How do you feel about teens locking bedroom doors?

[sam_gordon]

OK, I'll bite...

What "safety issues" do people keep mentioning that would require doors to be unlocked? Maybe you have a child that's prone to passing out? I would hope my kids have no real reason to lock the door (because they trust me not to barge in), but if they feel they need to, so be it.

 

[DLgal]

OK, I'll bite...

What "safety issues" do people keep mentioning that would require doors to be unlocked? Maybe you have a child that's prone to passing out? I would hope my kids have no real reason to lock the door (because they trust me not to barge in), but if they feel they need to, so be it.

I would also like to know.

It sounds like a veiled way of saying they are worried their kid is going to overdose on drugs or commit suicide, and if you have THOSE specific concerns with your kid, okay sure. Understood why you wouldn't want to have their door locked. Outside of that, I can't think of anything that would be a safety issue with a generally well adjusted teen and a locked bedroom door.

 

[msjprincess]

Two out of 3 kids have locks on their doors. Truthfully I have no clue if the lock them. If the door is closed I knock. I have no reason to believe that they are doing anything wrong. If I were a teen in the OPs house I would be locking my door. Since the OPs husband has no respect for their privacy.

I don't understand the safety thing either. I understand that with toddlers and preschoolers, not teens.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I would also like to know.

It sounds like a veiled way of saying they are worried their kid is going to overdose on drugs or commit suicide, and if you have THOSE specific concerns with your kid, okay sure. Understood why you wouldn't want to have their door locked. Outside of that, I can't think of anything that would be a safety issue with a generally well adjusted teen and a locked bedroom door.

Most of the things I can think of are disaster related like tornadoes, fires, etc.

My sister could sleep through a tornado siren it usually required quite a lot to get her to wake up. For fire while a closed door can help the spread of fire smoke can still get in so a locked door may prevent access to someone in danger in that way. Although for fires having a good exit plan (such as window access) can become important but it can also be if someone is asleep alerting them (also where smoke detectors come in play although hopefully you'd find yourself awoken by those even the hard sleepers).

I think in those respects it's often the overnight part that becomes the concern IMO.

 

[elaine amj]

Until this thread, it has never once occurred to me that a locked bedroom door could be a safety issue. The things you learn on the Dis

I am one of those odd people who really treasure my privacy. So have been locking my door since I was about 8 or 9 years old. Nothing nefarious - it’s locked the moment I enter until the moment I leave. I don’t think I had a problem with people barging in on me - I just felt more relaxed the moment it was locked. In my teens this became even more precious and I had no issues with the extra effort of climbing out of bed to open the door when someone knocked.

My DHwas brought up completely differently. Doors were NEVER closed in his house. Not even for changing clothes. He actually shared a bedroom with his grandma until we married when he was 30 years old. It simply didn’t occur to him to bother moving over to one of the empty bedrooms when his siblings moved out one by one. Mostly because he just didn’t care. (In our culture, it’s normal for adults to stay home until marriage).

Lucky for him, our kids didn’t care either. In their late teens they started closing the door when they wanted quiet (because our house is noisy). But barging in was never a problem. We kinda knock but don’t usually remember especially since our kids really don’t care. Not even now they are young adults (neither live at home right now but they still don’t care when they are home to visit). It’s weird to me.

If they had cared, I would have put locks in for them. There’s no point locking my DH out of my bedroom lol but I am to this day anal about my door being closed when I am in the room. Many times DH forgets and leaves it open in the middle of the night but if I wake up, I will crawl out of bed to close it.

 

[LovesTimone]

We championed no locked doors at night... to much risk.

 

[serenitynow]

Everyone needs privacy sometimes. Plus you don’t want to walk in on things you’d prefer not to see.

 

[sam_gordon]

We championed no locked doors at night... to much risk.

I asked earlier but no one responded... risk for what?

 

[aprilgail]

I put a lock on my daughters door when she was in 5th grade for her to use because her grandmother would just walk into her room without even knocking.

 

[elaine amj]

I asked earlier but no one responded... risk for what?

I thought someone did respond earlier in the thread? I believe it’s risk of fire, falls, etc? Very surprised at how many people consider these to bE risky enough to be adamantly against locked doors though.

On the other hand, locked doors provide a level of safety against the (more likely? Less likely?) risk of a break in when a thief actually enters your house.

 

[MakiraMarlena]

it would probably be a safety issue to have it locked all the time, but Dad should probably agree not to barge in without permission and teen should agree to respond somehow to knocking.

 

[sam_gordon]

I thought someone did respond earlier in the thread? I believe it’s risk of fire, falls, etc? Very surprised at how many people consider these to bE risky enough to be adamantly against locked doors though.

On the other hand, locked doors provide a level of safety against the (more likely? Less likely?) risk of a break in when a thief actually enters your house.

Thanks. Must have missed it. The doors I'm used to can be unlocked with the key (that's on the door sill) or a small screw driver, or, if a true emergency, could be kicked in.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I thought someone did respond earlier in the thread? I believe it’s risk of fire, falls, etc? Very surprised at how many people consider these to bE risky enough to be adamantly against locked doors though.

On the other hand, locked doors provide a level of safety against the (more likely? Less likely?) risk of a break in when a thief actually enters your house.

To be fair I never said adamantly against, I'm actually one who mentioned I locked a door when I was younger. BUT I can see why in certain circumstances a locked door can present a safety risk. I was just answering a question that which people were thinking more behaviors of the person behind the door were the safety risk but those actually never crossed my mind. I think if you were concerned about drugs or something like that it's no longer about locked doors in general being a safety risk but rather a personal individual circumstance such that a locked door for a specific person is the issue not a locked door in general.

On the other hand growing up with tornadoes as a common place in the wee hours of the morning when a siren goes off and you're already having a hard time waking up yourself being confronted with a locked door to get to your sibling who is sound asleep can be as terrifying as the tornado in that moment. Just an example though.

 

[Orion Nebula]

I don't think any of my kids locked their doors. Most likely because I always knocked and asked if I could come in. I don't really get why some parents freak out when that knob doesn't turn... just knock like you would on any other door.

 

[DLgal]

I was a teen whose door didn't have a lock, so I went out and bought a $2 door stop and jammed that underneath instead when I wanted privacy. My parents never even knew I had it. Some people think teens are stupid.

For the record, I did that primarily because I shared a room with my sister for the first 15 years of my life and when I FINALLY got my own room, she would always just walk in whenever she wanted, so it was to keep HER out.

 

[Moliphino]

I locked my door plenty as a kid and ALWAYS locked the bathroom door when in use. I'm still not counting on anyone to knock - if I need privacy I lock the door.

 

[Keli]

OK, I'll bite...

What "safety issues" do people keep mentioning that would require doors to be unlocked? Maybe you have a child that's prone to passing out? I would hope my kids have no real reason to lock the door (because they trust me not to barge in), but if they feel they need to, so be it.

FIRE, 100% fire for me. I would have felt that way anyway I know but having just experienced losing our home to a fire in January that there is no way I would I allow a child in my home to sleep with their door locked. Getting out alive and unharmed is often a matter of just a couple minutes in a fire, I absolutely could not take a chance that I couldn't get to a child to try to save them. You would not believe how quickly a home can go from smoke to a raging inferno unless you have experienced it. I remember, vividly, a young mother on the DIS that lost one of her twins in a home fire.

 

[GreatLakes]

When we had our child we swapped out his door handle for one that doesn't lock. Whether or not he gets a lock when he is a teen depends on his trustworthiness. I don't think you can apply one universal rule to every kid and every circumstance.

It is absolutely a safety issue at our son's age. In an emergency he might be able to unlock the door quickly, especially if he is panicking, and we would have to break it down or go get the little screwdriver to unlock it. In a fire or tornado every second counts.

 

[sk!mom]

I’ve never lived in a house with locks on bedroom doors. Back in the day, DH changed out the knob on the master to a locking because we found that while we respect privacy, little kids do not.

That being said, teenagers deserve/need privacy. We respected that. DH nor I would ever barge in. We’d knock and wait for an answer. It was never an issue at all.

 

[Cheburashka]

My husband thinks if they have their doors locked, they must be up to no good. I think he has forgotten what it's like to be a teenager. He will give the door a quick rap-a-tap-tap and if it isn't opened almost immediately, tries to open it himself, and then gets annoyed if he finds it locked.

This is controlling / borderline abusive considering these are two teenagers, not small children. Unless they've shown themselves to be drug users or suicidal, teens need and deserve privacy. Either they get to lock their door, or he has to wait for their permission to open their door. I don't believe for a second that he would wait for them, given his behavior and attitude, so your teens should keep the locks.