How do you feel about teens locking bedroom doors?

[1GoldenSun]

I think a desire for privacy is normal. My husband thinks if they have their doors locked, they must be up to no good. I think he has forgotten what it's like to be a teenager. He will give the door a quick rap-a-tap-tap and if it isn't opened almost immediately, tries to open it himself, and then gets annoyed if he finds it locked. I tell him that if they weren't so concerned that Dad might barge in with barely two seconds' notice at any time, they might not feel such a need to lock their doors.

My husband is a really good guy and a great dad overall, but he grew up in a household in which "obedience" was paramount, and locked doors would never have been acceptable. My upbringing was almost the polar opposite. Sometimes we butt heads when it comes to parenting.

Do any of you mind when your teenager locks their bedroom door?

 

[Travel60]

From a safety point of view, it scares me. Middle of the night fire or medical emergency.

Perhaps a negotiation whereby dad (and mom) agree not to open a closed door without invitation. As in "knock-knock"....."come in". And teen agrees to be responsive even if it's "give me a minute". Give it a try and see.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Do any of you mind when your teenager locks their bedroom door?

Well, we didn't have that issue when our kids were teenagers. My immediate reaction to your question was, "my house, my rules, no - you cannot lock your door". As I'm responsible for whatever goes on in my house, I get to make the rules. Especially since, since the child is still a "child" I'm responsible for his/her activities in my house.

That said, if one of my kids had wanted to, or did do it, there would be an immediate parent(s)/child conference as to why they feel the need to lock the door. Without a good reason, I doubt that we'd have given permission for them to do it.

 

[ashley0139]

Of course teenagers should be able to lock their doors. They deserve privacy, especially if dad has a habit of barging in.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I never locked a bedroom door as a teen in my house growing up and don't do it now. I find it weird, but realize there are other people with a different experience who may have just grown up that way and don't find it strange. Locked doors just weren't thing in my house growing up (front door not included!).

ETA: Privacy was respected and no one came barging in by any means.

 

[kymom99]

I’m not sure if my son locks his door. He sometimes closes it because we have to put a room ac unit up there. I don’t go up there. I either yell up the steps or text him haha!

I would rather it wasn’t locked for safety reasons.

 

[leebee]

Our doors don't lock, but if they did, it'd still be a "no."There's a safety issue here and I'm the person who is legally responsible. However, we always had a rule: If ANYONE'S door is closed, you knock and wait for a response. No barging in, and DD knew she needed to respond to a knock, even if it was "just a minute."

 

[luvnwdwgal]

Our son never had a lock on his door and it was never an issue.

 

[Disneylover99]

I never grew up with locks on any bedroom doors and we don’t have any locks now.
So no, I don’t like them and I don’t think they’re necessary. Just knock and wait.

 

[fly girl]

The only rule I have is no locked door overnight. She left it locked accidentally twice. I told her if I find it a third time locked, the entire door would be removed. I meant it, she knew it, door hasn’t been locked since.

 

[violina]

I don't have a teenager yet, but I'd definitely prefer to not have him lock the doors. Growing up, my parents explained that they don't mind if we closed the doors and that they would respect our privacy, but please don't lock any doors as they didn't have a way to open it in an emergency. When I switched rooms as a child, my room actually didn't have a door (attic room, the entry way wouldn't have allowed for it) so my parents would ask at the bottom of the stairs if they could come up, which I thought was really nice.

 

[JenBush]

No strong feelings either way. Bedroom doors in my house have those locks that you can pop open with a hair pin if needed in an emergency and every door has a key pin on the ledge above the door. So there’s really no safety issue with locked doors. If locked doors were not so easy to open then I could see it being a problem.

 

[tvguy]

Wasn't an issue with my kids for a couple of reasons.
1) Their doors didn't have locks.
2) They only were in their rooms with the door closed when they were sleeping or changing clothing. Not a rule, they just didn't close their doors.

 

[martikus]

Teen years are about gaining control/independence. If locking a door gives them that why not. It’s not the hill I’m going to die on. If you are worried what’s happening behind the door you have bigger issues. That said, never overnight for safety reasons.

 

[tzolkin]

That said, if one of my kids had wanted to, or did do it, there would be an immediate parent(s)/child conference as to why they feel the need to lock the door. Without a good reason, I doubt that we'd have given permission for them to do it.

If it were one kid and they were a trouble-maker, I guess I could see enforcing a “no locked doors” rule if you’re worried they are doing drugs or something harmful.

However, it sounds to me like all the OP’s kids are locking their doors because their dad regularly barges in on them. To me, that would be a legitimate reason for locking the door. Teenagers are entitled to some privacy and should not have to be paranoid about their father walking in on them when they’re naked.

In our house we don’t lock doors. Heck, we often don’t even close the bathroom door. But we all know that if a door is closed, it’s because that person needs privacy so you always knock and wait. You certainly don’t barge in to “catch them in the act”.

 

[Disney.Dreamin.Dee]

My parents have always been the type to just tap and then slightly open the door to ask you something.
Yes that did bother me enough as I became a teen to start locking my door because sometimes I was naked or half naked anyways and modest.
It didn't irrationally bother them when I did do it though.
They understood oh she just got out of the shower I should probably not be mad that I can't just walk in on her lotioning up her naked body.
I think DH sounds a bit controlling and your words are just trying to make excuses for his irrational response.

 

[SteveH]

We had no locks on the kids bedroom doors, the only doors were bathroom and our bedroom. But I would never open the door when they were awake with out a knock and waiting. We also didn't allow computers/etc in their bedrooms.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My kids were allow to lock their doors when they were teens. It never crossed my mind that they were doing something they shouldn't be doing in there. Growing up, my parents never minded if we locked our bedroom doors. It was never an issue. We knew how to unlock each others doors with hairclips, but that's another story!

 

[Aurora79]

If a friend is also in the room, then no locked door, but if they are alone, then that’s their business. Teenagers need privacy just like adults…sometimes even more so. Hormones are crazy and all.

If there’s an emergency, I can pop the lock from the outside if I absolutely need to.

 

[Disney.Dreamin.Dee]

BTW I just noticed one of OP's other threads is about how her daughter just turned 18 and will be moving away for college come fall.
I'm guessing she's still in high school but legally she is an adult now.
As soon as she's no longer living under your roof does your DH think he's gonna have a real knowledge about where she is every second what she she's doing?
I see in that thread you also have a likely 14 year old son... I'd say a 14 year old boy may need some privacy if you get me.

Be happy they are in their room and not at someone else's house...