How do I explain the recent airport pat downs too my daughter.

[mickey&minniealways]

To give you some background my DD will turn 16 2 days before our trip to Disney the end of May. She looks like a typical almost 16 teenage girl. She is not. She is mild to moderatly MR with global deficiencies. Or that is how she is coded at school. She is a freshman at our local high school. I guess the new terminology is that she is cognitavly impared. You could not pick her out of a crowd by her coding. But like most girls her age with her disabilities she can be very trusting. Along with her teachers we have been trying to teach her the past couple of years not to be so trusting especially where the boys are concerned. We have been trying to drill into her that if anyone touches her inapropriatly or in private spots she is to tell us, an adult in athority or her older brothers. We tell her that no one has the right to invade her privacy that way.

Now we need to tell her that they may pat her down and touch her in certain places and she needs to let them. She will not be as quiet about it as the 6yr old on the news. I am afraid we could have a meltdown on our hands of gigantic proportions. Advice Please. I am very afraid. This would not be a good start to our Disney Vacation.

 

[bookwormde]

First the chances are very very low.

I would relate it to a medical exam except in this case it is not just to "protect her" but is part of making flying safe for everyone. Let her know that this is one of those rare exceptions like a medical exam and that like in that case you would be right there with her to make sure she was safe.

bookwormde

 

[miztressuz]

First off I will say that I don't personally know anyone with cognitive deficits like your daughter may have, so I'm not a first hand knowledge type person.

But I did see the video of that little girl you referenced and one thing caught my attention. The TSA are trained/required to say "I'm touching you with the back of my hands" especially if they are going over sensitive areas. However, a 6 yo , and perhaps your DD, have no understanding of what that means. To the 6 yo, she was being touched in a way I'm sure her parents told her over and over noone should. The 6 yo wouldn't understand the concept of 'i'm feeling you but i'm not really feeling you' because of the different tactile responses between palms and tops of the hands.

So the only thing I can think of is maybe explaining how a pat down works and that you'll be with her to make sure nothing happens that is wrong. That way if a boy tries to be cute and suggests a 'pat-down' that would be a different scenario (cuz you're not there) and it would raise the flags.

I haven't flown since the body screening/enhanced pat downs began so mine have been tame in comparison but I have seen/heard that they will run fingers under the bra band and the waist band of pants. I have no help on how to explain that one sorry. I think the TSA agents are required to wear protective gloves so it's not bare skin on bare skin, but that's still a little hard to explain.

 

[ironz]

First the chances are very very low.

I would relate it to a medical exam except in this case it is not just to "protect her" but is part of making flying safe for everyone. Let her know that this is one of those rare exceptions like a medical exam and that like in that case you would be right there with her to make sure she was safe.

bookwormde

NO. I'm not going to argue the "making safe" argument here.
But...a TSA worker who may, at the minimum requirement have a GED, is NOT a TRAINED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL in any sense of the word. If you have your kids thinking that, then you might open the door to any bad person who wants to play "doctor" with your child.

Also, it is extremely insulting to compare a probably not even college educated TSA worker to a professional with 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, and 3-7 years of post-graduate training. Doctors, including myself, work hard for our degrees. Don't insult us.

 

[Mary976]

I agree that the chances of getting picked seem pretty low overall, considering the number of people who fly every day.

That being said, I think the TSA has some videos you could watch in advance...maybe that would help her gain a better understanding of what will happen. Also, my DD is patted down every trip because she uses a wheelchair. It's always a female employee, and I get to stand right by where they are doing it. I would imagine that having you nearby might help your DD feel more comfortable.

Good luck,
Mary

 

[brat]

Tell her that she might have to let a TSA worker touch her to make sure she is not hideing anything not allowed on the plane.Let her know you with be with her to make sure she is safe.That it is okay for her to tell the TSA worker in a nice voice that she is uncomfortable.Let her know that since you are there watching and know they are touching just to keep everyone safe you are even willing to have them pat you down so she can see where they touch.

Bring something with to help comfort her afterwards in case you need it.

Also if you can talk with TSA ahead of time and let them know she is a SNs kid.TSA has been working on training about SN kids, someone here even posted a link with info here.

 

[disney david]

http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/children/index.shtm


http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/specialneeds/editorial_1572.shtm


If she gets chosen you have the right to have her screened in private but you have to ask. click on the second link print it out take it with you it your right they can not separate her from you you have the right to go with her to get screened. If at anytime you feel the agent denying you anything ask for their supervisor then if your still not happy ask to speak with or have the contact info for the director or deputy director of that airport TSA. because if you complain to TSA web site or call them they will contact them then get back to you just cut out the middle man. The first link is video to help with kids going through security i would also suggest going through the family lanes if your airport has them i know mco has them in place and the tsa agents will point you to them to make it easier for you to go through. Just remember to ask for help they might not know their something wrong so let the agent know how they can asset you better. It will make it easier for them and you and make it better for your kid. They are in the process of training their agents to better serve kids with autism they have the new programs out of two airport so far. Here the link to the info on the newark program the TSA doing to help kids with autism.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/health/2011/02/26/candiotti.autism.flight.cnn?iref=allsearch

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

At the school where I work we tell our kids that the only person who can touch you on the parts usually covered by your bathing suit is someone who

1) Is your parent or an adult your parents know or are watching
and
2) Is keeping you "safe, clean, and healthy".

Even the little ones, and our kids with special needs seem to understand this distinction. They can tell you that a mom or a doctor, might need to touch you to keep you safe, clean and healthy. They can also tell you that a teacher might need to help a preschooler clean up after an accident, and that that's also "safe, clean and healthy".

I wonder if you could present it to her this way? That they're keeping her safe, and mom is watching, and her clothes are on, so it's OK. She doesn't have to like it, and she can tell them, but it's safe.

I'd also be triply sure I knew EXACTLY what my child was wearing and in her pockets so there was no chance whatsoever of her tripping a metal detector. I don't this completely rules out the possibility of being screened, but it should reduce it substantially.

 

[bookwormde]

Ironz,

No they are not trained like clinicians but there are statutory equivencies in authority.

A MD or other clinical degrees are certanly no indicator of compitency in how to work with our kids, who get "abused" by clinicians all the time in minor ways and in rare cases are serverly abused.

Quite a few good clinicans with our kids but there are bad apples everywhere and our kids need to learn how to stay safe.

bookwormde

 

[Bete]

with a 90 year old Alzheimer's mother. I know she would have difficulty with a pat down. I know it's very likely she would have a meltdown. She can't go through the scanners; because, she can't stand on her own, nor can she lift her arms; so, in her case it's inevitable she would have a pat down. Anyway, we pretty much have resolved ourselves to taking car trips, now. My mom likes to travel; so, we continue to do it that way. We have three shorter trips ( aweek or less) planned for this year. We will go by car. Some of the distances have been such that we need to do two days of overnight layovers on our way there, one way. Fortunately, we are all retired; so, we have the luxury of car travel and the time constraints that go with car travel.

Having gray areas to discuss with anyone who is possibly not able to connect with exceptions is very difficult. I have a tendency to stick with black and white and eliminate any exceptions with Alzheimer's. Alzheimer victims can have a rough time in nursing homes with abuse. We had a horror story reported here a couple of years ago. It's a reason I have my mom with us in our home. I may have to make that choice someday, but for now we are surviving at home.

Anyway, I know you will be doing air travel; so, the best suggestions I would give are watching u tube videos of patdowns with her. Explain the process as you watch. Then, you may be able to do a practice run at the airport. There have been reports that in a few instances this has worked at the airports. You should go during off hours (less busy times) to the airport and see if you can do it for practice. Explain your situation there and see if they will help out. It's not a wasted trip no matter what; because, being more familiar with the surroundings ahead of time will make it less stressful. Make sure she is not wearing anything with metal that could set the alarms off at the scanners. This is when pat downs can happen. If she hasn't ever flown or it's been a very long time then I think a visit to the airport ahead of time is a must do.

I'm not in favor of meds, but it may be a good tool in this case. There may be a pill that will calm her down enough to get by without a meltdown.

 

[dmccarty]

I checked the TSA website to verify what I remember but I cannot find the information regarding their procedures and the choices you have regarding the searches.

Last year I searched to see find the percentage of people who are picked to be searched more intensely via the "xray" or the physical. You are supposed to have a choice but I did not find that on the TSA site.

The largest questimate I could find on the percentage of people who are picked for the more intense search was 20%. Odd are you or you family are not going to be picked.

Not much consolation I know.

Later,
Dan

 

[WDWisTheBest]

NO. I'm not going to argue the "making safe" argument here. But...a TSA worker who may, at the minimum requirement have a GED, is NOT a TRAINED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL in any sense of the word. If you have your kids thinking that, then you might open the door to any bad person who wants to play "doctor" with your child.

Also, it is extremely insulting to compare a probably not even college educated TSA worker to a professional with 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, and 3-7 years of post-graduate training. Doctors, including myself, work hard for our degrees. Don't insult us.

This post was very helpful to explain the difference.

 

[ccgirl]

At the school where I work we tell our kids that the only person who can touch you on the parts usually covered by your bathing suit is someone who

1) Is your parent or an adult your parents know or are watching
and
2) Is keeping you "safe, clean, and healthy".

Even the little ones, and our kids with special needs seem to understand this distinction. They can tell you that a mom or a doctor, might need to touch you to keep you safe, clean and healthy. They can also tell you that a teacher might need to help a preschooler clean up after an accident, and that that's also "safe, clean and healthy".

I wonder if you could present it to her this way? That they're keeping her safe, and mom is watching, and her clothes are on, so it's OK. She doesn't have to like it, and she can tell them, but it's safe.

I'd also be triply sure I knew EXACTLY what my child was wearing and in her pockets so there was no chance whatsoever of her tripping a metal detector. I don't this completely rules out the possibility of being screened, but it should reduce it substantially.

I really love this - thank you so much. I am definitely going to be discussing this with my children this way. When my DD goes to the dr for her well visit the dr always reminds her that only her parents, or a close relative can touch her there. I always correct the MD that nobody should be touching her there because, sadly, it is usually a relative that molests children. So, I really like this train of thought. Thank you for sharing that.

When I told my DD, I said that the TSA agents were trying to keep everyone safe. They may have to do what they call a "pat down" by the they use the outside of their hand to pat you down looking for anything that might disrupt the flight. I told her not to worry that she did nothing wrong for this to happen, sometimes they just pick passengers at random. I also told her that either her daddy or I would be right there. I asked her if she would like me to demonstrate and I did. She then said, "that's it?" I realize that my situation is different in that she is not cognitively impaired. I would say to explain it to her in a way she understands.

I think a lot of times children can pick up our emotions and act accordingly. If the parents are calm and collected, the children are more apt to be also.

Good luck. I agree it is unlikely but I think it is great you are looking to prepare her for the possibility.

 

[Kat77]

This post was very helpful to explain the difference.

 

[mickey&minniealways]

Thank you for all the encouagment. Some of it is usable advice some of it isn't. As far as the odds of her being pat down I will throw them out the window. Somehow we seem to be the exception. I have 2 sinblings. Neither of them have shown any sign of the seizure dissorder I have. None of their kids have either. DH has a 1st cousin who has it. On the other side of his family his grandmother had siezures as a child but nobody knew. Doctors tol us the odds were very slim that there would be a problem with our kids. Two of mine are epelptic. You know the speil you get in the hospital when you have a baby about biliruben counts and jaundice but not to worry because it is only a problem in less then 5 percent of children.Well my oldest DS is that less then 5%. So I tend to ignore odd. Cannot show her videos or talk about ahead of time really as she has some OCD. The anxiety would drive her crazy. So we need to wait till we are on the way to the airport. She is only mildly MR borderline moderate degree. Some don't even pick up on it. One of her strengths are her social skills. She is extremley pretty, these are the school administrations words not mine.Though I tend to agree I am her mother so I am a bit biased. She can be very trusting . She will hug those she considers friends when she greets them, but has major issues when it comes to things like shaking someone hands. Reality is that we will have to wait till we are on our way to the airpor to explain things to her and hope for the best. Just explaining things to some TSA worker is a laugh. They will tell me I have lost my mind. She is not Downs Syndrome nor does she have Ay of the usual mannerisms that someone with a more severe coding might. She has good muscle control. When her eyes start to dart around and we can see that the anxiety is taking over then they are bound to notice. Such is life with a child with OCD most of the time it is not noticable. But at times like this it can be a problem. After much consideration I have come to theconclusion that we will just have to talk to her about it on the way there and hope for the best. As far as the poster who mentioned meds this is not an option either. She is on enough meds for her seizure disorder and ADD. She is also very petite. They would nock her out and she would not be able to function well for the rest of the day so that is not even an option. Wish us luck.

Ann Marie

 

[Kat77]

Good luck OP. Do your best to keep her from causing the metal detector to go off and hope for the best. I had a barette set one off once.
If it happens, ask them to pat you down first. Watching mom do it might help ease any anxiety.

 

[ccgirl]

Thank you for all the encouagment. Some of it is usable advice some of it isn't. As far as the odds of her being pat down I will throw them out the window. Somehow we seem to be the exception. I have 2 sinblings. Neither of them have shown any sign of the seizure dissorder I have. None of their kids have either. DH has a 1st cousin who has it. On the other side of his family his grandmother had siezures as a child but nobody knew. Doctors tol us the odds were very slim that there would be a problem with our kids. Two of mine are epelptic. You know the speil you get in the hospital when you have a baby about biliruben counts and jaundice but not to worry because it is only a problem in less then 5 percent of children.Well my oldest DS is that less then 5%. So I tend to ignore odd. Cannot show her videos or talk about ahead of time really as she has some OCD. The anxiety would drive her crazy. So we need to wait till we are on the way to the airport. She is only mildly MR borderline moderate degree. Some don't even pick up on it. One of her strengths are her social skills. She is extremley pretty, these are the school administrations words not mine.Though I tend to agree I am her mother so I am a bit biased. She can be very trusting . She will hug those she considers friends when she greets them, but has major issues when it comes to things like shaking someone hands. Reality is that we will have to wait till we are on our way to the airpor to explain things to her and hope for the best. Just explaining things to some TSA worker is a laugh. They will tell me I have lost my mind. She is not Downs Syndrome nor does she have Ay of the usual mannerisms that someone with a more severe coding might. She has good muscle control. When her eyes start to dart around and we can see that the anxiety is taking over then they are bound to notice. Such is life with a child with OCD most of the time it is not noticable. But at times like this it can be a problem. After much consideration I have come to theconclusion that we will just have to talk to her about it on the way there and hope for the best. As far as the poster who mentioned meds this is not an option either. She is on enough meds for her seizure disorder and ADD. She is also very petite. They would nock her out and she would not be able to function well for the rest of the day so that is not even an option. Wish us luck.

Ann Marie

Sounds like you have a good plan. I wish you the best of luck. Maybe would she let you demonstrate on her what might happen once you get to the aiport? Or, demonstrate on your DH?
Have a great vacation!

 

[Tonka's Skipper]

NO. I'm not going to argue the "making safe" argument here.
But...a TSA worker who may, at the minimum requirement have a GED, is NOT a TRAINED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL in any sense of the word. If you have your kids thinking that, then you might open the door to any bad person who wants to play "doctor" with your child.

Also, it is extremely insulting to compare a probably not even college educated TSA worker to a professional with 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, and 3-7 years of post-graduate training. Doctors, including myself, work hard for our degrees. Don't insult us.

Seems to me.that your a bit touchy here. Bookworme is just trying to help the Mom explain to a mentally handcapper child how and why she is being touched.......To help her understand something foreign to her, smething she has been told is wrong.

The medical exaime talk was just to help her in that goal.



Qiute frankly your just a Doctor, not her Mom and you don't know the child.............and your nose out of joint is not important. To help the child is.

AKK

 

[starshine514]

If it happens, ask them to pat you down first. Watching mom do it might help ease any anxiety.

I second Kat77's suggestion. Oh, and Kat - I love the quote in your siggy!

 

[bookwormde]

Kat77

Great idea!!