How Do U Tell A Friend

[Waggy182]

Just tell her. Otherwise, you are a doormat not wanting to hurt her feelings. Too bad. People are taken advantage of because they allow themselves to be taken advantage of.

When you tell her, one of two things will happen: A) She gets mad and is no longer your friend. If that happens, she never was your friend. B) She gains a new respect for you and your friendship is stronger than before, and definately more even.

Do it.

 

[trivial]

If she just assumed you would babysit with no discussion (not to mention no discussion of the cost), that's just crazy. I consider that to be extremely rude and selfish, and I'm not sure I would personally want such a friend. I don't know if there's an easy way to tell her. Perhaps just tell her that you're overwhelmed with your kids and that unfortunately you're not going to be able to babysit for her. If possible, provide her with a few other options in an attempt to soften the blow a bit.

 

[Waggy182]

I am reading a lot about making excuses and softening the news. . . I don't get it.

Just tell the truth. Don't make excuses for how you feel, and definately don't lie about the reason. Either she will get over it or she won't. Either way you discover the level of the "friendship" you have.

Honesty is always the best way to go.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I am reading a lot about making excuses and softening the news. . . I don't get it.

Just tell the truth. Don't make excuses for how you feel, and definately don't lie about the reason. Either she will get over it or she won't. Either way you discover the level of the "friendship" you have.

Honesty is always the best way to go.

I have to agree with this!

 

[lindsmom]

"Dh and I talked about watching "nathan" but we decided it was best for me to focus on DD right now.(or you could say, my 3 kids consume all my time and I worry I wouldn't be able to devote enough time to a baby). I realize that babysitting a child is a long term commitment and I worry that I would feel to overwhelmed, so I can't commit to watching "nathan" right now. Please keep me in mind if you are in a bind and need me to watch him when you have a doctor's appointment or something.

You may also want to mention something like "I would worry that since I would naturally pay more attention to my own children, I'm not giving YOUR baby the attention s/he deserves, and s/he should have a professional."

I've been a family provider for going on 10 years, and I get $40 a day for a nine hour day. Most centers in my area get between $40 and $60 a day, btw.

 

[tanyaandallie]

thanks guys..i was feeling a little selfish for not wanting to do it but i love having all the spare time with my dd2 she is only small for a short time and she is my last....plus the amount she wanted to pay was not really worth my time...she is commimg by weds and we are going to talk about it, i will tell her it is just in case she needs someone ever once in a while.

Do not feel at all selfish. It is not your job or your responsibility to watch her child. And watching her child is a job. I stay home most of the time and I guess I could agree to watch some of my working friends children, but I don't want to!! Taking care of my 2 is enough for me. I have no desire to commit to watching someone else's children, esp. for $250 a month. That is really nuts and WAY below what any daycare would charge.

Be honest. Tell her you are just not ready to commit to taking care of her baby every day. Absolutely nothing wrong with simply not wanting to do it!

 

[tina_la]

she needs to look RIGHT AWAY! I was on a waiting list for my daycare of choice for over a YEAR before they had an opening for my son. They can only accept so many babies and the number is lower the younger the child is. She is prob going to be in a bind (not your fault) and don't offer anything in your conversation your not willing to do (ex. watch the baby until she can find a daycare). You might end up doing it longer than you realize. BTW she will never find a daycare for that amount of money and if she did I would really worry about the type of daycare it was for that rate.

 

[portia9]

She is trying to take advantage of you. She is not respecting that you may not want to have her child and the money she is offering is laughable.

 

[Waggy182]

I've been a family provider for going on 10 years, and I get $40 a day for a nine hour day.

$4.44 an hour for watching someone else's children??? For 10 years???

Glad it's you and not me. Whew.

 

[Nanu57v]

$40 is good. Here its 20 for toddler plus and 25 for infants.

 

[caroline1851]

I don't see this as a difficult thing unless you already agreed to it and are now backing out of it, that makes it a little tougher, but.............
You simply tell her (and soon!) that you do not want to take on the responsibility of daycare for her baby, that you have your hands full with your own children. $250 a month???? THat's insane! She should be paying at least $600 a month!

 

[livie1205]

i am just going to tell her...if she ever calls or comes by... she said she would come over today so we could talk about it (she wanted to spend the day with her husband yesterday) she puts everything behind what she wants to do so I have not had the chance to speak with her...but thanks for all the advice.

 

[Aliceacc]

If she calls today to cancel, tell her then. Do not let this go another day.

 

[trivial]

$4.44 an hour for watching someone else's children??? For 10 years???

Glad it's you and not me. Whew.

It's likely that she babysits other children as well, and so probably makes closer to $20/hour.

 

[lindsmom]

It's likely that she babysits other children as well, and so probably makes closer to $20/hour.

Yes, I'm licensed for six children so I'm actually making $240 a day. So I'm doing okay, thanks.

 

[LilGMom]

Good luck!

I do hope that you didn't volunteer to do this earlier and now have decided to not do it. If this isn't the case and she has been assuming that you'd be her child's caregiver than she is in for a dose of reality. Just be honest and if she just assumed you'd do this than you really don't need to offer any reasons as to why you don't want to watch her child. But like a pp said you need to tell her asap since she has brought it up so that she can try to find a caregiver for her child. I put my name on a few places when I was four months pg with my first and still had to wait a month before the spot was available.

 

[Nanu57v]

Yes, I'm licensed for six children so I'm actually making $240 a day. So I'm doing okay, thanks.

(Trying to do math )

Wow!!! I should've done that instead of my 14K-18K to be a center director.

 

[Aliceacc]

Livie, did you tell her?

How did she react??

 

[livie1205]

i told her i had my hands full right now but i think she really wants to stay home and she doesnt want to tell her husband.

 

[Aliceacc]

And she's due to go back in 3 weeks???? Is she planning to clue him in anytime soon?

But she's OK with you not being in the picture? Or is she going to make you the bad guy-- the reason she "HAS" to stay home?