How do we explain this to our 6 year old?

[mom2rtk]

Kids go through things like this. They present us with these "issues" going on in their minds. Our response can make all the difference. If you reply with "I'd dye your hair, but I'm not sure that's healthy in such a young child" or "Maybe when you're older we'll dye it for you" then you confirm that there is indeed something that needs to be "fixed" at some point.

If you reply with "But we love your brunette hair. It makes you special." Or some such thing, then move along, you reinforce what she NEEDS to hear at this point, that she is great the way she is. She needs to be the best "her" she can be and learn to love herself as she is. Today it's hair color. Tomorrow it could be any number of other things the bullies at school decide make her a little different. This isn't about hair. It's about building acceptance and love of herself the way she is.

 

[ShannonMB]

In our society, blond is seen as more beautiful and desirable than brunette. I should know, I'm a brunette too. The only brunette in a family of blondes, just like my daughter. She's so beautiful but really really insecure and while we try to instill that true beauty is on the inside, with today's world, she can't help feeling subpar.

Huh. Honestly, I agree with another poster that your DD's feeling of being subpar about being brunette is coming from YOUR feeling that way. I guess you get it from growing up in a blonde family, because as a brunette, that feeling is so foreign to me. I would think that a beautiful little girl would be more than happy to have brown hair like her beloved mommy, but maybe not if her mommy hates her own brown hair? I'm really not trying to be snarky, either, just really puzzled. I made it over 40 years without realizing how subpar I am by society's standards!

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

I don't really understand how a 6 year old can be that insecure over her hair color. There are several non blond princesses. In fact, MOST of them do not have blond hair.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

I would go with asking a Cast Member or Rapunzel herself. I think they probably get asked that question by a ton of smart kids all the time.

And as for the hair debate, so many people want what they don't have. I have hair very similar to Shirley Temple's, and all I wanted as a little girl was thin, straight black hair, similar to a girl in my class who was Japanese. I thought it was the prettiest hair you could have.

Now, I'm happy with my blonde curls, and get compliments all the time.

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

She truly is just like me. I'm also really insecure and I grew up with all blond siblings as well.

Perhaps you need to be careful what you say around her that exposes your insecurity. Her "insecurity" might be a reflection of mommy instead of her real thoughts....for now. We are all brunettes in our house and nobody sees blondes as special, superior and anything that stands out. We are all unique and God has created everybody to look as they look. Nobody looks the way they do by accident. Maybe that is a better angle?

I would also point out that Ariel has red hair, Pocahontas has black hair, Mulan has black hair, Snow White was the first Disney Princess and she is a brunette.....and they are all pretty special.

 

[Tail Puller]

I have quite the opposite problem with my six year old's hair. She has long golden locks. We will be going to DW for Halloween and she is going to dress like Rapunzel. However, she wants to get her hair cut short. We want to keep her hair long; one so she will look more like Rapunzel when we go. Two, we are going to let her hair cut about shoulder length, but would like her to grow it long enough so she can donate her hair to Locks of Love.

Anyway, I think you are already getting to on how to answer your own question. If you do not like to lie to your children (something that my DW and I both repudiate. Came to bite my mother-n-law in the butt this past week) and she knows that the Rapunzel she meets is just a person dressed up and acting like her. Talk to her about it; have her create the story on why Rapunzel's hair is blond and long. Doing it together could make it more accepting.

The way we see it, as my DD knows that they are actors playing a part, the characters you meet are in the middle of the stories from which they are from. Look at beast; he is in his beast form when you meet him. If he was the character from after the story, then he would be in human form. Just my thoughts.

 

[Sundancer UK]

I would totally totally let her ask Rapunzel herself. I don't want to offend here, but I wonder if you might be reading a little too much in to this?
Sure, six year olds can have insecurities, but usually they come and go; phases of young childhood like the things they eat one week to the next, the book they like today and not tomorrow, etc.

I've always tried to be careful about the 'beautiful' thing with my daughter. She is my only girl and has four brothers (she's also the only dark haired child actually ). This puts her in a strong position to hear a lot of 'you're so pretty!' comments that people don't naturally direct towards my boys. I've let her (encouraged even) watch the Disney princess movies, but when we talk about it we always focus on what happens, rather than what people look like - although she does love their dresses and I can appreciate that! I really try to focus on strong women to counteract the passive princess thing, and also point out that the princesses are from history, a time when women were thought of differently.

I *love* the idea earlier in this thread of letting her wear a wig. Nothing about being ashamed of what she looks like, but everything about make-believe and dressing up. If a child can wear a princess dress, then why not the hair?

When we went to Disney my daughter was 8. We went to see Rapunzel and Flynn and one of the questions my daughter had to ask was what happened to Rapunzel's hair? How did it get long and blonde again?
Being mum, I just passed it off as Disney Magic, which to a child is a lame excuse But the characters were MUCH better than me and well prepared. Rapunzel told Scarlett that when Mother Gothel cut her hair it was for greed, so it went brown and lost its magic. But when Flynn did it, he did it for love, so the magic remained

 

[Dani784]

Just read the OP again and have a question. You say your daughter is the only brunette in a family of blonds, but you also said you are a brunette, so which is true?

All of her siblings, to whom she compares herself to most, are blondes. I have four children and she is the only non-blonde. I never said she was the only one in the family. Other posters said that.

As of this morning we have showed her a video of Rapunzel in the parks. I asked her what she thought about the blond hair and she asked me if Rapunzel was wearing a wig. I told her yes as that's the truth and she seemed content. I've still encouraged her to ask Rapunzel herself next spring.

The good news is we've convinced her to get her hair cut like Rapunzel's and to donate her cut hair to locks of love. She's really happy about being cooler this summer and helping some little girl with cancer have beautiful hair too. She really is beautiful inside and out and I'm so proud of her!

Our appointment is today so I'll try to post pictures later!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

All of her siblings, to whom she compares herself to most, are blondes. I have four children and she is the only non-blonde. I never said she was the only one in the family. Other posters said that.

As of this morning we have showed her a video of Rapunzel in the parks. I asked her what she thought about the blond hair and she asked me if Rapunzel was wearing a wig. I told her yes as that's the truth and she seemed content. I've still encouraged her to ask Rapunzel herself next spring.

The good news is we've convinced her to get her hair cut like Rapunzel's and to donate her cut hair to locks of love. She's really happy about being cooler this summer and helping some little girl with cancer have beautiful hair too. She really is beautiful inside and out and I'm so proud of her!

Our appointment is today so I'll try to post pictures later!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

A little off topic, but you might want to look at Pantene Beautiful Lengths as well. I have heard better things about that program compared to Locks of Love. Many LoL donations go to wigs that are sold to models as opposed to cancer patients.

 

[AmyB2006]

I would totally totally let her ask Rapunzel herself. I don't want to offend here, but I wonder if you might be reading a little too much in to this?
Sure, six year olds can have insecurities, but usually they come and go; phases of young childhood like the things they eat one week to the next, the book they like today and not tomorrow, etc.

I tend to agree. My DD is 6 also and told me just a month ago she wanted to let her hair grow long like Rapunzel's. She has light brown hair like me. Just last week we cut off about 7 inches because she wanted up to her chin, to which I replied that we would only be going just above the shoulder. LOL

But I think maybe the more attention you give something, the more kids focus on it as well. I've found with my own my best strategy is to not make a big deal out of things, until they do. And then I downplay as much as possible. LOL

But I too would totally have her ask Rapunzel. I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time she's been asked that question.

 

[Skywalker]

I made it over 40 years without realizing how subpar I am by society's standards!

Me too! I guess I just never knew. Thanks, Dani.

 

[Skywalker]

But society does play a role and we want her to understand that she's gorgeous by society's standards too. If I could figure out how to post pictures from my iPad I'd let you all see for yourselves.

I am honestly starting to believe her self-esteem issues are coming from YOUR attitudes! You would post a picture of your daughter here to prove to people that she is nice looking??

 

[Dani784]

I am honestly starting to believe her self-esteem issues are coming from YOUR attitudes! You would post a picture of your daughter here to prove to people that she is nice looking??

Wow this thread is becoming a lot more hateful and judgmental than need be. Take a chill pill. She's MY kid and if I want to post a picture of her, I will.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[AmyB2006]

When my kids were little "Free to Be You and Me" Marlo Thomas theres a ton of others out there
http://www.parentbooks.ca/Self_Esteem.html

Just saw this. LOVE LOVE LOVE this. I have the soundtrack with all the songs too and it's great. My kids love them.

 

[Magpie]

All of her siblings, to whom she compares herself to most, are blondes. I have four children and she is the only non-blonde. I never said she was the only one in the family. Other posters said that.

As of this morning we have showed her a video of Rapunzel in the parks. I asked her what she thought about the blond hair and she asked me if Rapunzel was wearing a wig. I told her yes as that's the truth and she seemed content. I've still encouraged her to ask Rapunzel herself next spring.

The good news is we've convinced her to get her hair cut like Rapunzel's and to donate her cut hair to locks of love. She's really happy about being cooler this summer and helping some little girl with cancer have beautiful hair too. She really is beautiful inside and out and I'm so proud of her!

Our appointment is today so I'll try to post pictures later!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

How wonderful!

I do think some posters are reading too much into this when they try to blame you for your daughter's insecurities about her hair. Children do compare themselves to each other.

When I was your daughter's age, I was the only little white girl in my class. All the other children were black, and I didn't look anything like anyone. Especially my hair! Kids would come up behind me and tug on it, because they thought it was strange.

I wanted nothing more than to have beautiful black curly hair that I could twist into rows and braids and put pretty beads into.

What did I get instead? Fuzzy brown hair that was neither straight nor curly, but stuck out in every direction instead, collected static, and made halos around my face. I couldn't braid it. My hair would escape the braids. My mother cut it short in that unisex 70's bob, but even that didn't help. I'd get the most horrible knots at the back of my head all the time. One of the nuns in my school tried to help me with it one day, and I remember her saying (actually quite kindly) that I had a "rat's nest" on my head.

Sure my mother told me I was beautiful, but I just wanted to be like the other kids. I believe I must have been 30 before I really felt good about my hair.

I think donating your daughter's hair is a wonderful idea, and will go a long way toward making her feel like the very special young lady she is.

 

[Magpie]

For those of you convinced the only place a child can possibly learn that brunettes are "less beautiful" is at her mother's knee, I would like to submit this page from one of my daughter's early English books (published in 2000) as evidence in the mother's defence:

I particularly love how the "most beautiful" princess has the biggest bust.

 

[rapunzels]

A little off topic, but you might want to look at Pantene Beautiful Lengths as well. I have heard better things about that program compared to Locks of Love. Many LoL donations go to wigs that are sold to models as opposed to cancer patients.

I read a Huffington Post article on May 12, 2013 (I had to look it back up) that said LoL had $6 million worth of donated hair unaccounted for... that's a lot.
Maybe try Hair Hopes..... I think I've heard you will hear back from your recipient, if you choose to...

 

[AmyB2006]

for those of you convinced the only place a child can possibly learn that brunettes are "less beautiful" is at her mother's knee, i would like to submit this page from one of my daughter's early english books (published in 2000) as evidence in the mother's defence:

i particularly love how the "most beautiful" princess has the biggest bust.

omg!!

 

[Sundancer UK]

For those of you convinced the only place a child can possibly learn that brunettes are "less beautiful" is at her mother's knee, I would like to submit this page from one of my daughter's early English books (published in 2000) as evidence in the mother's defence:

I particularly love how the "most beautiful" princess has the biggest bust.

!!!!

Yikes! If I found this work for any of my children - sons or daughters - I would be in school absolutely raving mad about it!

I won't deny society plays a HUGE part in how we view ourselves. I also believe it is my responsibility as a parent to try and counteract as much of this as possible

 

[ShannonMB]

Edit: Decided to just let it be.