How do you feel about teens locking bedroom doors?

[mjkacmom]

I also have questions about this.

What is the consequence for not attending one of these mandatory holiday gatherings? Do you tell them in advance of each holiday which child’s current circumstances justify an absence, such as your daughter being 12 hours away at school, or are they under the impression they have to be there at all costs? At what point will it no longer be mandatory, even if they remain local and/or unmarried?

It’s never been a discussion, the are very close to each other, 5 kids in 6 1/2 years. They are way more concerned about family traditions than I am. They make more family plans than DH and I do, the menu, family hikes, where and when birthday dinners are (always months late due to schedules). When Dd19 went so far to college, I figured she’d stay there for thanksgiving and Easter, but no. They really treasure spending time together.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

It’s never been a discussion, the are very close to each other, 5 kids in 6 1/2 years. They are way more concerned about family traditions than I am. They make more family plans than DH and I do, the menu, family hikes, where and when birthday dinners are (always months late due to schedules). When Dd19 went so far to college, I figured she’d stay there for thanksgiving and Easter, but no. They really treasure spending time together.

So not mandatory at all, it doesn’t sound, since they’re making their own plans. You’d said holidays were mandatory three times and I was wondering how one went about enforcing that with adults who are out on their own. Lol.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I didn’t take @mjkacmom’s ’mandatory’ comment as literal. It was in the context of ‘how hard to push’ with expectations of kids taking part in family activities - holidays, in this instance. I just took it as a very high expectation in that family; less so, maybe, with other activities. It never occurred to me there would be repercussions or anything like that.

 

[Southernmiss]

I understand where mjkacmom is coming from.

Big family gatherings at holidays are expected and looked forward to in both dh's family and my family and now by our kids.

It's always just been a 'thing' with no spoken directives.

Dates and times of the gatherings are given and people show up.

Now that we have adult kids working in healthcare, we modify our gatherings so that everyone can be there.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I understand where mjkacmom is coming from.

Big family gatherings at holidays are expected and looked forward to in both dh's family and my family and now by our kids.

It's always just been a 'thing' with no spoken directives.

Dates and times of the gatherings are given and people show up.

Now that we have adult kids working in healthcare, we modify our gatherings so that everyone can be there.

We have a family member whose teenagers didn’t come to holidays. She used to tell me “Wait until your kids are teenagers, they won’t want to go, either”. Well, that never happened.

 

[rigs32]

She doesn't know where he got the vodka. The ex girlfriend is who gave him the vape pen and synthetic weed. They go to an expensive private school.

What does the cost of the school or public vs private have to do with it? When I went off to college, it was the first time I'd spent time with wealthy kids who went to expensive private schools and the things they had access to were very different than what I'd encountered in my working class public high school.

 

[mom2rtk]

What does the cost of the school or public vs private have to do with it? When I went off to college, it was the first time I'd spent time with wealthy kids who went to expensive private schools and the things they had access to were very different than what I'd encountered in my working class public high school.

Same here.