How do you feel about this?

[mickeyboat]

I don't think I would have ever done what the people in the OP did. But I definitely went to the mailbox, mowed the lawn, and sat on the patio with a glass of lemonade. I don't think the situation is as black and white as some people are making it out to be. Tragic accidents happen, hindsight is 20/20, we can't live our lives expecting danger around every corner. On the other hand, we can't do something utterly dangerous and foolish. I see this situation as falling somewhere in the middle.

I guess we all need to reach a comfort level of what we are willing to do and what we are not as parents. I don't think it makes anyone a better parent than someone else, it just makes us feel comfortable with our parenting choices.

Denae

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Just from my standpoint, I think there is a huge difference in sitting on front porch vs the party for a few hours scenario.

 

[Desnik]

Fishbone†
To answer the question what would/should you have done. I'm not really sure. You were in a tough situation. Personally for me, I know I would have said something. I just have a big mouth and especially when it comes to kids, forget it! I would've said to the mom, nicely, wow that's a neat monitor, it's amazing how far technology has come. Do you often leave your baby home alone? Is that really safe? I'm sure it would've touched a nerve, but so what! Maybe she would think twice next time. Who knows but I would've felt terrible if I later found out something happened to that baby and I could've said something that might have made the parent at least run over and check on their baby.

noodleknitter
I have seen numerous stories of toddlers getting run over accidently by their own parents. No drugs or mental illness. Just a kid whom the parent thought was napping safely inside, a parent in a rush and a horrific accident occurs. Unfortunately it does happen.

ChrisnSteph
I didn't see where people labeled this couple as bad or horrible parents. It's just they made a bad choice in some of the posters(myself included)opinion. Like I said not one of us is a perfect parent. I don't see from the previous posts anyone acting "holier than thou" it's just to some of us this seems like such a trivial thing. They could've done a number of other things like I stated in a previous post. But they choose what they did to go to a party for 3+ hours!!!

 

[Bob Slydell]

ChrisnSteph
I didn't see where people labeled this couple as bad or horrible parents.

More than a few posters have equated it with child neglect.

 

[akhenaten]

I don't thnk baby monitors were made to leave your child unattended at home...anymore than baby floats are made to leave your child alone in the pool ...or those baby rings to support the baby in the tub are made for parents to be able to leave the baby alone in the bath!!!

( RE the monitor ,i am not saying that parents should not go to the porch/ mail box /yard of their own home for a brief time...and this of course depends on the size of the yard and the distance to the mailbox......)

 

[mickeyfan2]

More than a few posters have equated it with child neglect.

It might be in the eyes of the state and I would not want to chance that.

 

[MELSMICE]

Just from my standpoint, I think there is a huge difference in sitting on front porch vs the party for a few hours scenario.

I don't think the situation is as black and white as some people are making it out to be.

I agree with both of these points.

I asked about people that said they "don't step one foot out of house" & although I can't get back to quote the response, I understand where the poster is coming from with regard to accidents.

However, saying "I would never step out of the house without my child" is just unreasonable.

I had 3 children under 3 yrs. old, which included a set of twins. Our house at the time did not have an attached garage. When I would go grocery shopping alone, or anywhere alone for that matter, I had to transport each child individually from the house to the car or from the car into the house.

At some point I had to leave my children unattended in both the vehicle & the house so I could "retrieve" the others. Was I cautious about it - yes I was, but there was no possible way I could not carry all 3 of my small children at the same time.

As I stated previously, I'm not sure I would have done what the OP has described, but saying you wouldn't step foot out of the house without your child is unreasonable, especially when you have more than one.

 

[Desnik]

Please can we all just agree that running to check your mail at the end of your driveway or sitting on your porch with a monitor is not the same as being at a party for 3+ hours with a monitor and then an extra hour with no monitor. It simply is NOT THE SAME THING!!!

The OP is not talking about those situations, this was totally different.

I also find it hard to believe everyone here has never left their children unattended, but I doubt for 3 hours!!

 

[mickeyfan2]

However, saying "I would never step out of the house without my child" is just unreasonable.

I had 3 children under 3 yrs. old, which included a set of twins. Our house at the time did not have an attached garage. When I would go grocery shopping alone, or anywhere alone for that matter, I had to transport each child individually from the house to the car or from the car into the house.

At some point I had to leave my children unattended in both the vehicle & the house so I could "retrieve" the others. Was I cautious about it - yes I was, but there was no possible way I could not carry all 3 of my small children at the same time.

As I stated previously, I'm not sure I would have done what the OP has described, but saying you wouldn't step foot out of the house without your child is unreasonable, especially when you have more than one.

In your situation I would get one or two kids at a time and put them into a area that they would be safe. I would then get the next kid(s) put them there and then get the groceries. In this case you are not leaving them unattend for very long and can check on them with each trip into the house.

 

[akhenaten]

Please can we all just agree that running to check your mail at the end of your driveway or sitting on your porch with a monitor is not the same as being at a party for 3+ hours with a monitor and then an extra hour with no monitor. It simply is NOT THE SAME THING!!!

The OP is not talking about those situations, this was totally different.

I also find it hard to believe everyone here has never left their children unattended, but I doubt for 3 hours!!

agreed...........

 

[cats mom]

More than a few posters have equated it with child neglect.

Well, most states do not have specific laws regarding child neglect, instead they leave it up to CPS to provide guidelines and investigate possible incidents.

But inadequate supervision definitely falls under the child neglect umbrella.

I believe the OP is in Minnesota and there they can open an investigation if a child age 7 or under is left alone for any period of time.

My guess is that if they get a call about mom sitting on the porch or running to the mailbox while the kiddos are inside they're not going to pursue it - but a call about mom and dad leaving to go to a party (next door or not) for 3+ hours, I'd say they might want to take a look... and a finding of child neglect is a definite possibility.

 

[katerkat]

You are outside, the door is locked and you hear the smoke alarm on your monitor. You head to the door to find that you have forgotten or dropped the keys. Next you resort to breaking into your house.

You are inside the house and hear the alarm. You get the baby and leave.

These two senarios might not play out the same.

I would take the baby to get the mail.

Sadly I have heard many a story where the mom ran over a kid with the mower who they thought was asleep in the house.

I don't lock my doors, and I have a push mower. He's safer inside, napping, while I mow, than outside with the mower, because he's curious and nothing would be able to distract him from the mower.

If I hear the smoke alarm, I'm going inside anyway because I won't leave my cats inside a burning house.

I don't lock my doors, ever. That's how safe I feel the neighborhood is. Even on vacation or while my husband is deployed.

I've never done it for a "party" but my friends have - one kid in his crib in the house, one kid across the street, both sets of parents with monitors on the driveway. The times I've done it were just to sit and talk with a couple other neighbors after the babies went to bed.

But, hey - I didn't buy a seat for him on 3 of his 9 airplane flights, and the last flight home from WDW last week, he wasn't buckled in for the landing.

And we co-slept on a pillowtop mattress.

And I let him eat popcorn a lot. And hot dogs.

Oh, and I let the cats sleep with him in his crib.

 

[MichelleVW]

But, hey - I didn't buy a seat for him on 3 of his 9 airplane flights, and the last flight home from WDW last week, he wasn't buckled in for the landing.

And we co-slept on a pillowtop mattress.

And I let him eat popcorn a lot. And hot dogs.

Oh, and I let the cats sleep with him in his crib.

Oh boy you are a rebel aren't you!!!

 

[Lanshark]

I wouldn't have done it. If there were an issue would they have known it?

 

[lyzziesmom]

I think where the parents went really wrong was in turning the monitor off before they left the party. I'm not entirely sure I agree with their decision to attend the party with the monitor, but they definitely should NOT have turned it off for any reason. I also don't think they should have had the sound off.

One thing I haven't seen anybody mention here is bringing the child to the party. When I only had one DD and she was an infant, if I was invited to a party and couldn't get a babysitter, I would often bring her with (after okaying it with the host of course) and put her to sleep in a bedroom in the house. Now with 2 kids, that's not quite so easy, but at the time it worked well for us and made me feel safer.

I have left my younger DD home alone when she was an infant and brought the monitor to the bus stop in the mornings with the older DD. I think I did this twice. We would be gone for about 5 - 10 minutes. The bus stop was about 5 or 6 houses down, and I only did this if the baby had had a rough night and was sleeping too soundly for me to wake her up & get her dressed just to drop off her sister at the bus stop, and it would throw off her whole schedule for the day. I've also left the two of them in the car for a maximum of 5 minutes while I went into Papa Johns to pick up a pizza. I parked in the first spot outside the glass door, locked the doors, stood backwards in line so I could see them at all times, and never took my eyes off the car which was maybe 20 feet away.

Do these things make me a bad parent? I don't think so.

 

[staley7580]

Okay, I live in an Apartment, but I have never left kids alone to check the mail, do laundry, or take a shower. No matter what I need to do, i can wait til they can come with me, or till my DH can watch them.The thought of them leaving their baby home alone? I would have said something, or left. Or even called the cops........... I know that sound extreme, but I am so not cool with leaving a baby home alone for any reason. And I too let my baby eat hot dogs, peanuts and too many sweets. And shes a co-sleeper, but I will NOT leave my kids alone in my house.

 

[MELSMICE]

In your situation I would get one or two kids at a time and put them into a area that they would be safe. I would then get the next kid(s) put them there and then get the groceries. In this case you are not leaving them unattend for very long and can check on them with each trip into the house.

Exactly my point. Some people are saying they "wouldn't step one foot out the door". You just can not say that.

I agree that a situation such as the one I described & what the OP posted are totally different. That's kind of why someone saying the "wouldn't step one foot out the door" comment to what the OP posted can not be compared.

 

[U2_rocks!]

In my post about different comfort levels, I was mostly addressing those who don't ever leave their kids alone. I haven't seen anyone here who is OK with the last hour of that party when the monitor was off. I think we are all debating the 2 hours before that, when the monitor WAS on. I'm still not seeing "neglect" there, just a controversial decision that I may or may not have agreed with, depending on the circumstances. There still hasn't been enough info given for me to know whether I would have made the same choice to go to the party and not have DH or I check on the baby in between.

I definitely wouldn't have turned off the monitor and chatted for an hour - I'm not sure anyone here would have either.

 

[MichelleVW]

Okay, I live in an Apartment, but I have never left kids alone to check the mail, do laundry, or take a shower. No matter what I need to do, i can wait til they can come with me, or till my DH can watch them.The thought of them leaving their baby home alone? I would have said something, or left. .

What if you didn't have DH around? I was a single parent for many many years and I left baby sleeping in her crib when I went out to the laundry room in the apt complex. We needed clean clothes...I lived alone and I wasn't waking her up for a 2 minute trip to the laundry room with a full basket of clothes.

Go to a party?? Probably not...but I sure had to do my laundry!!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

wow i had something VERY similar happen to me a few years ago!!

my DH2B has a party that he throws every year at his place. he gets all his friends together and all they do is drink(and lemme tell you, it's one of the most BORING nights of my life). so the one year, about 3 years ago, DH2B's friend comes over. his girlfriend is at work, and their baby is at home with a sitter, but his girlfriend will be over later.

an hour later, the girlfriend comes over and they stay for about another hour. then the babysitter calls and says she's having problems with the baby. she keeps crying and she doesn't know what to do. so they both say "Goodbye" to everyone and i'm thinking "ok they left, that's fine".....except that 15 minutes later they both came back, baby in tote, and brought the baby upstairs into one of the bedrooms! my first reaction is "You've GOT to be kidding me!" as they take the kid upstairs. i tell DH2B "i don't think that's such a good idea" but at the time, he was jerk and didn't want to listen to me(don't worry, i've fixed him since then!). so then the two come back downstairs with a baby monitor and put it on the stairs.....and proceed to go into the dining room that is on the OTHER side of the house!

ok so now you've put your baby upstairs, in a room with just a regular bed.....not a crib, with tons of things they can get into or even fall off the bed. and NOW you put a monitor in a completly opposite side of the room that you're in.

but wait, it gets better! THEN while they're in the dining room, they decide to play beer pong(a drinking game) ......both of them! so now they've got this 1 year old upstairs with the monitor no where near them AND they're going to drive home later with that same baby??!?

most of the night i spent right next to the monitor making sure everything was ok and if i heard a noise i'd go up there and peek in on her. and i kept telling DH2B "i can't believe you let them do this! this is absurd!" but like i said, at the time he was a jerk and didn't care. i even had some other women at the party saying "you should say something to him about it" and i tell them "i did, and he doesn't care"

so then they leave about 2 hours later. THANKfully they all got home in one peice, safe and sound. but i couldn't believe that they did that. you can't sacrifice a stupid party for your child??

i ended up getting DH2B on my side about the situation a few weeks later, and then the next year when the party rolled around he went to give them the invites and joked around "no kids allowed" and they took offense to it and called up a bunch of their friends and told them not to show up. honestly, i couldn't care less, as long as that baby was safe at home.


and i feel the same way as you. i myself also do not have any kids, but i think it's WRONG! there's so many things that can happen with these situations. it's like people don't even think sometimes.