How do you feel about this?

[robinb]

So as far as my being sick for asking about this- that's too bad, it is sick to have a child attached to you for no reason other than a mother can't let go and just give the kid a hug.

You obviously have no clue. Extended nursing moms don't treat their breasts like binkies! They don't "whip it out" at any little cry or boo-boo. They hug their kids and cuddle them and everything else that non-nursing moms do when they comfort their children. Offering a breast is just another method that nursing moms have ... another arrow in their quiver.

Nursing is so much more than just food consumption and I'm sorry that some posters don't understand that point. If you are offended, sickened or bothered in any way then I would suggest that you look in the other direction.

 

[BamaFan121s]

Just wondering how you, or any mother who is uncomfortable with breastfeeding, will feel if your daughter or daughter in law breastfeeds? (And I am the daughter of a woman who felt like this, so it is completely possible)

Again, let me say that I am not opposed to breast feeding. I think it is up to each individual to make up their mind what is best for them. If my daughter (no sons here) decides when she has a child that is best for her, that is her decision.
I remember when I was in the hospital after having my child, I can count off the top of my head 12 people...friends and family that were in my room when they brought me in and brought my daughter in where she had her first meal (bottle.) My husband fed it to her (I was so numbed up from the epidural that I was honestly afraid to try to sit and hold her to do it at that point and he really wanted to.) I remember 3 or 4 of those there taking pictures and thinking to myself, "thank God I'm not breast feeding her or there would be some hurt feelings here!" Lol...
If it were me, and it had been my decision to bf, I can't imagine wanting anyone...except maybe my husband...present when it was time to feed her. I can't imagine even being forced to stay comfortable while I did. Granted, while I was pregnant, I had to be stopped from punching people--in-laws mostly--from rubbing my belly because I HATED it when they did that. Aside from my husband, I wouldn't let ANYONE touch my stomach. That is just how I am.
I guess for me, I feel like when a woman bf's her child, that is their moment, something private and I feel like I am intruding, and therefor desire to walk away. DD being curious and 5 and nosy, if she sees, is going to try to figure out what's going on at which point, I feel like SHE is intruding.
Hmm...dont' know if that makes much sense, but that is how I feel.

 

[dpuck1998]

I guess if you think about it this could be considered an theme park attraction

 

[sunny_]

Let me clarify this- I don't care how long you breast FEED your child, but if you are no longer FEEDING the child, just letting them suck away like it was a pacifier, that is what is sick. Feed away, feed till the cows come home, but if you are no longer producing any milk that is "nature" telling you enough, and after all, isn't that the rally cry of the "Breastfeeding Brigade"? It's the "natural" way to go? please, exercise some reason. So as far as my being sick for asking about this- that's too bad, it is sick to have a child attached to you for no reason other than a mother can't let go and just give the kid a hug.

I am exercising reason and I'm humbly sorry but even if the milk is not coming out, that does NOT make it a sexual act! You said, and I quote: "If the child isn't getting any milk, doesn' t that mean it is no longer a matter of "nutrition choice" and now a matter of a child performing a sexual act?"

Comfort pacifying is NOT a sexual act even if it is just for comfort and no milk is being swallowed.... And I never said anyone is "sick" - you must have been talking to someone else with that comment.

p.s. I've never nursed a child past one year of age ( I plan to nurse my 6 month old until 18 months) and have never comfort fed past that point either (I'm not comfortable with it personally), but saying that something like that is a sexual act is quite absurd...

 

[Bird-Mom]

Again, let me say that I am not opposed to breast feeding. I think it is up to each individual to make up their mind what is best for them. If my daughter (no sons here) decides when she has a child that is best for her, that is her decision.
I remember when I was in the hospital after having my child, I can count off the top of my head 12 people...friends and family that were in my room when they brought me in and brought my daughter in where she had her first meal (bottle.) My husband fed it to her (I was so numbed up from the epidural that I was honestly afraid to try to sit and hold her to do it at that point and he really wanted to.) I remember 3 or 4 of those there taking pictures and thinking to myself, "thank God I'm not breast feeding her or there would be some hurt feelings here!" Lol...
If it were me, and it had been my decision to bf, I can't imagine wanting anyone...except maybe my husband...present when it was time to feed her. I can't imagine even being forced to stay comfortable while I did. Granted, while I was pregnant, I had to be stopped from punching people--in-laws mostly--from rubbing my belly because I HATED it when they did that. Aside from my husband, I wouldn't let ANYONE touch my stomach. That is just how I am.
I guess for me, I feel like when a woman bf's her child, that is their moment, something private and I feel like I am intruding, and therefor desire to walk away. DD being curious and 5 and nosy, if she sees, is going to try to figure out what's going on at which point, I feel like SHE is intruding.
Hmm...dont' know if that makes much sense, but that is how I feel.

Thanks for your reply Misty. I really was not trying to be hard on you, just genuinely curious. I also hated strangers coming up and fussing over my belly. It drove me crazy. I don't feel that way about feeding. There are times when I am nursing my little one when no one else is some and I love the moment that is just ours, but a baby's got to eat when I baby's got to eat and I don't care who is there. (I was also pretty much alone at home when each baby was born-just me, dh, the midwife and her student-add the postpartum doula and older dd downstairs when the younger one was born-so I didn't have anyone in my face when I went to nurse them for the first time.)

I can only speak for myself, but if I was NIP, and your dd came along and asked me what I was doing, I would be fine with it. It's not intrusive to me at all. I was volunteering in my older dd's classroom last year, and I had to feed the baby. A few of the kids came over to ask what I was doing. I told them I was feeding the baby, and they ran back to whatever they were doing. The same thing happened last summer when I was looking for a summer program for the older dd. One girl there made the comment that her mom feeds her sister that way too, and everyone went back to playing.

 

[kvogel11202]

Why is it sick? What are you afraid of? I can only go by my own experience which is that my milk, to the best of my knowledge, dried up sometime around 17 weeks of pregnancy. Maybe I am wrong and I still did have milk; my dd has speech problems and could not tell me although I did ask her. My dd nursed until 28 weeks of pregnancy. I was certainly producing colostrum, which is still nutrition, and it was my wish for my child to decide when she was done nursing. Believe me when I say it was uncomfortable and really hurt sometimes, but it was important to her, so I let her decide. I refused to start a pacifier for her at such a late age. I actually did attempt to give her a pacifier at 6 months old when we took her first plane trip, and she spat it out, looking at me like what the heck is that? Children have sucking needs way past infancy, so what is the problem if it is sucking at the breast? I can tell you what the problem is...it is a puritanical streak in our culture where people make judgements that we are sick, digusting, offensive, dirty, -insert your favorite adjective here- for nursing past the age of -insert your comfort level here- months.

Many years ago I was a language teacher. I also taught the culture of the languages. Because some of the traditions were unheard of to my students, they would often say things like, gross, stupid, weird, wrong, offensive, sick, disgusting. I would not stand for that in my classroom. Just because it is not familiar to you or within your comfort level does not make it gross, stupid, werid, wrong, offensive, sick or disgusting. Let's just call it different.

So, if you don't like my extended breastfeeding and doing it in public, just call me different. Let's have some tolerance for those who do things differently than you would choose.

Whoa, slow down, slowly get off the soapbox, and actually hear what people are saying. So far I have been called "sick" for simply questioning having a child suck on your breast for no reason other than it's what you want to do. That's all I questioned. You can do whatever you want. I didn't call anyone any names...I didn't judge. I had never heard of women continuing to allow the kid to "latch on" if there was no breastmilk. I question this practice, sure, but I didn't say they were dirty, I asked if they are sucking on a breast not to feed isn't that sexual? again if I latch someones kid onto to my breast, I'm going to jail, but if it's my own kid it's "comfort"? Seriously, that is what should be questioned. Feed away, feed as many kids as you like, but don't presume to judge me or call me names for thinking that once the milk is gone it's soley about "mommy's" needs, not the kids. My kids didn't really want to stop the bottle, but guess what, they had to, kids will always try to stick within their comfort zones, it's what they do. You as Mom need to be the adult and help them into new zones. Stop using " I let her decide" as your excuse for not letting her grow up. It's selfish. And I have never condemed or criticized someone for BF or Not BF, it seems the critism comes from the BF side of the debate. I really don't care what you do, I was just shocked at this as I didn't realize women did that. Now I'm a little ticked off that I'm the one being judged for quetioning this practice. Oh, and they make things like straws, bottles, other items than your breast to help with the sucking issue. Just in case you hadn't heard of those newfangel inventions. Modern life, I tell ya...Oh, and not wanting to see your **** hanging out has nothing to do with be puritanical, it has everything to do with not wanting to see your ****. Use a small receiving blanket, drape it over and BF in Times Sq for all I care.

 

[kvogel11202]

I am exercising reason and I'm humbly sorry but even if the milk is not coming out, that does NOT make it a sexual act! You said, and I quote: "If the child isn't getting any milk, doesn' t that mean it is no longer a matter of "nutrition choice" and now a matter of a child performing a sexual act?"

Comfort pacifying is NOT a sexual act even if it is just for comfort and no milk is being swallowed.... And I never said anyone is "sick" - you must have been talking to someone else with that comment.

p.s. I've never nursed a child past one year of age ( I plan to nurse my 6 month old until 18 months) and have never comfort fed past that point either (I'm not comfortable with it personally), but saying that something like that is a sexual act is quite absurd...

It was a question, not an accusation, so simmer down. Last time I checked, just because I'm not a breast feeder doesn't mean I can't question that which I think is a little beyond the pale.

 

[sunny_]

It was a question, not an accusation, so simmer down. Last time I checked, just because I'm not a breast feeder doesn't mean I can't question that which I think is a little beyond the pale.

I am "simmered" and I am actually laughing here! To answer your question again - it is not a sexual act. no, no, no... And I didn't bf my first two children and I have never bf a child past one year of age and I still know that that is not a sexual act. I never thought that when I formula fed either. I guess I was just surprised at the ignorance of thinking that was a sexual act! I hope I answered your question! Have a magical day!

 

[gbanton]

I'll just add to this mess and generally say that at a certain point (which I still think is between 1 1/2 to 2 yo) "comfort pacifying" is unacceptable. In too many cases it is just used to shut your child up.

For the record my DD3 was bottle-fed until she was about 14 months and NEVER had a pacifier. I can still understand the need for one with a newborn but seeing any child, esspecially over the age of 2/3 with one makes me shake my head. I won't even go down the path of my reaction to seeing walking/talking kids in public with a bottle.

IMO, parents today and way too afraid of their children, and it only hurts them [the child] in the long run. We have way too many spoiled (not materialistically) brat children running around today, and it needs to stop.

 

[flortlebap]

I actually (personally) know 3 mums who let their children suckle after the milk had dried up!

It seems it's a more common thing than I first thought. Couldn't imagine doing it myself, but I've never been in that situation, so never say never! I did think it was a little odd at first but as it's so common place I'm starting to change my mind...

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Is there a nursing station at WDW?

Not that I think that women should have to go there, but it seems to me that there is this part of society that wants breastfeeding moms to just go sit on a dirty bathroom stall somewhere to give their child lunch.

How did our society get so far away from nature? How did we come to the point of thinking that this is sick under any circumstance? It's so weird. But anyway, I would have been grateful for a nice breastfeeding lounge in public places. They were nowhere to be found when I was breastfeeding.

 

[kvogel11202]

You obviously have no clue. Extended nursing moms don't treat their breasts like binkies! They don't "whip it out" at any little cry or boo-boo. They hug their kids and cuddle them and everything else that non-nursing moms do when they comfort their children. Offering a breast is just another method that nursing moms have ... another arrow in their quiver.

Nursing is so much more than just food consumption and I'm sorry that some posters don't understand that point. If you are offended, sickened or bothered in any way then I would suggest that you look in the other direction.

OK, then enlighten the ignorant...If they are no longer feeding the child, and they aren't using them like binkies (which by the way one other mom already admitted she used it instead of the binkie) what are they doing? Are they not able to bond with their child any other way? As I said, it becomes no longer about the kid and their well being, it's about Mom, her way of staying important and special in a way she thinks only a mom could to her child. For me that's really a sad state of affairs. If you can't connect with your child except to have them using your breast ( can't call it breast feeding because they aren't feeding) for what appears to be no real purpose, maybe you need to rethink being a parent. "You just don't get it" is the rally cry of the truly ignorant. To question that which we don't understand- now that's the way of the enlightened people.

 

[katytrott]

Using the breast for comfort is no different then using a bottle for comfort. I have seen plenty of bottle feeding mothers give their kid a bottle to quiet them down. I have seen plenty of 2 and 3 year olds walking around with a bottle...not using it for nourishment but using it for comfort.

Annie

As a trained Health Visitor here in the UK I just wanted to say that we encourage mothers not to allow the child to do this with a bottle or for that matter when BF (if the child is demand bf and doing it constantly). I completely understand the argument for comfort, but when the child has teeth, having milk sitting against them for prolonged periods of time is incredibly bad for them and is probably the worse thing you can do to them. Teeth are only able to withstand three attacks of sugar a day, hence our three meals a day. We teach that if you are going to give your child anything sweet (chocolate, fizzy drinks etc) that you do it all in one hit, not in dribs and drabs throughout the day. Milk (breast and formula) is very high in sugar and is just as bad as juice/fizzy drinks on the teeth. Yes sucking is a response a child does for comfort but the best thing is either a dummy (pacifier) or a thumb (preferbly their own ). Yes there are problems associated with both of these particularly when they get older, but trust me, milk for prolonged periods of time against the teeth is much, much worse. When the child has a full set of teeth, we normally recommend milk be taken with meals, but if it is for comfort before bed ( I would never deny my own son this comfort) then teeth need to be cleaned afterwards (same in the morning).
Sorry to harp on about this, but I have seen what milk can do when demanded and it is not pleasant. Black rotten teeth is embarresing for the child (can lead to low self esteem) and can lead to needing an extraction. Incidently first teeth are very important partly for speech development (not an expert in that area) and also to "show" the second teeth the way to go to become straight.
It really is not a bad thing for a child to realise that it is not always going to get what it is demanding, particularly when it comes to milk. We don't always get what we want in life and there are plenty of healthy alternatives if the child is hungry, which actualy would benefit the child a lot more eg fruit, nuts, seeds etc, (sorry I am being rather general here, I know there are inviduals who have to be careful here).
Breast/bottle feeding should be acceptable anyplace/anywhere, especially if that is the baby's main source of nutrition. Also wanted to mention that just like there is plenty of evidence found into the benefits of prolonged bf, there is plenty of evidence found into the disadvantages of prolonged bf, or perhaps a better way to say it, the benefits into not prolonging bf. What I am saying is that you have to weigh arguments up and work out what is best for you. I will say on a personal note though, we are not animals and neither are we living in a aboriginal tribe, so those arguments are slightly weak. I do however respect everyones choices and just wish I could have bf my son longer then the three months I was able to achieve. I remember when I decided to stop bf (for a multitude of reasons) it was so hard. Everytime I dropped a feed it was like loosing a very close tie. The last one I dropped was just horrible so I can understand why prolonged bf happens.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

OK, then enlighten the ignorant...If they are no longer feeding the child, and they aren't using them like binkies (which by the way one other mom already admitted she used it instead of the binkie) what are they doing? :

You don't just wake up one morning and say, OK little one, today no more breatfeeding. Weening can take a little bit of time. Unless you've breastfed I guess this would be hard to understand.

 

[BamaFan121s]

I can only speak for myself, but if I was NIP, and your dd came along and asked me what I was doing, I would be fine with it. It's not intrusive to me at all. I was volunteering in my older dd's classroom last year, and I had to feed the baby. A few of the kids came over to ask what I was doing. I told them I was feeding the baby, and they ran back to whatever they were doing. The same thing happened last summer when I was looking for a summer program for the older dd. One girl there made the comment that her mom feeds her sister that way too, and everyone went back to playing.

That is nice to know. I was confronterd by a feeding mom (that ONE time when it really was "out there in the open" for everyone) who caught her glancing curiously but not saying anything...let's just say it was not a friendly conversation. I guess this is another reason why I'd just assume get up and leave. This lady was obviously having a bad day! I believe the exact comment made to my daughter was, "why don't you go look at your own mom's t*** since you've never seen one before!" I couldn't believe the nerve...she'd sat by us!

Again...ONE minor incident. I just don't want my DD to be the one to out a possibly shy, self-concious mom who is trying to keep things under wraps because she wanted to be a typical 5 y.o. and point and scream, "Mom, what's that baby doing to her ****!?!?" I would feel so bad if that happened.

 

[robinb]

Whoa, slow down, slowly get off the soapbox, and actually hear what people are saying. So far I have been called "sick" for simply questioning having a child suck on your breast for no reason other than it's what you want to do.

No one called you "sick". Go to the top and click on "Search This Thread" and type in the word "sick". You'll see that nursing moms were called "sick" and "wrong", but not you.

 

[Bird-Mom]

Whoa, slow down, slowly get off the soapbox, and actually hear what people are saying. So far I have been called "sick" for simply questioning having a child suck on your breast for no reason other than it's what you want to do. That's all I questioned. You can do whatever you want. I didn't call anyone any names...I didn't judge. I had never heard of women continuing to allow the kid to "latch on" if there was no breastmilk. I question this practice, sure, but I didn't say they were dirty, I asked if they are sucking on a breast not to feed isn't that sexual? again if I latch someones kid onto to my breast, I'm going to jail, but if it's my own kid it's "comfort"? Seriously, that is what should be questioned. Feed away, feed as many kids as you like, but don't presume to judge me or call me names for thinking that once the milk is gone it's soley about "mommy's" needs, not the kids. My kids didn't really want to stop the bottle, but guess what, they had to, kids will always try to stick within their comfort zones, it's what they do. You as Mom need to be the adult and help them into new zones. Stop using " I let her decide" as your excuse for not letting her grow up. It's selfish. And I have never condemed or criticized someone for BF or Not BF, it seems the critism comes from the BF side of the debate. I really don't care what you do, I was just shocked at this as I didn't realize women did that. Now I'm a little ticked off that I'm the one being judged for quetioning this practice. Oh, and they make things like straws, bottles, other items than your breast to help with the sucking issue. Just in case you hadn't heard of those newfangel inventions. Modern life, I tell ya...Oh, and not wanting to see your **** hanging out has nothing to do with be puritanical, it has everything to do with not wanting to see your ****. Use a small receiving blanket, drape it over and BF in Times Sq for all I care.

See...you are super defensive when I asked you to explain why you thought it was sick. You did say it was sick and I asked you why. Post 157:

that's too bad, it is sick to have a child attached to you for no reason other than a mother can't let go and just give the kid a hug.

I am neither criticizing you nor judging you; I merely asked you why you said it was sick. Many people will say things like that out of fear of something new.

FTR, you will not go to jail for nursing someone else's baby-with their permission of course.

I do not give my babies bottles. Why would I start a bottle with a 2 year old? That doesn't make any sense. At some point, babies are weaned off of bottles b/c the way that they affect jaw and speech development is different that the breast which promotes jaw development. The suck at the bottle is different than the suck at the breast.

My children do drink out of cups with straws. Straws do not provide for sucking needs.

Other "newfangle inverntions?" Pacifiers? I already talked about that and I would not wean a child from the breast to a pacifier. It doesn't make sense and it is not conducive to proper oral development-especially at age 2. (Not saying anything bad about pacifiers. They have there place but not as a breast substitute. There are many times that I wish they would have taken a pacifier in the car when I couldn't pull over and nurse)

Children are small for such a short time. There is no reason to force their independance. It will come, whether mothers want it to or not. Cutting a child off the breast will not make it come sooner. As I said (and robinb too), you cannot nurse a child who doesn't want to nurse. It won't happen. Nursing is a mutual relationship that can continue until one or both parties decide to stop. The American Academy of Pediatrics even says nurse 6 months exclusively, to a minimum of 12 months and thereafter as long as mutually desired.

I am a midwifery student, and I want to see more women comfortable with breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public. There is no reason to cover a feeding baby. I will not cover up. I refuse to. If you have a problem seeing a bit of my exposed tummy (you will not see breast unless she turns her head and tries to look around), I'm sorry that I offended you. What I really do not understand is why are you offended by a feeding baby? What makes you uncomfortable? What are you afraid will happen by seeing a breasfed baby eating?

 

[BamaFan121s]

No one called you "sick". Go to the top and click on "Search This Thread" and type in the word "sick". You'll see that nursing moms were called "sick" and "wrong", but not you.

I didn't see any nursing moms called "sick" and "wrong."
I saw it referred to as "sick" if you are allowing your child to continue to suckle(?) when there is nothing left for them, which technically would not be considered "nursing" would it?
Quite frankly, if the well is dried up so to say, why would you let it continue? To pacify them? Not one or two days mind you, but don't you kind have notice as to when you are running low on supplies? It's not like you just wake up and no more milk one day....
I'm just honestly curious here...

 

[robinb]

Edited out snarky comment that only brought me down to the other poster's level ...

 

[robinb]

I didn't see any nursing moms called "sick" and "wrong."
I saw it referred to as "sick" if you are allowing your child to continue to suckle(?) when there is nothing left for them, which technically would not be considered "nursing" would it?

Yes, the act of nursing a toddler was called "sick and wrong", but I still felt that it was directed at the moms themselves who nurse toddlers.

Bye everyone! Carry on without me. I'm on my way out the door and I don't think this thread will not stay unlocked for long.