just recently went through this.

I don't think it's necessarily an issue of "squatter's rights"; the statutes that govern this are more akin to landlord/tenant law (even though in this case there isn't really a formalized lease between the parents and the son); that is, unless the situation actually involves an otherwise unoccupied dwelling in which someone has taken up unauthorized residence.

Either way, I agree 100% with the recommendation. In the eyes of the law, changing the locks would be a "self-help" remedy, most of which are unlawful. As far as the law enforcement/judiciary is concerned, the eviction process exists to help you get rid of your unwanted houseguest. Changing the locks is viewed as sort of..."vigilante justice", for lack of a better term.

In many states, it's very easy to give someone an invitation to stay in your house. . .but very difficult to take it away. It's an oft-annoying quirk of the law, but it is what it is.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My aunt had to formally evict her son.

 

[bettymae1121]

Obviously this would depend on their exact situation, but is it possible for them to sell their home (I'm assuming they own and don't rent) and move away? If they don't let him move into the new home, he'd have no claim to either the old address or their new one. It's an extreme solution, but if they were looking to downsize or re-locate anyway, now may be just the right time to go ahead with something like that. No sense in going through the trouble of evicting him if they are planning to move once he's out of the house. Just go forward with the move. They may be so locked into their son's problems that they've lost sight of the larger picture, like their own futures. If once they take a step back and see that, once free from their son, they'd more than likely move (for whatever reason) then that could be the solution they're looking for.

 

[minkydog]

Obviously this would depend on their exact situation, but is it possible for them to sell their home (I'm assuming they own and don't rent) and move away? If they don't let him move into the new home, he'd have no claim to either the old address or their new one. It's an extreme solution, but if they were looking to downsize or re-locate anyway, now may be just the right time to go ahead with something like that. No sense in going through the trouble of evicting him if they are planning to move once he's out of the house. Just go forward with the move. They may be so locked into their son's problems that they've lost sight of the larger picture, like their own futures. If once they take a step back and see that, once free from their son, they'd more than likely move (for whatever reason) then that could be the solution they're looking for.

I knew of someone who actually did that! Sold the house. They couldn't get their 25yo son to leave. He wasn't mentally ill or anything, he just didn't want to work, wanted to just live off them. So, since their house was huge and all their other kids were grown and gone, they sole the house and found a smaller home, to which he was not invited. My friends bought the house and after the closing they went over to the house. There was the 25yo. in the garage with his stuff. He still didn't want to leave, "where am I going to go?" Oh please. They were able to prevail upon him to leave and then they changed the locks. Never saw the guy again.

We thought we were going to have to do this to get John out of the house, but thankfully he came to the realization that he didn't want to get a job, pay rent, do his laundry, clean his room or help with household chores, so he left in a huff. Guess he showed us!

 

[Wishing on a star]

First, no crazy statutes would force me to have another adult whom I do not want in my home to have access to my home...

Period...

If he has not paid any rent,
If his name is not on the property,
Then I would simply change the locks...
Go rent a small unit for his possessions, and present him with the key.

If they really are scared of 'squatter's rights', then all they have to do is go set him up in an apartment for a couple/three months, he is out of the house... and he has NO rights... NO claim. Honestly, that really could be the easiest and cheapest way to go.


If this guy would actually be able to find a lawyer and show up with law enforcement officials to gain access to his parents home, then there are WAY more serious issues here than getting a young bird to fly the coop.... (And, clearly, this is what this young man would have to do to regain access to the home...) How could he begin to pull that off successfully.

I suspect that there are some deep mental and psychological issues here.
I suspect that this young man has some kind of Developmental Disability, Mental Illness, Psychological issues, and most probably 'all of the above'. (in each of these intances, self medication by drug abuse is very common)

I am not sure what type of help that these parents have sought for this young man.... but, clearly, this is something beyond their capability to address. And, at this point, it doesn't look like there is any way that they can push any professional help.

There really are no winners when dealing with mental illness and/or disability.

This really is a very sad, SAD, situation.

 

[Art 1]

My aunt had to formally evict her son.

That's how it needs to be done if they won't leave on their own.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

I can't offer any other suggestions ... but I am really sorry for your friend and for you. I am glad THEY are going to counseling so they can break the cycle. What a sad life for someone in their 20s.

 

[MrsPete]

Who owns the problem here? Hint: It's not the boy. He's living where he wants to live, he's not working, he's eating . . . as far as he's concerned, things are fine. Mom and Dad, on the other hand, have a problem!

The "give me $2000 and three months rent" would just make me mad. It'd be a last-straw moment for me. I vote for next time he goes out, move all his stuff out into boxes on the front porch and change the locks. Then go away for the weekend.

I don't think the military is a good choice. They will drug test him and will turn him away. They aren't going to take on someone who'll have to go straight to rehab.

 

[momof1princess]

Who owns the problem here? Hint: It's not the boy. He's living where he wants to live, he's not working, he's eating . . . as far as he's concerned, things are fine. Mom and Dad, on the other hand, have a problem!

The "give me $2000 and three months rent" would just make me mad. It'd be a last-straw moment for me. I vote for next time he goes out, move all his stuff out into boxes on the front porch and change the locks. Then go away for the weekend.

I don't think the military is a good choice. They will drug test him and will turn him away. They aren't going to take on someone who'll have to go straight to rehab.

this was my suggestion, but apparently, where these folks live, the local authorities say the young man has some sort of rights to the home, even though his name isn't on the mortgage, and he must be legally evicted, which will take several weeks.