How do you bring up the idea of kids with DH/DW?

[Rutt and Tuke]

People do change their minds as well. DH and I discussed it a lot before we got married, but our stance on it has changed over the years.

 

[ahutton]

We were happily married for a few years, and I'm 28. I told him I had been thinking a lot about having a child. He freaked at first and said with his family he wasn't sure he was cut out to be a parent. I didn't push, and said it was something I cared a lot about, but we didn't have to decide right then. A short time later came to me and said he thought trying to have one sometime in 2000 was a good idea.

A few months later it came time for my annual checkup, and I added some time to it as "pre-pregnancy consultation" and had DH come with me. My doctor reviewed our medical histories, talked about the facts of how long it can take to get pregnant and the minimum amount of time she wanted me off my prescription before we started trying. We kept our calendar and got pregnant very quickly (the first month we actually followed her directions for timing and tried!!).

DD came home, and DH had many fears and insecurities about being a father, I had mine too, and we worked through those together, many times with all 3 of us crying! But we got some sleep (after a couple months) and everything has been wonderful since. We tried again after that our 2nd DD was born.

DH has discovered he LOVES being a father and being around kids. He actually now works at a school (Pre-K - 8th), coaches track and apparently over the last year started thinking we should try for another baby. He hadn't gotten around to tell me this, but "someone" heard and intervened, and now we have a 3rd due in December.

Okay long story, but the short of it is this. I was nervous, insecure, uncertain how DH would feel when I actually said "I think I'm ready" but I worked up a ton of nerve (might have had a drink or two with dinner that night first) and just said it. Then I left it to him to come back to me, and then we moved forward together. It only took a little nudge for me, maybe for others it will take a couple or more. You know with all you've been through this year your DH loves you with all his heart, and while he may not sweep you into his arms and say "whenever you want to" you know he will participate in a good discussion and you will find the answers you seek, together.

 

[2bemarried]

I'm with you on the whole "am I ready for this". My clock is on overdrive now that my niece has been born. I could hold her for hours and want one of my own....however I need to finish school first. So we're in a catch 22.....can't have a baby after just graduating and looking for another job....yet the pressure of having a baby and going to school at the same time is very HIGH.

I honestly believe that given a little more time we'll know what is best for us....hang in there

 

[mt2]

DH and I really didn't want children. We enjoyed our care free lives. We had spending money, weekend vacations and such. We didn't want to give that up. We were selfish and self centered.

A few years down the line, DH turned 30 and I turned 27. Something was missing but neither of us discussed it with the other. We both felt a little off. A couple of months after that I became pregnant. We were scared and more scared. When I finally accepted that this was happening, I lost the baby. I didn't feel devistated like I thought I was supposed to be. I was sad though as was DH.

We decided to wait until we moved back to TX (in 6 months) to try again. Guess what I was pregnant again. We didn't tell anyone until after the 10th week (1st miscarriage). We were reserved with our feelings. Then I found out that I was carrying twins. Both of us thought, "That's 2 college funds we have to set up now!"

Our lives are fuller than we thought was possible. We have three wonderful (not all the time) children. What we thought was inportant in our mid twenties, are not so important now. We don't have to go somewhere once or twice a month. We don't have to see a movie when it first comes out. We don't have to have sports cars (don't ask DH about this though LOL). Our priorties have changed for the better.

Just talk to him. He might be feeling something too.

Also know that as parents you give up your right to be selfish but you still have the right to have fun. You have to go at a slower pace and you get to enjoy things that you would always rush by.

mt2