How do you feel about this?

[mickeyfan2]

The men were in the downstairs and the women upstairs, so they were not together anyway.

We went to a party where the neighbor left the kids asleep, but one of them stayed home and the other went to the party. After a while the one at the party left and the other one came. We all had a great time and we did not split up to men downstairs and women upstair either.

 

[Hillbeans]

These parents had a bunch of options. They could've gotten a babysitter, stayed home or take turns going to the party to see their friends. I can't imagine that going to this party was so important they just had to leave their baby home and take the monitor and stay for 3+ hours!
No one is a perfect parent and we all do things differently but come on. Common sense is to not leave a child/baby home alone. It is illegal for a reason! I don't see how you can turn off the monitor and "forget" you had a baby at home not being monitored and be so inthralled by your conversation!(when they were getting ready to leave) I don't see how sitting on your front porch with a monitor is the same. They were inside someone elses home with lots of distractions and noise. Yes things happen when parents are around but it only takes a second for something to happen, why risk it? And even putting that aside I just don't see how someone would think nothing of leaving their baby alone and enjoying themselves at a party.

Personally I wouldn't do it. And in no way am I a perfect parent. The one post here that really bothered me is the one where the person said what were the odds of something happening? You just never know. A year ago my family and I were driving in our car and suddenly we were in a horrific accident involving a freak accident with a tractor trailor. It detatched from the cab and the trailor part crossed the median, and highway heading directly in front of my car. Do ya want to know what the odds were for that happening? We had a better shot of being struck by lightening, or winning the mega millions lottery!! Thank goodness I didn't have the mindset of, what are the odds of us getting into an accident today, I don't need to wear my seatbelt. You should never take a chance especially when our children are involved. To the OP, I agree with you and I would've had the same reaction. I also agree with the posters who are alittle taken back by some of the posters seeing nothing wrong with this.

I completely agree with every word you're saying here!

What they did was leave their 9 month old ALONE for 3+ hours. That's a lot different than being in your garage working or on the porch having a glass of lemonade.

 

[ford family]

Different comfort levels is all. I'm not sure I could say where the point of "neglect" was in this situation. We all draw a different line. I personally don't care about the legalities in the US, since I don't live there - I am thinking morally only. My own personal comfort level is somewhere in between "next door with monitor" and "turned off monitor for almost an hour". I can't narrow it down any more than that because it would depend on many things, such as noise levels, alcohol consumption, proximity of my house to theirs, line of sight to my house ... all sorts of things.

But in general I don't feel that it's "neglectful" to simply walk out of the walls of your house (I haven't said how far) with monitor in hand, leaving a sleeping child inside. It may be outside of many people's comfort zones, and "wrong" for THEM, but that doesn't necessarily make it "wrong" for everyone. I'm speaking generally here, not to anyone in particular.

But the decision on whether or not it is neglectful is not your call or mine or anyone else's on this thread. The social services department in that county set the guidelines and if they are transgressed, as they were in this case, they could act to prosecute the parents and even take the child into care. There is no defence in saying "Gee, other people don't think we were endangering our infant".
Everything is okay until it's not okay and then it's too late.

ford family

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I don't see what the problem was. They lived next door, they had a video monitor to see what the baby was doing at all times, they could have ran home in seconds if there was a problem. You have no idea if anyone checked on the baby after the monitor was off. As long as they locked their door, and periodically physically checked on the baby, I don't see how that baby was in any kind of danger. I can understand those that don't feel comfortable doing such a thing, but as a mom of 5 kids, I'm pretty confident in what I think is safe and unsafe. I do understand that everyone's comfort level is different and that's ok, however it doesn't mean that someone is a bad parent just because they are comfortable with something you aren't.

For those that don't even venture outside when their baby is napping, why is this? I'm just curious, because I find that really odd. I think the video monitors are just weird. My goodness - how did people raise children without them? I could see using them in certain situations, like if you had a medically fragile child who needed constant monitoring. As a first time mom, I remember using a baby monitor for about a month, and then never really found it useful since I could hear my baby crying without it.

 

[Fishbone†]

You have no idea if anyone checked on the baby after the monitor was off. As long as they locked their door, and periodically physically checked on the baby, I don't see how that baby was in any kind of danger.

Yes I do. Neither parent ever left to check on the baby while the monitor was off. I know this because for that hour at the end we all sat together in the kitchen which was right off the entry way talking. Both parents were standing next to each other right across the island from me with their jackets on….. like I said, they started to leave and got caught up in conversation. I’m probably the only one who knows how long that conversation went on as I was watching the clock because of the monitor being off. Also, I’m 99% sure no one left the party to check the baby at any time…. I was in clear sight of the door most of the night, and when I did go downstairs towards the end, I was conversing with the mother of the baby and the host of the party while my DH2B played pool with the dad.

 

[MELSMICE]

Some of you have said you would "never step foot outside when the kids are inside".

When my kids were younger & I had to run outside for something (I mean get the mail or the newspaper) I would either put them in their crib, playpen or do it while they were sleeping.

Do some of you really not go outside to grab the mail if your kids or sleeping or in their cribs?

Also, if they were down for a nap I never found it odd to do outdoor work. I would take the monitor with me, lock the door & get gardening done or whatever else was needed. I don't think I was/am a bad parent for that.

 

[poohandwendy]

I’m probably the only one who knows how long that conversation went on as I was watching the clock because of the monitor being off.

OK, so you are of the opinion that their child was in danger while they were there not monitoring him/her, yet you sat their and silently watched the clock to see how long they would endanger their child?

 

[mickeyfan2]

Some of you have said you would "never step foot outside when the kids are inside".

When my kids were younger & I had to run outside for something (I mean get the mail or the newspaper) I would either put them in their crib, playpen or do it while they were sleeping.

Do some of you really not go outside to grab the mail if your kids or sleeping or in their cribs?

Also, if they were down for a nap I never found it odd to do outdoor work. I would take the monitor with me, lock the door & get gardening done or whatever else was needed. I don't think I was/am a bad parent for that.

You are outside, the door is locked and you hear the smoke alarm on your monitor. You head to the door to find that you have forgotten or dropped the keys. Next you resort to breaking into your house.

You are inside the house and hear the alarm. You get the baby and leave.

These two senarios might not play out the same.

I would take the baby to get the mail.

Sadly I have heard many a story where the mom ran over a kid with the mower who they thought was asleep in the house.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Yes I do. Neither parent ever left to check on the baby while the monitor was off. I know this because for that hour at the end we all sat together in the kitchen which was right off the entry way talking. Both parents were standing next to each other right across the island from me with their jackets on….. like I said, they started to leave and got caught up in conversation. I’m probably the only one who knows how long that conversation went on as I was watching the clock because of the monitor being off. Also, I’m 99% sure no one left the party to check the baby at any time…. I was in clear sight of the door most of the night, and when I did go downstairs towards the end, I was conversing with the mother of the baby and the host of the party while my DH2B played pool with the dad.

Well in that case, they should have checked on the baby. However, I still wouldn't label these people horrible parents. We've all had bad parenting moments, whether it's doing what these parents did, letting our kids ride their scooters without a helmet, letting them have too much sugar or letting them watch Teletubbies. Seriously, I think the situation is being blown way out of proportion.

Like someone pointed out earlier, there are many different things that would determine someone's comfort level in doing what these parents did. I would feel comfortable doing this with my neighbor - then again, we live in a tract home where I can practically hear my neighbor snoring next door, I could be at my front door in less then 10 seconds, and we know and love all our neighbors and live at the end of a quiet cul de sac. It's something I would feel comfortable doing here, however I couldn't say for sure if I would do the same if the circumstances were different.

For those that are appalled by everyone who doesn't agree that these parents were neglectful and CPS should get involved and yada yada, well not that I really care, but lump me into that "bad parent" category if it makes you feel like you're doing a much better job at raising your kids.

 

[Fishbone†]

OK, so you are of the opinion that their child was in danger while they were there not monitoring him/her, yet you sat their and silently watched the clock to see how long they would endanger their child?

That’s right. I knew no one but my DH2B and his friend (sort of) at this party. I had never met anyone else before. There were other couples there that were parents, did know this couple, and were aware of the arrangement. I really honestly had no idea how people felt about this – it still surprises me how many people don’t find this strange. It made me very nervous, but again, I’m not a parent and I try not to judge others choices. I’m not very outgoing, and in fact, extremely uncomfortable in a crowd. I don’t confront people, and usually stay out of controversy. I guess I just didn’t feel comfortable bringing this up to someone I didn’t know from Adam when there were others around who were obviously part of the core group. Maybe I was wrong. I was just amazed… and only came here to see what others thought because I did indeed get mixed reactions to the story – just like in this thread. I guess I should be very grateful nothing happened to the baby either – because I probably wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself for not saying anything. On the other hand, if this is their habit, and something happens in the future, will I regret not having said something to someone…. Or would I feel worse if some well meaning (while possibly misguided) parents had their child taken from them because of a poor choice??

I don’t know – what would you have done??

 

[noodleknitter]

I'm sorry, but someone who runs over their kid with the lawnmower probably wasn't all that attentive anyway! Can't imagine it happening without drugs, alcahol or serious mental health issues.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I'm sorry, but someone who runs over their kid with the lawnmower probably wasn't all that attentive anyway! Can't imagine it happening without drugs, alcahol or serious mental health issues.

I see it in the paper every year and none of the things you list are involved. Riding movers are loud and people can sneak up on you.

BTW I think that parents in the OP only did this because they wanted to drink, use drugs or had mental problems.

So maybe neither should have kids?

 

[RitaZ.]

I wouldn't leave a baby alone for 3 hours, with or without a monitor. I'm too paranoid.

Yes, the odds of something bad happening to the baby were probably small. However, you just never know when something unexpected is going to happen. Leaving your baby alone for 3 hours is not the same as going outside to get the mail, not even close. Once the police have to get involved (due to an emergency or being reported), you'd be surprised at how unimpressed they are with the "low odds theory".

While we can't prevent all dangers, there are some risks that aren't worth taking. Having young children does prevent us parents from doing things that we want/have to do. That's just the way it is. I'm not saying that you have to stop living once you have kids, just that there is a definite shift in priorities.

 

[noodleknitter]

I see it in the paper every year and none of the things you list are involved. Riding mowers are loud and people can sneak up on you.

Fair enough. I've never had anyone sneak up on me on our tractor. Nor could I imagine it with a push mower.

As I said, anyone who would let that happen is not an attentive person anyway. Or there are other issues.

I've never seen an infant wander out of the house, from a crib before, either. Perhaps a toddler.

 

[Desnik]

I wouldn't go to a party, and turn off the monitor at the end.

I would and have, however, gone to the mailbox, mowed, stood at the street talking, showered, and even gone next door to ask a question. I don't see the world as being horribly dangerous. Especially not my part. And I choose not to live in fear, paranoia and irrational concern.

Everytime there is a school shooting, murder, or other horrific event in a community usually the first thing people of that community say, "we never thought this would happen in our area". "It is such a safe place". For goodness sake look what happen to those poor Amish children!! Things happen everywhere, even the "safe" neighborhoods. That's not living in fear, just reality. My DH was a 9/11 victom, but still works in Manhattan everyday. I got in my car and drove the very next day after my accident, so we don't live in irrational paranoia or fear. We live in a very "safe" area and we still have an alarm on our house, lock our doors and don't leave our kids home alone or alone in the car.(they are 3 and 8) Please don't think I'm attacking you for your post but I just get amazed when people think that things can't happen to them and that being careful means you live in fear. I also know your post wasn't directed to anyone in particular, I just had to respond because I felt the need to!

 

[ToriLammy]

Yes I do. Neither parent ever left to check on the baby while the monitor was off. I know this because for that hour at the end we all sat together in the kitchen which was right off the entry way talking. Both parents were standing next to each other right across the island from me with their jackets on….. like I said, they started to leave and got caught up in conversation. I’m probably the only one who knows how long that conversation went on as I was watching the clock because of the monitor being off. Also, I’m 99% sure no one left the party to check the baby at any time…. I was in clear sight of the door most of the night, and when I did go downstairs towards the end, I was conversing with the mother of the baby and the host of the party while my DH2B played pool with the dad.

So a simple, "hey if your staying why not turn the monitor back on" was too much too say? Better to just watch the clock and stew about it.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Desnik, you make an excellent post and I agree completely.

As another upthread mentioned her dad being a professional firefighter and seeing first hand all the things that can happen in similar situations. My dad also was a fireman, and have learned so many things in so many different ways can happen. I don't have to live my life in fear of them, but I can do my best to make circumstances in my control as safe as they can be.

In our area a number of years back, there was a huge case about Megan Kanka (sp?). They now have a Megan's law where sex offenders have to register. Mrs. Kanka just spoke at our local high school recently, she makes rounds throughout our state (NJ). Megan was six when she was murdered. Her parents were at the neighbor's party. The teenage son of another neighbor murdered her.

This is very extreme and of course rare. But just something to add.

Also, I think that the issue in what the OP is saying isn't about a mom or dad showering or taking out the garbage. It's about going to a party and leaving your baby at home for a number of hours with a monitor.

Of course fire is my first thought (having been raised with someone in that field and being aware that unfortunately these things can and do happen).

I don't think it's worth it, and I wouldn't do it. I don't think this makes me a person afraid of everything. Nor is this a statement against anyone who may disagree. (I think I qualified this enough. )

 

[Chicago526]

I couldn't do it myself, I'm too paranoid. And I don't even have kids!

But, other than leaving it off for the last hour of the party, I guess I don't see anything too wrong with it. It's not ideal, they won't win Parent of the Year awards, but I've heard of much, much worse. I guess I don't really know, it doesn't sit well with me, but it doesn't seem all that bad, either. I'm scratching my head over this one!

 

[noodleknitter]

Desnik Not taken personally, but I'm willing to risk believing that our space is relatively safe, and not live my life in fear. Statistically speaking, the chance of my home catching on fire, or someone breaking in during the daytime hours is miniscule.

The horrific death of the Amish children couldn't have been prevented. Unless you barred in the school. I would rather not live my life behind bars in fear of losing it.

As Steve Irwin proved, when it is your time to go, you're going to go, regardless. The man wrestled alligators on a daily basis, and it was a stingray that killed him.

 

[lulu71]

Gosh, my neighbors must think I'm a terrible parent when I sit on my porch some mornings with my coffee, laptop and baby monitor while DD is still sleeping. I am only steps away from her. I really don't think it's a big deal at all.

The party thing is tricky because I have had to knock on my neighbor's door for something and had to switch the cars out in the driveway with DH and did so with the monitor and was super quick because I did feel uncomfortable about it. So, no I probably would not have gone to the party.