How Do You Become More Positive?

[PrincessKsMom]

I have always tended to be a "glass half empty" kind of person. Always tend to think the worst. Be critical of myself as well as others. Very judgmental. And I often play the victim (wow, am I really saying all this online? ). So here's the thing: how do you change? How do you become more positive? How do you take charge and feel like your life is your own responsibility instead of feeling like things just happen to you and your only option is to react? I'm tired. So tired of feeling like everything is outside my control (relationships, weight, finances....) but I don't know how to turn it around.

So for all you rainbow and sunshine people out there, how do you do it? How do you become a positive person and a positive influence on others.

 

[Christine]

Well, you've started with step #1 and that is recognizing it. You can't begin to know how many people DO NOT see the flaws in themselves. If you can't get that then it's hopeless. So you are not hopeless.

I am not a "positive" person, nor am I negative. I consider myself a realist. Meaning, when appropriate and the evidence is there, I will have positive thoughts about something. When history and evidence say otherwise, I might be a little negative. It's actually kind of served me well and I'm okay with it.

I think the next thing you need to realize is that, truly, not EVERYTHING is in your control. You can't control others' behaviors, you can't always be in a high paying job, you can't control all of these things. But certainly you can control some of them. Weight and health are probably the area where you have the MOST control. You might never be a supermodel, but you can control what goes in your mouth and how much you get out and just walk. Recognize that if you can't do that, that is your fault and don't blame others. When I am on a food/weight down spiral I know what causes it and I am strictly to blame.

Just focus on your response to things. Self-talk is a good way to work on this. Just have a conversation in your head about the reality of the situation. Take the blame for your part in something bad but also tell yourself about the things that you could not control. For me, sometimes I just need to have these pep talks.

 

[tink20]

I would take it one step at a time. Maybe start with exercising, I always feel very positive after I exercise or go walking. Eating healthy also makes me feel better, eating a lot of sugar can make me feel BLAH. Also, I have cut back on watching too much news.....very depressing. But, I don't think anyone is rainbows and sunshine all the time, so don't expect that, everyone has those days where they would just like to stay curled up in bed. LOL.

Oh, I also heard a tip one time. SMILE! Its hard to be negative when you have a smile on your face.

 

[Uncle Remus]

I have always tended to be a "glass half empty" kind of person. Always tend to think the worst. Be critical of myself as well as others. Very judgmental. And I often play the victim (wow, am I really saying all this online? ). So here's the thing: how do you change? How do you become more positive? How do you take charge and feel like your life is your own responsibility instead of feeling like things just happen to you and your only option is to react? I'm tired. So tired of feeling like everything is outside my control (relationships, weight, finances....) but I don't know how to turn it around.

So for all you rainbow and sunshine people out there, how do you do it? How do you become a positive person and a positive influence on others.

Get away and stay away from negative people, count your blessings.

 

[kirstenb1]

I definitely struggle with the blahs, and can really work myself into a rut.

One thing that I try to do when I'm in a prolonged funk is to find a way to volunteer for something, or to put extra effort and thought into something I'm already volunteering for. It sounds really hokey, but sometimes I can lift myself out of a really bad mood when I focus on others. I don't mean listening to someone else more neurotic than me!! In fact, I try to avoid people who are also in a funk!!

I really mean trying to serve others, like volunteering at school, church, maybe the food bank. It's like when I take the focus off the internal, then it stops that bad mood, and lets me be distracted by doing something nice for someone else.

 

[java]

Every night before you go to bed write down 5 things that you were thankful for that day. Got a great parking spot? Woke up on time? Didn't trip all day? whatever made your day. Write it down.

Focusing on the good helps get your head in a better place.

Wanted to add though that this is the DIS and judgmental defines the masses. So you are among friends as you are!

 

[Christine]

Wanted to add though that this is the DIS and judgmental defines the masses. So you are among friends as you are!

I've yet to meet a person who was not judgemental. We all judge. The difference is what we do with that judgement: live and let live or treat the judgee differently.

 

[SLP958]

Awesome of you to want to make this kind if change! I too, have to work at being positive a lot of the time. One thing that really helps me is not complaining out loud. For me, speaking it gives the negative thoughts more of a foothold. In my head I constantly tell myself to shut up.

By not saying things outloud I am much less likely to dwell on them.

Another thing I tell myself is that I should not expect an easy life. We have so many things people in other parts of the world could never dream of that it makes my irritations seems ridiculous.

I would start by making little changes so as not to overwhelm yourself. For example : today I will give someone the benefit of the doubt or today I will compliment someone.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Eating healthy also makes me feel better, eating a lot of sugar can make me feel BLAH.

I am about day 9 of watching my saturated fat intake and I feel 150% better just by doing that.

I do agree that you have to really look inward and fix things with yourself instead of looking outward.

I think that doing outward judgy rhetoric on yourself and others all the time can be an attempt at "avoidance" at your inward stuff you not able to or don't want to work on.

Anyway that is where I would start. Pick something you would like to do, change, or learn and then go for it. Put something fresh and postive into your life.

I am forced to get on the stick and eat healthy and exercise due to my dh having a heart attack and bypass surgery.

Instead of being depressed about it I am trying to be positive doing it and be happy my dh has a second chance.

 

[Sorsha]

This time of year, I ALWAYS struggle with this. I definitely suffer from SAD. I try my best to get enough sleep, make sure I get enough iron, and vitamin C & D in my foods, and I even have one of those sunshine-lamps. I wish I could say it was helping about now though - I have been SUCH an Eeyore lately.

Really, though, I have always been a rainbows-and-sunshine type in my day-to-day outlook on life. I try to automatically assume the best of people, and put myself in their place. I try hard not to judge them. We are all human though, and driven by our own views on things. This isn't Sesame Street and we can't be all happy and shiny all the time - sometime I fail like anyone else. But I always try to not let it color me for future interactions.

The other thing I have learned as an adult is that I don't have to live up to everyone's expectations. If my house is less than tidy, if I go to the grocery store in my sweats, if I use my towels 3 times before washing them or haven't owned a pair of nylons in more than a decade lmao and someone thinks less of me for it - I just plain don't care!!! It has been very freeing and very therapeutic to understand that the only standards I have to live up to are my own, and as long as I am happy and my family are happy and we are as kind as we can be to those around us and to the environment - then that is all that I feel is required of me! It lifted a whole huge amount of stress off of me, and in relieving that stress I became a whole lot less negative abut everything in general.

JMHO - wishing you luck in your personal journey! (And buy a good sun-lamp if you live in a snowy climate!! )

 

[aaarcher86]

Awesome suggestions already in this thread.

I think one step at a time is a fantastic start.

I do think that you HAVE to remember though, some things really are out of your control. And they're still going to happen even though you're making progress. That's just life. But fixing/changing what you CAN control will make you feel so much better when the things you can't do happen!

Good luck to you

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree with everyone here!

The fact that you identify this is HUGE...
Half the battle.
This is what tells me that you are not the typical person who is like this, but will never recognize or admit it!

Like the one person just said...
Life happens...
In many cases, it is not what life throws at you.
It is what you do with it.
Nobody can control all of their circumstances.
And, one certainly can't control anyone else's attitudes and actions.

But, as you just said... One has to be responsible for their own reactions and attitudes.

I am a realist... And am not always the 'cheery' person.
I think that is okay.

But, when it comes to life in general.
I am all about NIKE. (Just DO it.)

Nobody is without adversity or challenges.
But, it is all about moving one step forward, one baby-step at a time.

Quitters never win...
And Winners never Quit.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I also love the Serenity Prayer.
(whether one is religious or not)

It goes something like this.

Please give me the grace to accept the things that I can not change..
The will/courage to change the things that I CAN....
And the wisdom to know the difference!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Thank you all for your encouragement and suggestions. I'm amazed when I see other people who are so positive in the face of things that I know would break me. I have a friend who was effected by Hurricane Sandy and she seems just so serene and matter-of-fact about it all. I know I'd lose my mind. I saw the parents of a victim of the Sandy Hook shooting in Connecticut and they say they're not bitter and won't wallow but instead are going to start an organization to help others in their child's name. Heaven forbid anything ever happened to my daughter, I'd be done with it all. I need to find that zen, that peace, that acceptance of being in charge of my own destiny.

I've also noticed that my daughter is just like me. Very judgmental, plays the victim all the time, doesn't put forth a lot of effort, doesn't think she's worthy. And that's what scares me to no end. It's been like looking in a mirror lately and I feel so hypocritical telling her she should try harder or try something outside her comfort zone. I see her living her life as if it's something that happens to her instead of something she actively participates in. And she's only 17. I know I need to make changes for my own well-being and happiness, but it's becoming more important that I be the example she needs. I want better for her, more for her and I want her to want those things for herself. I NEED to be that example for her.

 

[Southernmiss]

Awesome of you to want to make this kind if change! I too, have to work at being positive a lot of the time. One thing that really helps me is not complaining out loud. For me, speaking it gives the negative thoughts more of a foothold. In my head I constantly tell myself to shut up.
By not saying things outloud I am much less likely to dwell on them.

Another thing I tell myself is that I should not expect an easy life. We have so many things people in other parts of the world could never dream of that it makes my irritations seems ridiculous.

I would start by making little changes so as not to overwhelm yourself. For example : today I will give someone the benefit of the doubt or today I will compliment someone.

I do this also. If I realize a negative thought is coming to mind, I stop it right there and chastize myself for the thought and then quickly try to move to another more positive thought.

 

[StephMK]

I've yet to meet a person who was not judgemental. We all judge. The difference is what we do with that judgement: live and let live or treat the judgee differently.

So true!

I wish I could say it was helping about now though - I have been SUCH an Eeyore lately.

Really, though, I have always been a rainbows-and-sunshine type in my day-to-day outlook on life. I try to automatically assume the best of people, and put myself in their place. I try hard not to judge them. We are all human though, and driven by our own views on things. This isn't Sesame Street and we can't be all happy and shiny all the time - sometime I fail like anyone else. But I always try to not let it color me for future interactions.

The other thing I have learned as an adult is that I don't have to live up to everyone's expectations. If my house is less than tidy, if I go to the grocery store in my sweats, if I use my towels 3 times before washing them or haven't owned a pair of nylons in more than a decade lmao and someone thinks less of me for it - I just plain don't care!!! It has been very freeing and very therapeutic to understand that the only standards I have to live up to are my own, and as long as I am happy and my family are happy and we are as kind as we can be to those around us and to the environment - then that is all that I feel is required of me! It lifted a whole huge amount of stress off of me, and in relieving that stress I became a whole lot less negative abut everything in general.

JMHO - wishing you luck in your personal journey! (And buy a good sun-lamp if you live in a snowy climate!! )

LOL, I call DH Eeyore when he becomes too negative. I love your attitude and share those thoughts as well.

I have always been naturally positive & was called a Pollyanna when I was young. Somehow I never noticed when dating that DH is naturally negative. Or maybe he has become that way over time or maybe love colored glasses hid that aspect from me. It can be draining but I think we balance out.

For me, I just always try to remember that you never know what someone else is going through and honey gets you more than vinegar. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and find the good in anyone.

If you are not naturally positive, I think it's great you want to change. I would start by practicing looking at things in a new light. Crabby cashier - they must be having a really bad day, how can I make this transaction pleasant for both of us? Stuck in traffic - well, it gives me a minute to think about my day and figure out how I'm going to handle it. Pushy person - wow, I kind of admire their conviction and drive (though I wish they were less forceful about it).

Good luck, I'm sure you'll do great!

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

I was raised in a very negative, judgmental household. I have vowed not to repeat that cycle.

1) Happiness to me is a beautiful day, a sweet compliment from my husband, or a smile from my daughter----in other words it is the little things that make me happy. I do not wait for that big, life-changing, happiness inducing event.

My mother has lived her life waiting for that "next thing" (new house, retirement, kids moving out) to make her happy. She has gotten all of that and more and is still miserable. I truly don't think she has been happy a day in her life. It breaks my heart.

2) Judging-----this is a very touchy subject for me. Again, my mother assesses everyone she encounters, stranger or not, and zones in on the negative. It drives me insane. I refuse to raise my child in house like that.

When we are out or watching TV I do not comment on anyone, I mean anyone. A 20 ft purple man from Mars could walk by and I will not say a word. I do not want my daughter to ever think it is appropriate to judge people based on how they look or their personal lifestyle choices.

Recognizing that you have these tendencies is 90% of the battle. Good luck to you.

 

[loveshak22]

Lots of good comments on here already!

I agree with other posters - good job for recognizing the behavior and wanting to make changes! And great job recognizing that your daughter needs that positive example.

I made a new year's resolution a few years back to be more positive. Whenever something happened or I got in a "funk" I would repeat the mantra "it could be worse!" And that's very, very true. Even in horrible situations it could always be worse. And whenever I thought negative thoughts I'd consciously try to think something positive. Within a few months it started coming automatically!

Like someone else posted - I also love the serenity prayer...serenity to accept the things I cannot change. You cannot change how other peope behave/react to something. You can only control how you feel, behave, and react.

Good luck!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I would like to say, I think I have a wicked sense of humor (sarcastic as it may be) and I do try to be positive for others so I'm not a complete jerk. And with all my faults laid out before you, I still think I'm innately a good person who tries to do good for others and be supportive. I just want to be happier in my life. I'm envious of those who always seem to find the good, who can turn lemons into lemonade...I'm reading all of your comments and suggestions and taking them to heart.

 

[snapppyd]

I would like to say, I think I have a wicked sense of humor (sarcastic as it may be) and I do try to be positive for others so I'm not a complete jerk. And with all my faults laid out before you, I still think I'm innately a good person who tries to do good for others and be supportive. I just want to be happier in my life. I'm envious of those who always seem to find the good, who can turn lemons into lemonade...I'm reading all of your comments and suggestions and taking them to heart.

Hugs to you PK! I think I'm one of those people who others think has a "great" life. Perception is not always reality We all go through a rough patch.