How do I help my 12 y/o

[bjgrazi]

On Sunday night our cat Seymour (Le Pew) passed away. I'm okay with it and was sad and do miss him, but it's my 12 y/o son who has me worried now.

Of course this all happened just as the superbowl was to start. So there he sits with his dad and new stepdad & stepbrother. I have to tell them that the vet just called and Le Pew (long story) just passed. His answer to me was oh well he's was just a stupid cat, and he went on with the game.

Well fast forward to his dad leaves my son goes to bed and I hear him sobbing. Well, with me sitting there he sobbed himself to sleep.

Last night after dinner I found him on his bed just lying there, so I asked him if he was sad over the cat and he said yes. I hugged him told him I loved him and explained that I too missed the cat, but am glad that he is no longer sick and now hanging with Casey and is having a blast.(our dog who got put to sleep on Christmas Eve 4 years ago). Well I guess I said the wrong thing and the tears came again hard and fast.

What can I do to ease his pain? Other than be there for him and hug him? Getting another cat is not an option there are still 2 more in the house, from combining the new households.

It's also bothering me that he wouldn't show his emotions infront of the "Men".

 

[always quiet]

Just be there for him and listen if he needs to talk. Make sure he knows that showing emotion is not a bad thing. It's a shame that the world we live in 'trains' men to be strong all the time and not to let others see how they really feel.

[HUGS} to both you and your DS.

 

[Keli]

I think you are doing exactly the right thing with your son. You are giving him the opportunity to grieve for loss of his cat with someone you, someone that he's obviously comfortable with while he expresses strong emotions. That's what he needs. And I wouldn't read too much into his desire to not show his emotions in front of the 'guys'. I think you mentioned in another post that this is a new stepdad for your son and I'm sure that had a lot to do with his reaction.

 

[jx3smom]

I went through losing 4 cats in 8 months (all were very old). My DS is 12 and was sad but he got through it ok. You just have to let him cry and soon he'll feel better.

 

[DisneyObsessed]

You're doing the right thing. Just being there for him, holding him, and letting him cry. But let him come to you if this is what he wants. I have a 15 yo son. I know exactly what you're going through. I swear they have hormone ups and downs just like girls. Sometimes they really do just need to cry.
______________
Dawn

 

[pnelson]

We went through the exact same thing a year ago with my 10 year old. Your son's initial reaction was exactly what I would expect and not because he "was hanging with the men." Our cat died during the night. In the morning, we buried her, my son was dry-eyed and seemed okay with it. All day, he was fine. Then at night, the same as your son, just sobbing in his bed. I think it's just the way they handle it at your age. I wouldn't do anything to stop the grieving process. Just be there right now.

 

[MICKEY88]

just be there for him as you already have..

he's at a tough age...the age where boys still want their moms, but start to think it's bad to turn to mom, and start to look for more male guidance......I wouldn't make an issue out of him not showing emotions in front of the guys, or he may not be comfortable leaning on you in the future...

let him grieve at his own pace..

 

[Serena]

I can't think of any advice better than what you've already gotten.

Just give him extra hugs.

 

[aprilgail2]

A friend of mines cat just passed away and her 12 year old son was so upset that she called the school adn had the school councelor call him down for a few sessions to talk with him