How do playdates work???

[Caleb's Mom]

My DH and I have an only child - a son who is 5 and in kindergarten. At conferences his teacher suggested trying some playdates or the afterschool program as a means to get him used to being around other kids in an informal/unstructured (non-school) type environment.

So my question is (and excuse me if it's a silly one), how do playdates work??? How far ahead do you call ahead to schedule one? What if you don't know the other parent??? Do you offer to pick up the other child, or ask the other parent to drop off to see where you live??? How long do they last??? What do the kids do???

We've never done playdates because I work full time and don't get home until 5:30 at night and my DH works every other weekend often sleeping at home during the day because he's on night shift and we can't have screaming kids running around the house while he sleeps.

Just looking for some direction. Thanks everyone!!!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Usually I'll call the mom and ask if so and so could come over at this day and time to play with my DS,

I don't know how the other mom would feel about her DS coming to your house if she doesn't know you well. My DS goes to a small Catholic school so we know all the families pretty well. Usually the mom will just drop off the child, they'll play with their toys and I will usually provide a snack and drink while the child is here. I may take them back home or the mom comes back in a couple hours usually.

Or if you have the time you can meet at an indoor play place like McDonalds or Burger King. The kids could play and you could get to know the mom.

 

[ampc3]

well, those are not silly questions at all. I can't answer all the questions b/c we do things alittle differently.. My situation is probably not the norm tho.
When we moved here 5 years ago my oldest was 2 1/2 and had a 5month.. I'm sahm so I became really involved with our local moms club group, and met and became friends with people who to this day are still my closest friends.

We all have kids around the same age, so those are the kids my kids play with and have playdates with.. Since we know the families it's not an issue, but the "playdates" are just as much for them as they are for me! so we will take turns going to each others houses or meeting at the park, mcdonalds etc.
My kids have never had a "playdate" with anyone from school, b/c I don't know any parent's there plus we dislike our neighborhood , but that is a whole different topic! So I don't really go out of my way with the whole friend thing at school. They get plenty of interaction thru our friends and sports, church etc. I am very over protective myself and don't really trust anyone , so I could never send my kids over to someone's house or vice versa with out knowing anything about the family, but that is just me, and I am ok with it.
Sorry I am rambling on here... Ok since you work full time, the only time really would be on the weekends.. If there is anyone your little boy talks about alot, I would see if the teacher could maybe give you an email address or #, then I would call/write and see if there was any interest in getting together at the park, or if you have one of those "jumpy places" , Mcdonalds etc.

Since he is only in K, you would not have to feel werid at all about this, I would venture to say that most parents are in the same boat and either just don't have the time or know how to go about setting something up..
Once you meet some of the parents or moms you then later could set something up and just ask if its ok to drive or pick up or whatever, some people (overprotective ones like me ) would rather just drive their own kids somewhere.

Do you have any kids in your neighborhood he could play with riding bikes or scooters with?
Just curious if the teacher brought this up b/c she thinks there is a problem?

 

[powellrj]

I would forget the playdates and just go with the afterschool programs. In most areas there are all kinds of sport, church, library activities for kids to get involved with. If he isn't already going to an afterschool child care program that would be another great place to try.

My oldest wasn't around a lot of kids so we really had to work at keeping him active with out kids. We did programs at the local Y and the local library and he went to an afterschool program a couple of days a week.

 

[emma'smom]

I work full-time too. So we schedule playdates on the week-ends and on school holidays (and sometimes I make a point of coming home early for short playdates with the neighbor's child before dinner. These are usually only about 45 minutes- 1 hour long).

Anyway, for kids from schoool...I will often just stop the Mom/Dad during drop-off in the morning and introduce myself (and others have done this to me). "Oh, your Sophie's Mom! My dd talks about your dd all the time. We should try to get the girls together sometime". You could do the same thing on the phone and host the mom or dad and the child for a playdate the first time. The kids can play while you chat over coffee with the mom. You can keep it short (like an hour or so the first time).

Usually, with friends we know...play dates are 2-3 hours long on a week-end afternoon. Sometimes the moms get together too, sometimes it is a good excuse for one mom to run errands. Sometimes the child is dropped off at our house and we take them home...sometimes they are picked up. Sometimes I pick the child up or we leave from an activity (like Ballet on Saturday mornings) to go to an "outing playdate" (like to a pumpkin farm or the local play center, etc).

One thing I've been really pleased to do is to have become affiliated with a local "mom's group". I can't do all of the play group stuff during the week because I am working, but I make a point of going to things like "Mom's Movie Night" or week-end outings. Most of the moms are SAHM's or moms who work part time. I try to let them know when I have off and they keep me posted on opportunities to interlope on play groups/mid-day coffee gatherings. Anyway, these would all be opportunities for group play dates...

What about kids in your child's Sunday School class (if you have one) for a Sunday afternoon lunch playdate. You might already know these parents or could easily introduce yourself.

Is your child involved in any sports/activities?

 

[Caleb's Mom]

Thanks for your help everyone. My son does go to a smaller parochial school so we do at least know/recognize most of the parents.
The teacher's main concern right now is that he does do well in school things that are structured and regulated, now she'd like to see him improve in more free-form, non-structured activities.
eta -
We live in an older neighborhood, so the only child close to age to my son is a 3rd grader, and while he will stop by in the summer for a short time to do something with my son, there is just a big difference between a 5 year old and a 8 year old.