How do you get a 20 month old to understand NO

[gshoemate]

I need help. My 20 month old DS can not get the concept of the word no. He gets into trouble all day long. He can do something and get into trouble for it and 2 minutes later do the same thing. For instance we have a big screen TV and there are control buttons that are at his level. He has been getting into trouble for playing with the buttons since he was like 6 months old and he just doesn't get it. No matter how many patty taps he gets (no I don't slap him, it's just a tap) no matter how many time outs he gets he won't stop. And this is not the only thing he gets into trouble for, there is a long list....standing on the couch, kicking the kitten, trying to crawl on the window sills, the list goes on and on. How can I get him to understand what no means? He gets other words. He knows what snack is, water, sit, lay down for a diaper change, go night night, kiss, hug and many more. We must of gotten lucky with our DD because if you said no to her, you didn't have to say it again. She never played with the buttons, she never stood on the couch, so this is all new to me and I don't know how to handle it. He spends alot of his day getting into trouble and having time outs. Please help before I have a nervous breakdown.

 

[peg2001]

He knows what "no" means, he is just testing to see if you will be consistent. Keep doing what you are doing, say "no" EVERY time, and then physically move him away from that area and try to distract him with something else that is acceptable.

Good luck!
Peggy

 

[browneyes]

The best way I could get my ds to behave at that age was doing some reverse psychology on him.

Boys seem to know which are the wrong mommy buttons to push. My dd understood the no concept a lot better than he did.

 

[ahutton]

We have good and bad days at our house, and some days the girls get it and some they don't. One thing I've found works is to say NO - dangerous, dirty, ouchie etc. so they get why it is a no. Then I will say what needs to be done. For example our little DD (19 1/2 months old) also loves to stand (or dance) on the couch. I'll say - "Chloe, No. Dangerous. Sit down." It also helps to redirect her, if she wants to stand up and dance we'll tell her to stand up on the floor and dance, and do it with her. If she is at the TV wants to push buttons and make things happen I'll say "Chloe, No. Not a toy. Here is your toy." and get the Barney Computer (it's a toy she loves right now) and give her that to push buttons on. Hope it helps!

 

[CEDmom]

Some kids have an easier time than others learning boundaries. While it's important to start teaching a child this at a young age your DS just might not be ready yet to grasp this concept. Also children that young have a really short attention span. I think a gnat's is longer . Since time outs etc don't seem to be doing the trick I'd try to child proof as much as possible and just redirect him when he's headed for trouble. Also maybe try positive reinforcement. Good luck.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Maybe try to use phrases like "We do not touch the buttons on the tv" instead of NO all the time. I think they start to tune the NO out. Plus if you actually say what he is not supposed to do it is specific for the action.

What also works with my DD is distraction. Give him something else to do. Or you could say "We can't jump on the couch, but we can jump like a kangaroo." And then jump around with him for a while. DD loves doing this. She needs to be active and get that energy out.

I have found that DD needs a lot of attention at this age and gets bored. She tends to do things she is not supposed to when she wants my attention. Good Luck!

 

[sap1227]

I agree with one of the previous posters, that if you are saying "no" too often you will get tuned out. The best thing to do is redirect, redirect, redirect. The attention span of a child is about 1 minute per year old, so you are talking about 1 1/2 minute attention span. Also, try not to make a big deal about the things he is doing wrong. Most of the people in my playgroup let their kids jump on the couch, I do not. So, after playgroup every week we have to reprogram him. As soon as he stands up on the couch, I say (in just my regular voice) "we do not stand on the couch" and then I put him on the floor. Sometimes I will do it 10 times in one hour, but then it is over (until next week when we see the kids jumping on the couch again ).

Good Luck, this is a tough age!
Christy

 

[MHopkins2]

I think your DS is smarter than you think - I'd bet he "gets it" very well. He's just discovered that the penalties for ignoring the No - "patty taps" and time outs - aren't enough of a reason to stop doing whatever fun thing it is he's doing.

Please do keep a tight watch on him around the kitten though. Poor thing.

 

[mtemm]

With Daniel (21 months) redirection works best, too. some months ago he thought it was hysterical to stand on the couch and literally hurl himself onto the end table. Scary! Or even just standing on the couch and jumping, etc. It took several days of me being with him every minute saying, "we stand on the floor, we sit on the couch" or, "we jump on the floor, we sit on the couch" and physically sitting him on the couch or standing him on the floor. I'm talking over and over and over. But it worked great with him.

We do have an issue right now with him pulling all the videos out of the cabinet and pushing buttons on the tv, but its funny, he knows he's not supposed to and only does it if I leave the room. The funniest are the videos...you should see him scramble when he hears me coming back, trying to shove them all back. LOL! Honestly at this age I shouldn't be leaving the room even for a minute as our pediatrician has said, so part of that is my problem. As for the buttons on the tv, its so hard because they understand the power of it. Touch this, the tv goes off, touch this the tv goes on.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

We recently had to put a child lock on our cabinet with the videos. DD was always in them, but who can blame her really? The Disney videos have pretty colors and her favorite characters are on them! It's just too tempting for her. It's like putting ice cream in front of her and telling her not to eat it! LOL!

I guess you can't really lock the couch up though.

 

[ToyStory Fan]

My DS is now 4-1/2 and my DD is whadda ya know 20 months old...like her older brother at 20 months she knows all too well what NO means. That doesn't mean that they will follow the direction...unfortunately I haven't figured it out yet either, but I do notice my daughter learning from my son that it is okay to push mom and dad to really see what they can get away with.

 

[Judy from Boise]

My advice is to give up on some of rules that aren't absolutly safety based, and enforce a little stronger the few that matter. I find that instead of just saying no, if you clap your hands together loudly and make a disaproving face at the same time you are saying no....it will get the message across. If the rule is important enough to enforce it is OK to show some emotion when it is broken.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I'm beginning to see improvement in my 19 month old son. He is starting to grasp what is appropriate. He still can be a devil! My mom doesn't see him everyday and she says she can see a big improvement in his behavior. Remember it is small baby steps.

Lori

 

[Serena]

Do you have a playpen, or something like that where you can let him play and nothing he can get in trouble with? Just to give you a minute of peace.

They will test you and test you and test you. He is making sure you mean it each and every time. He's seeing how far he can push, how much he can jump, what and where he can touch and your reactions to them. He's not doing it to make you angry, he's learning.
He will try something a million different ways to see if you are saying "no" to that too.


{{{{hugs}}}}}

 

[poohandwendy]

I agree that he understands what no means, but is testing the boundaries. IMO, what he is unsure of is what you will do, or if you will have the same reaction each and every time. It is crucial that you are consistent, or it will lead to confusion and his not believing that you will follow through. If you don't make it clear now that you mean business, you will regret it for years to come. It is the first big lesson in parenthood.

It is no coincidence that he 'understands' words he wants to hear. Some kids just are pleasers and some are rebels. There are great things that come with both types of personalities. LOL, I think it is easier to have the 'rebel' first, then when you are prepared for another rebel, the 'pleaser' is a pleasant surprise.