How do you feel about teens locking bedroom doors?

[neverlandsky]

.

 

[mumto3girls]

No problem with locked bedroom doors except overnight. Younger DD’s are fine with that. Oldest DD would lock her door to get changed (fine) and then forget to unlock it before she went to bed. I did have an issue with that. It could be popped open with a screwdriver, but if there’s an emergency I don’t want to be looking for a screwdriver. But otherwise I think they are entitled to privacy in their bedrooms which is their space. If they shared a room with a sibling that would be different as I’m not sure it would be fair to lock the other person out, but we don’t have that issue.

 

[ronandannette]

Our doors don't lock, but if they did, it'd still be a "no."There's a safety issue here and I'm the person who is legally responsible. However, we always had a rule: If ANYONE'S door is closed, you knock and wait for a response. No barging in, and DD knew she needed to respond to a knock, even if it was "just a minute."

This is the absolutely most reasonable approach. Our son knew it applied to him because we taught him in relation to our room when the door was closed. From the youngest age, he was not allowed to barge in our us but he could rely on us responding to him quickly.

 

[rigs32]

BTW I just noticed one of OP's other threads is about how her daughter just turned 18 and will be moving away for college come fall.

Dad walking into an 18 year old woman's bedroom without more than 2 seconds notice feels really icky to me.

 

[Disney.Dreamin.Dee]

Dad walking into an 18 year old woman's bedroom without more than 2 seconds notice feels really icky to me.

Especially when he likes obedience and control.

 

[VandVsmama]

No locked doors allowed in our house. My husband went through abuse in childhood that happened behind locked doors, so it's absolutely not allowed for our kids in our home.

 

[Disney.Dreamin.Dee]

No locked doors allowed in our house. My husband went through abuse in childhood that happened behind locked doors, so it's absolutely not allowed for our kids in our home.

I can understand that from a PTSD point of view but I hope you can see that his reason is not rational unless he believes the kids are being abused???

 

[NotUrsula]

Bedroom doors I don't think much about, but bathroom doors? Locked bathroom doors scare me quite a bit, as I've had 2 family members have falls inside of locked bathrooms that were very serious and knocked them unconscious. In one case picking the lock worked, but in another, we could not pick it, and my dad had to hack the door down with an axe. (That was my then-teen sister who was dieting a bit too much; she passed out in a hot shower and got a nasty head wound on the way down. Mom heard the thump, and we couldn't get her to answer. The water was running onto her, and the head wound bled copiously. The EMT's said she might have bled out if Dad hadn't hacked down the door.)

 

[disykat]

No locks on the kids door, but yikes! I'd want them if we had someone in the house who refused to give people privacy.

 

[ozliz]

I grew up in a house with no locks on bedroom doors, bathroom doors, etc. I never felt like I didn’t have privacy because I always knew that if a door was closed then someone would knock and wait to be let in. As the younger sibling I knew I wasn’t allowed to barge into my older siblings rooms too. It was just the respect we had for each other. Even to this day I find it odd that people want to lock bathroom doors as I was raised to always knock on a closed door and never assume the bathroom was unoccupied.

As for the OP’s situation, do you have a reason not to trust your teens? If they haven’t shown bad judgement that has put them in serious danger then I think it’s time to have a serious discussion about why your husband thinks he can just walk in on teens. It’s normal for them to want their privacy as they’re trying to work life out. Playing policeman on their lives is only going to make them feel like they have something to hide and be more nervous to share when they are ready to.

 

[mamamary]

When my kids were younger they never really locked their bedroom door anyway. Never had a problem with it.

 

[indimom]

No issue either way. Like another poster, I could easily open a locked door if I wanted to. When my kids were in their rooms, their doors were shut. I can't think of them ever hanging out in there with their door open. But, I don't think my kids locked their door much. We were always a knock first kinda family anyway.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

It was/is fine w/me if my step-daughter wants to lock her bedroom door. I get it, everybody wants some privacy. When I was young I always locked mine, even though there was nothing sinister going on.

In the case of emergency, there is a key for the bedroom doors.

 

[slo]

Door locking has never been allowed at our house and has never been an argument. i especially don’t like locked bathroom doors in case someone falls when they’re in the shower. - again, it’s never been an argument.

ETA…..The basement door has a lock with a number code on it that we would lock when DD23 still lived at home. DH has a full bar down there and we didn’t want any of her friends wandering down there and helping themselves to a drink when we weren’t home.

 

[Kitty 34]

Locked doors were never an issue here when the boys were growing up. We did, however, respect their privacy and would knock if we needed to enter when they were teens.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

The only time I locked my door as a teen is sometimes when getting dressed. If my door was closed, my parents or sister would knock first. My daughter sometimes locks her door when showering and getting dressed. Never locked at night. And we always knock before before entering anyway.

 

[mjkacmom]

Our doors are very old, the only way to lock them is with a skeleton key, I have one for my door (the only time I lock it is when I’m changing and the kids have friends over upstairs, DH will open the door without knocking and the bedrooms are close together). I would never open my kids’ doors uninvited.

 

[jo-jo]

It could be popped open with a screwdriver, but if there’s an emergency I don’t want to be looking for a screwdriver.

Quite a number of people are saying in an emergency........... But if there is a fire, I don't want to be feeling around a door frame for a key.

We never had the issue in our house. I don't even know if the kids ever locked their door.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I had to go check my kids' doors! They don't have locks. My kids aren't inclined to even close their doors all the way--we have 4 cats and a dog, they don't want to trap anyone. I can't even get DS24, who gets up early for work (like, 2 or 3am), to close his door when he goes to bed (very early).

Even if the door is partway open, I knock, out of respect. Their bedrooms are all down a hallway--you'd only be down there to go to a bedroom or use the hall bath, which DH and I typically don't.

The bathroom's another matter--it has a door lock, but the kids don't use it. That door can be closed with nobody in there--the dog eats the trash--but I just knock if I need to go in--which, again, would be rare when the kids are home, since any cleaning, putting stuff away, etc. typically happens during the day when they're out.

Of course, I have generally well-behaved kids. If I didn't, I be hosed--they all have large, low to the ground windows--sneaking out would be easy-peasy, if they were so inclined.

 

[sam_gordon]

Our bedroom doors all have locks, and we had locks in the house I grew up in. I don't think our kids have ever locked their doors and I don't remember locking mine growing up (maybe a few times?). We have locked our bedroom door when the kids weren't old enough to understand what a shut door meant. If our kids are in their room with the door closed (that's what DD does 90% of the time), we knock, wait for the acknowledgement, then open.

If they feel they need to lock the door, that's up to them. I'm sorry, I'm not concerned about an "emergency" and getting to a locked door. The question would/should be "why do they feel they need to lock it"? If you respect them enough to knock and wait for them to let you in, there's no need to lock. If people (not just parents) are barging in when they're expecting privacy, there's an issue (IMO). Now, if your child has given you a specific reason to NOT respect their privacy, I could understand not wanting the lock. But that should be the exception, not the rule IMO.