How do you deal with a passive aggressive spouse?

[The Mystery Machine]

It is obvious your DH is abnormal, he is sick somehow.

You somehow justify his behavior with putting a "label" of "passive-aggressive" on it.
Your DH is not that at all.
This could be labeled as punishing or controlling not passive aggressive.
Passive aggressive is by definition...passive or subtle. Your dh is openly punishing you.

As far as your dd, it may appear she is "blowing him off" & accepting it. What choice does she have?
However I can assure you that he is damaging her too.
Probably worse since this is her dad.

Put it this way if he was openly beating your dd or yourself you wouldn't put up with it, right?
So why do you allow this? It may not be hitting but it still is pain.

Good news is you can get help for yourself and figure out what to do next.
There is always hope.

 

[MAKmom]

Op here. For those of you who have mentioned depression, that is very perceptive. Last year my best friend thought he might be,although this is not new behavior but maybe he has a form of low grade depression. Really I
never see him get really excited about anything. I brought the possibility up then but he denied it. As far as his family, he was raised by his mother primarily. He is European and his father worked all over the continent and only spent short amounts of time with them. They didn't all live together until they moved here when he was 11. As far as our kids, he has already treated our oldest this way. She is much better at dismissing the behavior because she knows she hasn't done anything wrong and thinks his reactions are over the top. Of course she isn't married to him, so it's much easier to dismiss him.Actually, just typing this out has made me realize that the kids probably will see this as abnormal behavior. That is really my main concern (setting the example of this is how married people deal with conflict) Still don't know what I'm going to do though.

Does your husband treat others outside the family this way?

Does he think or talk highly of himself. Does he have dreams & plans that are grandiose. Can he be very charming when he wants to? Does he lie? Does he show remorse or guilt ? Does he have compasion for others?

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i don't know HOW you deal with that. i'd just leave.

 

[ilovejack02]

Op here. For those of you who have mentioned depression, that is very perceptive. Last year my best friend thought he might be,although this is not new behavior but maybe he has a form of low grade depression. Really I
never see him get really excited about anything. I brought the possibility up then but he denied it. As far as his family, he was raised by his mother primarily. He is European and his father worked all over the continent and only spent short amounts of time with them. They didn't all live together until they moved here when he was 11. As far as our kids, he has already treated our oldest this way. She is much better at dismissing the behavior because she knows she hasn't done anything wrong and thinks his reactions are over the top. Of course she isn't married to him, so it's much easier to dismiss him.Actually, just typing this out has made me realize that the kids probably will see this as abnormal behavior. That is really my main concern (setting the example of this is how married people deal with conflict) Still don't know what I'm going to do though.

OMG he treats his kids this way too. That is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Get some counseling for yourself asap and hopefully maybe he will join and maybe really learn something. If he didnt I would ask him to go find a couch across town in his own apartment.
Treating wife badly while wrong is one thing..... but doing it in front of the kids and also treating the kids the same way is just way too much for me. I wouldnt be passive about gettin his butt out if he didnt change his way, in fact Id prob be violently aggressive about it.
Good luck, hopefully he will be willing to work on it.
Let us know how you do.

 

["Got Disney"]

We have an agreement in our home...none of us including the kids are aloud to stay mad longer that 15 minutes without appologizing(sp). It works soooo well. It took time to get into it but we have been doing this for years. WE are a family and we are not going anywhere so what good does holding a grudge for days do...

As you mentioned you were mad at each other for a month and could not even remember why...so you continued to stay mad for what reason???

If you are having this much trouble and you have tryed counceling and that did not work the next question would be do you love each other???? if the answer is no that why are you together because it will never work....

nothing woth than a loveless marriage...my Dh and I have been together for 28 years and have had out ups and downs but that is expected....we try to remain fair to each other and deal with our dissagreements....

You need to ask yourselves...do you want this marriage to work and if the answer is yes than make it work. I wish you the best of luck and hope he figures out what he is doing...before it is to late...