How do I handle this situation????

[twinmomplus2new]

Sorry I don't hink it at all appropriate and i am not at all prudeish. I can't imagine why she would get into the bath with 2 slippery toddlers. and even worse sorry to me thats gross.

I have bathed with my toddlers. MYSELF. if my mother, brother, father did it. We would surely have a problem.
Holy hoo ha if my inlaws did it we would have a problem.To be honest here the injury was an accident I would not be angry about that, sad yes, upset yes. But Surely it was an accident the lack of modesty was a choice and that is not ok.

solve the problem by saying to her clearly. that..
While you know the boo boo was an accident you are very uncomfortable about her bathing with your dd and that it is not something that is to happen again.
plain and simple it is not allowed.
It does not matter if she becomes angry your first priority is to your child. PERIOD.

kind of off topic but years and years ago while my MIL was babysitting she did laundry for me. and put it away in my underwear drawer. Now I did not have say a pile of laundry but a few things in the hamper so she had to really go looking for it. I did not like it one bit. I never ever left one stitch in the hamper if she was going to be around.
I guess my point is like your MIL I am sure she was trying to be helpful and never intended to be intrusive, ( or yours inappropriate to YOU) cause thats the key here it feels inappropriate to you and thats all that matters.

As hard as it is you have got to speak up. she may get mad but she will just have to get over it.

 

[Kit'smommy]

I think you have two different issues here.

You have the issue of your MIL not being watchful over your daughter and then you have the issue of nudity.

I think I would be most concerned with finding someone continuing to care for their personal needs while my injured child cried. That would the last time that person ever babysat my child regardless of the circumstances. If I found someone casually continuing their routine and saying my child just slipped, my trust in them putting my child's needs and safety before their own would be shattered. I am not sure there is an easy way to address the fact that you have different standard of concern about checking out an injured child than your MIL or that anything you say will cause her to modify her bahavior.

I actually think the nudity is the easier issue to address. Social norms about nudity vary and your MIL may just have a different comfort level than you do. That doesn't make either of you wrong. However, it is up to you to decide what you think is appropriate with your DD and communicate that preference to your extended family. You or your DH can just bring up as a separate issue that you prefer others not be naked around your child or bathe with her.

Good luck to you.

 

[puffkin]

How old is your MIL? Does she have any health issues? How big/deep was the tub?

I am just thinking that sometimes I have a hard time keeping control of my little guy in the tub and it hurts my back to be bending in there to wash him properly. He is playing away and he can get quite slippery! I can't even imagine having two little ones in the tub!

I am just wondering if she was having a hard time watching/bathing the kids properly from the outside so she got in with them to make it a bit easier? She may be embarrassed that she couldn't handle them and then doubly embarassed about getting caught???

I am more interested in knowing where SIL was during this whole time if they were supposed to be washing the kids together.

In our house we don't purposely let our DS see us naked, but sometimes he does and it is no big deal. He showers with Daddy at times, but I am not comfortable taking him in with me. My mom has given him baths before in a whirlpool tub (she fills it enough to turn the bubbles on) and she puts a bathing suit on to get in with him because the tub is too deep to reach in from the sides. I also have been right at the tub numerous times when DS has slipped and fallen and sometimes accidents just happen. We have a rule that he cannot stand up in the tub, but sometimes he forgets.

I hope everything is alright with your daughters head and tooth!

 

[ilandrazdsw]

so many of the abused kids dh and i encountered were kept silent by abusers who initialy told them "this is our secret". in an effort to prevent anyone using this on one of our children we taught them from an early age that "in our family we don't have secrets-we have ideas and surprises". we taught them that an idea is a wonderful thing that is meant to be shared, and a surprise is an exciting thing you realy look forward to sharing.

I really like this suggestion. It is not only appropriate to use for child-adult issues, but also siblings (like a brother sees the sister shop lift) and friends (peer pressure). Open communication is so important. Even just having an every day conversation parents/loved ones can see attitude and body language changes. So even if a child doesn't volunteer the information, with the no secrets (and I would add lies) hopefully the child would tell when asked.

 

[npmommie]

This and this alone is why MIL would never watch my children again, not anything to do with the joint bath. The fact that your child was screaming and MIL was casually drying off with her back turned, not to mention the extent of your daughter's injuries would have clinched it. How could she NOT know something was wrong.

When my children were younger, they would bathe with grandma and grandpa when they spent the night - my son with be in the shower with grandpa and my dd would bathe with grandma. Now that they are older (7 and 5), they don't do that but as small children, the grandparent's didn't even question whether I thought it was ok or not - I really didn't care. I only found out about it when my ds came home one time and mentioned the size of papa's __________. I said something to my dad and I think that's when it stopped.

 

[Willow25]

My MIL is 58 and in great shape. She has never watched my child for longer than a few hours and that would usually be after my child has gone to bed. Usually when my MIL has bathed my child we are there and we usually handling the dressing for bed part of it.

My DD's teeth are going to be okay. They said we could push the issue and get a filling for her front tooth but I am not willing to put her through anasthetic for something that would be cosmetic.

My DH still has not said anything to his mother so it is beginning to look like I will be in charge of that. I plan on simply saying that in the future we would prefer for our daughter to bathe alone not only for safety factors but also that we don't feel comfortable with adults being naked in front of her unless it is her parents. I think it will be an uncomfortable conversation but I can not leave my child in her care again until I can be assured that this situation will not occur again.

As my family is in the States we really only have my husbands parents that we can leave our child with. We rarely leave her with them but sometimes we have no choice. In saying that I believe that MIL generally has good judgement I just think she was really off her game that day. And that she has really learned her lesson.

Thanks for all the advice.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am glad that everything worked out with her tooth. I still think it stinks that your dh won't talk to his mother. It isn't right that he is putting you in that position. At any rate, good luck with the talk.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

My MIL is 58 and in great shape. She has never watched my child for longer than a few hours and that would usually be after my child has gone to bed. Usually when my MIL has bathed my child we are there and we usually handling the dressing for bed part of it.

My DD's teeth are going to be okay. They said we could push the issue and get a filling for her front tooth but I am not willing to put her through anasthetic for something that would be cosmetic.

My DH still has not said anything to his mother so it is beginning to look like I will be in charge of that. I plan on simply saying that in the future we would prefer for our daughter to bathe alone not only for safety factors but also that we don't feel comfortable with adults being naked in front of her unless it is her parents. I think it will be an uncomfortable conversation but I can not leave my child in her care again until I can be assured that this situation will not occur again.

As my family is in the States we really only have my husbands parents that we can leave our child with. We rarely leave her with them but sometimes we have no choice. In saying that I believe that MIL generally has good judgement I just think she was really off her game that day. And that she has really learned her lesson.

Thanks for all the advice.

I think you have worded it very appropriately, matter of fact with personalizing blame.

Before my parents moved here (and somewhat/time after) I only had my in-laws for help. MIL did things differently than how I was raised...still does...and sometimes still drives me nuts! Fortunately nothing that joepardized my kids or that I really had to take issue with.